Inconsiderate Husband Wakes Up Wife After Her Tiring Drive To Amuse Him During His Driving Shift, Asks If He Was Wrong To Do So
According to the writer Tom Lichtenheld, “A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.” Yes, this is an absolute truth – traveling definitely expands our horizons and we learn a lot of new things both about the world around us and about the people who surround us. And not always this news is actually pleasant.
One more example is this story, first shared by the user u/LipstickRibsteak on the AITA Reddit community. What else is remarkable about it is the author’s sincere misunderstanding or unwillingness to get what exactly he did wrong. However, let’s just get to the point.
The author of the post once took a trip by car with his wife and their toddler son
Image credits: Brett Jordan (not the actual image)
The spouses agreed to split driving shifts and the husband picked night hours at the wheel
Image credits: u/LipstickRibsteak
Image credits: Will Truettner (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/LipstickRibsteak
The man felt incredibly bored as his wife had fallen asleep so he decided to wake her up for a chat
Image credits: Hanny Naibaho (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/LipstickRibsteak
The woman lashed out at him since he also woke up their son, and called the man ‘selfish’ and ‘immature’
So, the Original Poster (OP), his wife and their 2 Y.O. son went on a family trip, the first since the birth of the child. The couple were driving a car, so they agreed to change at the wheel. And the husband, in his own words, decided to take on the more difficult, nighttime hours of driving. You may ask what he did wrong there, because the man acted more than nobly, but further events developed in a slightly different scenario.
Dusk was falling, and the OP’s wife, after driving for several hours, gave way to her husband. The woman climbed into the back seat, where their son was sleeping, and fell asleep too. But her sleep did not last long… As the author of the post says, he is a pronounced extrovert, and he gets bored driving alone for a long time. The OP’s wife, on the other hand, is more of an introvert, so while she was driving, the husband managed to take a nap.
In general, after some time, the man got bored and decided to wake up his wife to chat with her. The guy obviously didn’t think about two things – that the woman was tired after driving for several hours, and that there was also a toddler sleeping in the back seat. More precisely, he had been sleeping – because dad inadvertently woke them both up.
If you’ve ever comforted an awakened toddler in a car in the middle of the night, you’ll understand the range of feelings that went through the OP’s wife. When the woman, after some time, nevertheless put the child to sleep again, she was already in an agitated state – and then the driver also, as if nothing had happened, said something like: “Listen, I’m bored here, let’s chat about something!”
The author’s hope for a lively conversation, of course, was justified – although the topic of this convo was far from the most pleasant. His wife lashed out at him, blaming her spouse for being selfish and immature – and it must be admitted that her anger was fully justified. However, the original poster laid out his own logic (which he himself calls ‘perfect’) – according to him, since it was more convenient for his wife to drive in silence, then he did so, and that made it her turn to do what was convenient for him – that is, to talk.
Whatever the case, the OP’s “perfect” logic didn’t affect his spouse, and made her even angrier. Then the man called his wife ‘emotional’ and, as he himself claims, “at that point, since she got rude, I decided to disengage.” So the family trip fell apart, barely having started, the couple quarreled, and the husband got completely offended by his wife for being “unreasonably rude” over something he called “flawless logic”…
Image credits: lucas Favre (not the actual image)
Firstly, even if we ignore the moral and ethical side of this tale, any person, especially when driving, should get enough sleep. Especially when you consider that drowsy driving is one of the key hazards on the road. For example, according to the National Safety Council, each year it causes about 100,000 crashes, 71,000 injuries and, alas, 1,550 fatalities. Moreover, due to this study from the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, drowsiness was a contributing factor in up to 9.5 percent of all crashes and 10.8 percent of crashes that included airbag deployment, injury or significant property damage.
“A buddy system is a great idea and works well – share the driving and share keeping each other awake,” a special memo issued by the Sleep Health Foundation, recommends. “Have a break every two hours, get out of the car and walk around for a few minutes.” But if the original poster’s wife had entertained her husband throughout his entire driving shift, then her hours at the wheel would have become a true cause for a road hazard.
