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Woman Vents About Fiancé’s Rant About Her Education, Gets A Reality Check About This Relationship
Interview With ExpertIt’s not uncommon for couples to disagree on things—after all, no relationship is perfect. But what do you do when those arguments start to get serious?
One woman took to Reddit, revealing that her fiancé had been making jokes about her degree and even suggested she quit her final year of studies. He felt it was a waste of time and money since she planned to be a stay-at-home wife anyway. Not knowing how to approach the situation, she turned to the internet for advice.
Read on for the full story, and don’t miss our conversation with psychologist Sabina Nazarova about how to resolve difficult fights.
More info: Instagram | Medium | Threads
RELATED:
The woman was in her final year of a biomedical sciences degree, hoping to graduate soon
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
However, her fiancé insisted that she quit her studies and fully commit to becoming a stay-at-home wife
Image credits: Engin Akyurt / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwawaygirlie2003
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Working through major arguments in a relationship takes effort, but it’s entirely possible
The story went viral on Reddit, with many commenters urging the woman to reconsider marrying her fiancé. But is a disagreement like this enough to end a relationship? To gain more insight, Bored Panda reached out to psychologist Sabina Nazarova for her perspective.
“The strong reaction is largely because they sense a lack of respect from her fiancé,” Nazarova explains. “It’s understandable, since respect is a key foundation for any healthy relationship. When one partner dismisses or ridicules the other’s goals, such as the woman’s pursuit of her degree, it can definitely raise red flags.”
According to Nazarova, the real concern isn’t just the disagreement itself, but the way it’s being handled. “In this case, the man’s ongoing dismissal of her education and his insistence on traditional gender roles might reflect deeper issues of respect, equality, and control,” she says.
For this story, it’s also worth noting that some cultural context is missing. Both the Netherlands and Denmark are quite individualistic societies that tend to emphasize gender equality. “While these countries lean toward progressive ideals, they are also diverse, with many ethnicities and cultural backgrounds influencing family dynamics and gender roles,” Nazarova says.
“Without knowing more about the couple’s specific cultural context, it’s difficult to fully understand the dynamics at play,” she adds. “However, traditional gender roles can often reinforce harmful stereotypes about men and women, potentially leading to inequality in relationships. Respecting cultural values is important, but it should never come at the cost of one partner’s ambitions or personal growth.”
Nazarova argues that major disagreements between couples, especially about significant future goals, can be managed if both partners are committed to open communication, empathy, and finding a compromise.
“Disputes like this one, over traditional gender roles versus career aspirations, can be resolved when both partners listen to each other’s concerns and work toward a mutually beneficial solution,” she says. “In this case, the woman’s desire to finish her degree and have a fallback option is entirely reasonable, as is the fiancé’s wish for a more traditional family structure. However, both must be willing to meet halfway and acknowledge each other’s values. I know it sounds like a lot to do, but it is possible—not easy.”
Before entering a long-term relationship or marriage, couples should have clear and open discussions about their values and long-term goals. Topics like career aspirations, gender roles, financial plans, and visions for family life are crucial to cover. “In highly individualistic and gender-equal societies like Denmark and the Netherlands, many couples expect both partners to support each other’s career aspirations and personal goals, so it’s important that both partners feel respected and valued in their decisions,” Nazarova says.
“Since both Denmark and the Netherlands are diverse countries with many different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds, it would be helpful to consider how cultural values may influence their perspectives on gender roles and family life,” she concludes. “Understanding the cultural context of the couple can offer deeper insight into their expectations. By discussing these values early on, couples can ensure they are aligned on major life decisions and build a strong foundation for their partnership.”
In the replies, the woman defended her fiancé, claiming that he respects her
Many commenters encouraged the woman to reconsider the relationship
Meanwhile, others felt that by staying with a controlling fiancé, the woman was failing to stand up for herself
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What do you think ?
Pyla 1 year ago
She’s the AH for acceptance of this red flag brigade of problems. Christ on a crutch.
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
How on Earth is a 20 year old woman in Denmark so regressive? I was waiting for some context like "I was raised in an abusive cult".
Load More Replies...
