New Dad Asks When He Will Finally Get Some Of His Life Back, Gets Advice From Seasoned Parents
Interview With Author
They say that nothing can prepare you for being a parent. They are probably right. The trials, tribulations, ups and downs, exhaustion, and exhilaration are, reportedly, beyond anything most people have experienced beforehand.
A new father asked parents online “At what age do you get (some) of your life back?” and people came through with some advice. He shared his struggles and tiredness, but also the joy of raising a toddler. Netizens shared a huge amount of information, advice, tips, and tricks to help this exhausted father out. We also got in touch with the dad to learn what he thought about the advice.
Parenting a toddler is a full-time job by itself
Image credits: Eldar Nazarov (not the actual photo)
So one tired father turned to the internet for help when he was struggling to find any time for himself
Image credits: RCerberus90
Image credits: Arina Krasnikova (not the actual photo)
Parenting is an up-and-down journey
Bored Panda got in touch with RCerberus90 who posted the initial question and he was kind enough to answer some of our inquiries. “Eeek! …yeah got a bit wild, didn’t it? …I think a lot of people took it out of context. When I was referring to “getting my life back” I didn’t mean “When do I get to go back to clubbing with my mates again?” The majority of people got the gist though, and I got some really good responses. – I got some arsehole comments too but that’s the internet for you.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure if I can give any advice, I’m muddling through day by day. I can only advise on what I know in the space of 1 year and 1 month. My biggest advice would be don’t take anything people say as gospel. Just because their baby did “xyz” doesn’t mean your baby will do the same. Take their comments on board but with a pinch of salt. – That goes for friends and family too not just online comments,” he shared with Bored Panda
“I have also learned that even a baby at 3 months has personality/preferences. At the end of the day they are a little human who has likes and dislikes. A prime example is our baby hated our front-facing baby carrier. We kept trying him with it but nope, he HATED IT. I used to look at parents in public with their babies happily in a baby carrier thinking “What are they doing differently to us”. The answer is nothing. Our baby generally didn’t like being in it simple as that.”
Sleep is a precious resource for a new parent
An obvious, but still “hard to understand until you live it” part of having a toddler is just how different its sleep pattern is going to be. While newborns do sleep a lot, this can lull parents into a state of false security. As a few more weeks go by, the parents will slowly start to realize that toddlers simply do not have a Circadian rhythm yet.
This means that they can and will wake during the night, generally due to hunger. They will make this known by crying, a sound that, fortunately, most parents can not just sleep through. However, it’s pretty easy to imagine the toll on one’s energy it can have to wake up, sometimes repeatedly, in the night due to a crying baby and still go to work the next day.
The result is that the parent either has to sleep when the baby is sleeping (not exactly possible with a job,) or sleep whenever they have any free time. The result is the same, as OP stated it, the feeling that one no longer has a life, just periods of work and childcare, with intermittent sleep. The best new parents can do is simply support each other in this trying time.
Image credits: Ivan Oboleninov (not the actual photo)
Toddlers are more independent than babies and have their own needs and wants
OP’s child is 13 months old, which takes it to the stage of toddlerhood, as opposed to babyhood. The difference isn’t massive, but at this stage, a toddler is significantly more independent than a baby. It can move and feed with some degree of freedom. On the one hand, this does take a little bit of pressure away from the parent, but on the other, it adds new risks to consider and be aware of.
Even if the toddler only has the most basic grasp of sounds and ideas, this is still the time when important attachments are developed, so it’s vital that both parents are around. This isn’t just for the baby, it’s also good to make sure each partner puts in some work, to give the other some time to rest. It might not be time enough to pursue a “life” as OP calls it, but at least recover for the next day.
It will also help in the long run, which can help motivate a tired parent on a bad day. Studies suggest that children who have emotionally neglectful parents end up developing oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) which can manifest as extreme rebelliousness and dislike of any authority. Dealing with a problematic child in school is going to be a good amount of work as well. In extreme cases, children can even develop PTSD if they are neglected during times of stress and hardship.
Image credits: Yuri Shirota (not the actual photo)
A child getting older always comes with new challenges and opportunities
However, as a toddler grows older, a little bit of stress is taken off the parent’s shoulders. When a toddler can walk, this removes the need to constantly carry them around. However, as many a dad has experienced, they can and will get tired quickly and will use that to get free “rides.” It’s probably best to treat this like a workout one has to do from time to time. Never hurts to be physically active.
As hard as it is, parents can always look forward to the ways their kid changes as he or she grows older. Toddlers start to pick up social cues and concepts and might even start to learn words. Soon, parents will be able to teach words and ideas as well. While this might be more work, it’s somewhat rare in life to have a “job” that actively changes from year to year and actually responds to your efforts. Unlike a high-and-mighty boss, a child will notice the effort, at least in time.
OP answered a few questions and shared some more about his situation
Experienced parents shared their best bits of advice
Once you can leave the kids unattended in their room for an hour and not have to worry about anyone dying, you have reached level 2. It gets better.
It gets easier over time, as they get older, but as far as "getting your life back," that happens when they're grown and move out.
That was definitely my thought! Lol My “kids” are 15, 17, 20 and 22, but all still living at home. It’s pretty darn easy compared to when they were much younger, but we still don’t have the freedoms that we’ll have once they’re gone. We’re also broke from feeding these 4! Lol
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I knew children are exhausting because I babysat and had younger siblings. Hence choosing not to have kids. How do people not spend time with small children during their pre-parenting lives for this to be so shocking?
Not everybody had younger siblings or nieces and nephews or other kids to babysit. And besides exhausting, children are also a lot of fun, and it can be very rewarding. Babysitting is wildly different from parenting.
Load More Replies... Once you can leave the kids unattended in their room for an hour and not have to worry about anyone dying, you have reached level 2. It gets better.
It gets easier over time, as they get older, but as far as "getting your life back," that happens when they're grown and move out.
That was definitely my thought! Lol My “kids” are 15, 17, 20 and 22, but all still living at home. It’s pretty darn easy compared to when they were much younger, but we still don’t have the freedoms that we’ll have once they’re gone. We’re also broke from feeding these 4! Lol
Load More Replies... I knew children are exhausting because I babysat and had younger siblings. Hence choosing not to have kids. How do people not spend time with small children during their pre-parenting lives for this to be so shocking?
Not everybody had younger siblings or nieces and nephews or other kids to babysit. And besides exhausting, children are also a lot of fun, and it can be very rewarding. Babysitting is wildly different from parenting.
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