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Wife Offers Her Seat To Husband’s Female Friend Who Previously Confessed She Had Feelings For Him And Goes Home, Husband Is Mad She Ruined His 30th Birthday
Each relationship comes with its own unique (or not) set of priorities. You know, things that take precedence above all else to make sure your relationship doesn’t go south. Or any other unwanted cardinal direction.
For instance, if you prioritize your hobby over your significant other, you’re gonna have a very bad time. Or if you suddenly decide “screw relationship rules” and prioritize an old friend who had feelings for you and that was the reason you as a couple decided to distance yourself from this friend, well, then you’re gonna have an extremely bad time.
More Info: Reddit
RELATED:
When you’re in a relationship, you gotta get your priorities straight, because it could lead to a birthday party that’s missing a wife, or something
Image credits: Micah Sittig (not the actual image)
A 27-year-old woman anonymously approached Reddit’s Am I The A-Hole? community with a bit of a problem.
For context, she’s been in a relationship with her husband for 3 years, 5 months of which have been in matrimony. They never really ran into any speed bumps along the way until about a week before their wedding.
One Redditor asked the Am I The A-Hole? community for some perspective on her husband inviting an ‘off-limits’ person to his birthday dinner
Image credits: u/throwrabdayso
Long story short, OP’s husband was friends with a woman who made a move on him, and the result was major fallout
Image credits: u/throwrabdayso
You see, the husband had a close friend named Ava (not a real name). They’d been good friends since high school. However, a week before the wedding, she approached the husband and told him how she really felt about him.
In fact, she asked the husband to call off the wedding, and even broke up with her long-term boyfriend of 6 years to show just how serious she was about this.
Until then, OP had never had a problem with Ava. She understood that the two were friends, good ones, and would actually all hang out together on a regular basis. But this called for a sit-down with the hubby and the two decided to distance themselves from her. She was also uninvited from the wedding and they haven’t kept contact ever since.
Despite this, when she surprisingly showed up for the husband’s 30th b-day, he offered her a seat at their table
Image credits: Gilber-Noel Sfeir (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/throwrabdayso
OP did not like it one bit, so she offered the friend her seat and Houdinid out of there fast
Image credits: u/throwrabdayso
Well, roughly 5 months later, the husband was celebrating his 30th birthday. For it, he decided to have a dinner party with family and friends at a restaurant. But, surprise, surprise, Ava walks in the front door.
She approaches the table. Apologetically, explains she doesn’t mean to intrude, but just wants to congratulate the husband on the jubilee. That was, at least, supposed to be it, but, again, surprise, surprise, the husband invites her to join their table.
Thinking what the flippin’ heck is happening, OP stands up, invites Ava to take her seat, and Houdinis her way outside where she gets an Uber and vanishes.
The husband got back home a couple of hours later, upset as all heck, and accused OP of ruining his birthday
Image credits: Damian Morys (not the actual image)
A couple of hours later, the husband comes back home, furious. He asks what the heck happened when she left, and she asks what the heck happened with Ava somehow becoming part of the table. Apparently, he was just trying to be nice, thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal. She can’t still have feelings for him, right?
Well, folks online were of a different opinion. All in all, most were of the opinion that OP is in the clear, for many reasons.
But folks online were having none of it, giving ample justification for OP’s anger
5 months is not 5 years, there were obviously some feelings there. Also, most found it a bit too suspicious that Ava just happened to stumble upon the birthday party, having arrived alone to just have dinner with herself.
But besides that, why wouldn’t OP be upset with the person who attempted to destroy her relationship and engagement? If anything, the husband and OP had an agreement to distance themselves from Ava, and what happened now was nothing but counterproductive.
As soon as the post hit the interwaves, it garnered over 15,100 upvotes with a handful of Reddit awards. You can read the post and how folks reacted to it in full here. Or, if you’ve missed our many articles in the AITA series, you can find them here.
But before you go do something more productive online, would you perhaps like to voice your opinion about what happened here? If not, you can still talk about absolutely anything (within reason, of course) in the comment section below!
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ERIKA H. 3 years ago
I'd put my money on him still talking to her behind her back. How did she know where they were having dinner? I highly doubt it was a coincidence. The husband staying behind and not leaving with his wife is a huge red flag.
