Woman Cooks Her BF A Vegan Feast For His B-Day—Problem Is, He’s Not Vegan Or Interested At All
For ages, vegans and non-vegans have always had a hard time understanding each other, and sometimes, have been on opposing sides. This doesn’t go away even if they’re dating and trying to put aside their differences.
This became apparent between a man and his girlfriend on his birthday. He wanted to eat at a restaurant that didn’t serve a lot of vegan options, but his girlfriend disregarded his plan and cooked vegan mock dishes of his favorite foods. Though it was a nice gesture, it left him very disappointed.
More info: Reddit
Everyone has the right to enjoy their preferences, but it becomes a bit much when they try to force them on other people
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The poster said that he had been dating his vegan girlfriend for a year and a half and that they didn’t get too bothered by each other’s food choices
Image credits: Louis Hansel / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
On the man’s birthday, he told his girlfriend that he wanted to go to a specific restaurant and let her know in advance that it didn’t have a lot of vegan options
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When he came home from work, on his birthday, he realized that his girlfriend had cooked vegan dishes that were mock versions of his favorite foods
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He didn’t want to eat the food she made and ended up getting takeout, which made his girlfriend feel very hurt
The poster and his partner had been together for a long time and had learned how to respect each other’s food preferences. He sometimes tried the vegan dishes that she prepared, even if they weren’t to his liking, and she kept her opinions to herself most of the time. That’s how they were able to get along with each other.
When vegans and meat eaters date, it can sometimes create conflict. A person’s belief about veganism often stems from intense emotions and strong ideals that can be hard to put aside. Many people feel so strongly about it that even if they end up dating a non-vegan, it won’t be long before they might try to get the other to embrace their point of view.
This is quite apparent in the way the OP’s girlfriend disregarded his request to go to the restaurant and began cooking him vegan food. She was probably so focused on what she wanted to do that she didn’t realize it was his birthday and his day to choose how he wanted to spend it.
Although being the birthday person doesn’t give someone the right to act entitled, it’s the one day they can truly feel special. This involves doing anything that they want to do and enjoying themselves in whatever way they please. Other people are allowed to share their opinions, but should ultimately try to honor the birthday celebrant’s wishes.
Image credits: teksomolika/ Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster had probably been very excited to visit the restaurant that he had in mind, but when he saw how much food his girlfriend had made, he was very disappointed. He appreciated how much effort she had put into cooking everything for him, but it was hurtful knowing that she disregarded his wishes.
The woman didn’t own up to her mistake either and doubled down on her actions. She tried to guilt-trip him into apologizing by mentioning how much work she had put into making the day special for him. This was her “compromise” to him that she decided upon without even checking how he felt about it.
According to experts, the best way for vegans and meat eaters to get along is for neither to force their lifestyle upon the other person. Rather than getting triggered by the other person’s choices, it’s more important to stick to your ideals and also be open to new ideas whenever possible.
As far as birthdays go, this was probably not the OP’s best one. He just wanted to have a nice dinner at a good restaurant, but ended up in a fight with his girlfriend. Hopefully, they each understood the other’s point of view and decided to have different meals, but together.
Do you think vegans and non-vegans can date? Share your honest thoughts down below.
Folks were divided on the issue, with some getting mad about the girlfriend’s actions, and others disagreeing with how the poster acted
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So, the girlfriend not only mocks OP's dietary choices; she knows it is his birthday, she knows he only tolerates her vegan food and she knows that he does NOT appreciate vegan imposters of real food. So what does she do? She makes vegan imposters of real food and then gets upset when - FOR HIS OWN D**N BIRTHDAY DINNER - he goes out and gets real food for himself. Why is it always a one-way street with these narrow-minded hippies?
I think what bothers me the most is that they already made the plans and she already said she was okay with it then she took it upon herself to change the plans they had for his birthday without even asking him in the first place. I feel like she did this on purpose banking on him feeling bad that she spent all this time making food for him when in reality it's her own fault. She either should have told him she wasn't ok with the restaurant choice to begin with so they could have made a real compromise or if she really was thinking he'd enjoy this at least call him first and ask but she didn't do that because she knew he wouldn't enjoy eating her vegan version of foods he liked rather than going to his favorite restaurant.
Load More Replies...YTA's are totally unhinged here. It's his birthday and if the roles were reversed he would be getting blasted. This is why Vegans get such a bad rap. Veganism is a religion to them and they will evangilize to the point of a complete lack of consideration for others.
SHE should have gone to his restaurant of choice for ONE FREAKING DAY OF THE YEAR, as it seems she gets her way the other 364 days.
Load More Replies...Honestly, I hate it when people go straight to “break up” but it honestly sounds like their lifestyles are incompatible.
