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Daughter Goes Ballistic Over Mom Using £15k Of Her Trust Fund To Afford Their Home, Mom Is Shocked
Money can sometimes be a sore subject for family members and even cause rifts between them. Things like inheritance and trust funds are usually the things people fight over the most because it becomes a matter of who owes whom what.
This is what happened between a mom and her daughter when the mother decided to use a part of her teen’s trust fund money to afford their new house. The teen got so mad at her mom for doing that and even accused her of stealing. Things became very tense between them.
More info: Mumsnet
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Parents usually try their best to save up for their kids, but sudden circumstances might force them to dip into those funds
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that she had inherited £30k from her father and decided to put that aside as a trust fund for her daughter to be given when she turned 19
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Since she had recently gone through a messy divorce and had to purchase a new house, she needed more money to be able to afford the entire cost
Image credits: jet-po / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster decided to use £15k of her daughter’s trust fund to help cover the house payments since they both really liked the new home and area
Image credits: BlueFlamingo55
Unfortunately, her daughter got extremely mad at having half of her trust fund money disappear, accusing her mom of being a thief and ruining her life
Every parent wants to be able to provide for their kids to the best of their ability. Some may be able to put aside money and keep it in a trust for later. The OP was lucky enough to get a sizeable inheritance from her dad, so she decided to keep it for her daughter and help secure her future.
According to experts, it’s natural for parents to want to ease their kids’ lives by saving up for them in the future, but they need to secure the present first. Parents need to look after their own needs, mainly retirement and healthcare, before they even begin thinking about a trust fund for their children.
It’s clear that the mom didn’t realize how much money she would actually need at this stage in her life. Due to an unexpected and messy divorce, she had to buy a new house. Neither she nor her daughter was in favor of the cheaper options, which is why she needed a lot more money set aside.
The OP decided that the best way to go about it was to use half of the money in her daughter’s trust fund. She didn’t want to get a loan or any credit card debt because she already had some to clear. Technically, she could use the money without asking, as it was kept in a savings account under her name and not in a legal trust.
Image credits: jcomp / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The problem with the mom’s actions is that she decided to take the £15k without asking for her daughter’s permission. So, when she told the teen, it caused a massive problem because she felt that her mother was stealing her money and trying to ruin her life. She had planned to use it for travel and felt that she’d no longer be able to afford her trips.
Netizens were divided about whether the girl should be angry with her mother for taking the funds or if she was too entitled. Sometimes, an inheritance like this can cause problems between parents and children because the kids may feel like they are owed the money. Knowing they’ll later get a sizeable amount without any effort might affect their motivation and effort.
It’s clear that the daughter was banking on the money her mom had kept aside for her. When she found out that she was only getting half, she was outraged. This led to a huge conflict and made the mother feel guilty for her actions. She didn’t know if she had done the right thing by using the money to invest in their future house.
Parenting is often tough because some decisions might need to be made for the good of the family, but they might put one member in a difficult situation. It’s, therefore, important for parents and kids to start communicating more so that nobody is blindsided by such decisions and a compromise can be achieved.
Whose side are you taking in this conflict? Let us know your honest opinion.
Most folks felt that the mom was in the wrong for even thinking of using up half of her daughter’s money to buy the house
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What do you think ?
Paul C 4 months ago
This is a bit strange - the OP says the money was her inheritance, not her daughter's. She just decided to keep it for her daughter. She is therefore not guilty of theft - it is hers until she gives it to her daughter, unless she put it in her daughter's name, but kept a power of attorney type arrangement on it, which would then be theft. Most commenters seem to have missed that. The problem occurs because she told her daughter this was to be hers and when it was to be. So the AH bit is all about her being stupid and telling her daughter all about the money, instead of just keeping it for her until she could hand it over. If she had kept quiet, but then given her £15k saying it was from her grandfather, her daughter would be delighted. It's the broken promise I think the issue. Without knowing a lot more, it is hard to say about the rights and wrongs of the spent £15k - if you have nowhere to live and the £15k would be spent on "travelling", I can see the attraction.
Ellinor she/they/elle 4 months ago (edited)
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rorschach-penguin 4 months ago (edited)
There's a lot wrong here, beginning with the fact that a non-paying nineteen year old is refusing to live in a cheaper home and being given a vote. The OP tells her daughter that she can't afford the house and that she can either take 15k out of the trust fund or she can live in a cheaper house further from town. The daughter can pick between those two choices. She can't insist upon her mom buying an expensive house and also not using the trust fund to do it.
Fungus John 4 months ago
you're ignoring that the mother also "quietly agrees" about the house. I'm guessing shes quiet about it because she knows she can use her daughters demands as an excuse to take the money.
Load More Replies... tameson 4 months ago
1) This is still the mom's money. She told her daughter that she would give it to her but that has not happened yet. So no theft, at this point the money still legally belongs to the mom. 2) The mom is taking only 1/2 of the trust fund to be able to afford to buy a bigger, nicer house that both she and her daughter plan to live in. This is something that the daughter wants to, and will benefit from. 3) Chances are good that eventually the house will belong to the daughter and it will be worth much, much more than the amount the daughter wants to use now to travel.
Hidalgo 4 months ago
A 19 year old isn’t going to be in the house a long time. Solely for the mother’s benefit.
