Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
User submission
9.6K
20 Y.O. Girlfriend Wants To Postpone Moving In With Her Boyfriend After Finding Out He’s Completely Clueless When It Comes To Basic Chores
Moving in together is one of the most exciting and committing steps in a relationship. As great as it is, it can also bring some stress. No matter how hard couples believe that they are great for each other and already know so much about one another, living together might change these beliefs. So it’s great when people take time to prepare for this step and notice what could go wrong in the beginning. At least that’s what happened to Reddit user @napsandhugs who wanted to know whether she was wrong for refusing to teach her boyfriend how to do some of the basic household chores.
More Info: Reddit
RELATED:
Moving in together with your partner is one of the most exciting yet committing steps in a relationship
Image credits: Alper Çuğun (not the actual photo)
The 20-year-old woman started her story by sharing that she and her 24-year-old boyfriend were thinking about moving in together. The narrator also revealed that she was living in her own apartment while her boyfriend still lived at home. Their plan was to find an apartment where they could live together.
A Reddit user asked people online if she was right for refusing to start living with her boyfriend after she found out that he doesn’t know how to do basic chores around the house
Image credits: napsandhugs
After finding out that his mom does everything for him, the woman suggested that he should learn some of those things before they move in together
Image credits: napsandhugs
Once in one of their conversations, the woman found out that her boyfriend doesn’t do his own laundry. She then asked him if he knows how to do any of the basic things that need to be done around the house: cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, etc. The man admitted that he didn’t do any of those things, and he also never had to budget his money. This is when the author of the post started debating whether they should really move in together.
Image credits: napsandhugs
Her solution was that he should first learn how to basically take care of himself, so that she won’t end up doing everything by herself once they move in together. The guy was thinking that the best way would be for her to teach him everything.
The boyfriend seemed to be against the idea that he should learn everything by himself or ask help from his mom
Image credits: napsandhugs
This is when the couple’s opinions shifted in opposite directions. The woman is now afraid that she would have to take on a mother/teacher role and wants him to learn these things by himself, by asking his mom or finding other helpful methods. She agrees that once he’s ready to be responsible for some of these things, they would be able to move in together.
This idea wasn’t appreciated by the boyfriend who said that it’s crazy to postpone the move and that they can figure out this problem once they start living together. This put the girlfriend into a tough position where she wants her boyfriend to learn these things by himself, as she doesn’t want to become a person who goes after him doing everything in the apartment alone. She also admitted that she feels bad because she refused to teach him everything herself.
Image credits: napsandhugs
The woman asked people online what they think about this situation as she got lost between what she thinks is right and what her boyfriend suggests
Image credits: napsandhugs
The situation that received more than 15k upvotes started a debate among other online users who were sharing their opinions and experiences. A lot of them agreed that the woman is right in this situation and that if ignored, this problem can lead to bigger issues. Some of the users revealed that they found themselves in a similar situation and that it didn’t help that they refused to talk about this at a certain point, because later in life it led to being used.
What is your opinion on this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
Member of the online community agreed with the girlfriend saying that the boyfriend should learn these things before they live together
Some people shared their own experience of being “trapped” by partners who wouldn’t help around the house
Many couples find themselves navigating the challenges of living together, especially when one partner hasn’t yet mastered some basic responsibilities. For those interested in understanding how to better support and encourage growth in their significant others, exploring practical advice for men about daily habits and personal accountability can be very helpful.
This guide on essential tips for men offers insights that complement the concerns raised in situations like these.
129Kviews
Share on FacebookExplore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Karis Ravenhill 4 years ago
NTA. It's not your job to raise him and turn him into a fully functioning adult, that was the job of his parents, which his mother has failed miserably. Don't move in with him, you'll be relegated to becoming Mom Mark 2. He'll make vain efforts to be self-sufficient, then he will give up and expect you do it all for him. If he wanted to be self-sufficient he would have made himself learn adulting basics years ago. Tell him to become an adult first, then you'll consider moving in with him. You already made yourself a self-sufficient adult and you're too busy to do his or his mother's job for him. Stick to your guns on this, you didn't birth him, not your job to raise him.
Otter 4 years ago
This is why parents have to teach all their children adult life skills, and by "all" I mean girls and boys. Because if you don't teach your boy to cook and do laundry, he'll either drive good wife prospects away by expecting them to be his domestic slavey, or he'll marry the first person who's willing to be his housekeeper, and spend the rest of the marriage wondering what real love is like.
