“Always Read The Wedding Invitation Small Print”: 2 Guests Leave Wedding Mortified
Interview With Author
Weddings are supposed to be this joyous event, a celebration of love with one’s friends and family around. But, let’s face it, they can also be pretty costly affairs, so some folks decided to cut corners, often in the wrong places.
A woman was surprised to learn that the fine print of her wedding invitation precluded her from attending the dinner reception after the ceremony. We got in touch with the wedding planners at Bespoke Bride to learn a bit more about this practice. Bored Panda also got in touch with Baby8227.
Some couples decide to be selective when picking who can attend what at their wedding
Image credits: Shardayyy Photography / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But one woman was shocked to learn that her invitation contained fine print not allowing her into the dinner reception
Image credits: Daniel Tseng / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Dmitry Zvolskiy / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Al Elmes / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Charlie Solorzano / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Baby8227
Selective invitations are not at all common
Image credits: Leeloo The First / pexels (not the actual photo)
We got in touch with Baby8227 and she shared a few of her thoughts on the experience. “As a guest, I would simply say (as the title suggests) read your invitation thoroughly. As a host; evening invitations are absolutely acceptable; it means you can invite everyone to celebrate with you and stay within budget. Covid taught us we don’t need ‘all singing, all dancing’ weddings and that sometimes less is more. Not everyone can afford to invite 200 people to sit down to dinner so 50 for the full event and the other 150 to the party is more than acceptable,” she shared.
“However, inviting people to the ceremony only and then the evening celebration can certainly lead to confusion (and embarrassment if the guest misread the invitation like we did) so maybe its best to think that one over first. Regardless of what happened, we eventually had a blast and it certainly was one of the more memorable weddings I’ve attended, if not all for the right reasons. You’re always best to make lemonade out of your lemons!”
Bored Panda also got in touch with Jhona Yellin, Editor at Bespoke Bride to learn more about “selective invitations.” First and foremost, we wanted to hear just how common or uncommon it is to only allow some guests to attend certain parts of the whole wedding. “While it’s not unheard of for couples to invite certain guests to only specific parts of the wedding, such as the ceremony or reception, it’s definitely not the norm,” she shared.
To be fair, weddings aren’t cheap. Some research indicates that, on average, a US wedding costs around $30,000. The number one reason a couple might choose to not include everyone is the cost of wining and dining them. While there are a handful of other reasons, for example wanting a very intimate reception but a big ceremony, this is, for the most part, still seen as tacky.
“In most cases, guests are invited to both the ceremony and reception as a way to share in the entirety of the celebration. However, there are instances where couples may have limitations on the number of guests they can accommodate for dinner or may opt for a more intimate ceremony followed by a larger reception,” Jhona Yellin shared with Bored Panda.
Weddings are complicated, so it’s good to have some contingency plans
Image credits: Thomas William / unsplash (not the actual photo)
“Communication is key in these situations, and it’s important for couples to be transparent with their guests about the details of their invitation. I recommend following the wedding guest list tips we created a while back. Providing clear information about which parts of the wedding guests are invited to can help manage expectations and avoid any confusion or hurt feelings.”
It’s worth noting that, for better or worse, there are some decent reasons as to why the “happy couple” might want to be selective about guests. Alcohol and partying can bring out the worst in some folks. In other cases, someone’s past experience with a guest ruining a wedding might make them anxious about their own event.
“Ultimately, the decision to invite guests to specific portions of the wedding is a personal one for each couple, and what may be common or uncommon can vary based on individual circumstances and cultural norms,” Jhona Yellin shared as a good rule of thumb. Sometimes, it’s the people you are closest who end up being the issue anyway.
Excluding guests is downright tacky in most cases
After all, weddings can be absolutely drama-packed events, where emotions end up running high even when everything is going to plan. However, as OP notes, it is pretty tacky to not make this clear from the get-go. OP herself says that this is just a coworker, so it wouldn’t be completely out of line to mention that she is only invited to the ceremony.
Instead, the couple added this clause to the fine print, leading to the awkward encounter OP describes. Furthermore, she drove a pretty long distance, only to learn that she wouldn’t even be served dinner. Readers were right to call out this coworker from a tacky and frankly insulting bit of wedding planning.
Netizens shared their reactions
A few also gave their own “tacky wedding” examples
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In the UK, it's fairly common to have two sets of invitations, the 'everything' and the 'evening reception'. The 'evening reception' is for people who live locally, but aren't super close family or friends. If people are travelling a distance then they are normally invited to everything. At my wedding, there were some friends of my parents who came along to the evening reception. At my brother's wedding, two of the rugby teams he played with came to the evening reception. However, they all lived within a 20 mile radius of the wedding venue. You most definitely don't invite someone to travel 8 hours, and only have them at the evening reception. That's just not acceptable.
Totally agree. And even worse to have a gap in the middle!
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Idk if this is a local to me thing, or a US thing entirely, but I've never been to a wedding where the reception had two parts. It's just ceremony, and then reception where food and music are provided. There's no 3rd party that starts at a specific time. Then again, all the weddings I've been to have been pretty low key, buffet style receptions.
Yeah every wedding I've been aware of it's all or nothing (US also). It seems overly complicated to do all that other stuff. They just want a big party without having to pay for a bunch of food. If you are going to do separate events, make it Very clear, big font!
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To me it's like being told, "You can come and watch us tie the knot but we don't like you enough to feed you/celebrate with you." I think a lot of these partial invitations are all about making people feel obligated to get the couple a gift.
In the UK, it's fairly common to have two sets of invitations, the 'everything' and the 'evening reception'. The 'evening reception' is for people who live locally, but aren't super close family or friends. If people are travelling a distance then they are normally invited to everything. At my wedding, there were some friends of my parents who came along to the evening reception. At my brother's wedding, two of the rugby teams he played with came to the evening reception. However, they all lived within a 20 mile radius of the wedding venue. You most definitely don't invite someone to travel 8 hours, and only have them at the evening reception. That's just not acceptable.
Totally agree. And even worse to have a gap in the middle!
Load More Replies... Idk if this is a local to me thing, or a US thing entirely, but I've never been to a wedding where the reception had two parts. It's just ceremony, and then reception where food and music are provided. There's no 3rd party that starts at a specific time. Then again, all the weddings I've been to have been pretty low key, buffet style receptions.
Yeah every wedding I've been aware of it's all or nothing (US also). It seems overly complicated to do all that other stuff. They just want a big party without having to pay for a bunch of food. If you are going to do separate events, make it Very clear, big font!
Load More Replies... To me it's like being told, "You can come and watch us tie the knot but we don't like you enough to feed you/celebrate with you." I think a lot of these partial invitations are all about making people feel obligated to get the couple a gift.
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