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“I Wish Her The Best”: Man Gets Accused Of Violence, Learns His GF’s True Colors The Hard Way
“I Wish Her The Best”: Man Gets Accused Of Violence, Learns His GF’s True Colors The Hard Way
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“I Wish Her The Best”: Man Gets Accused Of Violence, Learns His GF’s True Colors The Hard Way

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Blame-shifting, unreasonable jealousy, and drama-baiting are among the long list of toxic relationship traits that people typically experience. They may be tolerable for some and an instant dealbreaker for others. 

A man ticked all three boxes with his girlfriend, who seemingly had a massive problem with him going on a night out with friends. It initially ended with him sleeping on the couch, but the situation quickly escalated to a point where he could potentially face criminal charges. 

The author attests that he did nothing wrong and took to the AITAH Reddit community to seek answers.  

RELATED:

    Some people end up in toxic relationships

    Couple having an argument in bed, with a focus on refusing to sleep on the couch.

    Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual photo)

    A man had to deal with the unreasonable behavior of his girlfriend, who seemingly had a massive issue with him going on a night out

    Text about refusing to sleep on the couch, discussing a nighttime outing and offering fast food to a girlfriend.

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    Text discussing a celebration plan involving drinks and texting, related to a couch disagreement.

    Text about a girlfriend discarding food from a partner, relating to sleeping arrangements on the couch.

    Text excerpt discussing conflict over breakfast choices and interpersonal judgment.

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    Couple having an emotional conversation on a bed, addressing a conflict about sleeping arrangements.

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    Image credits: jet-po (not the actual photo)

    The couple had a blowout fight where the woman got physical and stormed out

    Text message about a photo seen online with friends, discussing a birthday event.

    Text expressing conflict over sleeping arrangements and safety concerns on a couch.

    Text image about refusing to sleep on the couch, mentioning a confrontation over a bed and tossed pillow.

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    Text image discussing relationship issues and accusations related to refusing to sleep on the couch.

    Man gesturing while seated on a couch, with a coffee cup on the table in a domestic setting.

    Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

    However, she tried to play the victim by accusing him of hitting her 

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    Text screenshot about a change of plans and miscommunication regarding sleeping arrangements.

    Text from discussion about legal age rules regarding bars and casinos.

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    Text message clarification about accusations in relationship dispute.

    Text about ending a relationship, mentioning friends and packing belongings, in the context of a couch disagreement.

    Image credits: [deleted]

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    Women who desire to control their partners are likely to use physical aggression

    As the author recounted in his story, it was his girlfriend who escalated their argument by using aggression and throwing the pillow at him. According to the University of Cumbria professor Dr. Elizabeth Bates, women will likely get physical to appease their desire to control their romantic partners. 

    A study published in the National Library of Medicine supported Dr. Bates’ statement, revealing that women “were significantly more likely” to have used intimate partner violence (IPV) more frequently. 

    The study found four primary motivations for women to engage in IPV: self-defense, anger, desiring attention, and coercive control

    The girlfriend also tried to play the victim and shift the blame onto the author, alleging he “hit her in a drunken rage.” According to author and mental health researcher Arlin Cuncic, MA, a person may embody the victim mentality because of “multiple negative situations” where they have no sense of control. 

    The author was clearly in a toxic relationship, and his two friends immediately sensed it and urged him to break up. Fortunately, he took their advice. 

    However, he must address the lies she spread about him, particularly regarding the physical a*****t allegation. In most places, it is a criminal charge and could land him in deep trouble if the woman escalated it further. 

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    In these cases, experts like psychotherapist Dr. Marni Feuerman, LCSW, LMFT, advise speaking to someone about it. 

    “If you feel threatened, inform the local authorities that you are going to need help,” Dr. Feuerman wrote in an article for Very Well Mind

    Most people sided with the author, with some advising him to “save himself legally”

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    Comment discussing relationship issues related to refusing to sleep on the couch.

    Reddit comment discussing refusal to compromise in relationships, with strong language disapproving of certain behaviors.

    Comment from a user named StorminWolf giving relationship advice related to a safety concern.

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    Reddit comment discussing trust issues related to refusing the couch.

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    Reddit comment on AITAH post, supporting refusal to sleep on the couch, mentions manipulation.

    Comment expressing disagreement with sleeping on the couch.

    Reddit comment discussing relationship advice, mentioning safety and the need for a partner to leave.

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    User comment discussing refusal to sleep on couch due to partner's immature behavior.