Mad Dragon 3 years ago
My best friend and I have known each other for 35 years, and I can barely remember when her birthday is. How did this woman know to wish him a Happy Birthday, much less *coincidentally* walk into the same restaurant alone at that moment? Something smells fishy.
Polly Hart 3 years ago
In OP's shoes, I would have stayed for dinner, then discussed my concerns with Husband afterwards. It was his birthday and OP made it about herself. At the end of the day, we all make mistakes and it's how we communicate about disagreements and resolve them going forwards, that is the real learning experience.
Vera1 3 years ago
On the other hand, the woman set a very reasonable boundary. She doesn’t have to stay somewhere and feel awful because her husband decided her boundaries didn’t matter
Load More Replies...
Becky Samuel 3 years ago
Don't bother trying to use reason or assume that people here will change from their side once they've chosen one. The misandry of the commenters on this site is extreme - and the idea that a couple could work things through by actual adult communication is apparently beyond them. Us poor women apparently are 'victims' of 'gaslighting' and men are uncontrolled lust-monsters that lie at all times, and if you don't agree with that then you must be downvoted to the point of being banned from commenting. I'm not surprised that so many people struggle to maintain relationships nowadays with these absurd ideas being put into their heads.
Load More Replies...
Janice Parks 3 years ago
I’m on the fence. We don’t know if the friend came dressed for dinner or dressed in pick-up-an-order flip flops. The husband might be a rare Let Bygones Be Bygones man. I think wife should have taken control of the situation & said to the friend, “Oh, aren’t you sweet! We’re settled and the orders are already in… why don’t you and I set something up for later?” <—- that’s the southern way to tell her she’s not acting sweet, there’s no room here that you’re willing to give up, the orders might actually be in… (who knows), and, finally, the only thing you will ever do with her is set something straight. No idea how northerners do it but I imagine more directly. Boundaries must be observed and they both need to take ownership. And your poor husband might actually be clueless, but at home he needs to pick a side and go over some ideas on how to deal with the friend. Ladies and gents, true love is a powerful emotion. Rejected love causes real grief. Be firm. Be kind.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
She said she came to have dinner by herself so... I think most people would not be offended in this situation if they were in the husband's role. I wouldn't mind if even an ex joined us for dinner, I don't hate any of them. But the thing would be, my husband would most definitely mind. Knowing that, what kind of partner would I be to upset him like that so that someone echo isn't my partner could join us for my birthday dinner? It's my birthday so I can step all over everyone's feelings? Let alone my husband! I love what you would have said to her. While I live in the south now I was raised in many places (military dad) and none of them in the south. I'd have definitely taken control of the situation and it wouldn't involve me leaving and would have involved her leaving but you're right, I'd have been more direct. People might have been uncomfortable for a minute but the moment she walked away, we'd have a sudden subject change. Ava needed someone to clear things up.
Load More Replies...
Lara Kristelle 3 years ago
Isn't it too much of a coincidence that Ava was in the same restaurant where they were celebrating OP's husband's bday? I bet he contacted her behind her back.
Terry Butler 3 years ago
Or a relative who knew the situation may have mentioned the event to the former friend in order to enjoy a ringside seat for the fireworks. I have seen that happen.
Load More Replies...
no_name 3 years ago (edited)
Unpopular opinion - you should probably just try to finish dinner ASAP and leave together, like a pair you are instead of jealously leaving and frankly, ruining his birthday. He married you, not her, give him the courtesy of same trust he probably gives you. By leaving you just gave her sort of opportunity, to be honest. His feelings towards her are probably not romantic when he's convinced it was not a big deal so maybe he really just wanted to catch up, so two hours of talking are in norm, meanwhile you probably were at home, pacing, fuming, imagining things that were most likely complete BS, and all for nothing. If it was a sign of cheating, like some people are suggesting, then it wouldn't happen at all in front of you. And if she's desperate, then that's her cross to bear, not yours or your husband's. I sense a bit of insecurity, but dear god, please if he's worth it, don't chase him away by accusing him of something he might do, but actually didn't do.
