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Groom’s Demand For A Virginity Inspection Costs Him His Fiancée: “I Ended It And Left Him”
Most people look forward to their wedding day, imagining a future filled with love and happiness.
This Redditor was no different—until her fiancé revealed a stomach-turning family tradition. Before they could marry, his father and male relatives needed to inspect her for “purity.” Just a little test to prove she loved him.
Horrified, she turned to the internet, desperate for advice.
Read the full story below.
RELATED:
The woman was looking forward to her wedding day, excited to start a new life with the man she loved
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Until her fiancé revealed a stomach-turning family tradition
Image credits: patty-photo / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: FarReference3
Image credits: Kyle Broad / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Virginity testing is a form of gender discrimination
The idea that a woman’s virginity can be “verified” is one of the most harmful myths that has fueled gender discrimination for centuries.
For starters, virginity itself isn’t a medical or scientific term. It’s a social construct. While different cultures attach varying levels of significance to it, it has no actual impact on a person’s health.
On top of that, research has repeatedly shown that doctors cannot determine a woman’s sexual history just by looking. A 2004 study of 36 pregnant teenagers, for example, found that medical staff could only confirm “penetration” in two cases. Another study from the same year found that more than half of the sexually active adolescent girls examined showed no identifiable changes to their hymenal tissue.
And yet, according to the World Health Organization (WHO), virginity testing has been documented in at least 20 countries across the world. Women and girls are often subjected to it for a variety of reasons—not just by parents or potential spouses trying to confirm their “purity” before marriage, as in the story above, but even by employers as a condition of hiring.
These tests are typically performed by doctors, police officers, or community leaders, supposedly to assess a woman’s virtue, honor, or social value. In some places, medical professionals are even asked to perform virginity tests on sexual harassment survivors to determine whether sexual violence occurred, despite the fact that scientific evidence makes it clear there is no reliable way to “prove” whether a woman has had intercourse just by examining her hymen.
Beyond being medically baseless, these tests are a blatant violation of human rights. In cases of sexual harassment, they can even re-traumatize survivors, forcing them to relive their experience. Many women experience long-term psychological, emotional, and social consequences, including anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. In extreme cases, some face honor-based violence or even take their own lives as a result.
Performing this unnecessary and degrading procedure goes against multiple human rights and ethical standards, including the fundamental medical principle of “do no harm,” as stated by WHO.
However, the misinformation persists. It wasn’t until 2021 that Pakistan banned virginity tests for sexual harassment survivors in court cases. Meanwhile, the practice continues in several countries across Asia, the Middle East, and parts of Africa. Even in the UK, private doctors offer virginity tests, providing medical reports to confirm an “intact” hymen. And for those who fear the social consequences of not passing, there’s an option to undergo hymen repair surgery—at a cost of around $7,000 (as of 2022).
Clearly, there’s still work to be done. Awareness needs to be raised, and governments must take action to ban virginity testing altogether. But more importantly, real social change is needed—because as long as women are judged and shamed based on an outdated and damaging myth, the fight isn’t over.
Appalled by the fiancé’s demand, readers told the woman to run and cancel the wedding
Later, she updated that she had refused to take the test and broke things off for good
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: FarReference3
Readers were relieved and glad she got rid of him
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What do you think ?
Tyke 10 months ago (edited)
So many things wrong with this. However, I would say "in my culture the MIL shoves her fist up the future husband's arsehole and has a good dig around with sharp nails to see how much búllshít is up there... you go first".
Kkg 10 months ago
I wanted to propose that he should mast.rbate in front of the inlaws so that they can check if everything works well down there.
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KatSaidWhat 10 months ago
So he slaps her for refusing to be raped. It's rare I'm lost for words.
Ben Aziza 10 months ago
You see this mostly in Islamic Arabic "culture"... that is all you need to know. Cus the whole rib of Adam thing is still a part of it... That is where I grew up. It is disgusting and half the ppl there don't want anything to do with it. But the mosque and cult indoctrination is powerful and it works on alot of the ppl... Especially cus they get us "young" We have something called "islamic ethics class" in a so called secular country IT IS AS INSANE AS IT SOUNDS. And that is why reality is flipped for some that is how rape becomes a "moral obligation". Obviously it is f*****g not and in no way do i excuse those who grow up and embrace that "culture" instead of rejecting it.
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Nils Skirnir 10 months ago
Don’t know what country she’s in or what culture, but if she’s in the Anglosphere she should at least file a police report. However, if she’s in India or an Arabic country or culture, she needs to be careful. Question is does she have family?
Mari 10 months ago
In Arab culture women can't show their private parts to men. Only their own husband. That's why a lot of Arabs don't want to visit a doctor from the opposite sex. I never heard of this tradition, and how can a normal man see if the hymen is intact of not? I am a woman and I have no idea how you can check this...
