“Left Her A Note Signed ‘What Did You Expect?’”: Roommate Gets A Taste Of Her Own Medicine After Woman She Bullied Decides To Move Out

This is what I was thinking. The person who commented that stopping roommates from having people over was controlling on the parts of OPs daughter ... It was finals, AND she had work. That seems like an incredibly reasonable request. I really got the sense the new roommate was a narcissist and turned the friend group against her. It also sounds like that thing narcissists do where they break your reasonable boundaries, and then make it seem like you are the selfish one ("see, this is why no one wants to be your friend"). ALSO, if OPs daughter was providing literally everything, that roommate was a complete taker.

It is CLASSIC triangulation. Going no contact with someone like that really is the best.

Agreed. Furthermore its not the empathising with the roomate/former friends that is the issues, it's how some commentors are going about it that is.

You're absolutely right. The behavior and statements of the roommate sound exactly like a narcissistic/toxic type of person working behind the scenes to alienate the daughter. If her friends were stressed due to her panic attacks and mental health issues due to her mother's illness, it wouldn't have been that difficult to manipulate the friends to the roommate's plan. It sounds so eerily similar to the very ugly ways that my narcissistic ex-husband tried to isolate me from our friend groups after I became ill and he was slowly making his plans to leave, unbeknownst to me. And yes, people can be this ugly and malicious for no better reason than they just want to take your place in the friend group and want that attention that she had to be focused on them now. It's not so outlandish to believe that it happens. I've seen similar things happen to others over the years.

My roommate asks me to pick another day for friends to come over. I pick another day. Regular peiple do this. In this world I imagine that the roommate will tell the others that OPs daughter "is like that." Implyimg there is so.ething wrong with her. Tjere is a lot wrong with her so this gets said a lot. Eyes meeting across the room. Eyes rolling when the topic of this girl comes up. This type of bullying is very insidious. People either don't realize they are creating a toxic situation, are engaging in bullying and gossip, or they see this as the norm. It feels good to say things that control others. What else do you need to know?

Sometimes it's necessary when it comes to understanding. The mother having is hard enough to deal with without girl drama compounding everything, but the daughter needs to realize that She is the common denominator in all the friendships that went south. Doesn't mean she's a bad person or if she's ineffective, just that it's important to be self-aware so she can learn from mistakes, regardless of whether Mom's aware of her issues or not. It's impossible for Mom to catch everything, teenagers lie and hide stuff from their parents without fail. Maybe alcohol had a role. It loosens lips and people say what they regret and plays Russian roulette with your safety if you're drinking around the wrong people (and this is coming from someone who Likes to drink). What if she turns into a b***h or jeopardizes other people? Highly unlikely she would pass that on. I would do some digging on that front, and help her to address it.

I'm not seeing the harshness. Also, the reality of life is NOT a bed of roses. Though I don't hear it in William Owens' comment, harshness is a part of reality.

Toxic people are everywhere and some of them deal with anxiety and panic attacks. This was not a good story for a couple of reasons. First of all, everything we heard was from a loving mother who wasn't even there (very biased source). Secondly, the roommate's side was never presented, and I personally find it to be extreme cowardice to run away while nobody is there. Perhaps her running away while roommate was gone is a sign of the toxicity the friends and roommate were experiencing.

The roommate never explained it that way and if you've had panic attacks, you'd know it's something you never want to have with people around because it feels shameful. And in reality, one of the triggers of panic attacks, is entering a known and otherwise safe environment, and meeting unexpected people or event especially if there is noise or overwhelming activities going on. Going into your own home, not expecting to meet people, and not just ordinary people, but people who were your friends and no longer are, will be a shock especially, when she had requested that the roommate reschedule as a result of her studying and I am sure the roommate responded positively to the request. Because if she had refused that request, I don't think the girl would have even tried to come back that day. She'd had taken her books while leaving in the morning and gone somewhere else.