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“She Is Not My Child”: Bride Refuses To Have Matching Dresses With The Only Kid At Her Wedding
A wedding is all about harmony and cohesiveness. For many couples, it’s supposed to be their perfect day, so every detail has to be to a T. Take outfits, for example: at least one third of couples in the U.K. prefer bridesmaids to wear dresses that match in style. But this bride faced a different kind of matching outfit dilemma.
Her cousin asked to see her wedding dress so she could match her 3-year-old daughter’s outfit to it. The bride thought this was a bit irregular, as the girl wasn’t her daughter, and the two of them matching would probably confuse other people. So, she asked people online how she could let her cousin down gently.
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A woman wanted to match her 3-year-old daughter’s outfit to her cousin’s wedding dress
Image credits: A. C. (not the actual photo)
The bride thought that it was too weird since the kid wasn’t even hers, and wanted to refuse
Image credits: Josue Michel (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
She took the advice from commenters and planned to buy her niece a dress herself
Image source: JUPITRorchid
Matching outfit with the bride is usually reserved for the flower girl
Image credits: Kelsey Kesler (not the actual photo)
In traditional weddings, roles for kids are pretty limited. If they are older than 10, some brides and grooms may choose to incorporate them as their bridesmaids or groomsmen. But for younger kids, the most common roles are flower boys or flower girls and ringbearers.
If a kid doesn’t have any other duty in the wedding and their outfit matches that of the bride, it might look a bit weird. Traditionally, flower girls do wear matching dresses with the bride. It’s not a requirement but more of a tradition that many choose to abide by.
Flower girls are usually between the ages of three and nine and are members of either the bride’s or the groom’s extended family. They can also be children of the bride and groom. The presence of a flower girl and the petals she scatters symbolize fertility and prosperity. And, in the same vein as the bride’s dress, a flower girl is dressed in some shade of white because of that same symbolism.
As the cousin’s daughter’s role in this wedding isn’t defined, the situation becomes a bit complicated. The bride mentions how “Mia” will not be the flower girl nor the ring bearer, and her wearing a dress that matches the bride’s would look awkwardly weird.
In this case, perhaps the most logical solution would be for the mom and daughter to wear matching outfits. Even if the bride agreed to be twinsies with her niece, the mom would have to pay for her dress and accessories, according to etiquette expert Lizzie Post.
Copying the bride’s look or wearing something flashy might be seen as attention-seeking
Image credits: Kait Miller (not the actual photo)
Some commenters suggested that the mother’s pushiness about seeing what the bride’s dress looks like was so she could wear something similar and upstage the bride. In the world of online stories, this is a common source of family and friend drama during weddings.
But why is wearing something similar (most often something white) so frowned upon for wedding guests? Essentially, any bright or flashy clothing is bound to draw attention. Generally, weddings are not about the guests, the bridesmaids, or the bride and groom’s parents. They’re about the couple who are getting married.
Usually, guests who wear white are the biggest offenders. “White is the color reserved for the couple getting married,” etiquette expert Myka Meier told Brides. “By wearing white or off-white, it can be seen as though you are taking attention away from the couple.”
But other eye-catching outfits should be off-limits, too. “Unless it is a wild disco party, avoid colors that really stand out,” celebrity stylist Michaela Erlanger told Vogue. “Avoid neons, avoid red, avoid anything that’s super loud. Unless, of course, your friend’s getting married at a rave. And don’t get me wrong—I’m sure that’s happened before!”
In any other traditional wedding situation, those who don’t abide by the wedding dress code will be simply seen as attention seekers. And those who want to maintain good relationships with their friends and family members better not risk it, and reserve flashy dresses for their own weddings.
The bride also suspected that it was more her aunt than her cousin pushing for this
Commenters urged the bride not to send the mom any pictures: “A baby dress should be babyish, not bridal”
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What do you think ?
Janelle Collard 3 days ago (edited)
Absolutely Lily will get a dress like OP's. This has *zero* to do with dressing the kid like the bride.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
A rare time when I think our small coterie of "This post is 10 years old! That's like 500 generations of wall lizard!" Pandas might actually wish this post WAS 10 years old, because I myself very much want to know "what will happen" when OP's wedding rolls around - will Lily show up in a white dress? A wedding dress? Will Lily try other shenanigans to clap eyes on OP's dress? Will she simply dress Mia in a creepy 3-year-old child's version of a wedding dress? XD tl;dr I wish this wasn't such a "fresh" post, because I feel like something dramatic is going to happen at the wedding, lol.
Janelle Collard 3 days ago (edited)
Absolutely Lily will get a dress like OP's. This has *zero* to do with dressing the kid like the bride.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
A rare time when I think our small coterie of "This post is 10 years old! That's like 500 generations of wall lizard!" Pandas might actually wish this post WAS 10 years old, because I myself very much want to know "what will happen" when OP's wedding rolls around - will Lily show up in a white dress? A wedding dress? Will Lily try other shenanigans to clap eyes on OP's dress? Will she simply dress Mia in a creepy 3-year-old child's version of a wedding dress? XD tl;dr I wish this wasn't such a "fresh" post, because I feel like something dramatic is going to happen at the wedding, lol.
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