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Paul C. 10 months ago (edited)
RUN! This is S#xual Abu$e pure and simple. All his father and other male relatives are interested in is their own s#xual gratification. Get out now while you still can, if you partner doesn't support you, then he ain't the one! Edit= just read he slapped you, end of, finito, move on and drop him like a hot brick.
Kayci Styles 10 months ago
Which one of the dad, uncles, brothers is a gynecologist so he actually knows what he’s looking at? Also, f**k them all!!!!
David 10 months ago
I mean I know in some very traditional cultures in ancient times the Women of the grooms family checked, never heard about the males checking, sounds like an excuse to molest a woman. And I have heard from some Indian friends that some people do a modern day version of the check, which is a OBGYN stating as much. Not justifying anything, just wondering what kind of abusive stuff is this the men molesting the bride is from. I feel bad for the women who married into this family
G A 10 months ago
Somebody posted pretty much the same before and claimed they were Scottish.....
Secret Squirrel 10 months ago
They should have gone with Mormon, more people would have bought it.
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Fellfromthemoon 10 months ago
It's never one thing. It's always just the first demand. If one's partner / future spouse has juts this one, only one, just once wild demand, that is always about trying the waters. If they ask it a few days before the wedding, they calculate on 'sunken cost fallacy': it's now too expensive to call off the wedding, and the relatives and friends will know about it. Some guests have also invested irrefundabkly into the wedding.
For All Pedernity 10 months ago
How can she not have picked up on these people being creeps earlier? It can't really be the only thing with them...
Shark Lady 10 months ago
She sounds pretty nieve and inexperienced when it comes to relationships and it's really easy to hide who you are until the contract is signed and sealed.
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BarfyCat 10 months ago
I'm dying to know what culture this dude belongs to. In most cultures that do this, it is the mother-in-law who checks. And they hang the hopefully-bloody sheet out on the line the morning after the wedding to show the whole community that the bride was a virgin. The culture I'm most familiar with that does this is Christian, btw.
brandyy17 10 months ago
never heard of any christian family doing this. i married into a catholic family and no one even asked about it. im pretty sure it isnt a thing anymore unless its some kind of super religious community. otherwise i highly doubt ppl do this as a normal thing.
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Secret Squirrel 10 months ago
Just more evidence that there's a lot of overlap in the Venn diagram of people who believe ridiculously inaccurate things about a woman's body and people who think the husband owns his wife's body.
Aline 10 months ago
Evaluating the hymen to determine sexual activity has been so thoroughly disproven that it's not admissable in court even if the exam is done by an gynecologist, and not just a bunch of pervy uncles. The main issue in the relationship is the groom's her body my choice, and I don't believe my own wife attitude, but it should be repeated, the hymen doesn't indicate anything. If it actually blocks the vagina, that's a medical issue that will have been addressed long before marrying age.
Lew k 10 months ago
Who is the heck would want their father digging around in their wife's sexual organs? This is wild. I don't care if it's cultural tradition. We aren't barbarians anymore there is no place in society for sick acts like this. The status of this woman's virginity is none of the husband families business and if her word is not enough for the husband they shouldn't be married anyhow.
Binky Melnik 10 months ago
“We aren't barbarians anymore”: No, *we* aren’t, but not every single culture is the same. We don’t even know what goes on in some cultures. (I’m thinking of that island where they kill anyone who tries to approach it. The Sentinel Islands, I think?) You can’t assume every culture is like yours unless you’ve visited ‘em all.
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R Dennis 10 months ago
I have been extremely angry and arguing with women in my decades on this planet. But never, even once, had it crossed my mind to strike one. When a woman slapped me, I turned and left. When a drunken woman tried to square up with me (she was trying to walk into traffic and I was stopping her), I simply told her I would sit her down on the sidewalk. Any man that strikes a woman once will strike any woman any time.
ButFirstCoffee 10 months ago
She should shame him and his family publicly and press charges for slapping her.
Donna Harris 10 months ago
My former boss was Korean and he said that this was/is common in korea. His wife did the same with his father and uncles and he expected his daughters to do the same. Imagine his surprise when his westernized daughters moved in with the boyfriends before marriage and then married out of their race and religion!! Priceless...welcome to Canada Tucson Lee!
Denise B. 10 months ago
I don't believe for a second that such perversion is "common in Korea," North or South.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 10 months ago
If things re only perfect when you do what he wants, they aren't perfect at all. Much less important is that there is no way the "virginity test" as described is accurate, it's only purpose is humiltuin and domination of the woman. In any case, if he doesn't believe you haven't slept with another man now, he won't believe you aren't sleeping with other men later. Don't sign up for abuse. He doesn't respect your body or your wishes.