Susie Elle 1 year ago (edited)
This man doesn't want a person, he wants a dumb maid he can have sex with and who'll raise his children without complaining. Wanting a traditional marriage is not the same as disrespecting someone's academic achievements simply because you won't be putting it into practise. Honey, you're a smart woman and he can't handle that. He's scared you'll wisen up and leave his condescending a*s, but he KNOWS you're one of those women who doubts their own judgment at every turn because 'am I being unreasonable?'. "Am I being too harsh about these harmless jokes?" You're not being harsh enough! He's bullying you because he's scared you'll realize you don't need him in your life. There's heaps of men out there who are religious, want a traditional marriage but then WITHOUT the shaming and bullying.
lenka 1 year ago (edited)
OMG. Her post history is "AITA for asking my fiancé to stop licking my face and respect my other boundaries?", "My fiancé (24m) doesn’t like me (20f) being friends with guys" and more recently... (she ignored the advice above and got married) "AITA for not wanting relatives and friends to hold my baby?" Piles of advice saying this man has more red flags than a communist parade. At this point she is just going to waste years of her life being miserable and controlled. I hope one day she finds her happiness.
Rahul Pawa 1 year ago (edited)
Thanks for pointing out the other posts. To me that means this is probably fake. The timeline doesn't seem to make sense, though reddit doesn't show exactly when a post was created. This one was posted "1y ago". She says she's 20yo and they're getting married "next year in the summer". Then "8mo ago" she's still 20yo, but now married and 2 months pregnant. That doesn't add up.
Load More Replies...
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
You've nearly finished your degree and he repeatedly tells wants you to ditch it? He's panicking. He's telling you that he so insecure, he *needs* you to not have that fancy girlboss degree. This man will tell your daughters to not bother him with what they did at school or what they need for school, and to go make him and their brother a snack now, like a proper little girl. Girl, RUN NOW!
Somebodys grandmother 1 year ago (edited)
SAHW in denmark- can he afford that? You doesn't get any money at ALL. You will live of what he gets you and the prices in denmark is a 2 income prices. You are both totally out of line here. - SAHW you finance self and you will be really poor and dependent of him in denmark - he doesn't either respect or know that. Otherwise he wouldn't ask you to. - in denmark with that degree = you will get paid with a job!!! Continue studying. - he is actually an a$$hole - nobody lives like that in denmark! Women here are free earn there own money and if we suspect otherwise we will help you. Don't ever marry a guy with so much disrespect allready. You will ruin your life!
MoMcB 1 year ago
Keeping her at home relying on him for money is all about control.
Load More Replies...
liam newton-harding 1 year ago
My boyfriend, now husband, punches me ten times a day in the face…AITA for asking him to only punch me eight times a day?
Per-Ole Sjuve 1 year ago
It all clicked into place when she commented that they were both religious.
on second thought.... 1 year ago
I'm guessing (just guessing mind you) that these people are Jehova witnesses. This story sounds so familiar with what I've seen happening with JW including the across-the-border marriage and the distinct roles of man and woman. I can almost guarantee she'll give in to what he decides. More's the pity, such a waste of talent.
Aurora 1 year ago
Except she's getting a degree. JW strongly discourages young people from getting education.
Load More Replies...
StumblingThroughLife 1 year ago
Maaan, I feel embarrassed for her bowing down to a sexist pig. It's like she has a split personality, too, as her post comes across as someone who knows he's a d**k, mostly accepts it's her lot, whilst her soul is screaming internally. What a f*****g waste.
Tams21 1 year ago
He should be happy and proud that his fiancée is following her path. The fact she's willing to give it up to be a sahm after the wedding is a huge sacrifice on her part. He doesn't appear to recognise any of that and that's a huge red flag. Enough of one to end the relationship, at least for me.
katiekat0214 1 year ago
First husband, who I divorced, used to tell me I was "educated beyond my intelligence" whatever that even meant. I kept asking him what that meant and he didn't ever explain. One day he said it, and I said, no, I'm educated beyond YOUR intelligence. I was going for and got my Master's. He only had some college. Men who say this are very intimidated and insecure. Truly secure people never have to knock others down to feel good about themselves. And, by the way, I was very happy with now-late second husband. He had a PhD, and was one of the kindest people I ever knew. He constantly encouraged everyone around him.
Paul Rabit 1 year ago
I stopped reading at her being 20 and her fiance being 24. Gurl, please - take some time and figure out what you really want.
