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If you've ever had the pleasure of living with a sleep-talker, you probably know how hilarious (or even creepy) the things they say tend to be. But probably the most intriguing and strange thing about this whole concept is that, to this day, doctors and psychologists still don't have much information on what it is and why some people are prone to engage in it.
However, the lack of knowledge surrounding the topic of sleep-talking doesn't make it any less funny—various popular forums, online groups, and social media platforms are full of folks sharing and discussing the best and most hilarious sleep-talking stories they've been lucky enough to encounter. Knowing that, we took the matter into our own hands to scan the interwebs and make a list out of the ones that have the most potential to crack you up.
With that being said, Bored Panda invites you to look through some of the most hilarious sleep-talking stories people shared online. And as always, don't forget to vote for the entries you liked the most and share your own stories in the comment section!
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#1
SisterSavana 5 years ago
I would have been laughing so hard while trying to be quiet that I would have started crying. Terrified, and confused, but probubly would have been laughing the most. Lmao
Martin Alex 4 years ago
Once, my girlfriend sat up in the middle of the night, and woke me up by saying "Why did you wake me up?" I hadn't done anything, I was sleeping!
Laura Mende 5 years ago (edited)
I usually fall asleep while listen to music or watch TV. My mother comes in to say goodnight. Her top 3 of my sleep-talks: 1. Me whispering: Mom? Mom? Oh I hate it when you are invisible! (My eyes were shut of course!) 2. I sat up and said to her: Mom, is that you? You are old! 3. Sat up and touching the wall saying: I get it, finally i get it! I can´t remember anything of this. Seems I´m insane... And once i fell asleep at school (maths is boring!) and said to my friend sitting next to me: "I wanna go swimming later, can i borrow your flying banana?" I wake up to the whole classroom crying in laughter...
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#2
Kathryn Baylis 5 years ago (edited)
Don’t you mean “Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink” instead? ;)
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Cherish Elledge 5 years ago
Lol my husband did that. But it was orders to the suppliers of the restaurant. He'd blurt out, " i need 20 lbs. of hamburger, and bacon" stuff like that. My son also talks in his sleep as well. '
Julie McCann 5 years ago
I used to talk back to my ex the same...he wasn't taking orders but I sooo enjoyed flustering up the conversation
#3
Mary Baker 5 years ago
As an active dreamer, I think you have me beat. Fifteen years into retirement, I still have work-related bad dreams. I am intensely curious as to whether you have ever worked at Aldi.
Wandaluzt 4 years ago
Ask him on Twitter. Where it was posted. He is very unlikely to be aware of or see this.
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#4
Danny Ruiz 4 years ago
LOL! My wife fell asleep on the kitchen chair when she finished her desert. I was making a night snack and went and nudged her to wake up. I went back to my snack. She shook her head and said to "Get off my feet!" Have no clue here...
#5
Up All Night 5 years ago
Please, a proof he was really sleeping or just wanting to get away with this!
#7
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
He was thinking about the joke where Trump was on a plane with his family and the pilot announced they had some problems and were going to crash. In a flash Trump grabbed a parachute opened the emergency exit and jumper out. The stewardess looked at the rest of the family and said: " Don't worry, we have enough parachutes. The president grabbed Barron's rucksack."
Nikki Steele 5 years ago
My first thought was they were avid players and fans of the lemmings games... = )
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#9
Laugh or not 5 years ago
Yes, I would take it as a compliment. But I am concern that her reflex in front of a dragon is to bite. What kind of creature does she believe to be???
Load More Replies... Iris Post 5 years ago
Imagine somebody just biting you on your neck in the middle of the night 😰
eezycheezes101 5 years ago
I think that's cute that she would at least try and defend herself or you against a dragon.
lakitha tolbert 5 years ago
Well isn’t that how one defeats a dragon? If that is indeed what she was trying to do....
#10
KrabbyGramps666 5 years ago
Just last night my little brother in the middle of the night and asked someone “How are you doing that so well”
marie elle 5 years ago
My husband takes the cat to bed every night, and about for a year he recently threw her out of bed shouting "we do NOT have a black cat" (she's tabby)or "the DOG us not allowed in the bed" or "dead and cold, not AGAIN". So, every time, he stirred, the cat and I both had only one thing in mind: saving the cat.
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 5 years ago
That cat must have looked something awful to be mistaken for a dead vegetable.
#11
Gemstripe the RainWing 4 years ago
I should melt some of thier face. (Rainwings can shoot venom through thier fangs)
Tiny Dynamine 5 years ago
This is one of the most brutal things I've ever heard! I mean, the cricket trophy! Wow.