Andrei Iepure 10 months ago (edited)
One step away from clubbing you on the head and dragging you to his cave
Kitty Cat 10 months ago
Call the police and report his hitting you. Take photos of your face before anything fades. And tell them it was because you wouldn't let his dad and uncles molest you to prove your purity, let the cops deal with him when they know that.
Kitty Cat 10 months ago
PS- I love how he waited until 2 days before the wedding to give you this demand. Waited until everything was paid for and you were fully invested before making that demand, he knew exactly how much pressure you would be under.
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Lee Gilliland 10 months ago
I'd have called the cops after the slap and requested female police officers to arrest him for it. The idea this girl needs to expose the most intimate part of her body to multiple uninvolved male eyes is a disgusting one, to slap her for refusing - no, just no. Book out of there YESTERDAY.
Sky Render 10 months ago
This disturbing trend of men treating women like literal livestock is getting out of hand. We are not commodities, we are goddamn human beings, and we are not somehow "inferior" because we have a uterus. No man has the right to act like this.
Dirk Daring 10 months ago
Tell him that your family needs to inspect his balloon knot to make sure he's never been penetrated by a man.
Jayjay 10 months ago
If you admit to this? There will be no end to "small embarrasments" in your future with this man. As you know yourself, this is NOT okay in any way. And what if you have daughters with him? What will happen to them? Run away as fast as you can!
Betsy S 10 months ago
That was my thought. A couple of decades down the road and her daughter might be expected to be finger f@^*ed by her future FIL. And her sons would be indoctrinated into expecting their future wives to be abused in this way as well.
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Kate Johnson 10 months ago
Wow, a family of perverts. Sound like a narrow escape. Hope she picks better next time.
Betsy S 10 months ago (edited)
Hey, I love you so much, I'm going to have all the men in my family gawk at and finger f#@k you to "pave the way for my glorious, untainted penis". I'm sure all men would love to have their fiancées do a strip tease for their future FIL, right? No? Ok then just do a porn spread in a magazine so everyone can thoroughly examine your lady parts. No? What's wrong with you? Don't you know I OWN your lady parts and can share them around with any other dude I choose? /s
sharyn turnicky 10 months ago
Young lady, this is a good time to run in the opposite direction. Does the father of the groom get the first time on the wedding night just to be sure?
Betsy S 10 months ago
Except he'll have already had it by forcibly finger f#^*ing her.
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Story Rook 10 months ago
Think about a potential daughter having to be " examined" by your husband. That should be enough to make you run as fast as you can.
Lore Ainley Sigrist 10 months ago
So he wanted to have his father molest you to find out if your a virgin.... when you said no he slaps you....RUN and don't turn back. You don't need that BS.
2fkjfrzq2v 10 months ago
If he waited until just days before the wedding to drop this bombshell, what other bombshells were waiting for her? “My family gets to watch us consummate our marriage?” “Our newborn baby will be named and cared for by my parents?” My male family members get to have sex with you. My mother didn’t mind being raped whenever the boys wanted to do it.
Beak Hookage 10 months ago
So he wanted her to submit to SA at the hands of his father and uncles? Good f*****g god. Not at all surprised the f****r turned out to be a domestic abuser as well; I hate to think what might have happened if she hadn't gotten the hell away from him.
Mark Childers 10 months ago
All of the "purity" BS only leads to things like this. Human beings are sexual creatures, just like any other animal. Instead of trying to restrict, control, and refuse the fact that it is normal and healthy to have sex and a healthy attitude towards it will only lead to insane, bizarre, and often religious things like this. Kids need good, quality sex education from an early age to prevent things like this. Quality, thorough sex education only sets up kids to be responsible and mature people when it comes to their bodies and consequences of sex. It's abuse not to educate them on their own bodies.
JayWantsACat 10 months ago
"He seems perfect..." "We're perfect for each other..." Yeah, he and you two are so perfect he's making you do something disgusting that you don't want to do. Oh, and in least surprising news, once you stand up to him he got irate and controlling and slapped you. Wow, so perfect. /s lmao Idiot.
Joanne Wright 10 months ago
Why is no-one questioning your finace's "purity"? This is so sexist and offensive, it is hard to comprehend that this is even real.
Gene Perry 10 months ago
RUN ... do not walk ... RUN to the nearest exit. Get a restraining order against the groom, his Dad & all the others. Record every contact. This guy is creepy, and isn't going to easily stop.
ghost gurl 10 months ago
horrifying. i would run SO FAST. This screams of the type of family who would hide child molestation.
