Woman Is Told She’s Cruel For What She Said To Stranger: “I Hadn’t Been With A Woman In 5 Years”

Scoring an invite to a friend’s event is always exciting. But attending the actual get-together can be nerve-racking if you don’t have many mutual friends. Who can I talk to? Will it be awkward if the host is occupied? Does everyone else here know each other?

It can be a huge relief when someone has the courage to strike up a conversation. But unfortunately, this can also mean you might get stuck in a conversation that you desperately want to escape. One woman posted a story on Reddit detailing how she had to shut down a stranger who was oversharing at a friend’s house. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the replies readers shared.

It’s not always easy to strike up a conversation with a stranger

Man sharing life stories; woman looking distant, red lighting, engaging in conversation.

Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual image)

But when this woman found herself trapped, listening to a man trauma dump, she decided to shut the situation down

Text dialogue discussing a woman's reaction to a guy oversharing about his life, stating she's "not a therapist.

Text image discussing an encounter where a woman interacts with a man oversharing at 1 am.

Text block about a woman awkwardly listening to a guy oversharing his life struggles.

People at a party holding red cups and a beer bottle, engaging in conversation while socializing.

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)

Text message showing oversharing details, including personal relationships and sensitive life events.

Text screenshot of a woman telling a man she's "not a therapist" after he overshares about his life.

Text about a woman telling a guy "I'm not a therapist" after he overshares personal stories.

Text discussing an edit made after realizing a sentence mistake.

Later, the woman provided a brief update

Text update thanking commenters after oversharing event, feeling weighed down since the party.

Woman holding a smartphone, indicating a conversation where she addresses oversharing.

Image credits: Tim Mossholder (not the actual image)

Text from a Reddit post discussing a situation where a woman addressed a friend's oversharing issue.

Text expressing gratitude with a heart emoji.

Image credits: aita-dudewtf

Trauma dumping often occurs when someone begins unloading their issues onto an unsuspecting audience

It can be difficult to know what to strike up a conversation about when you’re at a party, especially if you’re chatting with strangers. Asking about the weather might be appropriate small talk amongst colleagues, but it’s probably wise to think of something a little more fun to discuss in a social setting.

Don’t be afraid to bring up a fascinating yet random topic, or ask the people you’re talking to to open up about themselves a bit. But remember, there is such a thing as TMI. And most people don’t want to discuss trauma or upsetting topics while trying to unwind on a Friday night.

It sounds like the man in this particular story was trauma dumping on the author. In other words, he was unloading “stressful thoughts, negative feelings, or traumatic experiences onto someone else without warning and consent,” Inner Balance explains.

This typically happens when a person is not expecting it and did not actually invite the individual to share such thorough details about their life. It also typically involves only one person going on and on, while the other simply listens uncomfortably. Trauma dumping can also occur on social media or to the general public.   

Now, you might be wondering if you’re guilty of this, if you feel the need to vent from time to time. But there are a few distinct differences, as venting typically happens quickly and doesn’t occur very often. A person also usually only vents to their closest friends or loved ones, rather than to strangers or acquaintances. 

A lively party scene with people socializing and drinking from red cups.

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)

Oversharing can be uncomfortable for both parties

As far as why people feel the need to trauma dump, Inner Balance notes that it might come from a place of seeking validation or needing an emotional release. It might also be because the person doesn’t know how to begin to heal from their trauma.

But this certainly isn’t the way to do so. It can actually make the person who is opening up feel worse, as they might feel like they’re being dismissed, disconnected from others, lonely, embarrassed, depressed or anxious. Meanwhile, the listener may become extremely uncomfortable and overwhelmed as well. They might even become triggered if they’ve experienced similar trauma in the past.

So how can we work on resisting the urge to trauma dump? Brittany Becker, LMHC, told Verywell Mind that the first step is recognizing that you have a tendency to overshare. 

If you vent about the same things repeatedly, don’t allow others to share their thoughts on your situation, find yourself in one-way relationships or fail to ask others about their own lives and listen to their experiences, then you might want to work on making space for other people to share.

It’s also wise to compile a list of people you are close to that you can really open up to when you need to vent, rather than unloading this information on unsuspecting people. Reach out to loved ones, and let them know ahead of time that you need to discuss some difficult topics. Ask them if they’re available to have a heavy conversation now, and understand that they may need to call you back later when they have time.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was right to shut down the conversation that she found herself trapped in? And if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article discussing similar issues, look no further than right here.   

A woman and a man in deep conversation at a bar, with another man in the background serving drinks.

Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual image)

Many readers agreed that the author did nothing wrong, and she joined in on the conversation

Reddit discussion about a woman setting boundaries, explaining she's not a therapist after a man starts oversharing.

Reddit comments discussing a man's need for a therapist instead of oversharing personal issues.

Reddit comment thread where a woman expresses discomfort about being overshared with by a new acquaintance.

Woman responding to a guy oversharing, humorously noting she's not a therapist.

Reddit exchange where a woman responds, "I'm not a therapist," after a guy overshares during a conversation.

Text conversation discussing a guy oversharing about his life and relationship issues.

Text conversation about oversharing, with a user frustrated at a guy for talking about personal issues uncomfortably.

Text exchange about therapists listening to oversharing, with one person expressing gratitude for not needing that as a career.

Reddit comments discussing a woman's response saying, "I'm not a therapist," after a guy overshared.

Text conversation discussing a guy oversharing life troubles with a woman, who responds by saying she's not a therapist.

Image of a Reddit conversation about oversharing personal stories and boundaries in social settings.

Reddit comments discuss a woman uncomfortable with a guy oversharing, highlighting boundaries in non-therapeutic settings.

Reddit comment discussing societal expectations on women and the "be nice" lecture.

Reddit comment about oversharing, stating the man isn't owed attention and needs to stop acting creepy.

Screenshot of a comment discussing a woman's response to a guy oversharing, emphasizing not owing strangers anything.

Reddit comment about women not being therapists for men, gaining 75 points.

Text post discussing emotional boundaries, oversharing, and vulnerability, referencing Brene Brown and "floodlighting" behavior.

Comment on emotional labor in response to oversharing, emphasizing boundaries and personal enjoyment.

Text from a Reddit user discussing men's oversharing, manipulation, and calling out unwanted behavior.

Comment discussing a guy's oversharing and poor social skills, labeled as unsettling and inappropriate for small talk.

Reddit comment discussing oversharing and boundaries in conversations, mentioning discomfort and emotional labor.

Comment on oversharing and finding a therapist for personal issues.

Text conversation about oversharing, with comments defending a woman's decision to set boundaries.

Reddit comment on a guy oversharing his life, deemed creepy by the commenter.

However, others thought she was too harsh

Text comment about a woman's response to a man's oversharing, discussing cruelty and leniency.

Text response on social media about oversharing issue during a conversation in a dating context.

Reddit comment criticizing behavior, discussing oversharing at a social event.

Reddit comment criticizing a woman for harshly telling a guy she's not a therapist after his oversharing.

Text response discussing oversharing and reactions, analyzing social interaction related to personal boundaries.

Text exchange about a guy oversharing and feeling misunderstood, highlighting emotional struggles and confidence issues.

Comment discussing boundaries when a woman tells a guy she's not a therapist after oversharing.

Screenshot of a comment suggesting a polite response to a socially unaware person oversharing.

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