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Woman Kicks Out Fiancé And His Nightmare Of A Daughter, Experiences Peace For The First Time In 8 Years
Woman and stepdaughter shopping together, smiling while unpacking their shopping bags at a mall bench.
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Woman Kicks Out Fiancé And His Nightmare Of A Daughter, Experiences Peace For The First Time In 8 Years

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A relationship when one person already has kids comes with its own set of complications, different possible pitfalls and a lot more need for good communication. But sometimes things just don’t work out even when people try their best.

A woman asked the internet if she was wrong for not wanting to fix her relationship when she decided she had enough of her fiancé’s daughter. She seemed to never want a real relationship and would constantly complain. We reached out to her via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.

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    It can be hard to develop a relationship with a partner’s kids from a previous relationship

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    But one woman had enough of her partner’s daughter

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    Woman snaps and kicks her fiancé and stepdaughter out, realizing she doesn’t want them back in her life

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    Text excerpt showing a woman explaining lack of respect from her fiancé’s stepdaughter and failed attempts to improve behavior.

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    Blended families are quite common, but often rather complicated to navigate

    The internet often gives us stories that sound like they belong in a soap opera, but the “Tuna Incident” is a masterclass in the slow-burn destruction of a household. A woman who spent eight years playing the role of a dedicated stepparent finally snapped, not over a major betrayal, but over a stolen bowl of tuna. While the headlines make it sound petty, the reality is a deep dive into what happens when a person’s boundaries are treated as suggestions rather than rules. To understand if she was right or wrong, we have to look past the fish and into the dynamics of a blended family under pressure. She wasn’t just fighting over a snack; she was fighting for her right to exist as a person with needs in her own home.

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    Blended families are notoriously difficult to navigate, and the deck is often stacked against the stepparent from the start. Statistics suggest that about 60 to 70 percent of marriages involving children from previous relationships end in divorce, often because the roles are undefined and the emotional stakes are incredibly high. In this case, the woman went above and beyond, providing financial support, emotional labor, and “girly” bonding time, only to be met with a teenager who treated her belongings like communal property and her feelings like a nuisance. This isn’t just a case of “teenagers being teenagers”, it’s a symptom of a deeper lack of respect that had been festering for nearly a decade. When a child is allowed to disregard the person providing for them for eight years, it creates a toxic power dynamic that is nearly impossible to fix without a total reset.

    The 14-year-old daughter, Vivian, exhibited classic signs of entitlement and what some psychologists call “boundary testing,” which is common in adolescence. However, the consistent gaslighting and theft of personal items cross into a territory that makes a home feel like a hostile environment. When your own bathroom isn’t a safe space for your makeup and your closet is a revolving door for someone who lies to your face about it, the sense of psychological safety evaporates. A study on the impact of family conflict on mental health shows that chronic low-level stress in the home can be just as damaging as a single traumatic event. The woman was living in a state of hyper-vigilance, waiting for the next item to go missing or the next eye-roll, which is an exhausting way to live.

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    Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    It might be excessive to blame a teenage girl over her own father

    Then we have Matt, the fiancé, who is perhaps the most at fault here. While he “reprimanded” his daughter, his efforts were clearly ineffective. In a blended family, the biological parent is the primary disciplinarian and the bridge between the stepparent and the child. If the behavior doesn’t change over eight years, the reprimands are likely “empty” or lack meaningful consequences. This is often referred to as permissive parenting, which research indicates can lead to higher levels of entitlement and lower empathy in children. Matt failed to protect his partner’s peace, effectively allowing his daughter to treat her like a second-class citizen in her own house. By not setting firm, unshakeable boundaries, he forced his fiancé into a position where her only choice was to endure the abuse or leave.

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    The “tuna” was the final straw that broke the camel’s back. For a mother of a sick two-year-old who hadn’t eaten all day, that bowl represented the only moment of self-care she had left. When Vivian took it after already having dinner, it was a physical manifestation of her taking everything the woman had to give. The woman’s reaction to kick them out might seem extreme to an outsider, but it was a survival response to an environment where she was no longer seen as a person with needs. The fact that her home felt “peaceful” the moment they left is the most telling piece of evidence. That peace is the sound of a nervous system finally exiting “fight or flight” mode, a state many people don’t realize they are in until the stressor is removed.