Amelia Jade 10 months ago (edited)
OP says: "But at the same time, it's only one thing..." That one thing is sexual assault. It's not like she found out that the "one thing" was that he picks his nose and is trying to determine if she can live with someone who is perfect otherwise. He's literally insisting on sexual assault. Not to mention the double standard. How can she be sure he's a virgin? She has to submit to an invasive "test" while he just has to give his word? AND virginity is a construct. The hymen isn't a seal that's broken during sex. It's a stretchy band. There is no way to tell if someone has had sex or not by examining the hymen. There is literally no way to know a woman's "purity." Dollars to donuts--if this story is true--the groom isn't a virgin and he only said that because he wanted HER to save herself.
Dave Morris 10 months ago
All the comments indicate this was 5 years ago. Are you sure it's not 500? Glad she left him and his medieval family.
Michael Largey 10 months ago
I notice that it's the father and the brothers who do the inspecting and the watching - all males.
Denise B. 10 months ago
IT'S FOR HIS PERVERT FATHER AND UNCLES, FGS! How stupid IS this young woman?!?! Frankly, this story sounds like made-up porn.
Load More Replies... Beth Wheeler 10 months ago
So glad she refused and got away from him. She needs to change him with assault for slapping her. It's gonna take time to get past this and she needs to give herself that time to take care of herself.
Je souhaite 10 months ago
You know you are part of an a*s backward culture when you think the lack of a hymen means a girl is not a virgin
Angie Falzarano 4 months ago
So your finances ok with his father getting his willys off by being a pervert while all the male family members watch. O hell no. There's no way to prove he is a virgin (which i guarantee hes not). Run. Cancel the wedding run as far as you can from this man. This is a sick tradition. If he really wanted to know you have a doctor check. But this is sick. What's next that the dad has to have first shot at getting you p t egnant then the uncles. DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT AGREE TO THIS. ITS A SICK PERVISION FOR HIS MALE FAMILY MEMEBERS
Angie Falzarano 4 months ago (edited)
So your finance is okay with his dad molesting you while hes uncles watch? That is sick. You do realize the only way that the dad could check would be for him to stick his fingers in you and move them around and sh#t. Guarantee that if you let them do this that it won't stop there. Uncles will probably jacking off while watching and same with the dad. you need to get away from this family. There's no way your finance can prove hes a virgin so he wants you to be molested by his family? Oh hell no. Run and run fast it will get worse. If you have a daughter you dont think they wouldnt do the same to her. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
Somebodys grandmother 9 months ago
Hymen is a myth!!! Women has a ring of wessels - but no hymen that close anything... how can we menustruate if there was a block?! What a sick sick family!!!
D Hammerman 10 months ago
No exam can definitively conclude virginity. As such, requesting such an exam, beyond the lack of morality, is moot. His request displays ignorance of a high degree and therefore should immediately send you on your way.
brandyy17 10 months ago
im relieved to get an actual update this time. im happy the OP left that horrible molesty family. it honestly gives off cult vibes. like if u allowed it and then thought about the long run wat if u had a daughter would the husband have to check his own daughter? like the guy said it was a tradtion. so many things r wrong with his family and thank god she got out. thinking about the possible long run makes it sound so much worse. not to mention the fact he slapped her. i wouldve called the cops and told them not only he assaulted me but wat his family wanted to do. that isnt a normal tradition and since she never said anything about his cultural background or mention it might b part of that its safe to say his family is just not normal. my friend, his father, his uncle and 4 cousins r all cops and i kno for a fact so many alarm bells would go off if i showed them this. theyve see some crazy stuff but theyd deff consider it attempted sa and molestation since she was saying no and he was very pushy about it making her uncomfortable and probably scared. we dont even kno if the a$$holes mom was ok with it. im sure if the OP asked her she wouldnt tell the truth. it seems like that family hides nothing from each other. some things r met to stay between couples but i dont think thats the case her. shed have no private life wat so ever. i hope no woman marries this man. if he does manage to find someone i honestly fear for their life and sanity.
Panda Bear 10 months ago
Fun fact! The hymen can “brake” and then heal, so checking if it’s “broken” is pointless. And some AFAB people don’t even have one.
PenguinEmp 10 months ago
Run. The fact he mentioned it before an didn't is shocking. Also how would one check? The hymen would be long gone by then from your period
Libstak 10 months ago (edited)
So he doesnt have to prove anything .... but she does, to his whole male family. Then he slaps her. In love, there is nothing to prove regarding intimacy, because it is the opportunity to share affection and pleasure with the person you love. Anything else that gets attached to that by anybody, including the fiance is coercive control, sexist judgement, hypocrasy and based on a perversion of the purpose of sexual intimacy. Bottom line, he proved all that in his double standards judgement and the slap. There was a 50/50 chance at best that the father could even feel the hymen. There is 100% chance every male member in this ceremony would have an opinion and judgement that demans the woman due to this even taking place, much less fathers judgement on the outcome. I shudder at how truly ugly this could get and the damage this sexual assault could cause any woman..
