The Great Beyond
When I was 23 years old, married and 2 kids ages almost 3 years and almost 1 year old. We had traveled during Christmas time of 1981 from Colorado to New Mexico to spend the Holidays with my mom and step father and little brother. One morning a few days before Christmas I was up early in the kitchen with the little ones when my mom comes in having just woke up. She was short and usually wore big chunky sandles that added 3 to 4″ to her 5′ 2″ height. So I smiled because when I was a kid growing up she always seemed as tall as everyone else and now she was so small in her flannel nightgown. But her face was all screwed up, she staggered a bit I teased her that she’d tied one on the night before and had a hangover. She replied no, and sank down into a chair at the kitchen table and said she’d had a bad dream. She told me that she’d dreamed she died in a car accident, she took a deep shaky breath and said “Poor Bobby” her face seemed bewildered, eyes full of pain. My sisters and I were all in our 20’s but, my brother was only 5 years old at the time. I tried to console her and said “He has 4 big sisters we’d take care of him. ” She went back into her bedroom and nothing else was said about that.
Christmas came and went and we went back to Colorado. On February 2,1982 I got a call from my oldest sister telling me that mom has died in a car accident. My response was, “Uh, are they sure she’s dead?” Hoping it was a mistake. My baby girl, her first granddaughter was turning 1 yr old in 10 days. After the funeral there was a gathering of 100 people from 4 different states at my stepdads house to celebrate her life. I heard my stepdad mentioning to someone mom had died in a car accident with a woman she didn’t even know. (this other woman also died) This other woman was new to the area also and was hired by the same employer, so they were carpooling. I had already mentioned mom’s dream to one of my sisters and she told me to tell my step dad and I did. We all just took it as ok, that happened.
My poor brother Bobby, grew up a pretty tough life emotionally without much support from his dad and by teenage years was on drugs which continued into his life. I would see him on and off, many times homeless in the winter where ever he was. By the time he was in his 40’s he looked 60, no teeth, hunchback, sunkin eyes; I always wondered if that was the face of Bobby mom had seen that night in her dream . Drugs and alcoholism run in our family. Who knows if things for him would have been different if mom had lived. One of my sisters was very hard on my mom when we 4 girls were growing up, and she had no control over that. I had a pretty rough abusive, neglectful childhood and I really was just beginning to get close to my mom the couple of years before she died, we had some things in common now that I was grown up. I felt cheated that she was just swooped out of my life. It’s been over 40 yrs since mom passed, she was 47 when she died so, she technically, could have still been alive today if that hadn’t happened and I do think of the what if’s and imagine how life would be with her here …. I don’t get too wound up in that kind of thinking though, life has taught me to count my blessings and I do!
The Great Beyond
When I was 23 years old, married and 2 kids ages almost 3 years and almost 1 year old. We had traveled during Christmas time of 1981 from Colorado to New Mexico to spend the Holidays with my mom and step father and little brother. One morning a few days before Christmas I was up early in the kitchen with the little ones when my mom comes in having just woke up. She was short and usually wore big chunky sandles that added 3 to 4″ to her 5′ 2″ height. So I smiled because when I was a kid growing up she always seemed as tall as everyone else and now she was so small in her flannel nightgown. But her face was all screwed up, she staggered a bit I teased her that she’d tied one on the night before and had a hangover. She replied no, and sank down into a chair at the kitchen table and said she’d had a bad dream. She told me that she’d dreamed she died in a car accident, she took a deep shaky breath and said “Poor Bobby” her face seemed bewildered, eyes full of pain. My sisters and I were all in our 20’s but, my brother was only 5 years old at the time. I tried to console her and said “He has 4 big sisters we’d take care of him. ” She went back into her bedroom and nothing else was said about that.
Christmas came and went and we went back to Colorado. On February 2,1982 I got a call from my oldest sister telling me that mom has died in a car accident. My response was, “Uh, are they sure she’s dead?” Hoping it was a mistake. My baby girl, her first granddaughter was turning 1 yr old in 10 days. After the funeral there was a gathering of 100 people from 4 different states at my stepdads house to celebrate her life. I heard my stepdad mentioning to someone mom had died in a car accident with a woman she didn’t even know. (this other woman also died) This other woman was new to the area also and was hired by the same employer, so they were carpooling. I had already mentioned mom’s dream to one of my sisters and she told me to tell my step dad and I did. We all just took it as ok, that happened.
My poor brother Bobby, grew up a pretty tough life emotionally without much support from his dad and by teenage years was on drugs which continued into his life. I would see him on and off, many times homeless in the winter where ever he was. By the time he was in his 40’s he looked 60, no teeth, hunchback, sunkin eyes; I always wondered if that was the face of Bobby mom had seen that night in her dream . Drugs and alcoholism run in our family. Who knows if things for him would have been different if mom had lived. One of my sisters was very hard on my mom when we 4 girls were growing up, and she had no control over that. I had a pretty rough abusive, neglectful childhood and I really was just beginning to get close to my mom the couple of years before she died, we had some things in common now that I was grown up. I felt cheated that she was just swooped out of my life. It’s been over 40 yrs since mom passed, she was 47 when she died so, she technically, could have still been alive today if that hadn’t happened and I do think of the what if’s and imagine how life would be with her here …. I don’t get too wound up in that kind of thinking though, life has taught me to count my blessings and I do!
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