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Man Refuses To Take Stepson On Trips With Bio Kids, Saying His Presence Would “Dilute” The Experience
The word stepparent has two parts: step and parent. And while a lot of people put all the weight on the “step,” the “parent” part still means something. If you take on that role, you take on responsibility, and part of that is being involved in the child’s life. If someone can’t handle that, it’s fair to question whether they should get the title at all.
One teen had his stepdad in his life for as long as he could remember. But over the years, the man made it clear he didn’t see him as his real son and kept prioritizing his biological children. So after one more reminder of where he stood, the teen stopped calling him dad.
Turns out it’s not so easy to stomach that treatment when you’re on the receiving end of it. Read the full story below.
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The teen had his stepfather in his life for as long as he could remember, yet the man never treated him like a real son
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual image)
So he decided to turn the tables on him and stopped calling him “dad”
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual image)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
Image credits: Contkad851
Favoritism can damage kids’ self-esteem and stick with them for years
Blended families are rarely easy. Even on paper, the task is as difficult as it sounds: you’re taking two families with their own routines, personalities, and histories, putting them under one roof, and hoping everyone clicks. That’s a lot to ask. Every small habit can become a big deal, and every awkward moment can feel personal.
Because it’s not just one relationship that needs work. Stepchildren are expected to accept a stepparent who can feel like a stranger, not quite a parent. Stepparents are expected to show up with patience and care for kids they’re still learning how to love. Stepsiblings have to figure out their own place in the new hierarchy, sometimes while grieving the old one. It’s a tightrope, and it’s normal for people to wobble.
The difference is, adults don’t get to pretend they’re just along for the ride. They’re the ones with the most responsibility, because that’s what comes with being an adult. They set the rules and the emotional temperature of the home. Which brings us back to the story above: can that be said for the stepdad here?
If you read any advice on blending a family, favoritism is one of the biggest “don’t do this” warnings. And it’s not hard to see why. Joining a new family as a child already comes with a fear that you’ll be the outsider. Watching someone else get the attention and comfort you’re craving is a fast track to hurt.
“I love my half-brother, but it was so hurtful to see how his needs seemed to be prioritized over mine,” Finlay, 31, whose father got together with his stepmother when he was 10, told The Times. “They would go on holiday and not invite me; I was discouraged from staying over; and the few times I was allowed to stay with them, I was asked to make up and strip my bed and bring my own towels. I felt like a second-class citizen.”
That’s the part people underestimate. There’s way more to favoritism than being the butt of a joke, or someone saying, “Haha, guess who the favorite is in this family.” It can teach a kid that love is something they have to earn or compete for.
Studies have linked favoritism to lower self-esteem, higher depressive symptoms, and more problematic behavior for kids who feel like they’re always getting the short end of the stick. Not exactly a nice goody bag to walk away with. No wonder the author of the story above eventually snapped.
In blended families, it takes real effort to make everyone feel safe and welcome
So what does “doing it right” actually look like?
For one, stepparents need to actually step up. In a blended family “all the relationships need conscious time and attention in order to work”, Katherine Walker is a psychotherapist, couples therapist and blended family coach whose new book, Step Up, told The Times.
That’s true whether the kids are with you full-time or just on weekends. And it matters even more when a couple has more children together. The kids, “for however much of the time they’re in your house, deserve to feel safe and welcome,” Walker said.
There are different approaches stepparents can take to make stepkids feel included. Verywell Mind suggests starting with simple connection points, like finding mutual interests everyone genuinely enjoys and doing them regularly. It also helps to create shared traditions, meaning new routines the whole family can take part in, so no one feels like a guest in their own home.
Communication matters too. Try to keep conversations constructive, and aim for an environment where family members can share thoughts and concerns without worrying they’ll be judged or shut down. And when conflict happens, because it probably will at some point, focus on handling it in a healthy way. That can mean teaching kids how to cool off, talk through disagreements, and express emotions without turning the situation into a fight.
And of course, it takes time. Under the best conditions, it may take two to four years for a new stepfamily to adjust to living together, according to the APA. But when everyone puts in the effort, it really can grow into a happy, harmonious family.
Readers overwhelmingly agreed the teen wasn’t at fault, and the stepfather was
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 11 hours ago
Shame on OP's mother for continuing to raise children with a partner who doesn't love one of their kids.
Kkg 9 hours ago
Somehow OP thinks that being referred to as "adopted son" was a good thing? If his "Dad" cared about him, he would simply call him his son.
Vinnie 9 hours ago (edited)
Also when someone is said to be "adopted", it means "I love them enough to make them my child". Which is B S here. The man is just bragging, trying to impress other adults, without putting in the effort. It's hypocrisy.
Load More Replies...
