Roommates Don’t Realize How Much They Eat After Person Stops Buying Groceries

The kitchen is the heart of the home, where we make delicious food, nourish ourselves, and connect with others. But when it’s shared with what sometimes can feel like strangers (aka roommates or flatmates), it can quickly become a source of frustration. From splitting groceries to cleaning and sharing the space, there are many things to think about to ensure peace in a shared kitchen.

At first, these guys were fine with the shared kitchen and food situation. But after a month, some roommates started asking a plus-size person not to eat all the groceries as they were trying to save money. They were appalled by such a request since they were the ones buying the food. Therefore, they decided to stop, making other roommates go into full cheapskate mode. 

Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with Victoria Murray, LCSW, psychotherapist in private practice at Root to Rise Therapy, and Matt Hutchinson, spokesperson for roommate matching site SpareRoom, who kindly agreed to chat with us more about sharing food and kitchen with roommates.

Ensuring peace in a shared kitchen isn’t as easy as it might seem

Man searching a nearly empty fridge, looking concerned, related to food and fat-shaming issues among roommates.

Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)

And these guys definitely know this, as sharing food quickly became a source of conflict for them

Text about roommates accusing someone of eating food, causing conflict over missing items.

Text about a joint kitchen and sharing food allowance, related to roommates and food dynamics.

Text image discussing teenagers' eating habits and personal movement.

Text about roommates managing food and allowances, highlighting a frugal approach to avoid starvation and food accusations.

Text detailing grocery expenses and roommate dynamics involving food consumption and sharing practices.

Text about frugal living and food scarcity amidst accusations and fat-shaming.

Text recounts being insulted by roommates about size, despite providing over 75% of shared food while often busy eating out.

Roommates at a table with sparse food, highlighting food-related conflict.

Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Text message about roommates hiding food and frugality.

Roommates unable to afford favorite Spam due to expenses and food issues.

Roommates idling in kitchen, making meals with expired vegetables and eggs amid food and fat-shaming accusations.

Text discussing a cousin's realization about vices and starvation, mentioning bringing fried chicken to help.

Text about leaving college, highlighting roommates eager to appease for Spam due to food-related tensions.

Image credits: MUSTARDUNAVAILABLE

“You need great communication to get along well with your roommates”

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

Victoria Murray, LCSW psychotherapist in private practice at Root to Rise Therapy, explains that many people find it hard to share spaces with roommates because we like to be in control and don’t always enjoy compromising. “For many of us, we feel like our way of doing things is the “right way”—for example, putting kitchen supplies away in certain places, leaving the toilet seat up or down, organizing the refrigerator in a certain way, etc.,” she said.

“For most things in life, there is more than one “right way” that it can be done. However, we all get stuck into our habits based on how we grew up and what makes us feel most comfortable. When roommates don’t want to do things the same way we do, resentment builds that can negatively impact the relationship and make us more likely to notice other things they do that aggravate us. Especially for people who have not been in romantic relationships or lived with another person before, putting your own values aside to find compromise with another person can be extra challenging,” Murray further explained.

Meanwhile, Matt Hutchinson, spokesperson for roommate matching site SpareRoom, believes the scarce space makes it easy for someone to get wronged, which can quickly become a source of conflict between housemates. “If you get the smallest shelf in the refrigerator, or someone keeps putting their groceries in your cupboard as they’ve maxed out all the space theirs, you’re going to feel hard done by,” he said.

“That means you need great communication to get along well with your roommates and, ideally, this needs to start before you’ve moved in together. It’s worth talking about everything from how you’ll decorate the space, to how often you clean, and at what times you’d like to use communal spaces like the kitchen. Everyone has their individual preferences, habits and routines, and in small spaces these can be harder to follow, so it’s not surprising that disagreements come up, even with the best of roommates.”

If rules are constantly disregarded, it might be best for roommates to go separate ways at the end of the lease

Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)

As evident in this story, sharing crucial things like food and kitchen can quickly become a source of conflict with roommates. Therefore, Murray suggests (for not-so-friendly housemates) to divide their groceries and time in the kitchen. “For example, having a schedule for when each person can use the kitchen can help set expectations so that you don’t feel frustrated when you go into the kitchen to prepare a meal and your roommate is using it. The fridge can be divided in sides or using labels on food, unless both people trust each other to know for the most part what is theirs.”

“Most roommates designate cupboard space for each person, as well as a shelf or drawer in the refrigerator and freezer. That way everyone knows what’s theirs and there’s no risk of confusion. Some households designate perishables like milk, bread, fruit and vegetables as shared to limit food waste. To keep bills low, you may want to let each other know if you plan to use the oven, so others can use it while it’s hot rather than reheat it several times,” added Hutchinson.

To avoid any disagreements down the line, roommates should figure out their food and kitchen arrangements before they move in, as having the conversation before there’s a problem is always easier, notes Hutchinson. “Set boundaries and expectations together and communicate house rules to any newcomers before they move in. On SpareRoom, you can state if you’d prefer your roommate to share the same dietary preferences as you, such as being vegan or vegetarian. If food preferences and preparation are important to you, it makes sense to try to find roommates who think similarly.”

Murray also said that roommates should be constantly communicating about any household issues by setting time aside to meet once a month or so. “One person may prefer communicating in person while another may be more inclined to communicate over text—it’s important to know this about the other person so that you can try to approach them in a way that they will be more receptive to when there’s an issue. When things get swept under the rug, resentment builds, and the living environment can quickly start to feel hostile.”

If a certain issue keeps repeating and roommates can’t seem to get on, it’s important to sit down and talk about it in person, said Murray. “Trying to come from a place of understanding and giving the other person the benefit of the doubt can be helpful in having a more productive conversation, instead of attacking or responding defensively. Remember that this is both of your living spaces, and finding solutions to conflict is in both of your best interests.”

However, if rules are being constantly disregarded and both parties are uninterested in finding a solution, Murray suggests it might be best to go separate ways at the end of the lease.

The original poster shared more information in the comments

Person accused of eating all food by roommates, discussion on fat-shaming and contribution.

Reddit discussion about roommates and food expenses, highlighting lack of awareness in budgeting.

Reddit comments discussing roommates and food-sharing issues, highlighting fat-shaming and accusations.

Reddit comments discussing ethnic background amid food-shaming incident.

Readers applauded the OP’s petty revenge

Comment discussing roommates and food arguments.

Comment referencing roommates and eating habits, mentioning spam and humble pie.

Comment about saving throw, humor in roommates' food situation.

Text from a forum comment about starvation and food preferences.

Text from a user about trading favors for food in a humorous tone.

Comment discussing food hoarding and inconsiderate roommates related to fat-shaming.

Text exchange highlighting food-related conflict and fat-shaming among roommates.

While others also shared similar stories

Text exchange about roommates and food issues, highlighting conflicts over shared living space and accusations of overeating.

Reddit thread discussing a person's experience with roommates allegedly taking food stored between window panes.

Reddit comments discussing fat-shaming and assumptions on eating habits.

Text screenshot about self-delusion, featuring a person's story about their parents and house cleaning remarks.

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