“What can be said about this case, except that the man here acted extremely selfishly?” rhetorically ponders Irina Matveeva, a psygholgist and certified NLP specialist, to whom Bored Panda reached out for a comment on this tale. “He did not think about comfort for his wife, or about the fact that she had to take care of the child on the road, or about what, in the end, that brings the whole family – and other drivers, the danger from drowsy driving – because sooner or later at the wheel of their car would be his dozy wife.”
“Of course, in the late hours, if you are an extrovert, then driving in silence and loneliness is 100% incredibly boring and uncomfortable. However, in this case, it would probably be worth considering the option of driving only during the daytime, and in the evenings finding some motels for an overnight stay. So, most likely, it would be more comfortable both physically and mentally. On the other hand, this husband’s stubborn refusal to admit that he was wrong about anything upsets me no less,” Irina admits.
But folks in the comments were not particularly shy toward the original poster, claiming that he was acting like a toddler himself. According to commenters, the man should have encouraged his wife to sleep as much as possible so she could safely drive her next shift. “If you’re not capable of driving without stimulus, pull over and get a hotel room,” people in the comments simply stated. So what do you think about the behavior of the characters in this story?
Most people in the comments sided with the author’s wife as well, stating that each driver should sleep while not at the wheel to avoid drowsy driving hazards
Grown man can't handle being alone with his thoughts and feelings when it's quiet and needs constant noise to keep him distracted from connecting with that part of himself. So he decides to fight the uncomfortable feelings by blaming his wife for not entertaining him at all moments. Yep, he's the AH!
Yes, but *she* is apparently the "emotional" one. This guy.
Load More Replies...
"You drive during the day AND take care of our toddler AND stay awake all night to keep me company when I'm driving." Dude, YTA. Your expectations are so stupidly unreasonable, yet you think you're logical? Your poor wife has two toddlers and you need to grow up and be less self-centered.
YTA and horrible.. you admit you guys have different personalities and yet you seem to refuse to respect hers.. grow up. If you aren't adult enough to be able to drive alone.. then don't drive for long periods of time and get a motel to sleep your pathetic a*s in.. I cant imagine being married to such a demanding whiney little manchild..
So basically his wife should either entertain him or drive? What about her sleep? Does he care that his way means that his wife is driving on little to no sleep which is incredibly dangerous to his family and all other road users. All I hear from him is "me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me ". Grow Up!
"Despite my perfectly logical answer, she apparently got emotional..." Aaand he's the arsehole.
Yup, that was the tipping point for me as well. Anytime someone claims they were " perfectly logical" and the other person "got emotional," it's a pretty good sign that they were a complete and total smeghead.
Load More Replies...
How can he seriously not see..that he is the A...has to be a windup post ,surely Noone is the stupid
I can introduce you to at least three guys I know who actually are this selfcentred.
Load More Replies...
Am I imagining it, or does AITA posts that preface by saying that the incident just happened are usually the a**hole in that situation? Like “I need instant gratification that my short temper/immaturity was in the right.” Where as more mature people tend to either talk it through or at least fully process it before posting something.
Isn't it funny? He being bored and lonely and trying to make it her problem although she's not the cause for his inability to concentrate on driving or finding other distractions is being perfectly logical and reasonable, but her being angry about something he actively caused is woman emotionality. Why do some men do that? Why are their emotions always reason and logic despite, let's be honest, them just being emotional, but women's emotions are always unreasonable and silly no matter what they where or why.
If he were able to read this, I'd suggest he get checked for ADHD. He could learn techniques to help him focus and not need entertainment. Absolutely bonkers to awaken his wife after her driving shift. A hotel or motel or even a campground would be safer than driving tired.
She's "emotional" and he's "logical," which is obviously why he's the one blasting his spouse on the internet. Omfg. My ex used to pull this too-- it's an abusive tactic to invalidate the other's needs because they're too "emotional" while also elevating themselves as "right" because they're the one being "logical." People like this always want to be right, regardless of the cost. Their fragile egos can't handle getting called out in their BS.