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
Seriously disgusted at this abusive scums actions n I’m 60 n been in two awful abusive marriages ! N thought I’d heard it all but THIS , so to prove your a virgin I meant his father sexually abusing you which would actually given he’s no doctor is sexual activity!! a hymen can be broken using tampons for ffs. Sport horse riding n the like it means nothing added this abuse he laid hands on you wow I’d love to know what vile culture demands this I’m so glad you got out op blessed be x
David Marchisotto 10 months ago
As painful as it would be to end things, you need to do so. If you can't get your fiancé to understand how much of a violation this is, that means you have opened the door to future violations. If my family asked this of my future wife under the flimsy guise of religious "culture", I would have cut my family out of my life until such time as they could join modern society. This is grotesque.
David Marchisotto 10 months ago
As painful as it would be to end things, you need to do so. If you can't get your fiancé to understand how much of a violation this is, that means you have opened the door to future violations. If my wife's family asked this of my future wife under the flimsy guise of religious "culture", I would have cut my family out of my life until such time as they could join modern society. This is grotesque.
ॐBoyGanesh 10 months ago
Well, “virginity” is an arbitrary construct to begin with. Here’s an article that explains it historically but in simple terms. - https://allthatsinteresting.com/virginity-social-construct
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Apatheist Account2 10 months ago
Maybe this is what they did FIVE YEARS AGO. Come on BP, PLEASE!
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 10 months ago
Only 5 years? I read it and thought it was a letter from medieval times
Load More Replies... Tyke 10 months ago (edited)
So many things wrong with this. However, I would say "in my culture the MIL shoves her fist up the future husband's arsehole and has a good dig around with sharp nails to see how much búllshít is up there... you go first".
Kkg 10 months ago
I wanted to propose that he should mast.rbate in front of the inlaws so that they can check if everything works well down there.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 10 months ago
So he slaps her for refusing to be raped. It's rare I'm lost for words.
Ben Aziza 10 months ago
You see this mostly in Islamic Arabic "culture"... that is all you need to know. Cus the whole rib of Adam thing is still a part of it... That is where I grew up. It is disgusting and half the ppl there don't want anything to do with it. But the mosque and cult indoctrination is powerful and it works on alot of the ppl... Especially cus they get us "young" We have something called "islamic ethics class" in a so called secular country IT IS AS INSANE AS IT SOUNDS. And that is why reality is flipped for some that is how rape becomes a "moral obligation". Obviously it is f*****g not and in no way do i excuse those who grow up and embrace that "culture" instead of rejecting it.
Load More Replies... Nils Skirnir 10 months ago
Don’t know what country she’s in or what culture, but if she’s in the Anglosphere she should at least file a police report. However, if she’s in India or an Arabic country or culture, she needs to be careful. Question is does she have family?
Mari 10 months ago
In Arab culture women can't show their private parts to men. Only their own husband. That's why a lot of Arabs don't want to visit a doctor from the opposite sex. I never heard of this tradition, and how can a normal man see if the hymen is intact of not? I am a woman and I have no idea how you can check this...
Load More Replies... Paul C. 10 months ago (edited)
RUN! This is S#xual Abu$e pure and simple. All his father and other male relatives are interested in is their own s#xual gratification. Get out now while you still can, if you partner doesn't support you, then he ain't the one! Edit= just read he slapped you, end of, finito, move on and drop him like a hot brick.
Kayci Styles 10 months ago
Which one of the dad, uncles, brothers is a gynecologist so he actually knows what he’s looking at? Also, f**k them all!!!!
David 10 months ago
I mean I know in some very traditional cultures in ancient times the Women of the grooms family checked, never heard about the males checking, sounds like an excuse to molest a woman. And I have heard from some Indian friends that some people do a modern day version of the check, which is a OBGYN stating as much. Not justifying anything, just wondering what kind of abusive stuff is this the men molesting the bride is from. I feel bad for the women who married into this family
G A 10 months ago
Somebody posted pretty much the same before and claimed they were Scottish.....
Secret Squirrel 10 months ago
They should have gone with Mormon, more people would have bought it.
Load More Replies... Fellfromthemoon 10 months ago
It's never one thing. It's always just the first demand. If one's partner / future spouse has juts this one, only one, just once wild demand, that is always about trying the waters. If they ask it a few days before the wedding, they calculate on 'sunken cost fallacy': it's now too expensive to call off the wedding, and the relatives and friends will know about it. Some guests have also invested irrefundabkly into the wedding.
For All Pedernity 10 months ago
How can she not have picked up on these people being creeps earlier? It can't really be the only thing with them...
