Mom Files A Police Report And Blocks Family After They Insist On Borrowing Her Baby So Cousin Can Play Mom

Finding out that you have cancer is a tragedy. And it’s natural for your loved ones to support you during this incredibly tough time. That being said, having a life-changing disease doesn’t give you a blank cheque to do whatever you want to other people. You still need to be respectful and mindful of their boundaries.

One mom opened up to the AITA community about a particularly sensitive drama in her family. She revealed how her cousin, who has cancer, wanted to playact being a mom, so she asked to ‘borrow’ her baby for a few weeks. When the mom felt creeped out and refused this, the entire family was outraged. You’ll find the full story, including the internet’s reactions, below.

Being diagnosed with cancer can completely upend your life. However, it doesn’t give you the right to treat people however you like

Woman with cancer wearing a headscarf sits at table holding hands with a standing person, conveying emotional support and motherhood.

Image credits: Thirdman / Pexels (not the actual photo) 

One woman shared how her cousin, who has cancer and wanted to experience being a mom, tried to pressure her into ‘lending’ her baby for a few weeks

Text excerpt about a cousin with cancer wanting to experience motherhood by borrowing a baby, highlighting emotional struggles.

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Text about cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby to experience motherhood, causing discomfort and involving photoshoots.

Woman wearing hat holding and kissing baby dressed in knitwear, illustrating cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby for motherhood experience.

Image credits: Daiga Ellaby / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Text excerpt from a post expressing discomfort about a cousin with cancer wanting to borrow a baby to experience motherhood.

Text excerpt discussing worries about trauma for baby related to family and nursing, linked to cousin with cancer and motherhood.

Text expressing worry about guardianship issues and familial pressure involving a cousin with cancer and borrowing baby.

Woman in a white shirt sitting on a chair covering her face, reflecting feelings about cousin with cancer and motherhood experience.

Image credits: Klara Kulikova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Text excerpt about cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby, facing family pressure over time-sensitive request.

Text message discussing a cousin with cancer wanting to borrow a baby to experience motherhood, causing discomfort.

Later, the author shared an important update about the fallout in her family

Text excerpt discussing cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby, leading to a police report over threats received.

Text excerpt discussing a call with family addressing requests related to a cousin with cancer and social media blocking.

Image credits: ApprehensiveGoose179

Two women embracing, one comforting the other who is covering her face, illustrating emotional struggles with cousin cancer and motherhood.

Image credits: Nini FromParis / Unsplash (not the actual photo) 

Boundaries are absolutely essential in all of your relationships. They help build trust, and respecting them means that you care about the other person

It is horrendous and traumatic what the woman’s cousin went through. So, it’s understandable that the cancer patient wanted to truly seize life and make the most of the time she had left. This is why she had a symbolic wedding and also why she wanted to experience being a mother firsthand.

However, taking a baby away from its family for a few weeks just so you can pretend to be a mom is a hard ask in any circumstances. Not only is it awkward and slightly creepy, but you have to ask yourself if you’re putting the baby’s needs first.

In this particular case, it feels like the baby’s (and its parents!) needs would have been put on the back burner just to make the cancer patient feel better. Not only that, but when the child’s mother drew a line in the sand and refused to honor this bizarre wish, her cousin’s family started hounding her for supposedly being selfish.

As harsh as it sounds, being diagnosed with a serious illness doesn’t give you the right to trample over other people’s boundaries, disrespect them, or treat them as you would never allow yourself to be treated.

Being told ‘no’ doesn’t mean that someone doesn’t care about you or that they don’t love you. Enforcing boundaries simply means that you get on the same page in terms of respecting each other’s wants and needs.

Boundaries help you build trust, and respecting them is how others can show that they care about you and your well-being. If someone says ‘no’ upon hearing your request, accept their answer because they’ve set a very clear boundary.

Someone who constantly says ‘yes’ to other people’s requests even though they want to say ‘no,’ a real people-pleaser, ends up burnt out, frustrated, and with unmet needs. It’s unhealthy.

As Verywell Mind stresses, boundaries can be emotional, physical, intellectual, financial, or spiritual. They can also be related to time, space, and energy.

When someone sets a boundary, they set out what is (not) acceptable to them, how they prefer to communicate, how they want to be treated, how they’d like to be spoken to and engaged with, and how much they’re willing to participate in activities.

Woman covering face with hands, expressing distress and discomfort related to cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby.

