Woman Wonders If She’s Wrong For Not Wanting To Take Husband’s 8-Year-Old On Holiday While Taking Their Baby Son
Recently, a mom’s post shared on the Mumsnet forum caught everyone’s attention and divided opinions.
“My partner has an 8-year-old girl from a previous relationship and we’ve just had a baby (currently 3 months),” the mom explained. “Now, I really want to go on holiday just me, my partner and my baby,” she explained.
The controversy was stirred by the fact that the mom doesn’t want her stepdaughter on her holiday with her. Read on below to find out what the mom had to say about it, and make sure to share your thoughts in the comments below!
A mom caused controversy by claiming she doesn’t want to pay for her stepdaughter to take her on holiday together
Image credits: Sarah Chai
Image credits: RODNAE Productions
Image credits: B0711
The author added more information about the whole situation
Research shows that children in stepfamilies are at greater risk for emotional problems among others
Image credits: choreograph (not the actual photo)
A growing body of research indicates that children of divorce and children in stepfamilies are at somewhat greater risk for academic, behavioral and emotional problems than children in nuclear families. Girls in stepfamilies, particularly those with stepmothers, are said to have distinct adjustment problems that girls in nuclear families do not experience.
According to psychologist Patricia Papernow, Ed.D., who is a member of the National Stepfamily Resource Center’s expert council, “a stepfamily is fundamentally a different structure and it makes a different foundation for relationships than a first-time family.” One of these differences is that in a stepfamily, the spouses do not have an equal relationship to the children or in the parenting process.
On the other hand, some experts believe that although loving your stepchildren is a wonderful element of the relationship between stepmothers and stepkids, respect and kindness are the only mandatory components.
Wednesday Martin, in her popular book “Stepmonster,” argues that safe home and the necessities of life are also required to provide, but love isn’t. The idea still remains controversial among others who claim that loving a stepchild like your biological child is crucial.
Some people said the mom has a right to spend time with her newborn without her stepdaughter
Others, however, said she shouldn’t exclude her stepdaughter as it will hurt her
Many people thought that the dad should be responsible for paying for his daughter to take her on holiday and not the stepmom
Great idea! And for her ninth birthday, you can get the bakery to ice "You're not mine and I don't love you" on her cake.
My thoughts exactly. Seems she'll always prefer her own child.
Eh... right. I don't get the commentors agreeing this is all fine and dandy, or even the one saying it's wrong of the father to spend "their" money on a holiday for "his-but-not-her" kid. Newsflash --- the older kid is now ALSO her kid.
Exactly, it's in the word 'Stepmother' FFS it means being an actual extra parent to your husband's kid/s. Why even have the title in society if it means nothing?
Yeah, but some of the fairy tales got it right.
This is what I was going to say too. When my mom got remarried when I was 7 they had a kid together a few years later. My step dad always treated me as an equal. Always. I could not imagine him trying to leave me behind or say that he was not going to pay for "her kid". They are a unit now. The people who say she is not her kid now are wrong. The kid is her step kid. They have stepped into the role of the husbands wife which means the kid comes too. The OP has made me mad! Can you imagine the entitlement this lady feels?? Crazy.
Nailed it. I hate these AITA; I usually end up thinking, "maybe... I'd like the other person's side." But HOLY COW!!! I feel like we need an entire stadium full of people chanting, "Y-T-A!!! Y-T-A!!!"
I hope she enjoys spending her money on counselling too... I see a lot of that happening in the future for this family. Poor kids.
have four children, 3 month old is luxury compared to an 8 year old. Yes they are up at night and need care but they do not need constant entertainment while away.
Agree. In the stepdaughter's eyes, this might well come across as "Daddy has a new baby and doesn't care about me anymore." If anything, the first holiday with baby should include OP's stepdaughter.
This comment has been deleted.
She thinks a holiday will be relaxing with a baby around? LOL she's delusional. She's better off leaving both the kids at home if she really wants a relaxing holiday all that much...
Don't get married to someone who already is a parent and then have a child with him unless you are going to be parent for the existing child. YABTA!
And yet....all of the modern guidance is that you are NOT their parent, shouldn't force the child to see you as a parent, should defer to their real parents in all things and never attempt to replace or usurp a parent. if or when this kid calls her mom? Then she gets full mom treatment. Until then, they are step child and step parent, which is a completely different relationship. They are required to be respectful and pleasant to each other, and that is it.
Great idea! And for her ninth birthday, you can get the bakery to ice "You're not mine and I don't love you" on her cake.
My thoughts exactly. Seems she'll always prefer her own child.
Eh... right. I don't get the commentors agreeing this is all fine and dandy, or even the one saying it's wrong of the father to spend "their" money on a holiday for "his-but-not-her" kid. Newsflash --- the older kid is now ALSO her kid.
Exactly, it's in the word 'Stepmother' FFS it means being an actual extra parent to your husband's kid/s. Why even have the title in society if it means nothing?
Yeah, but some of the fairy tales got it right.
This is what I was going to say too. When my mom got remarried when I was 7 they had a kid together a few years later. My step dad always treated me as an equal. Always. I could not imagine him trying to leave me behind or say that he was not going to pay for "her kid". They are a unit now. The people who say she is not her kid now are wrong. The kid is her step kid. They have stepped into the role of the husbands wife which means the kid comes too. The OP has made me mad! Can you imagine the entitlement this lady feels?? Crazy.
Nailed it. I hate these AITA; I usually end up thinking, "maybe... I'd like the other person's side." But HOLY COW!!! I feel like we need an entire stadium full of people chanting, "Y-T-A!!! Y-T-A!!!"
I hope she enjoys spending her money on counselling too... I see a lot of that happening in the future for this family. Poor kids.
have four children, 3 month old is luxury compared to an 8 year old. Yes they are up at night and need care but they do not need constant entertainment while away.
Agree. In the stepdaughter's eyes, this might well come across as "Daddy has a new baby and doesn't care about me anymore." If anything, the first holiday with baby should include OP's stepdaughter.
This comment has been deleted.
She thinks a holiday will be relaxing with a baby around? LOL she's delusional. She's better off leaving both the kids at home if she really wants a relaxing holiday all that much...
Don't get married to someone who already is a parent and then have a child with him unless you are going to be parent for the existing child. YABTA!
And yet....all of the modern guidance is that you are NOT their parent, shouldn't force the child to see you as a parent, should defer to their real parents in all things and never attempt to replace or usurp a parent. if or when this kid calls her mom? Then she gets full mom treatment. Until then, they are step child and step parent, which is a completely different relationship. They are required to be respectful and pleasant to each other, and that is it.