    So, was she right? From a perspective of self-preservation and mental health, she was absolutely justified. We often talk about the importance of “staying for the kids,” but we rarely talk about the cost of staying in a situation where you are being actively devalued and gaslighted. Choosing a life of peace over a life of constant agitation isn’t “throwing away” eight years, it’s deciding that the next eight years should be better. Relationship experts often point out that a healthy relationship cannot exist without mutual respect, and Matt’s inability to ensure his daughter respected his partner meant the relationship was already on life support. The woman in this story didn’t end a relationship over a bowl of fish; she ended it because she realized she was living with two people who took everything and gave nothing back. Her story is a powerful reminder that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and sometimes, the only way to fill that cup back up is to clear the room of the people who keep knocking it over.

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    Some folks needed more info

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    A few thought she could do better

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    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

    Read less »
    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

    What do you think ?
    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why would you have a second child with a man who isn't parenting his first one?

    K. LNU
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe it wasn’t intentional? Accidents do happen, even on BC.

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    sweet emotion
    Community Member
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She should tell the boyfriend - IN FRONT OF VIVIAN - that she loves him and hopes he will be a good father to their child, but she WILL NOT live in a battleground with a disrespectful, rude, mean teenager any longer. And look directly at VIVIAN while she says it. The brat needs to know she is the sole cause of the breakup.

    Catherine Kane
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    will that make viv behave better or will that make her believe she's won?

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    Deborah B
    Community Member
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reading OPs response to comments, they've done a lot of dicipline and therapy. Each individual complaint is minor, but living with costant conflict and disrespect is exhausting. It sounds like a trial separation to give her a break might not be the worst thing. Even separate homes and a dating relationship with the husband for four years might be a possibility if she really can't live with the teen.

    V
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have they really disciplined her though? She still got all the extra curricular activities, all the spa days, the meals out, the expensive cosmetics. Her behaviour was enabled a lot and it seems like mainly by her doing all those things.

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    TACO Don's Authentic TexMex
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Know your worth and protect your peace. Sad that it took her that long and that much a***e before she finally snapped but at least she was smart enough to have a limit.

    dpm8qhd7g9
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Borderline Personality Disorder. It will NOT get better. It will get WORSE. You are the target of this broken, traumatized child. Do not take Matt and Vivian back unless you want to also have a broken, traumatized child. DBT therapy for Vivian - but they don't usually diagnose until 18. Source: I have a BPD child, it's HELL ON EARTH.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    DPM, I’ve looked at articles about BPD a LOT and there’s something I *still* don’t understand: On the border between what and what? None of the articles explain that part and I’m not able to work it out myself. Can you tell me? A border is the edge of something. What is she on the edge of? I’d be grateful if you can tell me because after several years of trying to understand, I’ve just given up. Thanks so much if you can tell me what the hell I’m missing!

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    Miss Ann Thrope
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What I see is a kid who's pissed and acting out because her parents got divorced. What I see I OP trying to buy her affection. The kid is playing her parents like violins. What everyone should be doing is LISTENING to this child. And go to family therapy.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Vivian's parents got divorced WHEN SHE WAS 2 YEARS OLD. How is her acting like this 12 years later her being "pissed" that her parents got divorced? OP has been in her life longer and more consistently than her biological mother has been, so I highly doubt that her actions at age 14 are her being "pissed" and are her "acting out" because her parents got divorced when she was two years old. She wouldn't even really remember the divorce.

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    Midoribird Aoi
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had the idle thought that the stepdaughter admires her stepmom's taste in makeup, otherwise why would she use makeup that might not suit her features? The rest...this girl is, in her own way, crying for help. She is very loving towards her half sibling, as if there is one person she can love without reservations.

    Kit Black
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The major issue I see is that the therapy was never consistent. Problems occur at school as well as at home and the type of discipline described is having no impact - but therapy was *never* prioritized... i suspect Vivian managed to straighten up just long enough to get therapy to stop every time... And if the therapist was a different person, every time they went back into counseling, it would have been difficult for that therapist to understand the long term issue here. Hope the kid gets help, but at this point I doubt it. And no matter how much Vivian seems to love the baby, I'd be very nervous about what's gonna go on when visitation starts...