Image credits: Daniel Martinez / Unsplash (not the actual photo) 

If someone says ‘no’ to your request, it’s healthiest to accept their decision. You can offer your opinion on their boundary if it seems too harsh, but you still need to respect their autonomy

Someone who isn’t used to others setting boundaries, or whose personal boundaries are different, can react to them in a variety of ways, from surprise and anger to pain, confusion, and even acceptance.

According to Dr. Meghan Marcum, chief psychologist at AMFM Healthcare, people set boundaries for their safety. Meanwhile, disrespecting boundaries can significantly harm relationships. It can lead to conflict, emotional distress, and avoidance of each other.

“You may not understand why someone has a boundary in place and it may differ from what is acceptable to you. Regardless, each person has a right to set their own limits. Ignoring a boundary is essentially a form of violating someone’s rights,” she explains.

If you want to be more respectful of other people’s boundaries, there are a few things that you can consistently do. For instance, instead of assuming something, you can ask the person upfront about how they’d feel if you did one thing or another.

It’s also helpful to pay attention to a person’s non-verbal cues, like their tone and body language, not just what they say. They might signal discomfort with something that you do despite their words.

In the meantime, it’s important to remember not to take someone’s boundaries personally. Verywell Mind stresses that a boundary being set doesn’t necessarily mean that you did something wrong or that the person doesn’t like you.

Meanwhile, take the time to try to understand the person’s reasons behind setting the boundary in the first place. Even if you don’t agree with them, their needs might be different. While you can offer your opinion if you think the boundary is too rigid, it’s essential that you come from a place of compassion. At the end of the day, that person will be the one to decide what’s best for them.

“We’ve all been guilty of thinking we know what’s best for others. Even though our intentions may be genuine and we may simply be looking out for them, we need to trust them and respect their right to their autonomy. Even if things don’t go well for them, it’s important to let them make their own mistakes,” Verywell Mind states.

Once you’ve finished reading the story and the internet’s reactions and suggestions, we’d like to hear from you in the comments, Pandas. What do you think of the entire situation? Who do you think was in the wrong and why? How would you react if a sick relative of yours asked for a very uncomfortable favor? How do you protect your boundaries when it comes to your loved ones?

The woman shared more context in the comments of her post, as people’s comments came pouring in

Reddit user discusses cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby to experience motherhood, calling the request really creepy.

Reddit conversation about cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby and concerns over familial pressure and motherhood experience.

Reddit conversation discussing concerns about cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby to experience motherhood.

Screenshot of a Reddit conversation about a cousin with cancer wanting to borrow a baby to experience motherhood.

Screenshot of a Reddit discussion about a cousin with cancer wanting to borrow a baby and the controversy around motherhood.

Reddit comments discussing a cousin with cancer wanting to borrow a baby, describing the request as creepy and insane.

People were shocked when they read what happened. Here’s their perspective

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a cousin with cancer wanting to borrow a baby to experience motherhood.

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Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a cousin with cancer wanting to borrow a baby to experience motherhood.

Comment about cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby to experience motherhood, described as creepy and unsettling.

Reddit comment discussing cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby to experience motherhood, calling it creepy and absurd.

Reddit comment warning against letting a cousin with cancer borrow baby due to attachment and emotional risks.

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Comment stating The baby is not a prop in a discussion about a cousin with cancer wanting to borrow a baby to experience motherhood.

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Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing how lending a baby to a cousin with cancer to experience motherhood feels creepy and inappropriate.

Comment expressing concern about cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby to experience motherhood, calling it creepy.

Reddit comment discussing cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby to experience motherhood and the ethical concerns involved.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment stating NTA and describing cousins with cancer wanting to borrow baby as sounding like psychos.

Screenshot of an online comment discussing a cousin with cancer wanting to borrow a baby to experience motherhood.

Screenshot of an online comment stating reasonable accommodations should be made, discussing cousin with cancer borrowing baby request.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment expressing discomfort about cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby to experience motherhood.

Comment discussing cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby, questioning the idea as creepy and inappropriate for motherhood experience.

Text discussing concerns about a cousin with cancer wanting to borrow a baby to experience motherhood and potential emotional issues.

Comment warning family about cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby to experience motherhood, calling it creepy behavior.

Reddit comment discussing cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby and concerns about attachment and motherhood experience.

Reddit comment discussing cousin with cancer wanting to borrow baby to experience motherhood and the concerns raised.

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