Man Breaks Up With GF Because He No Longer Likes Her ‘Shape’: “Do You Not Understand Geometry?”
No one enjoys hearing negative comments about their body—it’s a topic that is very personal and sensitive. But when it happens in a romantic relationship, such comments can be especially painful. What do you mean the person who is supposed to support and respect you is shaming your body when you thought you could be your true self around them?
Unfortunately, such a thing happened to this woman, whose boyfriend broke up with her because of her ‘shape’ and cheese-eating habits. Hurt about the whole situation, she turned online to ask if taking revenge and letting him know what he lost would be worth it.
No partner should make one feel worse about themselves
Image credits: FabrikaPhoto / envato (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately for this woman, her BF admitted not being attracted to her ‘shape’ and even broke off things because of it
Image credits: dvatri / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Singerbeth
Body shaming is considered a form of emotional abuse
Not only is hearing negative comments about our bodies from significant others heartbreaking, but it is also considered a form of emotional abuse, experts say. One way that abusive partners gain power and control over their other half is by making them feel worse about themselves. They use body shaming to make their significant other feel more self-conscious, so they’re less likely to speak up and draw boundaries for themselves.
Any type of behavior that is intended to cause hurt, shame, or emotional discomfort to another person is a form of emotional abuse. It can start in small, gradual ways, which could be difficult to spot in a relationship at first. Body shaming, in particular, can happen through many behaviors.
“Any sort of criticism, degradation, embarrassment, bullying, teasing, comments rooted in comparison, control, and unrealistic expectations are all body shaming,” said Dani Bryant, a clinical mental health counselor and body liberationist. “It’s a denial of a whole person’s unique self, individuality, body diversity, and boundaries.”
Negative comments from a partner can creep into self-talk, contributing to poor body image and mental health, sometimes without even realizing it. Other body shaming effects may include distorted body image, psychological and emotional distress, isolation, and even mental health and eating disorders—all having the potential to lead to dangerous health outcomes.
Boundaries have to be set around comments that enter body-shaming territory
Image credits: seventyfourimages / envato (not the actual photo)
Partners may have learned body-shaming behaviors from their caregivers/environment or are releasing their own internalized shame about their body, but this doesn’t make their actions excusable. “It’s an opinion of someone else who has their own toxic shame that is often projected on others for power and control,” Bryant said.
If a person finds that a partner’s comments about their body enter the body-shaming territory, boundaries have to be set, even though it might be difficult.
“Express your feelings, communicate your needs, and tell them to stop. Decide what you’re willing to do to take care of yourself if your partner continues to violate your boundaries,” Samantha DeCaro, Psy.D., the director of clinical outreach and education at an eating disorder treatment facility, said.
“If [your] partner cannot or will not do the work to try to understand where their own anti-fat biases or unrealistic beauty standards come from, then it’s really important for folks to ask the question: How can I maintain any sort of growth or healing in body liberation if one of the closest people in my life is not doing that same work?” she added.
Unfortunately, this is rarely possible, which means that we have to remove ourselves from relationships with people who can’t be kind, considerate, or respectful of others or their boundaries.
It’s important to bring up concerns about a partner’s health in a gentle manner
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
If a person is truly concerned about their own health and well-being, trying to talk to them about it doesn’t always fall into the category of body shaming. But before bringing such a sensitive topic into conversation, it’s important to express concern in a gentle and sensitive manner, without making it about their weight or body shape. It may even be a good idea to start with a disclaimer, like, ‘This is going to be a difficult topic, but I’m not trying to hurt your feelings,’ and avoid making comparisons or offering unsolicited advice.
After the discussion, be prepared for a negative reaction, as no matter how gentle or supportive you thought your delivery was, there’s still a big chance that feelings will be hurt. Once you’ve shared your concerns, it’s not necessary or helpful to continue bringing the topic up. Instead, keep on fostering a positive relationship and focusing on healthy behaviors and self-care, rather than criticizing yourself or your partner.
Netizens encouraged the woman to forget the revenge and move on
Later, the woman shared a brief update
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
He told her, two years in, that he didn’t want either marriage or kids, but she stayed with him. She resigned herself to never being a mother. For a guy. She needs to work on her self-esteem issues.
So much that! If people show you who they are, believe them. Don't believe the version of them you have in your head: believe what's in front of you. She wasted so much time and so much energy and she'll never get that back.
Load More Replies...Dutchie speaking here. Two slices of cheese every few days is not too much, it's nothing. NOTHING!
Not Dutchie but I love my cheese, and two slices every few days is practically no cheese at all!
Load More Replies...BP, why on earth are you using AI-generated images of morbidly obese women in this post? Aside from my issues with AI, and the inherit rudeness of it, Op said she was 165 pounds. That is NOT THAT BIG. Do better.
What with the potato thing? Second post I've seen on here today.
He should never have said something so hurtful about her body. It will do nothing good but hurt her self esteem and could lead her down a negative spiral. Especially since he said it is her shape so it is nothing she can change. I unfortunately know what it is like to experience a body shaming comment made towards me. He didn't say it was my shape, but he said i have wider hips compared to his exes and he is not really into wide hips. When I told him how hurtful his comment was, he did not apologize and instead doubled down and said angrily "but you asked me a question!" It made me hate looking at myself in the mirror and constantly think something was wrong with my body. Every person should be willing to challenge their own perspective about where they got their ideas of what they find attractive. Hell I will even admit that when I was 14 I only wanted to date a Calvin Klein model lookalike. But I was 14, and my own perception has changed since then. I do not really care what a guy looks like.
You shouldn't want to have children with this man, he will leave you to raise the kids on your own. He practically said that.
If your dream guitar is a Les Paul, you're probably a shi t guitarist. Also, if you don't want to be fat shamed, don't be fat.