    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like it is unfair for OP to be putting one side of the issue on the internet. She doesn't need strangers on social media to tell her if she's right or wrong when she already made up her mind. I'm thinking back to when I was living with a step-dad. He bought me nice things. Allowed me to take extra-curriculars. We had game night. The only thing he never did was spend actual time with me, one on one. He was a functioning alcoholic, but at events and at night, he over drank. I got scolded for, really, nothing. Like, the scoop for the litter box he snapped at me about. I asked what was wrong and he just gave a Clint Eastwood imitation "Huh, you know why." Then walked away. Whenever my mom and that guy argued, I would be mentioned and get blamed for the cause of their arguments. I was confused and felt unsafe at school and at home. I was also trying to be too cool for s**t, in my early teen years, like OP's step-daughter. There's something going on with her that is being ignored.

    Agnes
    Community Member
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All 3 are in individual therapy and occasionally family therapy. How is that "There's something going on with her that is being ignored."?

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    Kim Shannon
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Totally NTA. I went through this hell on Earth with my stepdaughter for 13 years. I'm actually ashamed now for putting up with it. Thankfully, she moved out the day she graduated high school and our lives drastically improved. Now she's 24, still lives with her mother, doesn't work, date, drive, and gave up a full ride for 4 years of college.

    Holly's House
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry but after 8 years, she IS that child's mother, you can't just give up on her. She needs medication, I know all those behaviours exactly, she's carrying a lot of anger.

    Schrödinger's Douchebag
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like Vivian is learning about the consequences to her actions. Very important children learn about FAFO.

    Jo Firth
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gotta love the YTA idiots.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No, we *don’t* “gotta love ‘em,” and you can’t make me!

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    ThisIsMe
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unfortunately Vivian sounds like a number of teenage girls in the world. I wonder how OP would feel/handle if Vivian were her flesh and blood? The behavior is unacceptable, but what would OP do if she didn't have the option to walk away?

    K. LNU
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why do the YTAs seem to have not read the entire thread? The father does discipline, and it sounds like she may have some sort of mental disorder - maybe ODD, ADHD, BiPolar, etc.

    Tabitha
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Which appears to have been inherited from—-and exacerbated by—-her mother. Her mother who is an adult parent of a teenager who is still living with her own parents AND having monitored visits with Vivien, which sounds court-ordered to me. There’s some inherited mental issue going on here, and OP has simply had enough of it. Fair enough, she’s not obligated to stay, because no matter how much she may love the child, the child has a living mother who she sees periodically—-who is the one who actually does have an obligation to her child—-so stepmom is never going to have that role. Sometimes self-preservation becomes the most important thing, more important than romantic love. Let’s let OP be to get her life back to a peaceful and less stressful place. She’ll figure out how to move forward from here if she isn’t hounded about it.

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    Mike F
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can also have a growth on the side of your face that you're accustomed to, but you would sure as fvck be relieved when it's removed.

    Seadog
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. And all I'll say is the same thing people said to me when I finally had enough and got divorced. "What took you so long?" That girl was never going to like you and nothing her father could ever do will change that. She would k**l you given the chance.

    Lila Allen
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like the kid has oppositional defiant disorder and whoever they did therapy with was incredibly bad at their job. They told OP that it was normal for a kid in her situation and to just love her more. That is not how that works. She needed specific and intensive treatment. By now I doubt it's fixable unless the kid chooses to go to therapy. She's going to be a very unhappy person with a string of disasters in her life just like her mom. OP tried, but at this point she has no choice.

    Juls
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They both tried to parent this girl and they've all been in therapy. The girl has the same issues with others in authority, like her teachers. It really does sound like oppositional defiant disorder. If she developed it at such an early age, it might not go away. I don't blame anyone here. ODD is especially difficult to deal with.

    Bewitched One
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 hours ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m gonna have to agree with the comments that she’s enabled the girl by continuing to do the same or more for her even when she treated her like s**t. Sounds like she’s the only mother the girl has ever really known and her giving up on her is gonna make things a lot worse. I don’t think shes wrong or the a*****e for doing what she did, however I do think she should’ve acted more like her mother than her friend the last 2-3 years after the girl started calling her mom.

    Michelle Beacher
    Community Member
    8 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    F**k all the ytas. She's a little b***h, and you know it.

    Linda Smith
    Community Member
    22 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She and Matt have a child together and Vivian has a half sibling. That relationship won't just disappear. I think let them come back as you still have a good relationship with the dad but cut out the special treats and attention until Vivian has earned it. Pick up consistent counseling for the family. Find an activity or evening out for Vivian so you, Matt and the baby can have some special time together. Good luck there

    Elaine “horselover52157” D
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The girl needs major counseling. There's something wrong with her.