#12
surprised pikachu 5 years ago
if i hadn't known what thread this was I would've thought the first part was something from harry potter
#13
BlueBlaze 5 years ago
Once I remember waking up to find that My cat had nudged himself under my hand somewhere that night and myself saying "Yeah" In my dream I was petting my cat and saying yeah. My cat Oliver usually snuggles up with me so I found this very cute.
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#15
Edgar Rops 5 years ago
According to my wife, I once sat upright in bed, raised the index finger and declared "I shall petition the E!" I am a lawyer, so yes, occupational dreams can be quite vivid
CrEaTiVe_duck 5 years ago
my mum once said i started laughing creepily and said "NOW WHERE WILL YOU GO SONIC?" grabbing her hard and then i fell onto the bed and fell asleep
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Janet Sturgess 4 years ago
My partner thought I was a rock and there was a snake under me - promptly fired me out of bed!
#16
Canadian in Cornwall 5 years ago
My husband was chewing in his sleep. I said, 'What are you eating?'. He said 'crisps'. (potato chips).
#17
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
My husband haden't been home from Nam for very long. A hail storm hit our house in the middle of the night, hail stones breaking the windows and hitting us on the bed. I woke him yellng move it's hail! He threw me onto the floor covered me with his body yelling ,"Where's my weapon, can't find my weapon." I said it's a hail storm."He said, "I know war is hell stay down!" When I finally got him to understand I ended up crying and laughing . (it broke every window on one side of the house,ice and glass everywhere but no shells thank goodness.)
#18
Noémi Fehér 4 years ago
i did this too to a friend, i was dreaming that i was holding a leash and the dog was pulling hard :,D
#19
Coco Chanel 5 years ago (edited)
I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck, so I shake my butt no matter what. The little girl probably just likes the song lol.
Mary Rose Kent 5 years ago
What song is it? I don’t recognize the lyrics.
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Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
Pay attention, you can learn a lot during the night time conversations.
Asexual Panda 3 years ago
My sister shouted, "Give me my grandma back!" In hers. She didn't her, she died before she was born.
Nora the mistake 0_o 4 years ago
oh i wanna be a duck quack quack.... yeah i will walk myself out
#20
Vic 5 years ago
You can, since 2020.. when your hairdresser is your wife..
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#23
Mary Peace 5 years ago
Well, chemistry is science, but surely that's biology?
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Lynsey Mooney 5 years ago
I told the hubby to wake me up for sexy time and when he tried I roared laughing at him in my sleep, which killed his mood lol he got a great laugh telling oblivious me 👏
#25
Kathryn Baylis 5 years ago (edited)
Um, what kind of chair was he building, exactly? On second thought, no. Forget I asked. I don’t want to know.
#27
Vic 5 years ago
Maybe it was just a cymbal of appreciation for his partner
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TheEternalferret 5 years ago (edited)
Am I the only one who thought he was cheering on his SO who wanted to (or actively was) f***ing the mailman?
Flash Henry 5 years ago
My friend once mumbled "oh my God I know, I hate her" in his sleep and we all still really want to know who he was talking about.
#29
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
One time I woke up convinced I’d lost my arm because it was completely numb from me sleeping on it.
Jjjane20 5 years ago (edited)
Happened to me too I was so terrified that I lost it, couldn't find it because it was behind my back and I found it when I started to feel it again.. Such a relief.
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Breezy 4 years ago
Had fallen asleep in bed lying on my stomach with my arm underneath me and my hand on my face...arm went numb...woke up and 100% thought some random broke into my room and was touching my face....legit just stayed as still as possible in terror until I realized it was my own hand touching my face...lmfao!!
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
What a time for me to get tickled, belly laughing at a Big Bouncer.
Jenni Irving 5 years ago
Lmao my husband did something similar. Laid on hand, lost feeling, half woke up, thought it was someone else's hand, freaked out, jumping up screaming
Suze Williams 5 years ago
Lol this one has broken me for some reason! I'm laid in bed at 3:14am crying from laughing!
Xenon 5 years ago
I was jumped bolt upright in bed from a dead sleep because I felt someone squeeze my belly... it was my own numb arm and hand. Similar to the time I scared the daylights out of myself in the shower. I felt someone grab my butt... it was just my long hair sticking to my butt cheek when I turned my head to rinse.
Abigail Nagel 5 years ago
once my sister randomly yelled my name at night...we were both quite young at the time, and I do not remember that. neither does she.
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago (edited)
Somewhere between funny and knowing when to stay quiet while helping him find his hand?
