“It Absolutely Blew My Mind”: 50 Traits People Thought Everyone Had, But Were Proven Wrong
How we perceive the world can be quite subjective. A lot depends on our childhood environments, as well as the people we spend the most time around. They shape our assumptions and values. It’s when we change our environments and enter new social circles that we realize we may have gotten some ideas about the world very wrong.
Redditor u/Piguthew sparked a fascinating discussion on r/AskReddit after they asked everyone to share the traits they were raised to think were very common that reality proved otherwise. Read on to take a look at how these internet users saw the world growing up.
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Honestly, being polite. I was raised to be exceedingly polite and I feel really bad if I don't do things like let people pass in traffic or hold doors open or say my 'pleases and thanks yous'. And I like the idea of kindness being its own reward. Makes plus sum happiness in the world.
It really wasn't until I entered adulthood that I really saw how dismissive people were of those concepts. So much 'I got mine' and 'I insist on beating you to that light by 1.5 seconds' in the world. Just common courtesy stuff is a rare sight and that makes me sad.
For those of us who are polite, please continue. I am not changing my core beliefs.
I didn't realize that most people just aren't that bright.
The need to be on time / respecting start times. I knew my mom and dad were always late, but everyone else was always on time. We were very punctual and my hobbies involved things that required me to be early often. Then I became a young adult out of college, trying to schedule things with friends. OMG. The fact that it's 'okay' to show up to planned things an hour late is just... no. Absolutely not. Showing up to a party late is fine and expected. Do not show up late to things where people are out money if you aren't there on time. Absolutely unacceptable.
THIS. I start to get anxious if someone is even ten minutes late. Why plan something at a specific time if you're not even going to show up? It's so annoying. And as a qualified impatient person, waiting for people is torture.
It can be quite shocking to realize that you were wrong about a lot of stuff. It’s jarring when you become aware of your own knowledge gaps. The things you thought were certainties about how the world turned out to be localized exceptions, not the rule. But, on the positive side, it’s an opportunity for growth.
It’s only when we recognize we don’t know something that we thought we did that we become open to learning new information and getting to grips with nuances. A true scientist embraces new information instead of denying its existence. However, it doesn’t lessen the emotional impact that we’ve been living a partial lie for years or possibly decades.
Selflessness. I’m not a stingy person. I give close friends & family my time, money, food whatever they need when they need it. Always a phone call away but whenever I needed help, at the lowest point of my life. I was devastated to find out they rarely reciprocated.
That people can just do things without thinking about it. For example, showering. Most people are just like, “I need to take a shower”, and then do it. Whereas I think about every little step: finding clothes, getting a towel, turning the water on, being cold when I take off my clothes, getting in, putting on the shampoo, washing my face, washing everything else, grooming, being cold when I get out, drying off, putting on deodorant, my hair being wet, which I hate, for hours or having to blow dry it, and getting dressed. Not to mention just peeling my a*s out of bed or off the couch to go do it even though I don’t want to.
But yeah, showering’s just one thing. It’s like that with *everything*. Don’t even get me started on cleaning. It’s all just so overwhelming, I just end up not doing it, which makes me feel disgusting and lazy. I hate ADHD so f*****g much, and mine’s extremely treatment resistant.
Also, most people seem to make eye contact naturally without having to force themselves to do it.
Getting excited when I don't know something or find out I'm wrong because it means I get to learn something new.
Perfect objectivity is probably impossible. We don’t have the mental capacity to understand incredibly complex phenomena with all their nuances, scope, and potential consequences. However, this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t strive to have a more objective understanding of how the world works. Moving away from subjective illusions that are grounded in emotions and closer to the objective truth—even if it’s step by tiny step—is admirable.
Being open-minded and curious about the world helps a lot with this. If we’re hungry for knowledge and humble enough to admit when we’re wrong, we can speed up our learning process. But this takes a lot of maturity.
Gossiping . I grew up with a mom that gossiped a lot and viciously too . I quickly learned around other women that it’s unacceptable and attracts the wrong people.
And it invites people to talk about you, violate your confidence, etc. Especially within the workplace. Treat others as you want to be treated.