Sparky Hughes 5 hours ago
Why is the kid supposed to be more mature than the adult? Why does this minor child expected to be the bigger person? My own mother treats me like this and I’m in my 50s. I’m used to it but it still stings when she posts on FB on Mother’s Day thanking ONLY my brothers for making her a mom. Heck, my friend’s mothers were more of a mother than her.
Shark Lady 9 hours ago
Personally, I think it is an honour to be thought of as mum to someone who i did not give birth to. I have been a mother figure to several of my daughter's friends and they can me second mum, chosen mum whatever they like. For a teenage boy to be told that the only "father" he has ever known doesn't want to be in that role, even worse that money was part of it, is awful. OP must feel completely alone in that family, especially because his mother didn't stick up for him.
Kate Johnson 3 hours ago (edited)
This is really simple. Tom made it very clear that OP is NOT his child. Fine, then there's no reason whatsoever to refer to him as "dad", when he's NOT "dad". OP's mother is such an incredibly selfish woman, who married someone who was clearly NEVER going to see her son as "his child" and now wants her son to play "happy family" for her, despite her husband's cruelty and exclusion. If I was him, I'd NEVER call Tom "dad" again. I''d introduce him in future as "my mother's husband" and would, if continued to be pressured to "play pretend", get away from all of them as soon as I could.
Kohl_Keene 7 hours ago (edited)
I never called my stepdad Dad, he never treated me as a daughter. My mom got upset when I refused to have my kid call him grandpa. He was Mr Name to them. They got divorced anyway and thankfully my time around him was done.
Vinnie 9 hours ago
W T F - Tom thinks that OP's presence will "dilute" time with his bio kids?? Way to tell someone that 1) they're an obstacle to getting close to one's children; 2) bonding with them is a waste of their time. I wonder what Tom told the other kids about why the OP isn't with them... May as well say "I've known him since he was 1, but I think of him as a boarder."
Lee Gilliland 2 hours ago (edited)
Completely on step-dad. He's had this kid for the majority of his life. I cry shame upon Tom and mom.
Littlemiss 2 hours ago
The the mother and step creature would definitely have dropped OP then. The child support payments ceased.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 11 hours ago
Shame on OP's mother for continuing to raise children with a partner who doesn't love one of their kids.
Kkg 9 hours ago
Somehow OP thinks that being referred to as "adopted son" was a good thing? If his "Dad" cared about him, he would simply call him his son.
Vinnie 9 hours ago (edited)
Also when someone is said to be "adopted", it means "I love them enough to make them my child". Which is B S here. The man is just bragging, trying to impress other adults, without putting in the effort. It's hypocrisy.
Load More Replies... Sparky Hughes 5 hours ago
Why is the kid supposed to be more mature than the adult? Why does this minor child expected to be the bigger person? My own mother treats me like this and I’m in my 50s. I’m used to it but it still stings when she posts on FB on Mother’s Day thanking ONLY my brothers for making her a mom. Heck, my friend’s mothers were more of a mother than her.
Shark Lady 9 hours ago
Personally, I think it is an honour to be thought of as mum to someone who i did not give birth to. I have been a mother figure to several of my daughter's friends and they can me second mum, chosen mum whatever they like. For a teenage boy to be told that the only "father" he has ever known doesn't want to be in that role, even worse that money was part of it, is awful. OP must feel completely alone in that family, especially because his mother didn't stick up for him.
Kate Johnson 3 hours ago (edited)
This is really simple. Tom made it very clear that OP is NOT his child. Fine, then there's no reason whatsoever to refer to him as "dad", when he's NOT "dad". OP's mother is such an incredibly selfish woman, who married someone who was clearly NEVER going to see her son as "his child" and now wants her son to play "happy family" for her, despite her husband's cruelty and exclusion. If I was him, I'd NEVER call Tom "dad" again. I''d introduce him in future as "my mother's husband" and would, if continued to be pressured to "play pretend", get away from all of them as soon as I could.
Kohl_Keene 7 hours ago (edited)
I never called my stepdad Dad, he never treated me as a daughter. My mom got upset when I refused to have my kid call him grandpa. He was Mr Name to them. They got divorced anyway and thankfully my time around him was done.
Vinnie 9 hours ago
W T F - Tom thinks that OP's presence will "dilute" time with his bio kids?? Way to tell someone that 1) they're an obstacle to getting close to one's children; 2) bonding with them is a waste of their time. I wonder what Tom told the other kids about why the OP isn't with them... May as well say "I've known him since he was 1, but I think of him as a boarder."
Lee Gilliland 2 hours ago (edited)
Completely on step-dad. He's had this kid for the majority of his life. I cry shame upon Tom and mom.
Littlemiss 2 hours ago
The the mother and step creature would definitely have dropped OP then. The child support payments ceased.
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