Load More Replies...
Suz66 4 years ago
Wish I had done that before I moved in with my ex. I was 19 and he was 20 when we moved out. His mother was a military wife and did everything for him.. I ended up taking over that role for the 24 years we were together, despite also working with a chronic illness. After we divorced I married a man who was a bachelor for awhile after his marriage ended. He knows how to cook, clean and take care of himself and me. Now I'm disabled and a caregiver for my elderly Mom who has dementia. I try to do the cooking and cleaning but when I can't because of my health or Mom's, he steps in and takes care of everything.
Honu 4 years ago
Personally, I cannot be a man's mommy and still want to have sex with him. Those two things are incompatible in my brain. If he doesn't want to ask his mom, there's always Google and YouTube. It's just cleaning. This is stuff I've been doing since my age was in single digits. It's not hard. He needs to jump in and just try.
Deanna Crichley 4 years ago
Exactly right. I started working for a dry cleaner, and though it wasn't my job, I learned the proper way to iron a shirt, and press a pair of pants. Also the best ways to remove ANY stain. I learned it all on YouTube. I helped so many customers. They called me a miracle worker.
Load More Replies... Beth L 4 years ago
He should be angry at his parents, not his girlfriend. At some point they should have prepared him to leave the nest and fly, not to just hop from nest to nest.
Otter 4 years ago
Some people want to keep their baby in the nest, and making sure they don't learn adult skills is a great way to keep them dependent. It's possible there's an element of that here, but the OP is right. This guy is probably expect to transfer his dependence from his mother to his girlfriend.
Load More Replies...
Vicky Z 4 years ago
I hate when parents (and i mean both parents it's not only mum's job) don't teach their kids basic skills!! How is your kid going to survive when you are gone?
Frannie Kaplan 3 years ago
They don't want the kid to grow up. Thats the point
Load More Replies... LB 4 years ago (edited)
A few people have commented that it would be quick to teach him how to do this stuff. But I cannot imagine he will not only quickly learn, but will also take on the initiative to do things because he notices they need to be done. Seems incredibly likely that gf will still be responsible for everything - either actually doing it all, or noticing/keeping track of everything that needs to be done and assigning him tasks, just like a parent assigning chores. That mental work is also a chore, an invisible chore that can only be learned by someone who is motivated to do so and takes it upon themselves.
Otter 4 years ago
Betcha he doesnt want to actually do the gruntwork, he just wants to feel like an adult! Which means he'll do a little and expect a lot of praise, before leaving all the rest of the work for the nearest female.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 4 years ago
You shouldn't be scared to become the teacher/mother role - you should downright refuse to become this. You're NOT his teacher, you're his partner. The mere fact that he refuses to put an effort in learning anything beforehand and 'wants to figure it out' after moving in is a direct reflection of how he's not going to do just that at any point in time. Beware, you're a Chef Household in the making. I've been there because I was told the same thing before moving in, and guess what? Being your partner's mom is NOT good for your relationship.
Mia D 4 years ago
Right, he is like a baby bird- very fragile and needs to be cared for )))))))))))
Load More Replies...
deathrose 4 years ago
When I first moved in with my now husband he thought he knew how to clean. His mom had abandoned him at a young age, his brother didn't know how to clean either. His grandmother supported them financially but she lived in a different state. He could vacuum but he always overloaded the washer and the dishwasher was a mess. I had to reteach him how to do things to properly so they got clean. While I understand her being apprehensive, sometimes it's worth helping people learn. It wasn't my husband's fault he didn't know how and it's not this guy's fault either. He needs to take the initiative in wanting to learn though.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
That is different. Your husband tried to learn on his own. This manchild lived 24y having a full time maid/mum and never tried to learn
Load More Replies... Karis Ravenhill 4 years ago
NTA. It's not your job to raise him and turn him into a fully functioning adult, that was the job of his parents, which his mother has failed miserably. Don't move in with him, you'll be relegated to becoming Mom Mark 2. He'll make vain efforts to be self-sufficient, then he will give up and expect you do it all for him. If he wanted to be self-sufficient he would have made himself learn adulting basics years ago. Tell him to become an adult first, then you'll consider moving in with him. You already made yourself a self-sufficient adult and you're too busy to do his or his mother's job for him. Stick to your guns on this, you didn't birth him, not your job to raise him.