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    Text exchange discussing legal protection and advice regarding personal allegations.

    Reddit comment discussing a personal dispute hinting at refusal to sleep on the couch.

    Text from a user discussing a relationship issue related to refusing to sleep on the couch.

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    Comment by Cute-Profession9983 stating, "Your friend and his gf are correct," related to sleeping on the couch.

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    Comment criticizing relationship choice in context of refusing to sleep on the couch.

    Reddit comment discussing relationship dynamics and refusing to sleep on the couch.

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    Online discussion about relationship issues and refusal to sleep on the couch.

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    Miguel Ordoñez

    Miguel Ordoñez

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

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    Miguel Ordoñez

    Miguel Ordoñez

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

    Shelly Fourer

    Shelly Fourer

    Author, Community member

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    Hey there! I'm Shelly, a Visual Editor at Bored Panda

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    Shelly Fourer

    Shelly Fourer

    Author, Community member

    Hey there! I'm Shelly, a Visual Editor at Bored Panda

    What do you think ?
    Summer Days
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I keep wondering how crazy people like these even get partners to begin with

    sturmwesen
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They hide it till they are sure they can get away with it

    Load More Replies...
    Deta Rossiter
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this is why people stay single for longer. crazies are everywhere

    RAM31280
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA, your house, your bed, her problem is jealousy, if she can't keep how she reacts to her insecurities and emotions she could sleep on the couch if she did not want to sleep in the same bed, but she sounds like a lying drama queen, OP is better off without that.

    ToGo
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Making false allegations is so dangerous. Dangerous for the accused and dangerous for genuine victims out there who deserve to be believed.

    Dirk Daring
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bet good money she's been cheating.

    Emilu
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If she’s lying about abuse now, she’ll only get worse later. Drop her like a hot potato and let the trash take itself out.

    Nova Rook
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never be alone with her again.

    All profits to charity
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t try to throw people out that I’m afraid of. I leave quietly so they don’t hurt me. Live to fight another day.

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nah preemptive strikes is the key - cut their brakes.

    Load More Replies...
    Sue Ellen Bowen
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All it takes is an accusation to ruin someone's life these days and I hate women who use that and make false accusations.

    Sara Shamsabadi
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM THESE TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE THEY WILL MAKE YOU START TO ACT CRAZY & THEN YOU WILL END UP JUST AS IRRATIC & IRRATIONAL AS THE OTHER PARTY.

    Fellfromthemoon
    Community Member
    8 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I didn't hit her. I did not. Hi, Mark!"

    Jill Waters
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My lovely husbands ex gf used to attack him after too much wine. When we married she used to ring at stupido’clock in the night/early morning, totally off her face drunk. We had to change our phone number and went ex directory . She then switched to the office phone. She turned up at our house one day and called him a fool for getting married to me and asked him to take her out for a drink! When he declined she said “ You don’t know what you are missing” lifted her skirt up to display no underwear! He panicked and shut the door in her face!! Not seen her since, but I am ready for her.

    Binny Tutera
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If she is underage, why is she even staying/living with him?

    Jake Bertz
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If it's in the US, drinking age is 21, so legally an adult, cannot legally drink.

    Load More Replies...
    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I find it a little hard to believe there weren't red flags before this. Not saying the guy deserved it or anything, obviously, but a little weird this all came out of the blue.

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It didn't. The other moments of crazy just didn't hit the interwebs. I'm sure OP could write a book.

    Load More Replies...
    Mad McQueen
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don’t date u derange girls. Don’t date girls that live on their phones. And don’t assume when you don’t get a reply stuffs ok. She prob was texting her friends and stalking online all night for anything about who or where or what you were up to. Also do change the locks to be safe. And get a security camera for inside the house too. So if accusations of you hitting her come up or anyone in the future you will have proof.

    Betsy S
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree with your premise, but "don't date underage girls" is not necessarily practical advice unless you live somewhere where underage is less than 16. If you're referring to "underage" as being drinking age, well that's a bit silly too if you're in the U.S. because there you can't drink until you're 21 for heaven's sake. Ludicrous! Under the age of majority (voting age) I agree with. But the woman is a full adult and able to make her own decisions, so she's not "underage". She's not a minor.

    Load More Replies...
    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why do I get the feeling the real circumstances are nothing like OP described? Anyway, if it is as described, ESH. You for making plans that excluded your girlfriend - you couldn’t go to a coffee shop instead? And the girlfriend for being a nut and overreacting.