Shark Lady 10 months ago
She sounds pretty nieve and inexperienced when it comes to relationships and it's really easy to hide who you are until the contract is signed and sealed.
Load More Replies... BarfyCat 10 months ago
I'm dying to know what culture this dude belongs to. In most cultures that do this, it is the mother-in-law who checks. And they hang the hopefully-bloody sheet out on the line the morning after the wedding to show the whole community that the bride was a virgin. The culture I'm most familiar with that does this is Christian, btw.
brandyy17 10 months ago
never heard of any christian family doing this. i married into a catholic family and no one even asked about it. im pretty sure it isnt a thing anymore unless its some kind of super religious community. otherwise i highly doubt ppl do this as a normal thing.
Load More Replies... Secret Squirrel 10 months ago
Just more evidence that there's a lot of overlap in the Venn diagram of people who believe ridiculously inaccurate things about a woman's body and people who think the husband owns his wife's body.
Aline 10 months ago
Evaluating the hymen to determine sexual activity has been so thoroughly disproven that it's not admissable in court even if the exam is done by an gynecologist, and not just a bunch of pervy uncles. The main issue in the relationship is the groom's her body my choice, and I don't believe my own wife attitude, but it should be repeated, the hymen doesn't indicate anything. If it actually blocks the vagina, that's a medical issue that will have been addressed long before marrying age.
Lew k 10 months ago
Who is the heck would want their father digging around in their wife's sexual organs? This is wild. I don't care if it's cultural tradition. We aren't barbarians anymore there is no place in society for sick acts like this. The status of this woman's virginity is none of the husband families business and if her word is not enough for the husband they shouldn't be married anyhow.
Binky Melnik 10 months ago
“We aren't barbarians anymore”: No, *we* aren’t, but not every single culture is the same. We don’t even know what goes on in some cultures. (I’m thinking of that island where they kill anyone who tries to approach it. The Sentinel Islands, I think?) You can’t assume every culture is like yours unless you’ve visited ‘em all.
Load More Replies... R Dennis 10 months ago
I have been extremely angry and arguing with women in my decades on this planet. But never, even once, had it crossed my mind to strike one. When a woman slapped me, I turned and left. When a drunken woman tried to square up with me (she was trying to walk into traffic and I was stopping her), I simply told her I would sit her down on the sidewalk. Any man that strikes a woman once will strike any woman any time.
ButFirstCoffee 10 months ago
She should shame him and his family publicly and press charges for slapping her.
Donna Harris 10 months ago
My former boss was Korean and he said that this was/is common in korea. His wife did the same with his father and uncles and he expected his daughters to do the same. Imagine his surprise when his westernized daughters moved in with the boyfriends before marriage and then married out of their race and religion!! Priceless...welcome to Canada Tucson Lee!
Denise B. 10 months ago
I don't believe for a second that such perversion is "common in Korea," North or South.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 10 months ago
If things re only perfect when you do what he wants, they aren't perfect at all. Much less important is that there is no way the "virginity test" as described is accurate, it's only purpose is humiltuin and domination of the woman. In any case, if he doesn't believe you haven't slept with another man now, he won't believe you aren't sleeping with other men later. Don't sign up for abuse. He doesn't respect your body or your wishes.
Andrei Iepure 10 months ago (edited)
One step away from clubbing you on the head and dragging you to his cave
Kitty Cat 10 months ago
Call the police and report his hitting you. Take photos of your face before anything fades. And tell them it was because you wouldn't let his dad and uncles molest you to prove your purity, let the cops deal with him when they know that.
Kitty Cat 10 months ago
PS- I love how he waited until 2 days before the wedding to give you this demand. Waited until everything was paid for and you were fully invested before making that demand, he knew exactly how much pressure you would be under.
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 10 months ago
I'd have called the cops after the slap and requested female police officers to arrest him for it. The idea this girl needs to expose the most intimate part of her body to multiple uninvolved male eyes is a disgusting one, to slap her for refusing - no, just no. Book out of there YESTERDAY.
Sky Render 10 months ago
This disturbing trend of men treating women like literal livestock is getting out of hand. We are not commodities, we are goddamn human beings, and we are not somehow "inferior" because we have a uterus. No man has the right to act like this.
Dirk Daring 10 months ago
Tell him that your family needs to inspect his balloon knot to make sure he's never been penetrated by a man.
Jayjay 10 months ago
If you admit to this? There will be no end to "small embarrasments" in your future with this man. As you know yourself, this is NOT okay in any way. And what if you have daughters with him? What will happen to them? Run away as fast as you can!
Betsy S 10 months ago
That was my thought. A couple of decades down the road and her daughter might be expected to be finger f@^*ed by her future FIL. And her sons would be indoctrinated into expecting their future wives to be abused in this way as well.
