Woman Refuses To Sell Her Home To Cater To Husband’s Ex’s Needs, Asks If She’s Wrong
No doubt a good bit of us have been taught that we ought to help others. And the more serious the circumstance is, the more unconditional our help ought to be.
However, there are these two things to consider before helping someone, and that is nuance and context. In most cases, yes, you will help a human in need. But if said human manipulates her custody of kids and her incurable illness in a way that forces her ex husband to provide for her more than is fair in light of his new family—well, then, that urge to help is out the window.
Giving someone a helping hand is the right thing to do in many scenarios, but there are boundaries and limits to consider as well
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
So, when an ex wife starts manipulating her illness and kids custody to deprioritize one’s current wife, it’s probably a good time to stop
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Michael Burrows (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Frosty_Tear3788
Well, it didn’t go well for the ex as the new wife put her foot down, and her husband supported her
The original post is lengthy, but the gist of it is this: ex wife wants ex husband to continue helping her out as she has multiple sclerosis (MS), is unemployed (for 15 years now) and has the kids most days (which are used as “leverage” for hubby to keep helping).
One day, she throws out the idea for hubby to sell his new wife’s house and to set her up with a tiny house all while the hubby downsizes. The new wife puts her foot down after numerous acts of kindness done already and essentially makes sure the hubby doesn’t have to ever help her out again. Enough is enough.
And folks on Reddit were all for it. Many were pointing out how it is absolutely ludicrous how the husband is even in this situation to begin with. It’s his ex, boundaries have to be set and priorities have to be straightened out. No two ways about it. Otherwise, it just feels like the husband is just being used.
Whatever the case, boundaries have to be set between ex spouses in order for the partners to move on and for things to work
Divorce means that the partners now assume new roles in each other’s lives. You’re no longer partners, you’re separate people, so you shouldn’t rely on each other for anything, really, outside co-parenting.
There are four dimensions to consider. The first and most obvious is the physical boundary, which means things like finding a separate living space, removing the ex’s items and just simply avoiding seeing them. This will also allow you to create a mental space for yourself to process the separation and to adjust to the new way of life.
Number two is communication boundaries. It’s healthy to give yourself several months of no-contact, unless there are commitments involved, in which case only limit yourself to just communication on that and that alone. So, this might mean only using texting instead of phone calls so you could filter out the communication. This also means unfollowing them on social media and the like.
Depending on the situation, there might be financial boundaries too. Co-parenting and paying off a mortgage are some of several cases when you would have to find a system to make it work. Instead of constantly communicating on it, minimize it to just using apps for co-payments and co-parenting after you have agreed on the basics. Also, don’t use kids as a form of communication.
Lastly, there’s the emotional boundary. Keep the partner out of your personal life, let them know that you are no longer a source of emotional support, and make sure, if you have kids, to have the grandparents only talk about the parents in a positive light. It’s essentially all about emotionally distancing yourself.
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? Share your comments and takes on the situation in the comment section below!
People in the comments thought that the author of the post was not a jerk, not even by a mile, offering suggestions for solutions
Others offered their takes and reactions on the matter
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This is very crazy. I do feel bad for the dad. That's what you can get when they give the power to one parent. Legally he should be getting the kids because she can't take care of them.
then he should get a lawyer, not giving her everything she wants cause she asks
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File for 50/50 custody immediately. There is no reason she should be living off child support paid by a fit and willing father. There is no reason he should have to live in fear of her "keeping the kids from him" out of spite. Remove custody fears from the arrangement and you remove her main source of manipulation.
This. The husband needs to get a lawyer ASAP. Even with the current custody arrangement, the ex can't just decide not to follow it out of spite. Not how it works. It might be good for them to save any crazy texts from her especially if she has put anything about violating the custody agreement if the couple doesn't do X in writing. OP's husband may still pay his ex-wife child support with a 50/50 arrangement due to income differences, but it would be less than it is now. When my parents divorced, my mom paid him child support even though he made more money because we lived with him most of the time. (However, it wasn't an extremely large amount of money because of her income.)
Load More Replies... Goes to show how living in a crazy environment can warp your perspective. OP is not this woman's wife and has no obligation to support her. OP's husband is not this woman's husband anymore either and the amount of time he spends at her beck and call is unhealthy for his new marriage. They got divorced and the only financial obligation the husband has to his ex is probably child support. If he does not follow through in continuing to shut down the bs, OP will need to consult a divorce attorney. If the in-laws are so worried about the ex-wife, they can built her a tiny house. On no planet is it ever ok to suggest that your spouse/SO sell their property or your joint property to buy your ex property or otherwise provide for them. (Especially a sh!t investment like a tiny house.) The husband may want to consult a lawyer about custody because his ex actually isn't allowed to just alter the custody arrangements out of spite.
MS is a condition that sucks to have, but ex-wife has been manipulating everyone even before she got sick and coasting by on everyone's good graces (no job for 15 years!). Unfortunately I have extended family who do the mooching and grifting thing, though so far no one them have gotten their ex to be this enmeshed with them. I have a friend whose parents had joint custody and agreed to continue living in the same metro area. His dad thought moving the kids to another state without telling anyone was a super smart idea and as a result the dad only had supervised visits with the kids until they were 18. Still would be good for the husband to get a lawyer.
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This is very crazy. I do feel bad for the dad. That's what you can get when they give the power to one parent. Legally he should be getting the kids because she can't take care of them.
then he should get a lawyer, not giving her everything she wants cause she asks
Load More Replies... File for 50/50 custody immediately. There is no reason she should be living off child support paid by a fit and willing father. There is no reason he should have to live in fear of her "keeping the kids from him" out of spite. Remove custody fears from the arrangement and you remove her main source of manipulation.
This. The husband needs to get a lawyer ASAP. Even with the current custody arrangement, the ex can't just decide not to follow it out of spite. Not how it works. It might be good for them to save any crazy texts from her especially if she has put anything about violating the custody agreement if the couple doesn't do X in writing. OP's husband may still pay his ex-wife child support with a 50/50 arrangement due to income differences, but it would be less than it is now. When my parents divorced, my mom paid him child support even though he made more money because we lived with him most of the time. (However, it wasn't an extremely large amount of money because of her income.)
Load More Replies... Goes to show how living in a crazy environment can warp your perspective. OP is not this woman's wife and has no obligation to support her. OP's husband is not this woman's husband anymore either and the amount of time he spends at her beck and call is unhealthy for his new marriage. They got divorced and the only financial obligation the husband has to his ex is probably child support. If he does not follow through in continuing to shut down the bs, OP will need to consult a divorce attorney. If the in-laws are so worried about the ex-wife, they can built her a tiny house. On no planet is it ever ok to suggest that your spouse/SO sell their property or your joint property to buy your ex property or otherwise provide for them. (Especially a sh!t investment like a tiny house.) The husband may want to consult a lawyer about custody because his ex actually isn't allowed to just alter the custody arrangements out of spite.
MS is a condition that sucks to have, but ex-wife has been manipulating everyone even before she got sick and coasting by on everyone's good graces (no job for 15 years!). Unfortunately I have extended family who do the mooching and grifting thing, though so far no one them have gotten their ex to be this enmeshed with them. I have a friend whose parents had joint custody and agreed to continue living in the same metro area. His dad thought moving the kids to another state without telling anyone was a super smart idea and as a result the dad only had supervised visits with the kids until they were 18. Still would be good for the husband to get a lawyer.
Load More Replies...
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