Elif Burak 1 year ago
This situation highlights the importance of mutual respect and open communication in relationships. It’s crucial for both partners to support each other’s goals and aspirations. If one partner consistently dismisses the other’s ambitions, it can lead to deeper issues that may require serious reflection on the relationship's future. Have those discussions early to ensure alignment on values and goals! https://ventsmagazine.com/2024/09/25/elizabeth-fraley-leads-kinderready-to-unleash-real-time-tracking-analytics-to-enhance-childrens-development-and-parental-engagement/
Schmebulock 1 year ago
He's a tradie who's wife is smarter than him and would probably make more in her profession. He wants her to be beholden to him.
LittleWombat 1 year ago
Have they not considered if her husband becomes disabled or dies? She will need to be able to support herself! And that, of course, is assuming he doesn't leave her or she doesn't need to leave him/abusive relationship. Common sense!! It's hard enough to go back to work after a break raising kids - try finding good work with no education!!!
ThijsF 1 year ago
I know someone who has a similar degree as what you're studying for (and she wnt on for a doctorate as well) and I know how much work this takes. And you want to be a "moederkloek" with a degree? Just for when things get rough? What will your degree be worth, 10 years from now? Ever thought about that? Maybe good enough for lab work. Get your smart head out of that relationship and your church and get real. Jezuschristusnogaantoe.
Leg less In Minneapolis 1 year ago
Just run and get the hell out. This guy doesn’t want a partner he wants a devoted slave.
Lady Vader 1 year ago
In 10 years time come back here and tell us you still enjoy cooking and cleaning, with a couple of little 'uns to look after. All the while he's sat with his feet up doing f**k all because he's been out all day providing for his family!! DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
He has no pride or admiration for your accomplishments, your only value is in how you serve him. Run.
Rebelliousslug 1 year ago
The problem here is this poor girl is going to ignore most of the advice under the assumption we just don’t understand her religious beliefs and values. There have been countless women that got married to a religious man and had and raised his kids and maintained his household only to later leave her with nothing, starting over on her own with no way to market herself for a career that would provide her a comfortable life. I really hope she sees the sense in continuing her education, working part time and perhaps even leaving this little man.
Fellfromthemoon 1 year ago
TRADITIONAL gender roles? You mean women working just like men, but usually in different trades? That was the reality for the last few millenia. Or you seriously believe that half of the adult population did nothing but a couple of chores per day? Paid household helps (maids), (wet) nurses, makers and sellers of textile goods, pastry bakers, egg and dairy producers were either mostly for women or non-gendered jobs. Although women entered tertiary education in the nineteenth century, a female mathematician in the fourth century worked at the Academy (Hypatia). In medieval Europe, a few women (mostly nuns) entered the universities. Don't pretend that the 70-year-old PROPAGANDA has ever been the reality.
pm9z5hntx6 11 months ago
Why would any woman trap themselves by agreeing to be SAHM. So many women in the past (and sadly still some today) trapped themselves in relationship where physical and financial abuse were the norm, I thought we had left all that behind FFS
Alexandra Prytkova 1 year ago
Run girl. He is a total a*****e, and after spending enough years as a SAHM you won't be able to find a job in your field anyway, because it is a a very innovative field. If you are really planning to stay at home, your degree is indeed a waste of money. Specially in such a field. But doing that is so stupid my head hurst just from thinking about it. You want to be dependant on a person who doesnt respect you? really? you want to make your children dependent on a person who doesn't respect you? Ugh
P.L. Packer 1 year ago
All this fiance would see would be the back of my coat as I walked out the door. I could NEVER live with someone like him.
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Laura Hughes 1 year ago
Having a backup plan isn’t just in case of divorce. What is he’s injured and can’t work? What if after you have four kids he gets hit by a truck and does? The backup plan is the intelligent thing to do and she knows it.
Tracy Dolan 1 year ago
Respect yourself. Complete your degree. Believe in yourself. Don't worry about the future, just make sure you're equipped to deal with it on your own if needs be. So many red flags are being highlighted to you here about the man you intend to marry. Listen to your inner voice and think about you and what you want. Don't compromise your goals and abilities for ANYONE. Good luck xxxx
Roberta Schrote 1 year ago
Maybe watch 'The Handmaid's Tale' to see how other professional women manage a traditional lifestyle. Also, this relationship is going to wreck you. Planning the wedding is fun but it is NOT what marriage is.
