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“You Can’t Blame ‘Feminism’ On This One”: Woman Shocked Lonely Friend Rejected Her
Building up the courage to ask someone out is never easy. Fear of rejection might be holding you back, as well as the risk of permanently altering your relationship with that person. If it doesn’t work out, will you feel awkward every time the two of you have to work on a project together or hang out with mutual friends?
One woman followed the internet’s advice and decided that the risk was worth the reward when asking out her best friend. But she found herself frustrated and confused when he wasn’t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. Below, you’ll find the full story that she recently detailed on Reddit, as well as some of the replies readers shared.
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This woman recently realized how lonely many Gen Z men are
Image credits: katchanatsarin/Envato (not the actual photo)
But when she took a risk by asking out her best friend, things didn’t go as she expected
Image credits: benzoix/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Present-Elephant-575
Later, the woman responded to several readers and shared more details about her situation
It’s natural for people to have preferences when it comes to dating
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
When you’ve been in a committed relationship for years, it’s easy to forget how challenging dating can be. Finding someone who you’re attracted to that matches your energy and wants the same things in life can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. And dating has been particularly difficult for the younger generations.
According to the BBC, three quarters of Gen Z are single. And Financial Times reports that a whopping 90% of Zoomers are fed up with dating apps. But many of these young adults are hesitant to make the first move.
A survey from OKCupid found that Gen Zers are 18% more likely than Millennials to wait for one of their matches to ask them out. Millennials also don’t waste any time getting out on dates, as they’re 20% more likely than the younger generation to ask someone out within 1 to 2 days of matching.
But there can be many factors at play when it comes to what’s holding Gen Z back from dating. And in this particular story, having a specific “type” might be part of what’s keeping this man from getting a girlfriend.
Licensed clinical psychologist Betsy Chung, PsyD, explained to Women’s Health that a “type” is a “a group of traits or characteristics that [someone] might typically be drawn to in terms of selecting a romantic partner.”
As far as where these preferences come from, Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, a professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University, Fullerton, says that our types are caused by external factors including a person’s environment, their culture, the media and the people around them.
But strictly sticking to your “type” isn’t always the best way to find love
Image credits: Yunus Tuğ/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
So your type is often based on the beauty standards of wherever you’re from. It’s also possible that you’ll think your type is what you’re surrounded by because those kinds of people are available to you. But if you had the opportunity to seek elsewhere and think outside the box, you might be even more attracted to someone else.
And there’s nothing inherently wrong with having a “type.” We all have preferences when dating, and it’s natural to want to find a partner that enjoys the same hobbies as you, also lives an active lifestyle or listens to the same genre of music. But Suwinyattichaiporn warns that it’s not always healthy to rigidly stick to dating within your type.
You might enter new relationships because they remind you of an old one, which can make them seem comfortable at first. But you have to remember that those previous relationships didn’t work out for a reason. And it might actually be better to open yourself up to new dating opportunities that can allow you to build a stronger, healthier relationship.
Finally, another factor at play in this story is rejection. The author understandably felt upset about being turned down, but rejection is a natural part of dating that we all experience. After being rejected, CNBC recommends taking a beat to reflect and try to look at the situation honestly. Clearly, the two of you weren’t meant to be. But that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your character or your physical appearance.
Be kind to yourself when dealing with rejection, and resist the urge to compare yourself to anyone else. And remember to surround yourself with people who love and support you. Having people in your corner who you love spending time with is what you need; a romantic relationship isn’t a necessity.
Readers had mixed opinions, as some agreed that the man has unrealistic expectations and others noted that he’s allowed to have preferences
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What do you think ?
ToGo 9 months ago (edited)
A lot of people in the replies (of the post, EDIT: and here on BP, it seems) are missing her point, I see. OP isn't saying "He should be grateful and take what he can get", she's saying she realised that he's not miserable and lonely, he's pining after 'hot' women and moaning because he can't have them - despite never trying. She's saying this so-called epidemic is brought on by themselves - I believe that's true for most. This guy OP is talking about has got himself fixated on a very specific type of woman, one that puts on a show for her followers, a fantasy - unattainable - if he was so sad and lonely and looking for a genuine connection, would he not give one date a try? At the very least would he not be happy to know that he is fancyable and in turn be polite in turning her down? Rather than mocking her and telling their mutual friends. I hope she dumps him as a friend, he doesn't sound like a nice person. EDIT: To clarify, I wondered if the guy could've seen potential in OP seeing as they're already friends but even if they weren't to date the guy shouldn't have mocked her. I don't think people should feel forced to date anyone ever. Didn't think that was what folk were going to squeeze out of what I said.
jessica r 9 months ago
I'm tired of the "Ohhh we poor men would DIE for a woman to take initiative, we would date a TREE if it'd ask us out" narrative. It's simply b******t. No one, man or woman, is obliged to date someone. But STOP pretending women never get rejected.
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
I didn't know that was a narrative. I wouldn't date a tree if it asked me out. I would probably ask my doctor to change my medication. But seriously though, I don't think anybody owes anybody else a relationship. This is true for men and women. Does this dude have unreasonable expectations? Maybe. I find the whole concept of leagues a bit dehumanizing. But at 5'9" and 160lbs, she's in much better shape than the average American. And yes, the language she uses makes me think she's American. In the US the average height for men is 5'10", so dude is probably just insecure about his height. Also, a 25 year old virgin who COMPLAINS about being a virgin is a whole host of red flags in my opinion. But I don't think the issue is that he rejected her. It was his behavior afterward. Mocking her to their mutual friends is just cruel. She's a young, educated woman, in great shape, and she can do a lot better than this choad.
Load More Replies... ToGo 9 months ago (edited)
A lot of people in the replies (of the post, EDIT: and here on BP, it seems) are missing her point, I see. OP isn't saying "He should be grateful and take what he can get", she's saying she realised that he's not miserable and lonely, he's pining after 'hot' women and moaning because he can't have them - despite never trying. She's saying this so-called epidemic is brought on by themselves - I believe that's true for most. This guy OP is talking about has got himself fixated on a very specific type of woman, one that puts on a show for her followers, a fantasy - unattainable - if he was so sad and lonely and looking for a genuine connection, would he not give one date a try? At the very least would he not be happy to know that he is fancyable and in turn be polite in turning her down? Rather than mocking her and telling their mutual friends. I hope she dumps him as a friend, he doesn't sound like a nice person. EDIT: To clarify, I wondered if the guy could've seen potential in OP seeing as they're already friends but even if they weren't to date the guy shouldn't have mocked her. I don't think people should feel forced to date anyone ever. Didn't think that was what folk were going to squeeze out of what I said.
jessica r 9 months ago
I'm tired of the "Ohhh we poor men would DIE for a woman to take initiative, we would date a TREE if it'd ask us out" narrative. It's simply b******t. No one, man or woman, is obliged to date someone. But STOP pretending women never get rejected.
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
I didn't know that was a narrative. I wouldn't date a tree if it asked me out. I would probably ask my doctor to change my medication. But seriously though, I don't think anybody owes anybody else a relationship. This is true for men and women. Does this dude have unreasonable expectations? Maybe. I find the whole concept of leagues a bit dehumanizing. But at 5'9" and 160lbs, she's in much better shape than the average American. And yes, the language she uses makes me think she's American. In the US the average height for men is 5'10", so dude is probably just insecure about his height. Also, a 25 year old virgin who COMPLAINS about being a virgin is a whole host of red flags in my opinion. But I don't think the issue is that he rejected her. It was his behavior afterward. Mocking her to their mutual friends is just cruel. She's a young, educated woman, in great shape, and she can do a lot better than this choad.
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