Betsy S 4 months ago
Until it's time for inheritance. As the only offspring, the daughter will get the now increased value home for herself.
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Deborah B 4 months ago
If it's her daughter's trust fund, either taking it is theft from her daughter, or she's been lying to her daughter for years about the money being hers. And this is a 19 year old - this is the age where she will be making plans to leave home. Mum isn't buying a permanent home for them both, she's buying her permanent home, that her daughter will leave in a few years. She needs to sit down with her daughter, show her the facts, and talk through it - this is where she can buy without using the money for a down payment, this is where she can buy with it, what she's willing to do in terms of making it a loan secured against the house, or putting her daughter on the deed, etc. If mum was offering to put her daughter's name on the deed, and they were both going to contribute to the mortgage, with the plan that the house would be sold in 10 years, or remortgaged to buy her share out at market value, then the daughter might decide it was a good investment.
Ol' Stevie 4 months ago
You haven't got the feintest idea about the UK property market or even how mortgages work, have you?
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Camilah Yon 3 months ago
IMHO, I would just find somewhere for myself to live, within my budget. Give DD her "inheritance" you promised her and let her stand on her own 2 adult feet. She can see how far that will get her. It would much better be spent on housing, and probably in the future she will inherit the property anyway so she's not "losing" anything. She is just ungrateful, seeing big cash signs instead of long-term benefits. Should she receive that money now, even at 19, she will blow it on silly things and have no long-term benefits
Eri J 4 months ago (edited)
The daughter wants her cake and eat it too. She wants the more expensive house. So she should help pay for it, especially since the cheaper houses "won't do".
Load More Replies...
Paul C 4 months ago
This is a bit strange - the OP says the money was her inheritance, not her daughter's. She just decided to keep it for her daughter. She is therefore not guilty of theft - it is hers until she gives it to her daughter, unless she put it in her daughter's name, but kept a power of attorney type arrangement on it, which would then be theft. Most commenters seem to have missed that. The problem occurs because she told her daughter this was to be hers and when it was to be. So the AH bit is all about her being stupid and telling her daughter all about the money, instead of just keeping it for her until she could hand it over. If she had kept quiet, but then given her £15k saying it was from her grandfather, her daughter would be delighted. It's the broken promise I think the issue. Without knowing a lot more, it is hard to say about the rights and wrongs of the spent £15k - if you have nowhere to live and the £15k would be spent on "travelling", I can see the attraction.
Ellinor she/they/elle 4 months ago (edited)
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Load More Replies... rorschach-penguin 4 months ago (edited)
There's a lot wrong here, beginning with the fact that a non-paying nineteen year old is refusing to live in a cheaper home and being given a vote. The OP tells her daughter that she can't afford the house and that she can either take 15k out of the trust fund or she can live in a cheaper house further from town. The daughter can pick between those two choices. She can't insist upon her mom buying an expensive house and also not using the trust fund to do it.
Fungus John 4 months ago
you're ignoring that the mother also "quietly agrees" about the house. I'm guessing shes quiet about it because she knows she can use her daughters demands as an excuse to take the money.
Load More Replies... tameson 4 months ago
1) This is still the mom's money. She told her daughter that she would give it to her but that has not happened yet. So no theft, at this point the money still legally belongs to the mom. 2) The mom is taking only 1/2 of the trust fund to be able to afford to buy a bigger, nicer house that both she and her daughter plan to live in. This is something that the daughter wants to, and will benefit from. 3) Chances are good that eventually the house will belong to the daughter and it will be worth much, much more than the amount the daughter wants to use now to travel.
Hidalgo 4 months ago
A 19 year old isn’t going to be in the house a long time. Solely for the mother’s benefit.
Betsy S 4 months ago
Until it's time for inheritance. As the only offspring, the daughter will get the now increased value home for herself.
Load More Replies... Deborah B 4 months ago
If it's her daughter's trust fund, either taking it is theft from her daughter, or she's been lying to her daughter for years about the money being hers. And this is a 19 year old - this is the age where she will be making plans to leave home. Mum isn't buying a permanent home for them both, she's buying her permanent home, that her daughter will leave in a few years. She needs to sit down with her daughter, show her the facts, and talk through it - this is where she can buy without using the money for a down payment, this is where she can buy with it, what she's willing to do in terms of making it a loan secured against the house, or putting her daughter on the deed, etc. If mum was offering to put her daughter's name on the deed, and they were both going to contribute to the mortgage, with the plan that the house would be sold in 10 years, or remortgaged to buy her share out at market value, then the daughter might decide it was a good investment.
Ol' Stevie 4 months ago
You haven't got the feintest idea about the UK property market or even how mortgages work, have you?
Load More Replies... Camilah Yon 3 months ago
IMHO, I would just find somewhere for myself to live, within my budget. Give DD her "inheritance" you promised her and let her stand on her own 2 adult feet. She can see how far that will get her. It would much better be spent on housing, and probably in the future she will inherit the property anyway so she's not "losing" anything. She is just ungrateful, seeing big cash signs instead of long-term benefits. Should she receive that money now, even at 19, she will blow it on silly things and have no long-term benefits
Eri J 4 months ago (edited)
The daughter wants her cake and eat it too. She wants the more expensive house. So she should help pay for it, especially since the cheaper houses "won't do".
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