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Guy Decides To Finally Propose After 30 Years And 4 Kids, Is Met With An Eye Roll
No two people or relationships are the same, and those differences can manifest themselves in all sorts of ways.
This Redditor’s views on commitment also weren’t exactly the same as those of her partner; the woman made it clear that she wanted marriage early in the relationship, but it took 25 years and four children for him to propose.
However, she shared with the AITAH community that when he finally did, she felt apathetic and wondered if she was being a jerk to her partner.
RELATED:
Not every person is equally interested in marriage
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But this woman’s partner took over two decades to propose
Image credits: Pressmaster / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Sarah Chai / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Zinkevych_D / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwawayproposalfin
Image credits: halfpoint / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
The woman provided an update on how things between her and her boyfriend developed after the proposal
Image credits: Ruthson Zimmerman / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ezra Ulanday / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MariaSiurt / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwawayproposalfin
Image credits: Emma Bauso / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Love is the main reason couples decide to get married
People can have hundreds of reasons (not) to get married, but some seem to be more common than others. According to Pew Research Center’s 2018 data, love is the one that tops the list, as nearly nine-in-ten Americans get married encouraged by it.
Other coupled-up people do it because they want to strengthen their commitment to each other (roughly 81% of them reportedly get married led by such a motivating factor) or because they seek companionship (76%) and want to have children (49%), both of which can exist without marriage, as the OP’s example showed.
But even though creating a family is possible without getting married, quite a few redditors in the comments pointed out that in situations similar to the OP’s, marriage can provide a certain level of stability in life. That’s why for roughly one fourth of those surveyed in 2018, financial stability as well as legal rights and benefits were the among the main reasons for getting married.
According to a divorce lawyer, Nicole K. Levy, marriage defines a critical moment in life when, upon such a union, in the vocabulary of two individuals, the word I is replaced by the word we. Consequently, that typically entails changes in numerous significant aspects of life, such as acquiring property, handling retirement benefits and taxes, as well as receiving social security benefits.
Image credits: Lobachad / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
The number of marriages has been declining over the past several decades
Despite certain financial or legal stability that marriage might entail, such a union has been on a decline over the last several decades. Back in 1990, for instance, there were close to 2.5 million marriages in the US, while just a couple of years ago, in 2021, the number didn’t even climb over the 2 million mark.
As for getting married, the reasons for not taking such a step differ with each person, too, but finances seem to be what’s stopping them the most. A 2019 survey of people wishing to get married some time in the future found that nearly a third of them thought that their partner or they themselves were not financially ready for such a commitment.
Other commonly cited reasons were the partner not being ready to commit to the relationship, respondents not being far along in terms of their careers, having doubts about the partner being the right person, or being unsure about their own readiness to take such a significant step.
The OP didn’t reveal what her boyfriend’s reasons were for postponing the proposal for 25 years, even though she made it clear she wanted marriage early in their relationship. But it seems that it wasn’t his reasoning fellow redditors were interested in the most, as many citizens wanted to know why the OP stayed with her partner for all these years.
People shared their insights and opinions in the comments
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What do you think ?
Bumpuff 4 months ago
Bloody hell! Why didn't she run years ago? Poor woman and poor women who are gaslit like this. The kids being teased by other kids saying that their dad would rather sin and go to hell than marry the mom is really disturbing. What a disgusting way to teach children how the world works. Christians are just the most vile, judgemental b a s t a r ds out there.
ispeak catanese 4 months ago
This is a sad situation for OP who clearly has self-worth issues. Redditors blaming her are too critical. Unfortunately this man will never give her any consideration or further stability so she will have to leave and start over. By the way she says he's behaved at work and throughout their life together, he is not worth marrying and she deserves better. I think that action will help her regain her self esteem. She's in her 40's, it's not too late to start over.
Binky Melnik 4 months ago
“By the way she says he's behaved at work and throughout their life together, he is not worth marrying”: You forgot the big one: He feels entitled to s*x and it doesn’t much matter to him who provides it. Had I been her, I mightta found It difficult to keep from kneeing him really hard in his junk. THAT is one of his priorities now that he’s not working? SMDH. I can’t stand the guy just from what she’s written, though I don’t think all that much of her, either, but she at least gets my sympathy. He can gargle my balls.
Load More Replies...
Emilu 4 months ago
I'm not sure what could possess a woman to stay unmarried for 25 years to her partner if she wanted to marry them (not gender specific, but I'm using the genders in the OP). Also -- to be fair, this is based on Aus law, so it could be completely different elsewhere -- not sure how 'influence' could stuff up a custody battle unless the magistrate was obviously bias, in which case you'd appeal and somebody else would hear the matter. Not to mention that because of the length of the relationship the legal system would treat them essentially like they were married anyway, so they'd need to split things 50-50 by default. I don't know who the AH is, but I think poor decisions have been made here.
Asmodeus Hare 4 months ago
Unfortunately there is a two tier system... If you're not rich the woman can drive you to the poor house in child support. If you are affluent you can bribe judges on the side to ruin a woman. We are trying to fix that though
Load More Replies...
Roxy222uk 4 months ago
"I had to endure PTA moms' jabs about me not sharing a last name with my kids.” I stopped reading at that point. What a HORRIBLE community.
ToGo 4 months ago
"I don't think I'll ever know my value truly, but something is telling me there has to be better out there, at least in a partner", 50+ years on this earth and she hasn't realised that value is our own to learn, we set our own worth and boundaries.