    Goover
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Either your critical thinking skills are lacking, or you hate men inside with women in any conflict. Did you read the same article that the rest of us did? The girlfriend joined this short and minor hangout between friends after the fact. It was not planned, has stated by OP. To say that two male friends cannot hang out for a couple of drinks, and others join them after that without being an a-hole, well to be honest it makes you look similar to the soon to be ex-gf here.

    Load More Replies...
    arripo
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You are a man. Men have always had gone with their buddys forgetting their wifes/gfs. So, you are guilty. End of the story.

    Heather Ball
    Community Member
    8 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    They both need to grow up. Literally. I had a ton of irrational thoughts in my younger relationships, and I would be very reactive. I had very little experience with relationships and I absolutely hated myself. While I still have irrational (and intrusive) thoughts, I have a ton of experience reminding myself that the single-sided narrative can take us to dark places that have no basis in reality OR TRUTH. These two aren't just behaving like children, they are just a little older than children. I would never accuse someone of hitting me unless they did in fact do so - to lie about it is horrible and unforgivable. The lie can (and likely will - when you go on a defamation spree) ruin peoples lives. It also impacts those that have been and are being harmed in real physically a*****e relationships.

    Ben Aziza
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I fail to see how the guy is in any way shape or form immature here. He handled it as well as any.

    Load More Replies...
    Trillian
    Community Member
    8 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Her behavior is completely crazy but what guy goes out without his girlfriend when she's staying over at his place? And to a place where she is excluded anyway. And then suddenly the other guy's girlfriend comes along. I would understand if she was just pissed and felt left out.

    Kkg
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is underage. I'm more interested what guy decides to meet with a buddy on his girlfriend's birthday. And then awkwardly brings her along.

    Load More Replies...
    BoredPangolin
    Community Member
    8 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Why isn't anyone reacting over the fact he said SHE is underaged and, obviously, HE's not?

    Motivated sloth
    Community Member
    8 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This guys story sounds like bs, as if his friend decided he was going to ditch his gf on her 21st to go drinking with him. He knew she’d be there the whole time and I suspect this is where the gf gets mad. That being said, her behavior when he got home was ridiculous and the lie she told about hitting her is unforgivable. It sounds like they’ve been having issues, possibly with infidelity before and they were just never meant to be a couple. But lying about dv is never ok.

    Sergio Bicerra
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    her birthday plans got cancelled, she called bf and she joined them. But agree with you she may have issues with infidelity from the past.

    Load More Replies...
    Rafael
    Community Member
    8 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Reading this surely makes her a massive ärsehole, but then again, we're hearing his side. It is conceivable that he got home drunker than he would care to admit and reacted physically to her jealousy - the only thing I can agree is that this relationship needs to be over

    Summer Days
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I keep wondering how crazy people like these even get partners to begin with

    sturmwesen
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They hide it till they are sure they can get away with it

    Load More Replies...
    Deta Rossiter
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this is why people stay single for longer. crazies are everywhere

    RAM31280
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA, your house, your bed, her problem is jealousy, if she can't keep how she reacts to her insecurities and emotions she could sleep on the couch if she did not want to sleep in the same bed, but she sounds like a lying drama queen, OP is better off without that.

    ToGo
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Making false allegations is so dangerous. Dangerous for the accused and dangerous for genuine victims out there who deserve to be believed.

    Dirk Daring
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bet good money she's been cheating.

    Emilu
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If she’s lying about abuse now, she’ll only get worse later. Drop her like a hot potato and let the trash take itself out.

    Nova Rook
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never be alone with her again.

    All profits to charity
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t try to throw people out that I’m afraid of. I leave quietly so they don’t hurt me. Live to fight another day.

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nah preemptive strikes is the key - cut their brakes.

    Load More Replies...
    Sue Ellen Bowen
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All it takes is an accusation to ruin someone's life these days and I hate women who use that and make false accusations.

    Sara Shamsabadi
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM THESE TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE THEY WILL MAKE YOU START TO ACT CRAZY & THEN YOU WILL END UP JUST AS IRRATIC & IRRATIONAL AS THE OTHER PARTY.

    Fellfromthemoon
    Community Member
    8 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I didn't hit her. I did not. Hi, Mark!"

