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“Both Comforting & Sad”: People Open Up About Toxic Cultural Expectations From Parents After Actress’ Post
No matter how hard-working, skilled, and capable you really are, you won’t be able to please everyone. But when it’s one of your parents who tells you that they’re not proud of you, it cuts really deeply. It’s a hit to your self-esteem that can haunt you throughout even an illustrious, star-studded career.
Iconic actress Ming-Na Wen, 61, recently went viral on X after revealing how her mother still insults and belittles her achievements, even to this day. Fans rushed to express their love and support for the actress. Scroll down for the full story.
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Actress Ming-Na Wen has had a long and illustrious career. However, even with so much success, she falls short of her mother’s expectations
Image credits: Larry Busacca/Getty Images
The star went viral after being brutally honest about how her mom still criticises her, no matter how much she has achieved
Image credits: Ming-Na Wen
Image credits: Monica Schipper/Getty Images
Image credits: Ming-Na Wen
Fans of the actress came out to show their love and support
Some parents have a scarcity and survival mentality, so they clash with their children
As ‘Parents’ magazine explains, some children of immigrant parents are “raised on a steady diet of love expressed as critique.”
And so, Wen’s post deeply resonated with them. Your parents’ huge expectations and obsessive fixation on achievement in all parts of your life can make you feel as though you’re never good enough. Even if, objectively, you are incredibly successful.
“In immigrant families—especially in the Asian American community—acculturation levels can influence parenting styles. First-generation parents may have more traditional values, which can set the stage for conflict, especially for a second-generation child, who is socialized in American culture,” ‘Parents’ explains. This phenomenon is known as the parent-child acculturation gap.
“Asian American parents may feel like it’s their responsibility to socialize their kids to just simply succeed in society,” Kevin M. Chun, PhD, a psychology professor at the University of San Francisco, told Parents’ magazine.
Angela Li, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist from the San Francisco Bay Area, adds that parents who deliver (what they see as) love through criticism may have a scarcity and survival mentality and be shaped by intergenerational trauma.
“A lot of immigrant parents feel that criticism is a way of showing that they care. They want to push you. They want you to be successful and have a ‘good life’ and be OK. But the way that it lands can be incredibly painful,” Li says.
According to her, it’s vital that you aim to let go of seeking the conditional approval of your parents. You have to understand that their comments are triggering, and allow yourself to not be affected by them.
Meanwhile, in a post on Psychology Today, licensed marriage and family therapist Darlene Lancer explains that some of the main signs that your parent may be toxic include behaviors like:
- Making unreasonable demands
- Criticizing and comparing you to others
- Overreacting
- Using emotional blackmail
- Trying to control or manipulate you
- Guilt-tripping you or playing the victim
- Blaming you
- Disrespecting your boundaries and disregarding your feelings
- Competing with or feeling envious of you
Image credits: bokodi (not the actual image)
Wen knew early on that she wanted to be an actress. Her mom, however, wanted her to pursue a different career path
“When my mother can still trigger me with insults when I show her something I’ve achieved. Yep, this is a reminder why I became an actor,” Wen wrote on X.
“Thank you to my fans for their love and support. I need you today,” she expressed, just how grateful she is for the kindness and encouragement she gets from her loyal followers.
At the time of writing, Wen’s post got 641.4k views, 23k likes, over 900 reshares, and garnered 900+ comments on the social network.
According to IMDb, Wen discovered her passion for acting early on in life, when she played a bunny in her third-grade Easter play. However, her mother was less than enthused, wanting her to pursue medicine instead of acting.
Despite her mother’s disapproval, Wen went on to major in theater at Carnegie Mellon University. Early in her career, she was known for acting in the daytime soap opera ‘As The World Turns’ and the movie ‘The Joy Luck Club.’
She also had roles in the medical drama series ER, voiced Fa Mulan in Disney’s legendary classic animated film ‘Mulan,’ played Melinda May in the Marvel series ‘Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.,’ and appeared in a series of ‘Star Wars’ shows, such as ‘The Mandalorian,’ ‘The Bad Batch,’ and ‘The Book of Boba Fett.’
What’s more, she is known for her roles in ‘Street Fighter,’ ‘The Batman,’ ‘Two and a Half Men,’ and ‘Stargate Universe.’
What are your thoughts after reading Wen’s viral social media post? Have you ever found yourself craving your parents’ approval, only for them to have nigh-unreachable expectations of you? What advice would you give any child who can’t ever seem to be ‘good enough’ for their overly judgmental parents? Share your thoughts down below in the comments.
Image credits: Lucasfilm
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Vinnie 2 weeks ago
Opposite problem for me with my dad. I was well into middle-age when he screamed at me for being a graphic designer/web developer instead of drawing comic strips (meanwhile, he praised my two sisters). My dad actually though anyone can make a fortune with a syndicated comic strip. Luckily, I have the positive reviews from my bosses, my colleagues, and my clients on other teams.
Vinnie 2 weeks ago
Opposite problem for me with my dad. I was well into middle-age when he screamed at me for being a graphic designer/web developer instead of drawing comic strips (meanwhile, he praised my two sisters). My dad actually though anyone can make a fortune with a syndicated comic strip. Luckily, I have the positive reviews from my bosses, my colleagues, and my clients on other teams.
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