    Key Lime
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Borderline Personality Dissorder.

    Southie
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP needs to take a pause from relationship while husband gets the help daughter needs. Baby needs a stable home without the toxitity.

    RandoPandoFano
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry, but I always associate the name "Vivian" with a really obnoxious person. It's kind of like how anyone named "Brandon" is somehow destined to be a delinquent first grader.

    moggiemoo
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Credit for putting up with the b***h for 8 years. I'd have thrown them out within months.

    meeeeeeeeeeee
    Community Member
    2 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This is a 14-year-old child using someone's hairbrush.

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    Kate Johnson
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sad that she foolishly had a child with this man, whose daughter is an obvious sociopath. You can't fix her, you can't medicate it out of her, and therapy won't do a bit of good. I'd tell hubby he can come home when he agrees to put his sociopathic daughter in boarding school until she's 18 and she has her breaks elsewhere. That she never comes into my home again.

    d7srhj4y6s
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t understand these responses saying OP is NTA. Yes, the behavior described is annoying and does need to be addressed but to me it seems very common behavior for, not only a 14 year old girl, but also a 14 year old girl living with a step parent, which is notoriously difficult to deal with for anybody. And what kind of person kicks out an adult and their teenaged child with one day notice?! I’m not saying the child isn’t at fault at all but it seems to me that OP is acting like more of a child than the teen. Parenting is difficult and step parenting is significantly more difficult. Grow up. I feel bad for OPs baby, they are in for a wild ride with their mom. D**n….

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 days ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    “what kind of person kicks out an adult and their teenaged child with one day notice?!” Someone at the end of her rope. Frankly, I think OP showed remarkable restraint, as I would have felt absolutely murderous having lived with this type of a***e for eight years. I have no clue how she managed! And no, responding to consequences for her actions with “I’m sorry you can’t take a joke” and “I’m sorry you can’t understand” is NOT “normal” behavior for a 14-year-old. The average 14-year-old doesnt have problems both at home and at school and isn’t in need of so many (or any) therapy appointments, and knows not to soak loved ones for all their worth.

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    meeeeeeeeeeee
    Community Member
    2 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    She is shocked that a child turned into a bratty teen? Guess the 2 yr old will be out in their ear once they reach the annoying phase, too.

    Antoinette the Red
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seems to me, what what i had actually read, that the daughter didn't just turn into a bratty teen, she was always bratty and she may have some kind of actual psychosis.

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    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why would you have a second child with a man who isn't parenting his first one?

    K. LNU
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe it wasn’t intentional? Accidents do happen, even on BC.

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    sweet emotion
    Community Member
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She should tell the boyfriend - IN FRONT OF VIVIAN - that she loves him and hopes he will be a good father to their child, but she WILL NOT live in a battleground with a disrespectful, rude, mean teenager any longer. And look directly at VIVIAN while she says it. The brat needs to know she is the sole cause of the breakup.

    Catherine Kane
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    will that make viv behave better or will that make her believe she's won?

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    Deborah B
    Community Member
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reading OPs response to comments, they've done a lot of dicipline and therapy. Each individual complaint is minor, but living with costant conflict and disrespect is exhausting. It sounds like a trial separation to give her a break might not be the worst thing. Even separate homes and a dating relationship with the husband for four years might be a possibility if she really can't live with the teen.

    V
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have they really disciplined her though? She still got all the extra curricular activities, all the spa days, the meals out, the expensive cosmetics. Her behaviour was enabled a lot and it seems like mainly by her doing all those things.

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    TACO Don's Authentic TexMex
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Know your worth and protect your peace. Sad that it took her that long and that much a***e before she finally snapped but at least she was smart enough to have a limit.

    dpm8qhd7g9
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Borderline Personality Disorder. It will NOT get better. It will get WORSE. You are the target of this broken, traumatized child. Do not take Matt and Vivian back unless you want to also have a broken, traumatized child. DBT therapy for Vivian - but they don't usually diagnose until 18. Source: I have a BPD child, it's HELL ON EARTH.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    DPM, I’ve looked at articles about BPD a LOT and there’s something I *still* don’t understand: On the border between what and what? None of the articles explain that part and I’m not able to work it out myself. Can you tell me? A border is the edge of something. What is she on the edge of? I’d be grateful if you can tell me because after several years of trying to understand, I’ve just given up. Thanks so much if you can tell me what the hell I’m missing!