    Jill Waters
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My lovely husbands ex gf used to attack him after too much wine. When we married she used to ring at stupido’clock in the night/early morning, totally off her face drunk. We had to change our phone number and went ex directory . She then switched to the office phone. She turned up at our house one day and called him a fool for getting married to me and asked him to take her out for a drink! When he declined she said “ You don’t know what you are missing” lifted her skirt up to display no underwear! He panicked and shut the door in her face!! Not seen her since, but I am ready for her.

    Binny Tutera
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If she is underage, why is she even staying/living with him?

    Jake Bertz
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If it's in the US, drinking age is 21, so legally an adult, cannot legally drink.

    Load More Replies...
    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I find it a little hard to believe there weren't red flags before this. Not saying the guy deserved it or anything, obviously, but a little weird this all came out of the blue.

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It didn't. The other moments of crazy just didn't hit the interwebs. I'm sure OP could write a book.

    Load More Replies...
    Mad McQueen
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don’t date u derange girls. Don’t date girls that live on their phones. And don’t assume when you don’t get a reply stuffs ok. She prob was texting her friends and stalking online all night for anything about who or where or what you were up to. Also do change the locks to be safe. And get a security camera for inside the house too. So if accusations of you hitting her come up or anyone in the future you will have proof.

    Betsy S
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree with your premise, but "don't date underage girls" is not necessarily practical advice unless you live somewhere where underage is less than 16. If you're referring to "underage" as being drinking age, well that's a bit silly too if you're in the U.S. because there you can't drink until you're 21 for heaven's sake. Ludicrous! Under the age of majority (voting age) I agree with. But the woman is a full adult and able to make her own decisions, so she's not "underage". She's not a minor.

    Load More Replies...
    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why do I get the feeling the real circumstances are nothing like OP described? Anyway, if it is as described, ESH. You for making plans that excluded your girlfriend - you couldn’t go to a coffee shop instead? And the girlfriend for being a nut and overreacting.

    Goover
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Either your critical thinking skills are lacking, or you hate men inside with women in any conflict. Did you read the same article that the rest of us did? The girlfriend joined this short and minor hangout between friends after the fact. It was not planned, has stated by OP. To say that two male friends cannot hang out for a couple of drinks, and others join them after that without being an a-hole, well to be honest it makes you look similar to the soon to be ex-gf here.

    Load More Replies...
    arripo
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You are a man. Men have always had gone with their buddys forgetting their wifes/gfs. So, you are guilty. End of the story.

    Heather Ball
    Community Member
    8 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    They both need to grow up. Literally. I had a ton of irrational thoughts in my younger relationships, and I would be very reactive. I had very little experience with relationships and I absolutely hated myself. While I still have irrational (and intrusive) thoughts, I have a ton of experience reminding myself that the single-sided narrative can take us to dark places that have no basis in reality OR TRUTH. These two aren't just behaving like children, they are just a little older than children. I would never accuse someone of hitting me unless they did in fact do so - to lie about it is horrible and unforgivable. The lie can (and likely will - when you go on a defamation spree) ruin peoples lives. It also impacts those that have been and are being harmed in real physically a*****e relationships.

    Ben Aziza
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I fail to see how the guy is in any way shape or form immature here. He handled it as well as any.

    Load More Replies...
    Trillian
    Community Member
    8 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Her behavior is completely crazy but what guy goes out without his girlfriend when she's staying over at his place? And to a place where she is excluded anyway. And then suddenly the other guy's girlfriend comes along. I would understand if she was just pissed and felt left out.

    Kkg
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is underage. I'm more interested what guy decides to meet with a buddy on his girlfriend's birthday. And then awkwardly brings her along.

    Load More Replies...
    BoredPangolin
    Community Member
    8 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Why isn't anyone reacting over the fact he said SHE is underaged and, obviously, HE's not?

    Motivated sloth
    Community Member
    8 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This guys story sounds like bs, as if his friend decided he was going to ditch his gf on her 21st to go drinking with him. He knew she’d be there the whole time and I suspect this is where the gf gets mad. That being said, her behavior when he got home was ridiculous and the lie she told about hitting her is unforgivable. It sounds like they’ve been having issues, possibly with infidelity before and they were just never meant to be a couple. But lying about dv is never ok.

    Sergio Bicerra
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    her birthday plans got cancelled, she called bf and she joined them. But agree with you she may have issues with infidelity from the past.

    Load More Replies...
    Rafael
    Community Member
    8 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Reading this surely makes her a massive ärsehole, but then again, we're hearing his side. It is conceivable that he got home drunker than he would care to admit and reacted physically to her jealousy - the only thing I can agree is that this relationship needs to be over

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