What a complete piece of sh!t!! When my gf and I go anywhere, she usually asks me to drive. If she falls asleep, I sure as heck let her rest. We both have difficult jobs and teenagers, so we're both mentally and sometimes physically exhausted with running the kids to their events, work, etc. I'm glad that she feels comfortable enough to fall asleep and get some rest. OP is way in the wrong, not only waking his wife but also their toddler. There is zero excuse for this. Just a complete jack@55! I hope his wife leaves him in the middle of nowhere, she'll be far better off than having two toddlers to raise.
lol I think everyone has thoroughly taken this boy to the woodshed, Hope he went back in and apologized.
If she is taking shifts driving she NEEDS to sleep during his, for fûck’s sake what a whingy little cretin.
You are SO TA! The whole idea of driving in shifts is so one can get some sleep in between shifts, so all driving is safe driving.
He could wake me up 17 times and 17 times I will fall right back to sleep. Riding in cars knocks me out.
How are some people this selfish? The fact that he not only thought he might gain sympathy but also typed all of that out without realising that he's an AH is almost impressive. Not only is his wife dealing with a 2 yo for some reason I have a feeling she's the one who deals with the 2yo the most, but OP doesn't realise how dangerous it is for her to drive with no sleep, just cuz he isn't having the time of his life constantly. WTF
Get over yourself, dude. Hell, I *prefer* my passenger(s) take a nap on long trips. It saves me having to try to make conversation.
My wife falls asleep in the car almost regardless of where we are going or the duration of the trip. With me, her friends... everybody. The only time that I ask her to stay awake is if I'm a little tired and we are almost at our destination. She's good with it, before anybody flames me :D
If it is because you are worried about falling asleep while driving, I get it. You might need to talk to someone while driving. I once had my brother tell me about the entire plot of his favorite TV show while he drove around 1am because I knew he was tired and needed to stay awake. But is it just to keep you amused while driving? No, I agree with others. Listen to a podcast, music, or a book recording to keep yourself amused.
I've driven long distances with my mother when she was still alive. She wasn't a driver and this was during the day. She always fell asleep and it felt worse than being on your own. But he's STILL wrong. It's night time when the woman SHOULD be sleeping and it reeks of 'crab bucket mentality' ie - if I can't sleep then neither can you. He could put the radio on, put up with it or simply pull off the road and rest. He's definitely the AH..
Take it as a compliment. The way some people drive, none of their passengers could possibly get a wink of sleep.
Honestly, I would have turned around and went home. He's unable to be left alone, and he's DRIVING to California. Forget it. That's not even in the same ballpark as being safe. Whoever is behind the wheel is responsible for everyone's life in the vehicle. No way I'd put my life, and the life of my child, in the husband's hands. She's to help keep him sane? Pfffft.
When the hell does he sleep, then? I hope 11 p.m. was close to the time they checked in somewhere for the night, and yet at the same time I sincerely hope it was lack of sleep that caused him to have this massively unreasonable mindset.
Definitely the AH! What the actual heck is wrong with this guy?! He needs a reality check, a mental health evaluation, and the wife needs to divorce him and take the child with her.
My Mom & I did some road trips through South Africa, with long distances. She didn't drive, I was the sole driver. I'd drive for 2 hrs, then make a stop, and take a walk around the car, to stretch my legs, etc., while Mum made tea on a small gas stove. After an hour, we'd be on our way again, and overnighting in local B/B's. We did the same on a road trip in Britain. That's the way to do it.
YTA You should have found something that would entertain you and have been quiet enough for your wife and son. Since you can't think for yourself, I'll help. Audio books. Would that help you? Find a bookstore and grab a couple. Who knows, maybe your wife would like them too.
Hmm. I'm on the fence. Were they literally rotating driving continuously without a stop to sleep? If not the guy has been awake the whole time and could also be getting drowsy (though he didn't mention it) so having someone talk to you to help stay awake isn't a bad thing.
This fellow is acting in a classically narcissistic way. he seems to not understand that his wife is not there for his personal use and needs. Really? His wife drove for hours and he can't let her sleep? He needs to get himself some audiobooks or a telephone headset and call somebody who is actually awake. Don't expect your wife to cater to your needs like she's your mother. In fact don't expect your mother to do that either, that's really just not fair or considerate.