Patti Lisenbee 1 year ago
Honey, STOP being a slave to this man! That's all he wants from you. Cook, clean, sex and children, and he will NEVER be happy with what you do. He will demean you all your life for being "smarter" than him. All your arguments will end with "Yea, you're so much smarter than i am!" He wants you totally dependent on him so you can't leave him when the abuse is too much. LEAVE HIM NOW!
Watermelon 1 year ago
Meh, I honestly call bs, despite OP's insistance that it's "totally real". IF this is real, these two must be the last people in Netherlands and Denmark with these cultural views. Literally no one there is like this. People just don't live out their religion the way some countries do. It's difficult to explain. It's just not a thing. POV: I married someone from Denmark and we lived and worked there for several years. I speak the language. My in-laws live in Copenhagen. I have friends, co-workers and relatives there.
Mary Muir 1 year ago
Huge red flag. Right now it's him saying her education and degree is a waste, that she would do better to just cook and clean for him. But she's studying for a biomedical degree!! that's top tier, OP! Carpentry is good, but it's not top tier. This fellow is definitely trying to drag you down to his level with his condescending negative comments. And once people start acting like this, they don't stop, they get worse. So unless you want to spend your whole life being told you're nothing but a dumb housewife, you need to put a stop to this now! Tell bf that you agree with him, that it's wasteful for you to get your degree and then become SAHW. So you've decided that you're putting the wedding on hold. That you are going to finish your studies, get your degree, and get a job in your field. After spending 2-3 years working in your field, the two of you can reassess whether you should marry and or whether you should do the SAHW thing. Then watch the explosion!
Elisabeth Brook 1 year ago
He needs to learn how to respect women and treat them equally before he is in any relationship. He is dismissive of your achievements and thinks all you are good for is to take care of him. It’s sickening. This is 2024, not 1834.
Dumdum 1 year ago (edited)
I'm from Denmark. Your man, have to be loaded whit money, if he is gonna be the only whit a income to support the whole family. Ore your gonna be a broke a*s family. Normally both parents work in dk. If the want the normal life whiteout struggling financially. SAHW is only possible if you're man got big cash, ore you have to downgrade on every aspect in live. You can get money from the state, but it is hard to get around whit that sum of money, and it's not a nice live. And often you have to work anyway, just not a work of your choice. Oh and you can not get money from the state because you will not be a Danish citizens.
Broadredpanda 1 year ago
He'll be (although he already is) a chauvinistic t**t even more so when you're married! He's jealous that you'll outdo him academically and will look like a loser amongst friends and family. He's a f*****g joke and this is the Amuse Bouche of your life! By the time you realise how horrendous and he's putting down everything good you've ever done, he'll have you feeling like you're worthless and no-one will ever want you!! Please leave this man!!! He's awful to you and imagine if you have a little girl that believes in the shite he's spouting? He's going to crush you bit by bit. I can't believe you're with a man who talks like this about women! He's not nice at all!!!
René Sauer 1 year ago
Holy sh*t, what decade did that guy come from, the 50s? Everyone who seriously talks about "roles" or "jobs" like that in a relationship deserves to get both eyes pierced by arrows.
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
Not here to say who's the AH... just here to say RUN girlie. Don't marry this jerk. He will only get worse if you marry him.
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 year ago
Jesus Christ. What a surprise they're in a cult. Good luck with that. That woman is actively and very obviously walking into being abused for life and in my opinion, is complicit in the abuse and in the abuse of their future children. Sick f***s to two of them.
Enlee Jones 1 year ago
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. This woman needs to run for the hills.
DC 1 year ago
NTA. Run. This isn't good, this isn't right. It's got reasons that stuff isn't like it was back then, it sucked back then, and today, still does. Run, and don't turn around. This is not for you, as it isn't even intended, but pretty much AGAINST you. If you don't see why you should run, you probably should stay, but don't be upset if "We told you!" is the sentence you will most often hear in your life.......
Pyla 1 year ago
She’s the AH for acceptance of this red flag brigade of problems. Christ on a crutch.
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
How on Earth is a 20 year old woman in Denmark so regressive? I was waiting for some context like "I was raised in an abusive cult".