Kimberly Beal 3 years ago (edited)
They had an agreement not to include her in their lives. He invited her to join the party and completely disrespected his wife and their agreement. This is NOT what a loving, committed partner does to his loved one. Giant red flag.
Load More Replies...
Random Anon 3 years ago (edited)
This will probably hurt some feeling here but I think there needs to be a devil's advocate here. I think she did act immaturely. If the roles were reversed, I'm pretty sure the words "controlling" and "overbearing" even "chauvinistic" would show up. It's his birthday, the celebration of his life and hence I think he gets to make the decision. I know someone will go on the slippery slope argument here but there is no indication he is doing anything wrong with her. And second, they are livelong friends. It's hard to be cruel to someone you've known for so long. Does that mean he's cruel to his wife? No. Because despite the confession and the fact he is being honest to her about it, it looks more like her own insecurities. Third, they've known each other for that long and nothing happened as they were both attached to different people, prior to the confession. Chances are higher, he doesn't see her that way. He had ample time to choose and ultimately chose the current wife.
L̸1̶z̵ 3 years ago (edited)
I do somewhat agree with your sentiments, however, lack of evidence is not in itself evidence against it. We know nothing about what actually happened in the past (or didn't happen), or if anything is happening now, so should not comment or make any kind of assumption about it. What we can say for sure is that they made an agreement with each other that this woman was to no longer be part of their lives in any way, shape, or form, and that alone is where he f*ed up. Instead of talking with his wife he just invited her to sit down. Wife was well within her right to get up and walk away. Actions have consequences. I would not put up with a partner pushing that kind of boundary by force either. If we had a conversation about it before it happened I would be more open to discussion about it, but wife was put on the spot here. How can she refuse when husband asks unwelcome person to sit? How can she argue when he forces the boundary like that? Just because it's his birthday?
Load More Replies... Lynda Birch 3 years ago
I would not have left and in fact, she would have had to look at me straight in my face and speak to me
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
Exactly. Someone needed to make things clear to Ava. Hubby want going to do it. I sure would. Though it'd be nice to have my partner be on the same page with ME.
Load More Replies... ERIKA H. 3 years ago
I'd put my money on him still talking to her behind her back. How did she know where they were having dinner? I highly doubt it was a coincidence. The husband staying behind and not leaving with his wife is a huge red flag.
Mad Dragon 3 years ago
My best friend and I have known each other for 35 years, and I can barely remember when her birthday is. How did this woman know to wish him a Happy Birthday, much less *coincidentally* walk into the same restaurant alone at that moment? Something smells fishy.
Polly Hart 3 years ago
In OP's shoes, I would have stayed for dinner, then discussed my concerns with Husband afterwards. It was his birthday and OP made it about herself. At the end of the day, we all make mistakes and it's how we communicate about disagreements and resolve them going forwards, that is the real learning experience.
Vera1 3 years ago
On the other hand, the woman set a very reasonable boundary. She doesn’t have to stay somewhere and feel awful because her husband decided her boundaries didn’t matter
Load More Replies... Becky Samuel 3 years ago
Don't bother trying to use reason or assume that people here will change from their side once they've chosen one. The misandry of the commenters on this site is extreme - and the idea that a couple could work things through by actual adult communication is apparently beyond them. Us poor women apparently are 'victims' of 'gaslighting' and men are uncontrolled lust-monsters that lie at all times, and if you don't agree with that then you must be downvoted to the point of being banned from commenting. I'm not surprised that so many people struggle to maintain relationships nowadays with these absurd ideas being put into their heads.