Otter 4 years ago
This is why parents have to teach all their children adult life skills, and by "all" I mean girls and boys. Because if you don't teach your boy to cook and do laundry, he'll either drive good wife prospects away by expecting them to be his domestic slavey, or he'll marry the first person who's willing to be his housekeeper, and spend the rest of the marriage wondering what real love is like.
Load More Replies... Suz66 4 years ago
Wish I had done that before I moved in with my ex. I was 19 and he was 20 when we moved out. His mother was a military wife and did everything for him.. I ended up taking over that role for the 24 years we were together, despite also working with a chronic illness. After we divorced I married a man who was a bachelor for awhile after his marriage ended. He knows how to cook, clean and take care of himself and me. Now I'm disabled and a caregiver for my elderly Mom who has dementia. I try to do the cooking and cleaning but when I can't because of my health or Mom's, he steps in and takes care of everything.
Honu 4 years ago
Personally, I cannot be a man's mommy and still want to have sex with him. Those two things are incompatible in my brain. If he doesn't want to ask his mom, there's always Google and YouTube. It's just cleaning. This is stuff I've been doing since my age was in single digits. It's not hard. He needs to jump in and just try.
Deanna Crichley 4 years ago
Exactly right. I started working for a dry cleaner, and though it wasn't my job, I learned the proper way to iron a shirt, and press a pair of pants. Also the best ways to remove ANY stain. I learned it all on YouTube. I helped so many customers. They called me a miracle worker.
Load More Replies... Beth L 4 years ago
He should be angry at his parents, not his girlfriend. At some point they should have prepared him to leave the nest and fly, not to just hop from nest to nest.
Otter 4 years ago
Some people want to keep their baby in the nest, and making sure they don't learn adult skills is a great way to keep them dependent. It's possible there's an element of that here, but the OP is right. This guy is probably expect to transfer his dependence from his mother to his girlfriend.
Load More Replies... Vicky Z 4 years ago
I hate when parents (and i mean both parents it's not only mum's job) don't teach their kids basic skills!! How is your kid going to survive when you are gone?
Frannie Kaplan 3 years ago
They don't want the kid to grow up. Thats the point
Load More Replies... LB 4 years ago (edited)
A few people have commented that it would be quick to teach him how to do this stuff. But I cannot imagine he will not only quickly learn, but will also take on the initiative to do things because he notices they need to be done. Seems incredibly likely that gf will still be responsible for everything - either actually doing it all, or noticing/keeping track of everything that needs to be done and assigning him tasks, just like a parent assigning chores. That mental work is also a chore, an invisible chore that can only be learned by someone who is motivated to do so and takes it upon themselves.
Otter 4 years ago
Betcha he doesnt want to actually do the gruntwork, he just wants to feel like an adult! Which means he'll do a little and expect a lot of praise, before leaving all the rest of the work for the nearest female.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 4 years ago
You shouldn't be scared to become the teacher/mother role - you should downright refuse to become this. You're NOT his teacher, you're his partner. The mere fact that he refuses to put an effort in learning anything beforehand and 'wants to figure it out' after moving in is a direct reflection of how he's not going to do just that at any point in time. Beware, you're a Chef Household in the making. I've been there because I was told the same thing before moving in, and guess what? Being your partner's mom is NOT good for your relationship.
Mia D 4 years ago
Right, he is like a baby bird- very fragile and needs to be cared for )))))))))))
Load More Replies... deathrose 4 years ago
When I first moved in with my now husband he thought he knew how to clean. His mom had abandoned him at a young age, his brother didn't know how to clean either. His grandmother supported them financially but she lived in a different state. He could vacuum but he always overloaded the washer and the dishwasher was a mess. I had to reteach him how to do things to properly so they got clean. While I understand her being apprehensive, sometimes it's worth helping people learn. It wasn't my husband's fault he didn't know how and it's not this guy's fault either. He needs to take the initiative in wanting to learn though.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
That is different. Your husband tried to learn on his own. This manchild lived 24y having a full time maid/mum and never tried to learn
Load More Replies... You May Like Woman Finds BF’s Post About Her Online Explaining Why He Wants To Dump Her, She Still Doesn’t Understand Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Over Work “GF,” Then Finds Out She’s Actually A Girl’s Girl Woman Kicks Out BF Who Got Brainwashed By Astrology-Obsessed Female Friend And Cheated On Her
Justinas Keturka
Jonas Žvilius
Justinas Keturka
Related on Bored Panda
131
118