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 1 year ago (edited)
This man doesn't want a person, he wants a dumb maid he can have sex with and who'll raise his children without complaining. Wanting a traditional marriage is not the same as disrespecting someone's academic achievements simply because you won't be putting it into practise. Honey, you're a smart woman and he can't handle that. He's scared you'll wisen up and leave his condescending a*s, but he KNOWS you're one of those women who doubts their own judgment at every turn because 'am I being unreasonable?'. "Am I being too harsh about these harmless jokes?" You're not being harsh enough! He's bullying you because he's scared you'll realize you don't need him in your life. There's heaps of men out there who are religious, want a traditional marriage but then WITHOUT the shaming and bullying.
lenka 1 year ago (edited)
OMG. Her post history is "AITA for asking my fiancé to stop licking my face and respect my other boundaries?", "My fiancé (24m) doesn’t like me (20f) being friends with guys" and more recently... (she ignored the advice above and got married) "AITA for not wanting relatives and friends to hold my baby?" Piles of advice saying this man has more red flags than a communist parade. At this point she is just going to waste years of her life being miserable and controlled. I hope one day she finds her happiness.
Rahul Pawa 1 year ago (edited)
Thanks for pointing out the other posts. To me that means this is probably fake. The timeline doesn't seem to make sense, though reddit doesn't show exactly when a post was created. This one was posted "1y ago". She says she's 20yo and they're getting married "next year in the summer". Then "8mo ago" she's still 20yo, but now married and 2 months pregnant. That doesn't add up.
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 1 year ago
You've nearly finished your degree and he repeatedly tells wants you to ditch it? He's panicking. He's telling you that he so insecure, he *needs* you to not have that fancy girlboss degree. This man will tell your daughters to not bother him with what they did at school or what they need for school, and to go make him and their brother a snack now, like a proper little girl. Girl, RUN NOW!
Somebodys grandmother 1 year ago (edited)
SAHW in denmark- can he afford that? You doesn't get any money at ALL. You will live of what he gets you and the prices in denmark is a 2 income prices. You are both totally out of line here. - SAHW you finance self and you will be really poor and dependent of him in denmark - he doesn't either respect or know that. Otherwise he wouldn't ask you to. - in denmark with that degree = you will get paid with a job!!! Continue studying. - he is actually an a$$hole - nobody lives like that in denmark! Women here are free earn there own money and if we suspect otherwise we will help you. Don't ever marry a guy with so much disrespect allready. You will ruin your life!
MoMcB 1 year ago
Keeping her at home relying on him for money is all about control.
Load More Replies... liam newton-harding 1 year ago
My boyfriend, now husband, punches me ten times a day in the face…AITA for asking him to only punch me eight times a day?
Per-Ole Sjuve 1 year ago
It all clicked into place when she commented that they were both religious.
on second thought.... 1 year ago
I'm guessing (just guessing mind you) that these people are Jehova witnesses. This story sounds so familiar with what I've seen happening with JW including the across-the-border marriage and the distinct roles of man and woman. I can almost guarantee she'll give in to what he decides. More's the pity, such a waste of talent.
Aurora 1 year ago
Except she's getting a degree. JW strongly discourages young people from getting education.
Load More Replies... StumblingThroughLife 1 year ago
Maaan, I feel embarrassed for her bowing down to a sexist pig. It's like she has a split personality, too, as her post comes across as someone who knows he's a d**k, mostly accepts it's her lot, whilst her soul is screaming internally. What a f*****g waste.
Tams21 1 year ago
He should be happy and proud that his fiancée is following her path. The fact she's willing to give it up to be a sahm after the wedding is a huge sacrifice on her part. He doesn't appear to recognise any of that and that's a huge red flag. Enough of one to end the relationship, at least for me.
katiekat0214 1 year ago
First husband, who I divorced, used to tell me I was "educated beyond my intelligence" whatever that even meant. I kept asking him what that meant and he didn't ever explain. One day he said it, and I said, no, I'm educated beyond YOUR intelligence. I was going for and got my Master's. He only had some college. Men who say this are very intimidated and insecure. Truly secure people never have to knock others down to feel good about themselves. And, by the way, I was very happy with now-late second husband. He had a PhD, and was one of the kindest people I ever knew. He constantly encouraged everyone around him.
