“AITA For Yelling At My Friends And Leaving Dinner After They All Gave Me A Gay Intervention?”

According to the 2023 Pew Research Center report, some 7% of the American population is either gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Straight and gay people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, so, assuming someone’s sexual orientation based on their looks, mannerisms, or likes and dislikes is quite inappropriate.

One netizen, however, had to endure insults and mockery from her friends because of her appearance. Because she’s more masculine-presenting than the average straight woman, her friends automatically assumed she’s a lesbian. So, she asked the Internet whether her getting mad and yelling at them at a restaurant was warranted or not.

Bored Panda reached out to the woman, u/florie_alessia, and she kindly agreed to tell us more about the disagreement. Check out our conversation below!

A group of friends ganged up on a woman, insisting that she’s a lesbian just because she’s masculine-presenting

A person with short hair looking thoughtful outdoors, capturing assumptions about appearance and identity.

Image credits: mirarahneva/Envato (not the actual photo)

When she kept insisting that she was straight, they tried to give her “a gay intervention”

Text discussing assumptions about a woman’s masculinity and a dinner confrontation with friends.

Text describing a dining experience where a woman is mistaken for a man, highlighting assumptions about being a lesbian.

Text excerpt about assumptions regarding a woman's sexual orientation based on her appearance.

Text conversation where friends assume a woman is a lesbian and discuss openly about it.

Text discussing friends assuming woman is lesbian based on appearance.

Text about friend's assumption of woman's sexuality based on appearance, involving a joke and reassurance.

Three friends smiling and having lunch at a dining table, discussing assumptions about appearances.

Image credits:  s_kawee/Envato (not the actual photo)

Text discussing a woman's friendship ending, with friends assuming she's a lesbian.

Text discussing friend's assumptions about a woman’s appearance and sexuality.

Text discussing assumptions about a woman's sexuality, mentioning denial, heteronormativity, and self-acceptance.

Text discussing assumptions and friendships, focusing on appearance.

Text message about regret and uncertainty, related to assumptions on sexuality.

Image credits: florie_alessia

“I wish people didn’t feel the need to speculate about others’ sexualities in the first place,” the OP tells Bored Panda

Woman with short hair looks thoughtful against a clear sky, highlighting assumptions about her appearance.

Image credits:  YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)

It’s normal for friends to tease each other, but there always should be a line. u/florie_alessia recounted in her post how she insisted several times that she doesn’t find her friends’ words funny. She tells Bored Panda that after two years of friendship, she didn’t expect this from them.

“We’ve known each other for two years and they’ve seen me correct other people when they assumed I was a trans man or a lesbian,” the Redditor says. “I’ve literally always stated I was straight. Maybe when they met me, my friends might have thought I was a lesbian at first, but I thought two years in, they already knew I was straight.”

The Redditor usually doesn’t feel pressured to explain or correct others when they misgender her because of her appearance or style. “Most people, if they actually say something to my face and I correct them, they’re okay with it and believe me. Once, I said something about a man I found attractive, and a friend went: ‘What? I thought you were a lesbian.’ I said I’m not, and we laughed it off.”

One friend from the group, however, possibly crossed the line. They sent the OP a link to an LGBTQ+ center and advised that she get help. “I honestly don’t know what I want from them; we still haven’t really talked much,” the Redditor says, when we ask her whether she’d like an apology from her friends. “I just wish they would move on from this instead of still believing I’m a lesbian.”

Ultimately, u/florie_alessia hopes other people can be more thoughtful in their personal lives after reading her story. “While these situations where someone assumes I’m a lesbian are usually resolved quickly, I wish people didn’t feel the need to speculate about others’ sexualities in the first place.”

“This wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t so normalized to make assumptions about someone’s identity. I guess I hope people stop outright telling me they think I’m a lesbian because it’s pretty irrelevant, and I don’t see why I need to know that,” the Redditor says.

The only way to know a person’s sexual orientation is to hear it from the person themselves

Woman with short red hair looking concerned, wearing a white shirt, represents concept of gender assumptions.

Image credits: BGStock72/Envato (not the actual photo) 

People like to say that assuming heterosexuality shouldn’t be the norm. One famous drag queen once said: “I always assume everyone is bisexual,” and people might think that that’s the better way. But how about not assuming anything and not commenting on people’s sexual orientation at all?

While the friends might’ve thought they were allies, their behavior was actually deeply rooted in stereotyping. “Assuming someone’s gender or sexuality based on someone’s appearance is rooted in outdated stereotypes,” GLAAD Ambassador Syd Stephenson told Elite Daily. “Just don’t do it.”

Some people might not realize how hurtful it is when someone stereotypes you because of the way you look. Especially when those people say they are your friends. According to Them magazine, “the only way to know if someone is gay or not is to hear it from the person themselves.”

“Identity is an incredibly personal topic, and passing any kind of judgement without knowing the facts is an omission of so much of the beauty that comes with getting to know someone,” contributor Erika Owen writes.

“Even if you were a lesbian, they have no right [to discuss] something like that in a funny way,” other netizens gave their judgments

Comment about assumptions regarding a woman's identity and accusations of homophobia.

Text exchange regarding assumptions about woman's sexuality based on appearance.

Text screenshot discussing friends making assumptions about a woman's appearance and sexuality.

Comment discussing assumptions about a woman's appearance and mistaken identity.

Reddit comment discussing assumptions about a woman's sexuality based on her appearance, calling out bullying behavior.

Text discussing assumptions about a woman's sexuality based on appearance, addressing issues with friends.

Comment suggesting a woman might need new friends after being assumed lesbian for looking masculine.

Text conversation defending a woman accused by friends, discussing their inappropriate behavior and assumptions.

Text discussing assumptions about a woman's sexuality based on appearance.

Comment discussing assumptions about a woman's sexuality based on appearance, emphasizing gender non-conformity.

Reddit comment discussing assumptions and stereotypes about a woman's sexuality.

Reddit post discussing assumptions about asexuality and understanding from friends, relating to assumptions about sexuality.

Comment about friends assuming a woman is lesbian due to appearance, suggesting an apology is needed.

Others, however, thought that the OP was taking things too seriously

Reddit comment about friends assuming a woman's sexuality, saying "YTA. Your friends are trying to look for you, and you are in denial.

Reddit comment saying, "YTA, it's just a joke calm down," related to woman assumed to be lesbian.

Comment by Red_Octi with negative points, stating "YTA, and petty" regarding assumptions about appearance.

Reddit comment expressing frustration, discussing assumptions about gender and orientation.

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