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    Miss Ann Thrope
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What I see is a kid who's pissed and acting out because her parents got divorced. What I see I OP trying to buy her affection. The kid is playing her parents like violins. What everyone should be doing is LISTENING to this child. And go to family therapy.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Vivian's parents got divorced WHEN SHE WAS 2 YEARS OLD. How is her acting like this 12 years later her being "pissed" that her parents got divorced? OP has been in her life longer and more consistently than her biological mother has been, so I highly doubt that her actions at age 14 are her being "pissed" and are her "acting out" because her parents got divorced when she was two years old. She wouldn't even really remember the divorce.

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    Midoribird Aoi
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had the idle thought that the stepdaughter admires her stepmom's taste in makeup, otherwise why would she use makeup that might not suit her features? The rest...this girl is, in her own way, crying for help. She is very loving towards her half sibling, as if there is one person she can love without reservations.

    Kit Black
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The major issue I see is that the therapy was never consistent. Problems occur at school as well as at home and the type of discipline described is having no impact - but therapy was *never* prioritized... i suspect Vivian managed to straighten up just long enough to get therapy to stop every time... And if the therapist was a different person, every time they went back into counseling, it would have been difficult for that therapist to understand the long term issue here. Hope the kid gets help, but at this point I doubt it. And no matter how much Vivian seems to love the baby, I'd be very nervous about what's gonna go on when visitation starts...

    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like it is unfair for OP to be putting one side of the issue on the internet. She doesn't need strangers on social media to tell her if she's right or wrong when she already made up her mind. I'm thinking back to when I was living with a step-dad. He bought me nice things. Allowed me to take extra-curriculars. We had game night. The only thing he never did was spend actual time with me, one on one. He was a functioning alcoholic, but at events and at night, he over drank. I got scolded for, really, nothing. Like, the scoop for the litter box he snapped at me about. I asked what was wrong and he just gave a Clint Eastwood imitation "Huh, you know why." Then walked away. Whenever my mom and that guy argued, I would be mentioned and get blamed for the cause of their arguments. I was confused and felt unsafe at school and at home. I was also trying to be too cool for s**t, in my early teen years, like OP's step-daughter. There's something going on with her that is being ignored.

    Agnes
    Community Member
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All 3 are in individual therapy and occasionally family therapy. How is that "There's something going on with her that is being ignored."?

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    Kim Shannon
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Totally NTA. I went through this hell on Earth with my stepdaughter for 13 years. I'm actually ashamed now for putting up with it. Thankfully, she moved out the day she graduated high school and our lives drastically improved. Now she's 24, still lives with her mother, doesn't work, date, drive, and gave up a full ride for 4 years of college.

    Holly's House
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry but after 8 years, she IS that child's mother, you can't just give up on her. She needs medication, I know all those behaviours exactly, she's carrying a lot of anger.

    Schrödinger's Douchebag
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like Vivian is learning about the consequences to her actions. Very important children learn about FAFO.

    Jo Firth
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gotta love the YTA idiots.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No, we *don’t* “gotta love ‘em,” and you can’t make me!

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    ThisIsMe
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unfortunately Vivian sounds like a number of teenage girls in the world. I wonder how OP would feel/handle if Vivian were her flesh and blood? The behavior is unacceptable, but what would OP do if she didn't have the option to walk away?

    K. LNU
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why do the YTAs seem to have not read the entire thread? The father does discipline, and it sounds like she may have some sort of mental disorder - maybe ODD, ADHD, BiPolar, etc.

    Tabitha
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Which appears to have been inherited from—-and exacerbated by—-her mother. Her mother who is an adult parent of a teenager who is still living with her own parents AND having monitored visits with Vivien, which sounds court-ordered to me. There’s some inherited mental issue going on here, and OP has simply had enough of it. Fair enough, she’s not obligated to stay, because no matter how much she may love the child, the child has a living mother who she sees periodically—-who is the one who actually does have an obligation to her child—-so stepmom is never going to have that role. Sometimes self-preservation becomes the most important thing, more important than romantic love. Let’s let OP be to get her life back to a peaceful and less stressful place. She’ll figure out how to move forward from here if she isn’t hounded about it.