#30
#31
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
Sometimes it's so funny. One night my husband just gave up and helped me catch the buttons I saw floatng around, as soon as we caught them I was back to sleep.
#32
AlmightyOne 5 years ago
I remember having a dream in which there was a dog who attacked my mother. I did not see the dog, as in the dream I was not there for the event, but in my dream Mom, although unhurt, told me that a dog had attacked her. Right before I drifted out of that dream, I saw a large pitbull/boxer mixed breed a murmured "dog? What dog?" As the dog just calmly walked up a hiking trail towards us (we were in the mountains in the dream). When I woke up to no dog I was understandably very confused, and Mom, who had overheard me muttering in my sleep since we were in the same room staying at my aunt's house, was equally so.
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
I've noticed some people talk or sleep walk more when they sleep in a new place.
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boredkitten 5 years ago
I think you wouldn't do that to a cat seeing you have one in your profile picture
#33
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
Ironed potatoes and a tank called Tommie,where were you when you woke up?
Rissie 5 years ago
Too bad Thomas the Tank Engine is written by an English writer to begin with. Now quickly skedaddle back to the shadows, if you please.
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Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
He broke my 100 year old stained glass church window during a nightmare. Hurt his leg too.
_ 5 years ago
My husband manages to sleep punch me in the face about every 2 months. He is active duty military and I am constantly telling people that "no, I am not being abused at home. He's just an active sleeper." He's even slapped the poor cat off the bed a few times.
ChickyChicky 5 years ago
My aunt woke up with her husband choking her. She made him keep his guns away from the bed after that.
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#35
#36
Iris Post 5 years ago
Sleep talking is weird and it’s a thing I do. I used to sleep with my sister, and she said in my sleep I talked to her. I would say “ Mira Mira Mira Mira “ all over again. One time, I started sobbing in my sleep saying “ the money, the money” 😑
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
You got your priorities straight, at least. The money.
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Anna roberts 5 years ago
Before all you can call cell phone bills, my step-daughter "talked" to some guy all night. I spent a week or so trying to explain to both the phone company and the poor guy, that she sleeps talks and doesn't remember no mean a word of what she said, Bill was over $1,000
Huntress Catteneo 4 years ago
I was sat bolt upright, screamed at the top of my lungs while looking at the end of the bed, then lay back down to sleep. My partner was seriously freaked and spent the next 10 minutes shaking me to wake and say what I was screaming at.
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
I wonder, did he search the place for a criminal. Must have been so scared.
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
They thought there was a man ! I dreamed a cat was attacking my head, my husband grabbed my head while he tried to reach the light. We tangled until I woke up,there was no cat and he could see he was holing my hair not a cat.
#37
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
That's cute. The most adventursome I was when I called from the store to ask why I was there in my PJ's. I had driven there! From then on if I went outside my husband checked to make sure I was awake.
April X 5 years ago
That's so weird I have onesies on hooks by my closet and my cat plays with them all the time but at night too and I'm always telling my hubby to shut that door sounds like my life
Melanie 5 years ago
I remember once when I was on a school camp me and one of my friends couldn’t sleep so we sat up chatting and the girl who was sharing the bunk beds with my friend said igloo. She didn’t remember it in the morning but I still remember it to this day and think about it often.
Rain runner 5 years ago
Well? Did he close tham afterwords? This has me in giigles and now I Have to go down and pee...
#38
Philly Bob Squires 5 years ago
I remember getting into a fight... I drew back and suckered this a-hole as hard as I could only to wake up and realize I just laid a hard one into my window sill. Broke 3 of my knuckles. I hate being an idiot... especially when it hurts! :)
Nubis Knight 5 years ago
A friend of mine dreamed he won an Oscar, but the judge wouldn't let go of the trophy as he handed it over. So he tried to pull it free. That Was when he wokebup with the wall Socket from beside his nightstand in his hand that he just pulled free. O o
nala simba 5 years ago
I do that. Run away from something, only to back in to a corner to hide, but actually, throw myself out of bed! Ouch.
AnnaB 5 years ago
Last month I was having a horrible, vivid nightmare. I threw myself out of bed trying to escape the phantom figure chasing me and hit my head on the edge of my nightstand. Ended up having to drive myself to the ER for stitches!
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
Then you had to explain it to the ER workers and convince them it wasn't an attack from a dream. Good luck with that if none of them were sleep walkers.
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Koala Kitty 5 years ago
Oh oh look up Mike Birbiglia - Sleepwalking. He once jumped out of a hotel room window.