Basic problem solving apparently. Way too many people I see basically just shut down when presented with something they don't understand or don't really know how to do. Like they don't ask for help they don't Google around or look up tutorials They just shut down and are like well I don't know how to do that so I guess it's a lost cause.
It’s hard to admit that we may have been wrong about certain facts. Nobody wants to be made a fool of in their social circles. However, if we admit to our mistakes without making a big deal out of them and show some mild embarrassment, people tend to like us more. We show that we’re grounded, human, and self-aware.
On the flip side, if we’re stubborn and refuse to even fathom the possibility that we might have been wrong about something, we only push other people away. Nobody’s a fan of blind arrogance.
Unfettered access to books and a large vocabulary. Both my brother and I had access to any book we wanted within reason. I wasn’t allowed p*rn at ten obviously. But if I wanted to research the Holocaust, I was given my library card and sent off. Ancient Rome? Here’s a bag make sure you can carry it out. Nothing was off limits and my mother always helped us with words we didn’t know. By sixth grade, my brother and I had easily read 1000s of books from various sources and had great vocabulary. Most of my middle school teachers were shocked to find that I didn’t need speaking skills. I already had them at a high school level. I was mostly confused as to why nobody understood the common words spoken in my home.
Lol, l was given free access to my grandma's library since an early age. I'd pick random titles and usually enjoy them. Until one day, when I was 10 or so, l came across a book with a title that sounded rather exotic: Treblinka. Boy, was l wrong.Many years later my Jewish boyfriend was cracking up over that story.
I have an over active imagination to the point of being a problem throughout most of my life. It blows my mind when I meet someone who seems to have no imagination at all.
Some people aren’t able to picture images or imagine shapes in their “mind’s eye” - I wonder if they were able to come up with the vivid detailed make-believe worlds and imaginary friends the way those of us with evocative & visual imaginations can? Does that require a graphic imagination? Genuine question, I’m wondering how people come up with stuff like that without seeing an image first, not trying to offend anyone :)
That people were generally grown up and ready to face the world when they were 18-20. There might be rough edges or blind spots, but that'll get ironed out with a little bit of experience.
My first week at college quickly disabused me of that notion.
People didn't know leaving food out would cause it to spoil, that pizza boxes rot and attract vermin, didn't know how to do laundry, clean up after themselves, that getting enough sleep was necessary to function properly and letting other people sleep was the courteous and polite thing to do... Basic life skill stuff. The minute mom and dad weren't around to do everything, they had no idea how to do anything. And this is before we even get into emotional intelligence...
And these were people who were admitted to one of the best universities in the country, if not the world.
This is a parenting fail. Letting kids be kids is fine. But once they're in their teens they need to start learning "basic adulting skills". That doesn't mean you need to make your kid a little chore slave. But over the last few years leading up to them becoming a legal adult, you should be teaching them to cook, clean, do at least a simple budget, shop for groceries, understand bills/interest/insurance/tax and so on. That way when they go to college or move out with friends they actually won't immediately start drowning and need help.
What assumptions did you grow up with, dear Pandas? Did any of those assumptions get challenged when you finally became an adult and moved out? What do you think can help folks get over the shock that they’ve been blatantly wrong about something their entire lives? Tell us what you think in the comments. We’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
I thought everyone associated every word, letter, and number with a color. Turns out not everyone does that and I have synesthesia.
I hear random music, usually at night. Thought that happened to everyone until I told my hubby and explained that I wasn't *thinking* about music I'd heard, but actually hearing music, stuff I'd never listen to, and he looked at me like he was debating taking me to urgent care.
Not to steal someone else’s stuff. I grew in NM so I knew about robberies n s**t (stealing car radios, robbing homes) but I mean more like stuff at the office, at school, at work, etc. I got my erasers stolen at school once and was couldn’t wrap my head around why someone would do that. I still can’t wrap my head around why people steal others food at work.
