Themed weddings can be a lot of fun! The happy couple might decide that they want their Big Day to have a certain aesthetic, and they might ask the people nearest and dearest to them to dress up accordingly. However, some guests feel incredibly uncomfortable with being handed a mandatory dress code that doesn’t fit in with their understanding of wedding attire.
One anonymous bride-to-be went viral after turning to the AITA online community for their collective wisdom. She asked them whether she was in the wrong for organizing a fantasy and Renaissance-themed wedding that includes cosplaying. Read on for the story in full, as well as to see the wide range of opinions that the internet had.
Some couples decide on a theme for their wedding, and they expect everyone to have fun
Image credits: midiman / flickr (not the actual photo)
However, one bride shared how some of her guests were less than thrilled by the mandatory dress code she imposed
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ELEVATE (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anonymous
There are arguments for and against mandatory dress codes for themed weddings
Image credits: Sarah / flickr (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, the author of the post deleted her account since her story went viral, so we were unable to reach out to her for comment. At the time of writing, her post has 4.1k upvotes and 3.6k comments.
There are no easy answers in a nuanced situation like this. Both sides, the ones all for and against themed guest costumes, have a point.
Most readers thought that the bride did nothing wrong by having a theme. However, some internet users did point out that making the fantasy dress code optional instead of mandatory might have been the right way to go.
It’s a wonderful thing that the marrying couple took the time and energy to put together a list of tips for budget-friendly costume options, no doubt. That being said, there will always be some folks who are very new to cosplaying and might not feel comfortable doing this at such a public event.
Not to mention that even budget-friendly costumes are still going to set some people back quite a bit in terms of money and time.
Meanwhile, some guests might spend more on more ‘traditional’ clothes for the wedding, but their main issue is with how they look. Some of them want to avoid looking goofy or making fools out of themselves.
However, cutting back and letting loose once in a while might be a good thing. And dressing up for a themed wedding (especially such a relatively tame one) may be a way to have fun in an entirely different way.
There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ wedding, so having some flexibility can help you avoid a lot of stress
Image credits: Leah Newhouse / pexels (not the actual photo)
While the happy couple shouldn’t organize their wedding in a way that makes all of their guests uncomfortable, they also shouldn’t stress out that some folks aren’t in love with every single detail of the celebration.
If they were to consider every guest’s opinion and preferences on every single aspect of the wedding, then they’d only get overwhelmed. What do you do when so many people have different ideas about what your Big Day should look like?
Though it’s a good idea to listen to your family and friends’ opinions, it doesn’t mean that you have to do what they say. If your dream wedding is a fantasy/Renaissance event, then you should embrace that and go through with it.
At the same time, you may want to have a bit of flexibility when it comes to the small handful of guests who don’t cosplay. You may want to talk to them about any issues they have and explain exactly why the theme is so important to you. You don’t have to be defensive, but it always helps to have a friendly but frank conversation.
At the end of the day, if a couple of folks decide not to dress up according to the theme, it’s really not the end of the world. It won’t break the sense of immersion if it’s only a small handful of people walking around in modern-day clothing. They can always thematically be visitors from a faraway land with a sense of style that’s eerily similar to that of Planet Earth in 2024!
Have you ever been to a themed wedding, dear Pandas? What was that like? Would you ever like to have a themed wedding of your own? How do you feel about mandatory dress codes for such events? What would you have done in the story author’s place? Share your thoughts in the comments!
The internet had various opinions about the situation. Most readers were on the bride’s side and thought she was being decent
A few people thought that nobody was to blame
However, some internet users thought the bride could have been slightly more reasonable
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Those that refuse and kick off - and not say anything to your face, even though you offered to talk to any who has concerns - ask them to let you know if they are still coming (re: food/Seating) and then just continue on and do your thing. It's you and your Fiancée's wedding, not theirs, so don't let them change what you want - even if it means fewer people. The MIL & SIL should be ashamed of themselves. IMO, these moan-behind-your-backs are acting like GuestZillas.
I went to a similar themed wedding a few months ago and it was easy for me to dress to the theme. Some guests went all out and some just made a token gesture to it (like a floral dress which OP mentioned in the edit). Everyone had fun and enjoyed the day despite the dress code and their various feelings towards dressing up. I suspect that MIL and SIL actually have a totally different idea in mind with this wedding (maybe the stock standard big white wedding) and are miffed that is not happening. Another wedding I went to recently there was a fairly strict dress code of floral for the ladies and a few select colours for the gents. Again people had options and found ways to make what they had work for the theme. To each their own.
I’m not normally pedantic, but it’s not “her” wedding. It’s “the couple’s” wedding and they both are on board with this as they SHARE this interest. It isn’t “her” rules, it’s rules they both want. I agree with your last sentence, but it’s an important distinction to make that the dress code isn’t just something OP wants that her fiancé is “just” rolling with.
Load More Replies... Those that refuse and kick off - and not say anything to your face, even though you offered to talk to any who has concerns - ask them to let you know if they are still coming (re: food/Seating) and then just continue on and do your thing. It's you and your Fiancée's wedding, not theirs, so don't let them change what you want - even if it means fewer people. The MIL & SIL should be ashamed of themselves. IMO, these moan-behind-your-backs are acting like GuestZillas.
I went to a similar themed wedding a few months ago and it was easy for me to dress to the theme. Some guests went all out and some just made a token gesture to it (like a floral dress which OP mentioned in the edit). Everyone had fun and enjoyed the day despite the dress code and their various feelings towards dressing up. I suspect that MIL and SIL actually have a totally different idea in mind with this wedding (maybe the stock standard big white wedding) and are miffed that is not happening. Another wedding I went to recently there was a fairly strict dress code of floral for the ladies and a few select colours for the gents. Again people had options and found ways to make what they had work for the theme. To each their own.
I’m not normally pedantic, but it’s not “her” wedding. It’s “the couple’s” wedding and they both are on board with this as they SHARE this interest. It isn’t “her” rules, it’s rules they both want. I agree with your last sentence, but it’s an important distinction to make that the dress code isn’t just something OP wants that her fiancé is “just” rolling with.
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