YTA! And guess what you were the darn driver! It was your shift! Geez. You sound like a selfish grown up. The nerve of you to wake her up,.It is likely that after a few hours of rest she would have woken up to talk to you. Doesn't sound like you're very fit to be driving long distance. Stop consuming so much of your wife's time. It's not fair or healthy.
We used to tag team drive on the way back from a beloved theme park. The rule was, I'd help navigate to the main freeway, then sleep as much as I can and he'd pull over when he got too tired and I'd take over. Worked like a charm and I'd never think to wake him cause I'm bored. I put on some fun music and just drive.
Grown man can't handle being alone with his thoughts and feelings when it's quiet and needs constant noise to keep him distracted from connecting with that part of himself. So he decides to fight the uncomfortable feelings by blaming his wife for not entertaining him at all moments. Yep, he's the AH!
Yes, but *she* is apparently the "emotional" one. This guy.
Load More Replies... "You drive during the day AND take care of our toddler AND stay awake all night to keep me company when I'm driving." Dude, YTA. Your expectations are so stupidly unreasonable, yet you think you're logical? Your poor wife has two toddlers and you need to grow up and be less self-centered.
YTA and horrible.. you admit you guys have different personalities and yet you seem to refuse to respect hers.. grow up. If you aren't adult enough to be able to drive alone.. then don't drive for long periods of time and get a motel to sleep your pathetic a*s in.. I cant imagine being married to such a demanding whiney little manchild..
So basically his wife should either entertain him or drive? What about her sleep? Does he care that his way means that his wife is driving on little to no sleep which is incredibly dangerous to his family and all other road users. All I hear from him is "me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me ". Grow Up!
"Despite my perfectly logical answer, she apparently got emotional..." Aaand he's the arsehole.
Yup, that was the tipping point for me as well. Anytime someone claims they were " perfectly logical" and the other person "got emotional," it's a pretty good sign that they were a complete and total smeghead.
Load More Replies... How can he seriously not see..that he is the A...has to be a windup post ,surely Noone is the stupid
I can introduce you to at least three guys I know who actually are this selfcentred.
Load More Replies... Am I imagining it, or does AITA posts that preface by saying that the incident just happened are usually the a**hole in that situation? Like “I need instant gratification that my short temper/immaturity was in the right.” Where as more mature people tend to either talk it through or at least fully process it before posting something.
Isn't it funny? He being bored and lonely and trying to make it her problem although she's not the cause for his inability to concentrate on driving or finding other distractions is being perfectly logical and reasonable, but her being angry about something he actively caused is woman emotionality. Why do some men do that? Why are their emotions always reason and logic despite, let's be honest, them just being emotional, but women's emotions are always unreasonable and silly no matter what they where or why.
If he were able to read this, I'd suggest he get checked for ADHD. He could learn techniques to help him focus and not need entertainment. Absolutely bonkers to awaken his wife after her driving shift. A hotel or motel or even a campground would be safer than driving tired.
She's "emotional" and he's "logical," which is obviously why he's the one blasting his spouse on the internet. Omfg. My ex used to pull this too-- it's an abusive tactic to invalidate the other's needs because they're too "emotional" while also elevating themselves as "right" because they're the one being "logical." People like this always want to be right, regardless of the cost. Their fragile egos can't handle getting called out in their BS.
What a complete piece of sh!t!! When my gf and I go anywhere, she usually asks me to drive. If she falls asleep, I sure as heck let her rest. We both have difficult jobs and teenagers, so we're both mentally and sometimes physically exhausted with running the kids to their events, work, etc. I'm glad that she feels comfortable enough to fall asleep and get some rest. OP is way in the wrong, not only waking his wife but also their toddler. There is zero excuse for this. Just a complete jack@55! I hope his wife leaves him in the middle of nowhere, she'll be far better off than having two toddlers to raise.
lol I think everyone has thoroughly taken this boy to the woodshed, Hope he went back in and apologized.
If she is taking shifts driving she NEEDS to sleep during his, for fûck’s sake what a whingy little cretin.