Usually it's because they're lazy, with no respect for others. But sometimes it's simply because they can't afford lunch. One of my former employers used to keep sandwich meat, cheese, bread, soup, chips, crackers, fruit & bottled water in the kitchen. For whoever wanted it. This poor starving kid was very grateful. While I wouldn't steal food from other people, being hungry at work because I couldn't afford lunches was embarrassing. But stealing it just because you can? Or want to? Despicable
That most people don’t worry about everything and anything. It absolutely blew my mind when i realised other people didn’t constant feel fear and worry. i’d lived my entire life, right from childhood, with anxiety without knowing it wasn’t normal. Also that some people don’t think deeply. they can just see the surface and move on. for example watching sports bloopers my friend showed me a video people caning them selves on their bikes and skateboards and i was horrified that she was laughing because some of them would clearly have suffered traumatic brain injuries if not died, ended up in wheelchairs or had some lasting injury that meant they wouldn’t be able to do their sport anymore. i asked her about it and she said “i never actually thought about that, good point” also telling jokes they heard without realising how incredibly racist or sexist they were.
Playfully talk s**t to my parents just like I would with my friends.
ITworksGuys:
My friend thought it was cool that my mom didn't care if we used cuss words.
Her only instruction was "don't talk like that in public and make me look like a f**king a**hole".
So funny looking back on that.
My mom and I are like that with my niece and nephew, you can say what you want at Grandma's house, but don't say it anywhere else. It actually teaches them to think about their words before they use them as well and have to decide the group that they're with and what might be acceptable.
Not me but my older sister apparently came back from her first day at kindergarten incredibly ticked off because “those kids were pretending they didn’t know how to read”.
Knowing (what I assumed were) incredibly basic safety-related knowledge. Like. Really basic. Like "touch something really hot and you will burn yourself" basic.
My first job I worked at McDonald's, I was 18. I wasn't much older or younger than a lot of the people there (high turnover rate). I very quickly felt like a goddamn parent for a bunch of my PEERS. I ended up as a crew-trainer quite early on so I had to teach new employees how to do things.
I realized I needed to tell people, MY OWN AGE that:
1. The grill is hot. Don't touch with your bare hands.
2. The fryer is hot. Don't touch with your bare hands.
3. Boiling oil is hot. Don't touch the fryer baskets after they leave the oil with your bare hands. Or the oil. Because it is hot.
4. Fresh coffee is hot. Don't touch the kettle with your bare hands. Only the handle.
The boiling oil thing made me so nervous as well. One time I had a guy (my own damn age) after I told him how to take the fries basket out of oil (not very high, like barely out), and carefully demonstrated how to shake it so that the french fries didn't stick to each other; I caught him not five minutes later HURLING THAT S**T SO FAR INTO THE AIR AND SHAKING VIOLENTLY. I COULD SEE HUGE DROPLETS OF OIL SPRAYING INTO THE AIR. The fryer is in an area that people walk back and forth frequently. I yelped and told him "HEY. DON'T DO THAT. THAT'S DANGEROUS." He acted like I had 6 heads. I also caught him really flinging those baskets around after he dumped the fries out into the salting area, again, in the high-trafficked hallway. Like there are people assembling orders directly behind him.
Tldr; I don't care if you burn yourself because you didn't listen to me and don't realize the dangers of boiling oil and how hot those metal baskets get, but endanger other people and we have a huge f*****g problem.
Anytime I started feeling weak, shaky and nauseous after not eating anything for 3-4 hours I was told it was normal and happened to everyone.
Wasn’t until I was 21 and living with my bf that I discovered no, that’s not normal, I’m actually hypoglycaemic.
I thought it was normal for people to suddenly burst into anger out of no where. Luckily I was wrong.
My mom had me believing this for a long time. To the point that if there wasn't unprovoked drama, I'd create it. Fortunately, I got into therapy & have a very patient partner. My kids never knew that fear, the walking on eggshells because they were scared to upset me.
My father tried to teach my brother and me to lie about everything because "that's how it is in the real world!"
Nope! Turns out my father is either a narcissist or a psychopath (long story, but yes - those are very real possibilities).
I failed a test as a grade schooler because I got the definition of "true" and "false" wrong due to his influence. When I explained what he said to me to the teacher, she was aghast! That was the beginning of my father implementing the "don't tell anyone anything that is said in this house" rules.
Does it count when in about 7th grade I realised my eyesight was s**t and that yes, most of the kids actually could see the letters on the blackboard?
Driving a car.
There are people out there who can't even steer a shopping cart properly. How they managed to drive their car to the store is just scary.