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
I believe you. I walked, talked , and lots of things. I almost pushed a fan over onto my head , I was on the floor pushing the table holding the fan dreaming the tractor was running over me.
#39
Red 5 years ago
Oh no indeed. Nobody likes falling asleep in the middle of the film
Load More Replies... Desiree Cretan 5 years ago
I would have replied "but i already watched this" and see what happens!!!
backatya 5 years ago
damn I would have been pissed if someone woke me up that early. I once was serving overseas in Korea. We were sleeping in our sleeping bags in the dead of winter. One of the Republic of Korea Army personnel came over and shined a flashlight in my face to tell me it was my turn for guard duty. That guy will never forget not to shine a light in someone's face while they're sleeping again.
#40
#41
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 4 years ago
Ya, like that instance i drove a car when i was 8 in a dream
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#42
Martin Kaine 5 years ago
What a philanthropist, trying to raise money for the Arts in your sleep!
#43
#44
#45
#46
Debra Timah 4 years ago
I'm quite afraid the snakes may have gotten them.
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JY - 06PS 782412 Thomas Street MS 5 years ago
i wonder what he was gonna eat... and i wonder why...
#48
#49
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
One bad dream the snakes were biting my back while I tried to climb the building, Daddy turned the light on when he heard me screaming and peeled me off the top of the bed.
#50
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#53
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
One night my dream was so vivid I thought I could walk on air and the next morning was diappointed that I couldn't.
#54
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#56
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago (edited)
No dear, the curtain is closed , the camara is off it's time to accept your award and go home.
#57
Abigail Nagel 5 years ago
it would have been SO FUNNY if that had actually fit in the conversation.
JY - 06PS 782412 Thomas Street MS 5 years ago
what's the first person you can think o... JAMES THE FIRST!
#58
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
Oh, my apprentice, you’re missing out. A churro is a deep fried dough stick coated liberally in sugar.
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#60
JY - 06PS 782412 Thomas Street MS 5 years ago
Ah, I suppose so, But they are a slight too heavy
#61
Maeve Raffaele 5 years ago
*the schuyler sisteeers* Peggy-Angelica-ELIZA Work!
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Mary Maney 5 years ago
Once in a dream i was talking to my brother so i started saying michaelllllll michaelllllllllllll in the dead of night i creeped myself out
#63
Elaine Mattingly 5 years ago
Sometimes there are horrible nightmars. The worst one ever I was trying to save babies from being hurt by evil people and no one would help me. I woke up and started crying asking my husband why he wouldn't help save the babies. We had to turn the light on and talk that one out. It was horrible.
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#67
Tigersquid Kittydoggy 5 years ago
Silly, everyone knows that yelling F*** OFF in your sleep is the only way to dispose of demons
#68
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
Justin Bieber’s “music” in general is a crime against humanity
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Jeff Christensen 4 years ago
What happens in boarding school STAYS in boarding school.
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#74
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 4 years ago
Fart off- a nice way to propel yourself after you annoy someone
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#76
Skull Tastic 5 years ago
I was in the hospital on bed rest before giving birth to my extremely premie son. My mom was in the room as I napped. I apparently sat bolt up right and she asked if I was ok. I said “the trees and the bushes will help me”. Mom asks what? And I said “I have no idea why I said that” and then passed out
#78
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 5 years ago
There was this one time when I dreamt that there was a snake loose in my bed. I immediately woke up and started frantically searching the covers for the snake, which woke my mom up in the other room. She asked me what I was doing and I told her that I "lost the snake and we have to find it".
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littlesaresare 5 years ago
As a kid at a sleepover, one of the girls started sleepwalking. We asked her what she was doing. "I have to give the hot cross buns to Jesus." We tried waking her up but it just made her more hysterical and she fought us off, because she REALLY needed to get those hot cross buns to Jesus.
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 5 years ago
I have two of these. One time my sister screamed in my mom's face in the middle of the night. My mom woke up and panicked while my sister and dad remained asleep. It's probably one of the funniest things she's done. Another time I went to sleep and around midnight, I unplugged all my devices(phone, laptop, iPad) and even put on my glasses. I walked downstairs and freaked the heck out of my dad who was the only one down there. I have yet to live that down.
Yes, I’m a Bookworm 5 years ago
Me: immediately upvotes because I see a wings of fire username
Load More Replies... Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
I once woke myself up because I made it out of my room, down the stairs, and ran into the glass sliding door into the backyard. I was six at the time. I sleepwalked a lot, I also often found myself in the kitchen, and once, in a package of Oreos.