Kate Johnson 4 months ago
What an incredibly stupid woman. She put herself in this horrible situation voluntarily and is stunned that he's an AH. She sold herself cheap. She's been living in a delusional dream world and taking no responsibility for her own life. An excellent cautionary tale about what NOT to do. Now she gets what she gets, unless there's some kind of palimony or common law marriage in play.
murmelinpaiva 4 months ago
If you never worked and aren't married, can you even get Social Security when you get old enough? BTW, my daughter was with her boyfriend for 15 years before they married. She refused to have a child with him out of wedlock. They married, and the oldest is now nine, and they are still together.
tee-lena 4 months ago
SSI. For the poor seniors and disabled. I make 1200$ a month with food stamps and Medicare cuz I'm in a blue(Democrats) state so I get help that those in the bible belt don't usually get. It takes a long time to get,esp if she's disabled
Load More Replies...
Chris Jones 4 months ago
She stayed with him because she loved him and, unfortunately, there's a lot of hope that goes with that emotion. They don't appear to share the same values especially when it comes to commitment & he might have affection for her but it's plainly not love. People end relationships all the time with children quite frankly, so that 'commitment' often isn't enough. People, where possible always get on the deeds to the home!! SAHP/not earning regardless. If the person you think you are sharing your life with doesn't want that, think carefully. Crystalwitch you're 'bullied' by a few people but most of us find you VERY hard to understand, you call your writing 'text talk' but you put typos, spaces & commas all over the place & it is often incoherent & seriously hard to read. Why share if you're not going to aim to be understood? Also, quite often people just don't share your views. You say you don't care but then have it on your bio & keep mentioning it. Be nice if you made more effort
Load More Replies...
Bumpuff 4 months ago
Bloody hell! Why didn't she run years ago? Poor woman and poor women who are gaslit like this. The kids being teased by other kids saying that their dad would rather sin and go to hell than marry the mom is really disturbing. What a disgusting way to teach children how the world works. Christians are just the most vile, judgemental b a s t a r ds out there.
ispeak catanese 4 months ago
This is a sad situation for OP who clearly has self-worth issues. Redditors blaming her are too critical. Unfortunately this man will never give her any consideration or further stability so she will have to leave and start over. By the way she says he's behaved at work and throughout their life together, he is not worth marrying and she deserves better. I think that action will help her regain her self esteem. She's in her 40's, it's not too late to start over.
Binky Melnik 4 months ago
“By the way she says he's behaved at work and throughout their life together, he is not worth marrying”: You forgot the big one: He feels entitled to s*x and it doesn’t much matter to him who provides it. Had I been her, I mightta found It difficult to keep from kneeing him really hard in his junk. THAT is one of his priorities now that he’s not working? SMDH. I can’t stand the guy just from what she’s written, though I don’t think all that much of her, either, but she at least gets my sympathy. He can gargle my balls.
Load More Replies... Emilu 4 months ago
I'm not sure what could possess a woman to stay unmarried for 25 years to her partner if she wanted to marry them (not gender specific, but I'm using the genders in the OP). Also -- to be fair, this is based on Aus law, so it could be completely different elsewhere -- not sure how 'influence' could stuff up a custody battle unless the magistrate was obviously bias, in which case you'd appeal and somebody else would hear the matter. Not to mention that because of the length of the relationship the legal system would treat them essentially like they were married anyway, so they'd need to split things 50-50 by default. I don't know who the AH is, but I think poor decisions have been made here.
Asmodeus Hare 4 months ago
Unfortunately there is a two tier system... If you're not rich the woman can drive you to the poor house in child support. If you are affluent you can bribe judges on the side to ruin a woman. We are trying to fix that though
Load More Replies... Roxy222uk 4 months ago
"I had to endure PTA moms' jabs about me not sharing a last name with my kids.” I stopped reading at that point. What a HORRIBLE community.
ToGo 4 months ago
"I don't think I'll ever know my value truly, but something is telling me there has to be better out there, at least in a partner", 50+ years on this earth and she hasn't realised that value is our own to learn, we set our own worth and boundaries.
Kate Johnson 4 months ago
What an incredibly stupid woman. She put herself in this horrible situation voluntarily and is stunned that he's an AH. She sold herself cheap. She's been living in a delusional dream world and taking no responsibility for her own life. An excellent cautionary tale about what NOT to do. Now she gets what she gets, unless there's some kind of palimony or common law marriage in play.
murmelinpaiva 4 months ago
If you never worked and aren't married, can you even get Social Security when you get old enough? BTW, my daughter was with her boyfriend for 15 years before they married. She refused to have a child with him out of wedlock. They married, and the oldest is now nine, and they are still together.
tee-lena 4 months ago
SSI. For the poor seniors and disabled. I make 1200$ a month with food stamps and Medicare cuz I'm in a blue(Democrats) state so I get help that those in the bible belt don't usually get. It takes a long time to get,esp if she's disabled
Load More Replies... Chris Jones 4 months ago
She stayed with him because she loved him and, unfortunately, there's a lot of hope that goes with that emotion. They don't appear to share the same values especially when it comes to commitment & he might have affection for her but it's plainly not love. People end relationships all the time with children quite frankly, so that 'commitment' often isn't enough. People, where possible always get on the deeds to the home!! SAHP/not earning regardless. If the person you think you are sharing your life with doesn't want that, think carefully. Crystalwitch you're 'bullied' by a few people but most of us find you VERY hard to understand, you call your writing 'text talk' but you put typos, spaces & commas all over the place & it is often incoherent & seriously hard to read. Why share if you're not going to aim to be understood? Also, quite often people just don't share your views. You say you don't care but then have it on your bio & keep mentioning it. Be nice if you made more effort
Load More Replies...
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