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 10 months ago
Wow, a family of perverts. Sound like a narrow escape. Hope she picks better next time.
Betsy S 10 months ago (edited)
Hey, I love you so much, I'm going to have all the men in my family gawk at and finger f#@k you to "pave the way for my glorious, untainted penis". I'm sure all men would love to have their fiancées do a strip tease for their future FIL, right? No? Ok then just do a porn spread in a magazine so everyone can thoroughly examine your lady parts. No? What's wrong with you? Don't you know I OWN your lady parts and can share them around with any other dude I choose? /s
sharyn turnicky 10 months ago
Young lady, this is a good time to run in the opposite direction. Does the father of the groom get the first time on the wedding night just to be sure?
Betsy S 10 months ago
Except he'll have already had it by forcibly finger f#^*ing her.
Load More Replies... Story Rook 10 months ago
Think about a potential daughter having to be " examined" by your husband. That should be enough to make you run as fast as you can.
Lore Ainley Sigrist 10 months ago
So he wanted to have his father molest you to find out if your a virgin.... when you said no he slaps you....RUN and don't turn back. You don't need that BS.
2fkjfrzq2v 10 months ago
If he waited until just days before the wedding to drop this bombshell, what other bombshells were waiting for her? “My family gets to watch us consummate our marriage?” “Our newborn baby will be named and cared for by my parents?” My male family members get to have sex with you. My mother didn’t mind being raped whenever the boys wanted to do it.
Beak Hookage 10 months ago
So he wanted her to submit to SA at the hands of his father and uncles? Good f*****g god. Not at all surprised the f****r turned out to be a domestic abuser as well; I hate to think what might have happened if she hadn't gotten the hell away from him.
Mark Childers 10 months ago
All of the "purity" BS only leads to things like this. Human beings are sexual creatures, just like any other animal. Instead of trying to restrict, control, and refuse the fact that it is normal and healthy to have sex and a healthy attitude towards it will only lead to insane, bizarre, and often religious things like this. Kids need good, quality sex education from an early age to prevent things like this. Quality, thorough sex education only sets up kids to be responsible and mature people when it comes to their bodies and consequences of sex. It's abuse not to educate them on their own bodies.
JayWantsACat 10 months ago
"He seems perfect..." "We're perfect for each other..." Yeah, he and you two are so perfect he's making you do something disgusting that you don't want to do. Oh, and in least surprising news, once you stand up to him he got irate and controlling and slapped you. Wow, so perfect. /s lmao Idiot.
Joanne Wright 10 months ago
Why is no-one questioning your finace's "purity"? This is so sexist and offensive, it is hard to comprehend that this is even real.
Gene Perry 10 months ago
RUN ... do not walk ... RUN to the nearest exit. Get a restraining order against the groom, his Dad & all the others. Record every contact. This guy is creepy, and isn't going to easily stop.
ghost gurl 10 months ago
horrifying. i would run SO FAST. This screams of the type of family who would hide child molestation.
Amelia Jade 10 months ago (edited)
OP says: "But at the same time, it's only one thing..." That one thing is sexual assault. It's not like she found out that the "one thing" was that he picks his nose and is trying to determine if she can live with someone who is perfect otherwise. He's literally insisting on sexual assault. Not to mention the double standard. How can she be sure he's a virgin? She has to submit to an invasive "test" while he just has to give his word? AND virginity is a construct. The hymen isn't a seal that's broken during sex. It's a stretchy band. There is no way to tell if someone has had sex or not by examining the hymen. There is literally no way to know a woman's "purity." Dollars to donuts--if this story is true--the groom isn't a virgin and he only said that because he wanted HER to save herself.
Dave Morris 10 months ago
All the comments indicate this was 5 years ago. Are you sure it's not 500? Glad she left him and his medieval family.
Michael Largey 10 months ago
I notice that it's the father and the brothers who do the inspecting and the watching - all males.
Denise B. 10 months ago
IT'S FOR HIS PERVERT FATHER AND UNCLES, FGS! How stupid IS this young woman?!?! Frankly, this story sounds like made-up porn.
Load More Replies... Beth Wheeler 10 months ago
So glad she refused and got away from him. She needs to change him with assault for slapping her. It's gonna take time to get past this and she needs to give herself that time to take care of herself.
