“You Made The Right Choice”: Internet Sides With Husband Whose Wife Feels Reduced To An ‘Incubator’

Have you ever found yourself in a game of “Would You Rather?” or “What Would You Do?” You know, those games that are filled with hypothetical questions where you have to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea. Now, imagine one of those scenarios came to life.

Today’s Original Poster (OP) and his wife were no strangers to these types of conversations, so when they found themselves in the same position, the OP believed he had passed the test. However, what he thought was a pass was barely one.

More info: Reddit

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we believe we’ve done right by the ones we love, but that may not always be the case

Pregnant woman in labor, sitting in a car, holding her belly with a concerned expression.

Image credits: senivpetro / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The author explained that his wife was in labor and he was on his way to the hospital when he received a call that his mom had fainted

Text post about a man's dilemma choosing between his wife and mother during a medical emergency.

Text discussing a husband's reaction during his wife's labor and a family emergency involving his mother.

Text description about husband's reaction during wife's labor amid family emergency.

Image credits: ThrowRA199200

Woman looking upset, holding a cloth to her forehead, expressing emotions related to labor and newborn concerns.

Image credits: bearfotos / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Regardless, he went to the hospital to be there for his wife and told her later that he would have to go check on his mom

Text recounting successful labor and reassurance, focusing on husband's role after wife's childbirth.

Text of a wife upset with husband’s focus on the newborn during labor, feeling betrayed.

Text about husband's confusion over wife's emotions post-labor, feeling lost about her sensitivity changes.

Text saying "Help, please?" on a plain background, related to newborn labor concerns.

Image credits: ThrowRA199200

Husband holding wife's hand during labor, looking focused on the newborn arrival.

Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro / Freepik (not the actual photo)

His wife was glad he had chosen to be with her at the hospital, and he affirmed this but added that he wanted to be there for the birth of the child

Text apology about husband only present for labor due to newborn.

Text discussing a husband's perspective on his wife's role during labor and feelings about being there for the newborn.

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Image credits: ThrowRA199200

This left his wife very upset, and the author very confused because he thought he had done the right thing

The OP started by providing some context: he and his wife used to have those hypothetical “Who Would You Pick?” conversations every time she was pregnant. So, now imagine the irony when his wife fell into labor with their third child—specifically their baby girl. The OP was on his way to the hospital with their boys when a call from his sister flipped everything upside down.

Suddenly, he found himself in those hypothetical situations he and his wife had always discussed. He proceeded to tell his sister that his wife was in labor. Fortunately, her labor went smoothly, and their daughter was born healthy. He told his wife what had happened and then managed to visit his mother later, who, despite the appearance of things, was going to be okay.

His wife mentioned that he had indeed picked her, to which he responded that he would definitely pick her. He mentioned that his mother had his siblings, anyway, and that he had to be there for the birth of their child. Everything had been perfect until he made that statement. According to her, this meant that the OP hadn’t really chosen her, but had chosen their daughter instead.

This left the OP feeling confused, especially since he believed he had clearly chosen her. Now, seeing her so upset that he had “chosen their newborn daughter” left him questioning whether this was hormonal. As he tried to explain that he valued both of them equally—especially her, since they wouldn’t have any children without her—his wife’s sadness only deepened.

Woman sitting on a couch with a newborn baby, looking upset.

Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)

To better understand why the OP’s wife may have felt so deeply hurt, Bored Panda reached out to psychotherapist Mvumbi Kumbu, who explained that the wife’s response likely stems from something deeper. He pointed out that women with insecure attachment styles or conditions like borderline personality disorder may struggle with feelings of rejection or abandonment, especially after childbirth.

“Her reaction isn’t just about this one situation, it’s likely tied to deeper fears of being left behind or forgotten,” Kumbu explained, highlighting how past experiences and emotional wiring can intensify feelings of neglect or insecurity.

When asked how childhood attachments influence a person’s reactions in moments of crisis, he pointed once again to the attachment theory. “People with insecure or anxious attachment styles, may struggle to process emotional distress rationally,” he noted before suggesting that understanding these patterns can help partners approach conflict with more patience and empathy.

We followed up by asking how emotional validation plays a role in helping a partner feel secure after an emotionally painful experience to which he responded, “Feeling heard and acknowledged creates a sense of safety, especially for individuals who have experienced past trauma where their emotions were dismissed.”

He added that women, in particular, rely on emotional validation to feel secure in relationships, and when their feelings are taken seriously, it tends to strengthen trust and reassurance.

Netizens were largely empathetic toward the OP, acknowledging that postpartum hormones can cause heightened emotions. Some suggested that while he might not fully understand why she’s upset, she simply needed reassurance. Others provided fresh insight, pointing out that the OP’s response to his wife was hurtful, as it made her feel like she was only valued for bearing children.

What do you think about this situation? How do you think the husband should have responded to his wife’s feelings?

Netizens opened his eyes to the fact that his wife must have believed that he cared more about the baby and not her

Comment discussing postpartum emotions following labor.

Comment discussing postpartum emotions and husband's presence during labor regarding a newborn.

Text post discussing a wife's upset feelings about being valued only for giving birth, mentioning dehumanization.

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Comment discussing a husband being present only for the newborn, causing wife to feel upset.

Text discussing sensitive issue of husband’s presence during wife’s labor, emphasizing the importance of support.

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