Paul Rabit 1 year ago
I stopped reading at her being 20 and her fiance being 24. Gurl, please - take some time and figure out what you really want.
Elif Burak 1 year ago
This situation highlights the importance of mutual respect and open communication in relationships. It’s crucial for both partners to support each other’s goals and aspirations. If one partner consistently dismisses the other’s ambitions, it can lead to deeper issues that may require serious reflection on the relationship's future. Have those discussions early to ensure alignment on values and goals! https://ventsmagazine.com/2024/09/25/elizabeth-fraley-leads-kinderready-to-unleash-real-time-tracking-analytics-to-enhance-childrens-development-and-parental-engagement/
Schmebulock 1 year ago
He's a tradie who's wife is smarter than him and would probably make more in her profession. He wants her to be beholden to him.
LittleWombat 1 year ago
Have they not considered if her husband becomes disabled or dies? She will need to be able to support herself! And that, of course, is assuming he doesn't leave her or she doesn't need to leave him/abusive relationship. Common sense!! It's hard enough to go back to work after a break raising kids - try finding good work with no education!!!
ThijsF 1 year ago
I know someone who has a similar degree as what you're studying for (and she wnt on for a doctorate as well) and I know how much work this takes. And you want to be a "moederkloek" with a degree? Just for when things get rough? What will your degree be worth, 10 years from now? Ever thought about that? Maybe good enough for lab work. Get your smart head out of that relationship and your church and get real. Jezuschristusnogaantoe.
Leg less In Minneapolis 1 year ago
Just run and get the hell out. This guy doesn’t want a partner he wants a devoted slave.
Lady Vader 1 year ago
In 10 years time come back here and tell us you still enjoy cooking and cleaning, with a couple of little 'uns to look after. All the while he's sat with his feet up doing f**k all because he's been out all day providing for his family!! DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
He has no pride or admiration for your accomplishments, your only value is in how you serve him. Run.
Rebelliousslug 1 year ago
The problem here is this poor girl is going to ignore most of the advice under the assumption we just don’t understand her religious beliefs and values. There have been countless women that got married to a religious man and had and raised his kids and maintained his household only to later leave her with nothing, starting over on her own with no way to market herself for a career that would provide her a comfortable life. I really hope she sees the sense in continuing her education, working part time and perhaps even leaving this little man.
Fellfromthemoon 1 year ago
TRADITIONAL gender roles? You mean women working just like men, but usually in different trades? That was the reality for the last few millenia. Or you seriously believe that half of the adult population did nothing but a couple of chores per day? Paid household helps (maids), (wet) nurses, makers and sellers of textile goods, pastry bakers, egg and dairy producers were either mostly for women or non-gendered jobs. Although women entered tertiary education in the nineteenth century, a female mathematician in the fourth century worked at the Academy (Hypatia). In medieval Europe, a few women (mostly nuns) entered the universities. Don't pretend that the 70-year-old PROPAGANDA has ever been the reality.
pm9z5hntx6 11 months ago
Why would any woman trap themselves by agreeing to be SAHM. So many women in the past (and sadly still some today) trapped themselves in relationship where physical and financial abuse were the norm, I thought we had left all that behind FFS
Alexandra Prytkova 1 year ago
Run girl. He is a total a*****e, and after spending enough years as a SAHM you won't be able to find a job in your field anyway, because it is a a very innovative field. If you are really planning to stay at home, your degree is indeed a waste of money. Specially in such a field. But doing that is so stupid my head hurst just from thinking about it. You want to be dependant on a person who doesnt respect you? really? you want to make your children dependent on a person who doesn't respect you? Ugh
P.L. Packer 1 year ago
All this fiance would see would be the back of my coat as I walked out the door. I could NEVER live with someone like him.
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kunal saroj 1 year ago
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Laura Hughes 1 year ago
Having a backup plan isn’t just in case of divorce. What is he’s injured and can’t work? What if after you have four kids he gets hit by a truck and does? The backup plan is the intelligent thing to do and she knows it.