You are SO TA! The whole idea of driving in shifts is so one can get some sleep in between shifts, so all driving is safe driving.
He could wake me up 17 times and 17 times I will fall right back to sleep. Riding in cars knocks me out.
How are some people this selfish? The fact that he not only thought he might gain sympathy but also typed all of that out without realising that he's an AH is almost impressive. Not only is his wife dealing with a 2 yo for some reason I have a feeling she's the one who deals with the 2yo the most, but OP doesn't realise how dangerous it is for her to drive with no sleep, just cuz he isn't having the time of his life constantly. WTF
Get over yourself, dude. Hell, I *prefer* my passenger(s) take a nap on long trips. It saves me having to try to make conversation.
My wife falls asleep in the car almost regardless of where we are going or the duration of the trip. With me, her friends... everybody. The only time that I ask her to stay awake is if I'm a little tired and we are almost at our destination. She's good with it, before anybody flames me :D
If it is because you are worried about falling asleep while driving, I get it. You might need to talk to someone while driving. I once had my brother tell me about the entire plot of his favorite TV show while he drove around 1am because I knew he was tired and needed to stay awake. But is it just to keep you amused while driving? No, I agree with others. Listen to a podcast, music, or a book recording to keep yourself amused.
I've driven long distances with my mother when she was still alive. She wasn't a driver and this was during the day. She always fell asleep and it felt worse than being on your own. But he's STILL wrong. It's night time when the woman SHOULD be sleeping and it reeks of 'crab bucket mentality' ie - if I can't sleep then neither can you. He could put the radio on, put up with it or simply pull off the road and rest. He's definitely the AH..
Take it as a compliment. The way some people drive, none of their passengers could possibly get a wink of sleep.
Honestly, I would have turned around and went home. He's unable to be left alone, and he's DRIVING to California. Forget it. That's not even in the same ballpark as being safe. Whoever is behind the wheel is responsible for everyone's life in the vehicle. No way I'd put my life, and the life of my child, in the husband's hands. She's to help keep him sane? Pfffft.
When the hell does he sleep, then? I hope 11 p.m. was close to the time they checked in somewhere for the night, and yet at the same time I sincerely hope it was lack of sleep that caused him to have this massively unreasonable mindset.
Definitely the AH! What the actual heck is wrong with this guy?! He needs a reality check, a mental health evaluation, and the wife needs to divorce him and take the child with her.
My Mom & I did some road trips through South Africa, with long distances. She didn't drive, I was the sole driver. I'd drive for 2 hrs, then make a stop, and take a walk around the car, to stretch my legs, etc., while Mum made tea on a small gas stove. After an hour, we'd be on our way again, and overnighting in local B/B's. We did the same on a road trip in Britain. That's the way to do it.
YTA You should have found something that would entertain you and have been quiet enough for your wife and son. Since you can't think for yourself, I'll help. Audio books. Would that help you? Find a bookstore and grab a couple. Who knows, maybe your wife would like them too.
Hmm. I'm on the fence. Were they literally rotating driving continuously without a stop to sleep? If not the guy has been awake the whole time and could also be getting drowsy (though he didn't mention it) so having someone talk to you to help stay awake isn't a bad thing.
This fellow is acting in a classically narcissistic way. he seems to not understand that his wife is not there for his personal use and needs. Really? His wife drove for hours and he can't let her sleep? He needs to get himself some audiobooks or a telephone headset and call somebody who is actually awake. Don't expect your wife to cater to your needs like she's your mother. In fact don't expect your mother to do that either, that's really just not fair or considerate.
YTA! And guess what you were the darn driver! It was your shift! Geez. You sound like a selfish grown up. The nerve of you to wake her up,.It is likely that after a few hours of rest she would have woken up to talk to you. Doesn't sound like you're very fit to be driving long distance. Stop consuming so much of your wife's time. It's not fair or healthy.
We used to tag team drive on the way back from a beloved theme park. The rule was, I'd help navigate to the main freeway, then sleep as much as I can and he'd pull over when he got too tired and I'd take over. Worked like a charm and I'd never think to wake him cause I'm bored. I put on some fun music and just drive.
91
60