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    Mike F
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can also have a growth on the side of your face that you're accustomed to, but you would sure as fvck be relieved when it's removed.

    Seadog
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. And all I'll say is the same thing people said to me when I finally had enough and got divorced. "What took you so long?" That girl was never going to like you and nothing her father could ever do will change that. She would k**l you given the chance.

    Lila Allen
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like the kid has oppositional defiant disorder and whoever they did therapy with was incredibly bad at their job. They told OP that it was normal for a kid in her situation and to just love her more. That is not how that works. She needed specific and intensive treatment. By now I doubt it's fixable unless the kid chooses to go to therapy. She's going to be a very unhappy person with a string of disasters in her life just like her mom. OP tried, but at this point she has no choice.

    Juls
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They both tried to parent this girl and they've all been in therapy. The girl has the same issues with others in authority, like her teachers. It really does sound like oppositional defiant disorder. If she developed it at such an early age, it might not go away. I don't blame anyone here. ODD is especially difficult to deal with.

    Bewitched One
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 hours ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m gonna have to agree with the comments that she’s enabled the girl by continuing to do the same or more for her even when she treated her like s**t. Sounds like she’s the only mother the girl has ever really known and her giving up on her is gonna make things a lot worse. I don’t think shes wrong or the a*****e for doing what she did, however I do think she should’ve acted more like her mother than her friend the last 2-3 years after the girl started calling her mom.

    Michelle Beacher
    Community Member
    8 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    F**k all the ytas. She's a little b***h, and you know it.

    Linda Smith
    Community Member
    22 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She and Matt have a child together and Vivian has a half sibling. That relationship won't just disappear. I think let them come back as you still have a good relationship with the dad but cut out the special treats and attention until Vivian has earned it. Pick up consistent counseling for the family. Find an activity or evening out for Vivian so you, Matt and the baby can have some special time together. Good luck there

    Elaine “horselover52157” D
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The girl needs major counseling. There's something wrong with her.

    Key Lime
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Borderline Personality Dissorder.

    Southie
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP needs to take a pause from relationship while husband gets the help daughter needs. Baby needs a stable home without the toxitity.

    RandoPandoFano
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry, but I always associate the name "Vivian" with a really obnoxious person. It's kind of like how anyone named "Brandon" is somehow destined to be a delinquent first grader.

    moggiemoo
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Credit for putting up with the b***h for 8 years. I'd have thrown them out within months.

    meeeeeeeeeeee
    Community Member
    2 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This is a 14-year-old child using someone's hairbrush.

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    Kate Johnson
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sad that she foolishly had a child with this man, whose daughter is an obvious sociopath. You can't fix her, you can't medicate it out of her, and therapy won't do a bit of good. I'd tell hubby he can come home when he agrees to put his sociopathic daughter in boarding school until she's 18 and she has her breaks elsewhere. That she never comes into my home again.

    d7srhj4y6s
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t understand these responses saying OP is NTA. Yes, the behavior described is annoying and does need to be addressed but to me it seems very common behavior for, not only a 14 year old girl, but also a 14 year old girl living with a step parent, which is notoriously difficult to deal with for anybody. And what kind of person kicks out an adult and their teenaged child with one day notice?! I’m not saying the child isn’t at fault at all but it seems to me that OP is acting like more of a child than the teen. Parenting is difficult and step parenting is significantly more difficult. Grow up. I feel bad for OPs baby, they are in for a wild ride with their mom. D**n….

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 days ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    “what kind of person kicks out an adult and their teenaged child with one day notice?!” Someone at the end of her rope. Frankly, I think OP showed remarkable restraint, as I would have felt absolutely murderous having lived with this type of a***e for eight years. I have no clue how she managed! And no, responding to consequences for her actions with “I’m sorry you can’t take a joke” and “I’m sorry you can’t understand” is NOT “normal” behavior for a 14-year-old. The average 14-year-old doesnt have problems both at home and at school and isn’t in need of so many (or any) therapy appointments, and knows not to soak loved ones for all their worth.

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    meeeeeeeeeeee
    Community Member
    2 days ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    She is shocked that a child turned into a bratty teen? Guess the 2 yr old will be out in their ear once they reach the annoying phase, too.

    Antoinette the Red
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seems to me, what what i had actually read, that the daughter didn't just turn into a bratty teen, she was always bratty and she may have some kind of actual psychosis.

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