Kashmir 5 years ago
I want to thank all the posters for the out loud laughs you gave me on a really bad day!!
Anne Bidstrup 5 years ago
My ex husband used to talk in his sleep. The best one was him giggling like a loon and saying "girls, girls! There's enough of me for EVERYONE!"
Heidi Zimmermann 5 years ago
My husband is quite sweet in his sleep...sometimes he rolls over to me at night, puts a hand on my chest and says "my boobies" 😁 once he turned around, pulled me over to him and said "you are my sweetheart".
Lia Joseph 5 years ago
My hubby is a active sleep talker. One night three years ago, he woke me up growling and snarling. I yelled, "Hon, hon wake up!" He got out of bed, snarling low and said in this creepy ass voice, "Its behind you. Jongazire liiikes you." He winked, giggled and went back to sleep. Needless to say, I spent the night drinking coffee with the lights on
Harleen 5 years ago
My friend's brother once came out of his room while we were in her kitchen. He was going, "vrrr, mRRRRR, vrrrrr" and had his hands out in front of him like he was holding something. We realized he was "driving" in his sleep! I guess he heard us laughing because he came and stood in front of the counter. He braked first, "neeee putt-putt-putt screeech" then went, "Hello? Is this Taco Bell?" She told him it was, but we were closed. So he put himself back in gear and "drove away". Then there was the time I (still sleeping) sat up around 2am, glared at my still awake friend and said, "Give me Mountain Dew!" When she said no, I punched her right in the nose and continued sleeping.
Woets 5 years ago
My husband is an active talker during his dreams. One time (he was in the military then) he woke me up in one of his dreams to take notes on how to approach the enemy. When I told him the next morning that we should approach from the south, he couldn't remember a thing. Happy that he never dreamed that I was the enemy though
littlesaresare 5 years ago
As a kid at a sleepover, one of the girls started sleepwalking. We asked her what she was doing. "I have to give the hot cross buns to Jesus." We tried waking her up but it just made her more hysterical and she fought us off, because she REALLY needed to get those hot cross buns to Jesus.
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 5 years ago
I have two of these. One time my sister screamed in my mom's face in the middle of the night. My mom woke up and panicked while my sister and dad remained asleep. It's probably one of the funniest things she's done. Another time I went to sleep and around midnight, I unplugged all my devices(phone, laptop, iPad) and even put on my glasses. I walked downstairs and freaked the heck out of my dad who was the only one down there. I have yet to live that down.
Yes, I’m a Bookworm 5 years ago
Me: immediately upvotes because I see a wings of fire username
Load More Replies... Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
I once woke myself up because I made it out of my room, down the stairs, and ran into the glass sliding door into the backyard. I was six at the time. I sleepwalked a lot, I also often found myself in the kitchen, and once, in a package of Oreos.
Kashmir 5 years ago
I want to thank all the posters for the out loud laughs you gave me on a really bad day!!
Anne Bidstrup 5 years ago
My ex husband used to talk in his sleep. The best one was him giggling like a loon and saying "girls, girls! There's enough of me for EVERYONE!"
Heidi Zimmermann 5 years ago
My husband is quite sweet in his sleep...sometimes he rolls over to me at night, puts a hand on my chest and says "my boobies" 😁 once he turned around, pulled me over to him and said "you are my sweetheart".
Lia Joseph 5 years ago
My hubby is a active sleep talker. One night three years ago, he woke me up growling and snarling. I yelled, "Hon, hon wake up!" He got out of bed, snarling low and said in this creepy ass voice, "Its behind you. Jongazire liiikes you." He winked, giggled and went back to sleep. Needless to say, I spent the night drinking coffee with the lights on
Harleen 5 years ago
My friend's brother once came out of his room while we were in her kitchen. He was going, "vrrr, mRRRRR, vrrrrr" and had his hands out in front of him like he was holding something. We realized he was "driving" in his sleep! I guess he heard us laughing because he came and stood in front of the counter. He braked first, "neeee putt-putt-putt screeech" then went, "Hello? Is this Taco Bell?" She told him it was, but we were closed. So he put himself back in gear and "drove away". Then there was the time I (still sleeping) sat up around 2am, glared at my still awake friend and said, "Give me Mountain Dew!" When she said no, I punched her right in the nose and continued sleeping.
Woets 5 years ago
My husband is an active talker during his dreams. One time (he was in the military then) he woke me up in one of his dreams to take notes on how to approach the enemy. When I told him the next morning that we should approach from the south, he couldn't remember a thing. Happy that he never dreamed that I was the enemy though
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