To be honest, some shopping carts have wonky wheels and are considerably more difficult to steer than à car.
Spacial awareness and common sense.
VERY unusual. People move in public spaces like they're all alone. Smh
Having your s**t together. My mom is an organizational powerhouse and somehow my folks managed to hold down two full time jobs (my mom more like full and a half) and manage a household with three kids while always getting us to sports activities and do things with relatives over the weekend, etc. Always there to help with our homework, too.
Turns out most people absolutely do not have their s**t together but from my childhood perspective I just assumed everyone else was basically doing things the same. It takes a lot of work and burning yourself out to do what my folks did and I only really appreciate it now that I'm a parent, myself.
As a little kid, I legit thought eveyone else's dad was always at the bar too.
I didn’t realize that it was okay to ask people for help as well as asking if I can have something. My dad made me think it was an inconvenience to ask if I could have a drink if we went to a family member’s house.
My mom taught me the same thing. She taught me that asking for ANYTHING at a friend's - or even family's- house was extremely impolite and should not be done unless it's an emergency.
Being empathetic.
I was probably too empathetic as a kid. I would become inconsolable if my cats caught a critter or we saw kittens/ puppies in boxes, convinced they wouldn't find homes. I was that kid.
I thought people actually did things the honest way until I started to realise most people find shortcuts (i.e. cheat) or embellish things.
Its not even about work smarter not harder.
I thought everybody walked around holding in an overwhelming sense of dread because of tiny coincidences, I thought everyone was constantly agonizing over intrusive thoughts and went to the same great lengths as me to prove those thoughts wrong.
Turns out I have OCD and depression, and while the diagnoses existed in the 80’s and 90’s that were my childhood; they were very much not the sort of thing that happened to ordinary folks living in small town Nothingsberg, Nebraska (not a real place)….
Trust and honesty. Boy was I wrong.
Thinking about how your words and actions teach other people how to think about and react to you.
Ex: When you lie to me about small things, it makes me think you will probably lie to me about big things as well.
Any partner: ????? *shocked and baffled and accusing me of being a manipulative mastermind*
The people you interact with -perceive you- by your words and actions, they can't read your mind. You are teaching them who you are and what to expect with your behavior.
Apparently this concept is rocket science.
I learned a long time ago that actions speak louder than words. What people say means much less to me than what they do. And because of that, I'm always careful of what message my actions send. For those I care about, I take great pains to make sure they Know that I care, through my actions.
Being hard of hearing. None of us are deaf or anything, but several people in my family have had a bit of hearing loss since birth. So in general, we all talk pretty loudly, even the ones with normal hearing. Didn’t hurt that we’re from a bit of a boisterous culture too.
Then I went to school. I didn’t realize that whispering was a real thing, and not just speaking slightly softer and praying the other person heard you. I thought everyone needed subtitles to watch Netflix. I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal to walk out of the movie theater only catching 80% of the movie. I was confused how people could keep up with multiple convos in big group gatherings. I was surprised that my friends’ families talked quietly at home and didn’t practically scream just to be heard.
I finally got tested as an adult and learned that I don’t have “selective hearing” as my friends always joked about. I actually have hearing loss.
This is something I've had for years. Partly due to loud music, partly due to my father shooting rifles near me as a kid (going out with him hunting). It's not too bad, but I learned a few years back that I was making up for it with unknowingly lipreading when talking to people. One on one conversations are fine, multiple people are harder, and I have a neighbour who culturally lowers her head and hides her face while talking. And of course the mask mandates during covid really drove it home.
Critical thinking. (Understanding regardless of right/wrong there is always a second opinion).
"Everyone's entitled to their own set of opinions, but not their own set of facts." - Daniel P. Moynihan
Wishing you were born as the opposite sex.
My parents still can't seem to wrap their heads around that one :)
I have a birthmark on my tuchus, and when I was little I noticed my grandma had a nearly identical birthmark in close to the same spot. I just assumed everyone had a buttcheek birthmark from then on.
Being able to play any musical instrument.
Our family was very musical, we owned all sorts if instruments and everyone tried to play everything.
I found out as a teen that just isn't normal when, playing flute in school band, we were instructed to choose a different one. I pick up a trumpet and started to play. Everyone just stared at me.