Should've left when she found out he lied about marriage and kids
wtf how vile is that man 🤬 now as a recovering anorexic,had food issues all my life in one shape or another , after two miscarriages at 43-45 ,I finally learnt to eat again , healthy food , I only cook from scratch , I’m now similar to op, I’m 5-1 n a ikkle bit lol n 11stone bang on have been for 6 yrs now , issues stop me walking much being active but I stay the same weight now ,n I’m happy at this , also small framed , so ops weight is NOT HorrendousFFS. her now ex pos however very much is ,nothing like being a mentally a b u I s ve pos !! So so glad op you got out . P,ease DO NOT CHANGE YOU ,for anyone , unless it’s for you , NO YOU ARE NOT THE AH FR FROM LOVELY ❤️
Love, you are Worth Everything. That guy is a monster. Don’t you dare give that filth another second thought. Know your worth! He is decidedly Not worth anything.
If his dream guitar is a Les Paul, he's probably a terrible guitar player. Spend the $2k on a gym membership and stop making excuses for being fat.
I make $92 an hour to work part time on a laptop. I never thought it was possible but my closest friend easily made $26,000 in 3 weeks with this top offer and she delighted me to join. .Visit the following article for new information on how to access.. HERE_____ jobatHome1.Com
Such a scary world we're living in when middle-aged people act like kindergarteners. What did OP expect from emailing, "Hihihi, you're not getting this guitar because you broke up with me!" Did she plan on adding a selfie sticking her tongue out at him too ?! It would only make the guy feel like he was right to break up with her because no one in their 40s should be acting like this.
But she really did NOT act like this. She just thought of doing it. Mature people sometimes think of doing things they would never do. From the tone of it, my guess is if she hadn't had reddit to say this thought "out loud", she would never have done it.
Load More Replies...Or, hear me out, you have absolutely no clue what her motivations are. Maybe she's just a very good hearted person who really wanted to make it work. But then he dumped her and she just snapped and wanted to hurt him. She's not repulsive, her ex and you are.
Load More Replies...He told her, two years in, that he didn’t want either marriage or kids, but she stayed with him. She resigned herself to never being a mother. For a guy. She needs to work on her self-esteem issues.
So much that! If people show you who they are, believe them. Don't believe the version of them you have in your head: believe what's in front of you. She wasted so much time and so much energy and she'll never get that back.
Load More Replies...Dutchie speaking here. Two slices of cheese every few days is not too much, it's nothing. NOTHING!
Not Dutchie but I love my cheese, and two slices every few days is practically no cheese at all!
Load More Replies...BP, why on earth are you using AI-generated images of morbidly obese women in this post? Aside from my issues with AI, and the inherit rudeness of it, Op said she was 165 pounds. That is NOT THAT BIG. Do better.
What with the potato thing? Second post I've seen on here today.
He should never have said something so hurtful about her body. It will do nothing good but hurt her self esteem and could lead her down a negative spiral. Especially since he said it is her shape so it is nothing she can change. I unfortunately know what it is like to experience a body shaming comment made towards me. He didn't say it was my shape, but he said i have wider hips compared to his exes and he is not really into wide hips. When I told him how hurtful his comment was, he did not apologize and instead doubled down and said angrily "but you asked me a question!" It made me hate looking at myself in the mirror and constantly think something was wrong with my body. Every person should be willing to challenge their own perspective about where they got their ideas of what they find attractive. Hell I will even admit that when I was 14 I only wanted to date a Calvin Klein model lookalike. But I was 14, and my own perception has changed since then. I do not really care what a guy looks like.
You shouldn't want to have children with this man, he will leave you to raise the kids on your own. He practically said that.
If your dream guitar is a Les Paul, you're probably a shi t guitarist. Also, if you don't want to be fat shamed, don't be fat.
Should've left when she found out he lied about marriage and kids
wtf how vile is that man 🤬 now as a recovering anorexic,had food issues all my life in one shape or another , after two miscarriages at 43-45 ,I finally learnt to eat again , healthy food , I only cook from scratch , I’m now similar to op, I’m 5-1 n a ikkle bit lol n 11stone bang on have been for 6 yrs now , issues stop me walking much being active but I stay the same weight now ,n I’m happy at this , also small framed , so ops weight is NOT HorrendousFFS. her now ex pos however very much is ,nothing like being a mentally a b u I s ve pos !! So so glad op you got out . P,ease DO NOT CHANGE YOU ,for anyone , unless it’s for you , NO YOU ARE NOT THE AH FR FROM LOVELY ❤️
Love, you are Worth Everything. That guy is a monster. Don’t you dare give that filth another second thought. Know your worth! He is decidedly Not worth anything.
If his dream guitar is a Les Paul, he's probably a terrible guitar player. Spend the $2k on a gym membership and stop making excuses for being fat.
I make $92 an hour to work part time on a laptop. I never thought it was possible but my closest friend easily made $26,000 in 3 weeks with this top offer and she delighted me to join. .Visit the following article for new information on how to access.. HERE_____ jobatHome1.Com
Such a scary world we're living in when middle-aged people act like kindergarteners. What did OP expect from emailing, "Hihihi, you're not getting this guitar because you broke up with me!" Did she plan on adding a selfie sticking her tongue out at him too ?! It would only make the guy feel like he was right to break up with her because no one in their 40s should be acting like this.
But she really did NOT act like this. She just thought of doing it. Mature people sometimes think of doing things they would never do. From the tone of it, my guess is if she hadn't had reddit to say this thought "out loud", she would never have done it.
Load More Replies...Or, hear me out, you have absolutely no clue what her motivations are. Maybe she's just a very good hearted person who really wanted to make it work. But then he dumped her and she just snapped and wanted to hurt him. She's not repulsive, her ex and you are.
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