Tracy Dolan 1 year ago
Respect yourself. Complete your degree. Believe in yourself. Don't worry about the future, just make sure you're equipped to deal with it on your own if needs be. So many red flags are being highlighted to you here about the man you intend to marry. Listen to your inner voice and think about you and what you want. Don't compromise your goals and abilities for ANYONE. Good luck xxxx
Roberta Schrote 1 year ago
Maybe watch 'The Handmaid's Tale' to see how other professional women manage a traditional lifestyle. Also, this relationship is going to wreck you. Planning the wedding is fun but it is NOT what marriage is.
Patti Lisenbee 1 year ago
Honey, STOP being a slave to this man! That's all he wants from you. Cook, clean, sex and children, and he will NEVER be happy with what you do. He will demean you all your life for being "smarter" than him. All your arguments will end with "Yea, you're so much smarter than i am!" He wants you totally dependent on him so you can't leave him when the abuse is too much. LEAVE HIM NOW!
Watermelon 1 year ago
Meh, I honestly call bs, despite OP's insistance that it's "totally real". IF this is real, these two must be the last people in Netherlands and Denmark with these cultural views. Literally no one there is like this. People just don't live out their religion the way some countries do. It's difficult to explain. It's just not a thing. POV: I married someone from Denmark and we lived and worked there for several years. I speak the language. My in-laws live in Copenhagen. I have friends, co-workers and relatives there.
Mary Muir 1 year ago
Huge red flag. Right now it's him saying her education and degree is a waste, that she would do better to just cook and clean for him. But she's studying for a biomedical degree!! that's top tier, OP! Carpentry is good, but it's not top tier. This fellow is definitely trying to drag you down to his level with his condescending negative comments. And once people start acting like this, they don't stop, they get worse. So unless you want to spend your whole life being told you're nothing but a dumb housewife, you need to put a stop to this now! Tell bf that you agree with him, that it's wasteful for you to get your degree and then become SAHW. So you've decided that you're putting the wedding on hold. That you are going to finish your studies, get your degree, and get a job in your field. After spending 2-3 years working in your field, the two of you can reassess whether you should marry and or whether you should do the SAHW thing. Then watch the explosion!
Elisabeth Brook 1 year ago
He needs to learn how to respect women and treat them equally before he is in any relationship. He is dismissive of your achievements and thinks all you are good for is to take care of him. It’s sickening. This is 2024, not 1834.
Dumdum 1 year ago (edited)
I'm from Denmark. Your man, have to be loaded whit money, if he is gonna be the only whit a income to support the whole family. Ore your gonna be a broke a*s family. Normally both parents work in dk. If the want the normal life whiteout struggling financially. SAHW is only possible if you're man got big cash, ore you have to downgrade on every aspect in live. You can get money from the state, but it is hard to get around whit that sum of money, and it's not a nice live. And often you have to work anyway, just not a work of your choice. Oh and you can not get money from the state because you will not be a Danish citizens.
Broadredpanda 1 year ago
He'll be (although he already is) a chauvinistic t**t even more so when you're married! He's jealous that you'll outdo him academically and will look like a loser amongst friends and family. He's a f*****g joke and this is the Amuse Bouche of your life! By the time you realise how horrendous and he's putting down everything good you've ever done, he'll have you feeling like you're worthless and no-one will ever want you!! Please leave this man!!! He's awful to you and imagine if you have a little girl that believes in the shite he's spouting? He's going to crush you bit by bit. I can't believe you're with a man who talks like this about women! He's not nice at all!!!
René Sauer 1 year ago
Holy sh*t, what decade did that guy come from, the 50s? Everyone who seriously talks about "roles" or "jobs" like that in a relationship deserves to get both eyes pierced by arrows.
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
Not here to say who's the AH... just here to say RUN girlie. Don't marry this jerk. He will only get worse if you marry him.
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 year ago
Jesus Christ. What a surprise they're in a cult. Good luck with that. That woman is actively and very obviously walking into being abused for life and in my opinion, is complicit in the abuse and in the abuse of their future children. Sick f***s to two of them.
Enlee Jones 1 year ago
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. This woman needs to run for the hills.
DC 1 year ago
NTA. Run. This isn't good, this isn't right. It's got reasons that stuff isn't like it was back then, it sucked back then, and today, still does. Run, and don't turn around. This is not for you, as it isn't even intended, but pretty much AGAINST you. If you don't see why you should run, you probably should stay, but don't be upset if "We told you!" is the sentence you will most often hear in your life.......
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