It doesn't seem that surprising though, when you look at the number of musicians who play guitar (and various other stringed instruments), keyboards and drums. It seems like once you're proficient with a musical instrument it's easier to learn a different one.
Being insecure somehow my parents made me feel like confidence = Arrogance.
Yelling and acting negatively over seemingly simple things. Neither of my parents modeled emotional stability and I actually thought it was normal to be crazy emotional all the time. They also put me down for ever showing emotions - i wasn’t allowed to have any, even if it truly spiked an emotional response.
This list is fun because it's basically my childhood in bullet-point form.
Emotionless logic where you can think about a problem/issue without letting your feelings take over.
Hunter13ua:
Yeah this went from "this guy had great problem solving skills" in school and uni to "wtf is wrong with you" everywhere else for me at some point.
I thought it was common for parents to control your every choice, basically your life.
My dad is huge into trapping and hunting. Our living room in our first house had 2 deer heads mounted on the wall, a mounted Racoon, a bow rack and lamp made from deer hooves, a mounted fisher and a mounted weasel on the end table on either side of the couch. There were always dead animal carcasses in our back yard during trapping season and in the off season was always a boiling pot of "trap wax". We used to have a barn out back where we raised rabbits and once a week my dad would skin a rabbit for dinner. Nothing about this seemed unusual until my teens and started seeing other people's houses. To be clear....nothing about this is bad...just odd, looking back at it.
Growing up with one highly racist parent, I was always taught that interracial couples were not okay.
As an innocent kid, I didn't realize it was a racist sentiment, and thought it was a culture thing (or something?). Needless to say, I was shocked when someone of another race expressed romantic interest in me.
People think that those of us who grew up during apartheid world be racist because it was 'normalized'. But I always knew it was wrong; I could feel inside myself that this isn't how things should be done.
Very…enthusiastic (let’s go with that word) discussions among family at dinner. My siblings naturally have very loud voices and we usually have arguments about controversial topics while we eat, which causes some interesting scenes in public. We were nearly kicked out of a fancy restaurant when I was younger because my family members were screaming at each other about capital punishment (the death penalty).
And rightfully so. If you can't behave with a little decorum in public then don't go out in public. Annoying everyone in the restaurant deserves kicking out, regardless of the topic of discussion.
That, eventually, you will end up in jail/prison. Lots of uncles, dad were locked up. It was normal.
Smiling at everyone when walking by even in a big city or small town... depending on the situation I would usually correct myself if I felt like they thought I was insane and it wasn't until I heard a few people saying they were sus of people who smiled a lot that I put 2 and 2 together and just keep a resting meh face in cities now...
Also just saying hello to people in those same scenarios and often times would get someone who totally ignores you as they walk by and very rarely do you get an answer back of a simple hi! But i do feel like this could be because of all the randos trying to rope other randos into some scam or convo where I never had that plan or idea and was simply just being courteous and friendly without any strings attached or follow ups.
I think a "polite" smile is ok. But a hearty, "best friend, I haven't seen you in ages" type smile for someone who is a stranger is weird. As for greeting people on the street. Maybe you'd say "hi" to a random stranger if you lived in a town of 12 people, but it's a ridiculous idea in any major city. I'd have to say "Hi" to over a thousand people just getting from the train station to work.
Eating dinner really late. Growing up we usually ate dinner around 9:30 p.m. or so. When I got a little older and started spending time around people I couldn't understand how people were eating dinner at 5:00 in the evening.
People just..throw away food? Im a plate licker. No waste. It breaks me to see people throw food away and if i trust them enough i will eat their leftovers myself if im not too full. Im guilty of leaving plates of unfinished food next to me until i can finish them.
This is not a healthy thing at all. My parents used to not let us leave the table without cleaning it plates but it's really really bad for how you should eat.
Being Catholic. And I did not realize college was a choice. My parents had us all convinced it was required. They have 10 Catholic kids with college degrees!
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Not exactly a trait more of a physical thing. I didn't realise for awhile that the entire world does not in fact make a constant high pitched whining noise. That's actually tinnitus >_<
Not exactly a trait more of a physical thing. I didn't realise for awhile that the entire world does not in fact make a constant high pitched whining noise. That's actually tinnitus >_<