Load More Replies... Janice Parks 3 years ago
I’m on the fence. We don’t know if the friend came dressed for dinner or dressed in pick-up-an-order flip flops. The husband might be a rare Let Bygones Be Bygones man. I think wife should have taken control of the situation & said to the friend, “Oh, aren’t you sweet! We’re settled and the orders are already in… why don’t you and I set something up for later?” <—- that’s the southern way to tell her she’s not acting sweet, there’s no room here that you’re willing to give up, the orders might actually be in… (who knows), and, finally, the only thing you will ever do with her is set something straight. No idea how northerners do it but I imagine more directly. Boundaries must be observed and they both need to take ownership. And your poor husband might actually be clueless, but at home he needs to pick a side and go over some ideas on how to deal with the friend. Ladies and gents, true love is a powerful emotion. Rejected love causes real grief. Be firm. Be kind.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
She said she came to have dinner by herself so... I think most people would not be offended in this situation if they were in the husband's role. I wouldn't mind if even an ex joined us for dinner, I don't hate any of them. But the thing would be, my husband would most definitely mind. Knowing that, what kind of partner would I be to upset him like that so that someone echo isn't my partner could join us for my birthday dinner? It's my birthday so I can step all over everyone's feelings? Let alone my husband! I love what you would have said to her. While I live in the south now I was raised in many places (military dad) and none of them in the south. I'd have definitely taken control of the situation and it wouldn't involve me leaving and would have involved her leaving but you're right, I'd have been more direct. People might have been uncomfortable for a minute but the moment she walked away, we'd have a sudden subject change. Ava needed someone to clear things up.
Load More Replies... Lara Kristelle 3 years ago
Isn't it too much of a coincidence that Ava was in the same restaurant where they were celebrating OP's husband's bday? I bet he contacted her behind her back.
Terry Butler 3 years ago
Or a relative who knew the situation may have mentioned the event to the former friend in order to enjoy a ringside seat for the fireworks. I have seen that happen.
Load More Replies... no_name 3 years ago (edited)
Unpopular opinion - you should probably just try to finish dinner ASAP and leave together, like a pair you are instead of jealously leaving and frankly, ruining his birthday. He married you, not her, give him the courtesy of same trust he probably gives you. By leaving you just gave her sort of opportunity, to be honest. His feelings towards her are probably not romantic when he's convinced it was not a big deal so maybe he really just wanted to catch up, so two hours of talking are in norm, meanwhile you probably were at home, pacing, fuming, imagining things that were most likely complete BS, and all for nothing. If it was a sign of cheating, like some people are suggesting, then it wouldn't happen at all in front of you. And if she's desperate, then that's her cross to bear, not yours or your husband's. I sense a bit of insecurity, but dear god, please if he's worth it, don't chase him away by accusing him of something he might do, but actually didn't do.
Kimberly Beal 3 years ago (edited)
They had an agreement not to include her in their lives. He invited her to join the party and completely disrespected his wife and their agreement. This is NOT what a loving, committed partner does to his loved one. Giant red flag.
Load More Replies... Random Anon 3 years ago (edited)
This will probably hurt some feeling here but I think there needs to be a devil's advocate here. I think she did act immaturely. If the roles were reversed, I'm pretty sure the words "controlling" and "overbearing" even "chauvinistic" would show up. It's his birthday, the celebration of his life and hence I think he gets to make the decision. I know someone will go on the slippery slope argument here but there is no indication he is doing anything wrong with her. And second, they are livelong friends. It's hard to be cruel to someone you've known for so long. Does that mean he's cruel to his wife? No. Because despite the confession and the fact he is being honest to her about it, it looks more like her own insecurities. Third, they've known each other for that long and nothing happened as they were both attached to different people, prior to the confession. Chances are higher, he doesn't see her that way. He had ample time to choose and ultimately chose the current wife.
L̸1̶z̵ 3 years ago (edited)
I do somewhat agree with your sentiments, however, lack of evidence is not in itself evidence against it. We know nothing about what actually happened in the past (or didn't happen), or if anything is happening now, so should not comment or make any kind of assumption about it. What we can say for sure is that they made an agreement with each other that this woman was to no longer be part of their lives in any way, shape, or form, and that alone is where he f*ed up. Instead of talking with his wife he just invited her to sit down. Wife was well within her right to get up and walk away. Actions have consequences. I would not put up with a partner pushing that kind of boundary by force either. If we had a conversation about it before it happened I would be more open to discussion about it, but wife was put on the spot here. How can she refuse when husband asks unwelcome person to sit? How can she argue when he forces the boundary like that? Just because it's his birthday?
Load More Replies... Lynda Birch 3 years ago
I would not have left and in fact, she would have had to look at me straight in my face and speak to me
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
Exactly. Someone needed to make things clear to Ava. Hubby want going to do it. I sure would. Though it'd be nice to have my partner be on the same page with ME.
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