Je souhaite 10 months ago
You know you are part of an a*s backward culture when you think the lack of a hymen means a girl is not a virgin
Angie Falzarano 4 months ago
So your finances ok with his father getting his willys off by being a pervert while all the male family members watch. O hell no. There's no way to prove he is a virgin (which i guarantee hes not). Run. Cancel the wedding run as far as you can from this man. This is a sick tradition. If he really wanted to know you have a doctor check. But this is sick. What's next that the dad has to have first shot at getting you p t egnant then the uncles. DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT AGREE TO THIS. ITS A SICK PERVISION FOR HIS MALE FAMILY MEMEBERS
Angie Falzarano 4 months ago (edited)
So your finance is okay with his dad molesting you while hes uncles watch? That is sick. You do realize the only way that the dad could check would be for him to stick his fingers in you and move them around and sh#t. Guarantee that if you let them do this that it won't stop there. Uncles will probably jacking off while watching and same with the dad. you need to get away from this family. There's no way your finance can prove hes a virgin so he wants you to be molested by his family? Oh hell no. Run and run fast it will get worse. If you have a daughter you dont think they wouldnt do the same to her. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
Somebodys grandmother 9 months ago
Hymen is a myth!!! Women has a ring of wessels - but no hymen that close anything... how can we menustruate if there was a block?! What a sick sick family!!!
D Hammerman 10 months ago
No exam can definitively conclude virginity. As such, requesting such an exam, beyond the lack of morality, is moot. His request displays ignorance of a high degree and therefore should immediately send you on your way.
brandyy17 10 months ago
im relieved to get an actual update this time. im happy the OP left that horrible molesty family. it honestly gives off cult vibes. like if u allowed it and then thought about the long run wat if u had a daughter would the husband have to check his own daughter? like the guy said it was a tradtion. so many things r wrong with his family and thank god she got out. thinking about the possible long run makes it sound so much worse. not to mention the fact he slapped her. i wouldve called the cops and told them not only he assaulted me but wat his family wanted to do. that isnt a normal tradition and since she never said anything about his cultural background or mention it might b part of that its safe to say his family is just not normal. my friend, his father, his uncle and 4 cousins r all cops and i kno for a fact so many alarm bells would go off if i showed them this. theyve see some crazy stuff but theyd deff consider it attempted sa and molestation since she was saying no and he was very pushy about it making her uncomfortable and probably scared. we dont even kno if the a$$holes mom was ok with it. im sure if the OP asked her she wouldnt tell the truth. it seems like that family hides nothing from each other. some things r met to stay between couples but i dont think thats the case her. shed have no private life wat so ever. i hope no woman marries this man. if he does manage to find someone i honestly fear for their life and sanity.
Panda Bear 10 months ago
Fun fact! The hymen can “brake” and then heal, so checking if it’s “broken” is pointless. And some AFAB people don’t even have one.
PenguinEmp 10 months ago
Run. The fact he mentioned it before an didn't is shocking. Also how would one check? The hymen would be long gone by then from your period
Libstak 10 months ago (edited)
So he doesnt have to prove anything .... but she does, to his whole male family. Then he slaps her. In love, there is nothing to prove regarding intimacy, because it is the opportunity to share affection and pleasure with the person you love. Anything else that gets attached to that by anybody, including the fiance is coercive control, sexist judgement, hypocrasy and based on a perversion of the purpose of sexual intimacy. Bottom line, he proved all that in his double standards judgement and the slap. There was a 50/50 chance at best that the father could even feel the hymen. There is 100% chance every male member in this ceremony would have an opinion and judgement that demans the woman due to this even taking place, much less fathers judgement on the outcome. I shudder at how truly ugly this could get and the damage this sexual assault could cause any woman..
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
Seriously disgusted at this abusive scums actions n I’m 60 n been in two awful abusive marriages ! N thought I’d heard it all but THIS , so to prove your a virgin I meant his father sexually abusing you which would actually given he’s no doctor is sexual activity!! a hymen can be broken using tampons for ffs. Sport horse riding n the like it means nothing added this abuse he laid hands on you wow I’d love to know what vile culture demands this I’m so glad you got out op blessed be x
David Marchisotto 10 months ago
As painful as it would be to end things, you need to do so. If you can't get your fiancé to understand how much of a violation this is, that means you have opened the door to future violations. If my family asked this of my future wife under the flimsy guise of religious "culture", I would have cut my family out of my life until such time as they could join modern society. This is grotesque.
David Marchisotto 10 months ago
As painful as it would be to end things, you need to do so. If you can't get your fiancé to understand how much of a violation this is, that means you have opened the door to future violations. If my wife's family asked this of my future wife under the flimsy guise of religious "culture", I would have cut my family out of my life until such time as they could join modern society. This is grotesque.
ॐBoyGanesh 10 months ago
Well, “virginity” is an arbitrary construct to begin with. Here’s an article that explains it historically but in simple terms. - https://allthatsinteresting.com/virginity-social-construct
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 10 months ago
Maybe this is what they did FIVE YEARS AGO. Come on BP, PLEASE!
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 10 months ago
Only 5 years? I read it and thought it was a letter from medieval times
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