The yta comments are why vegans get a bad rap. Imagine plans were to go to a vegan restaurant, and buddy cooked a bunch of meat at home to imitate her favourite vegan meals. Same thing. Being vegan is a choice, an important thing to remember. And every restaurant has a vegan option. Maybe not an extensive, amazing vegan menu but suck it up for one dinner and eat a garden salad.
The girlfriend is a massive problem to vegans and non-vegans. I know many vegans, and they happily socialise with everyone, without going all veganazi on anyone.
Load More Replies...This reminds me of the time my partner really wanted a cat and I really didn't want a cat, so we compromised and got a cat.
😆 And I'll bet the cat thinks "Finally! A human who's as standoffish as me. And leaves me the eff alone!"
Load More Replies...It's his birthday he should be able to go to the restaurant he wants to. I don't eat red meat but my mom's husband wanted to go to a steak house for his birthday. Guess what I did like a grown adult ate a yummy salad. She obviously doesn't hate veggies she could have had a salad.
This is like the grownup version of my childhood - on my birthdays when I was a kid, my mom always got the kind of cake SHE liked (incidentally it's the only kind of cake I can't stand: German chocolate. I love chocolate cake, but hate that coconut-pecan topping.) She would serve the food and drinks SHE liked/wanted. I know, it's a first world problem, but my childhood was a pretty abus!ve one and I always hoped (as a child does) that my birthdays would somehow be different and my mom wouldn't be so self-centered. Nope! My birthdays were all about what SHE wanted. Even in my older teen/adult years, she would take me out to eat at the restaurants she liked, or would "get me a gift" of something SHE wanted to do (e.g., tickets to the Lion King musical.) Now I have words for what she is: a narcissist with Main Character syndrome, but when I was a kid, I could not understand why I always had to have the cake flavor I hated on my birthday.
I hope, if she's still in your life, that you do the same to her as she did to you. On her birthday, Christmas and mother's day get what you want.
Load More Replies...I keep coming back to the word "compromise" the girlfriend used. It's not a compromise if there is no discussion. She made the choice on his behalf to cook food when she was well aware that he was anticipating another plan that had already been discussed. That wasn't a compromise, that was an ambush. While yes, maybe he could have chosen a place that had more vegan options, it was still his birthday and she still didn't discuss a possible change of plans with him
She could have 1. Eaten before going to the restaurant, 2. Brought her food to eat at the restaurant, or 3. Suck it up and eat a salad!
Load More Replies...I'm vegan, my partner is not. When we go out we try to make sure there's something nice for both of us, but also if one of us REALLY wants to try something where there's not a lot of choice, we suck it up. My partner really wanted to go to a place in London's china town, where all I could have was rice. So I had two bowls and we still had fun! He's visited vegan places with me in return. And for birthdays? The birthday person gets to choose, no questions! This lady put her own feelings and choice above his, and if she can't understand why it upset him, then it might be indicative of a bigger problem.
Yea like #1She needs to stop shoving her"wants" not "needs" down his throat and #2 She needs to grow up! She's not ready for a grown up relationship!
Load More Replies...She crossed a boundary. She made an assumption and ran with it instead of communicating. There's no argument here that's even remotely valid. She was in the wrong.
ESH but the boyfriend much less so. Could've been less rude and maybe a bit more supportive though I'd probably act the same way after someone completely changed the plans and made that night about themselves. I also agree that vegan versions of popular dishes are nasty. Just make vegan dishes VEGAN DISHES and not some erstaz version of the actual meal.
He's an AH on his BD? I know you are, but what am I. IYKYK
Load More Replies...They just needed to talk..."hey I know therev isn't good vegan food here, but let's make an exception for tonight" and "I'm sorry, but I don't know what I will do all evening at that restaurant, could I make you food instead?" And the compromise"should we take that food as take out and eat home instead?" Would've gone a long way. So immature.
Coming from a relationship with one party a vegetarian and one not, I understand some of the problems here, which is why I think both are wrong and behaved poorly. I would never pick a restaurant my wife could not find a good option for her at (though she has encouraged me to on my birthday). My wife would never, ever cook a complete veggie meal for me as a birthday treat (as she knows it wouldn't be). Neither of us would try to force our food choices onto the other person. Sure, she will offer me a bite of her broccoli, but she knows I will turn it down, just as I offer her a bite of my burger. I will never ask her to cook me meat (though she does sometimes). These are the compromises you go through if you don't share views on food. It means you respect the other person's choices. If you don't respect your partner, you don't have a relationship. In this case, neither seems to respect their partner. Rights or wrongs on eating meat are irrelevant.
One of my friends dated a vegan girl for about a year. Veganism is pretty rare here in Northwoods WI where we hunt before puberty lol. Friend grew up on the reservation hunting to help feed his family and this was known by his girl. He doesn't consider a meal food unless it has meat in it and is an excellent cook. They got along super well regardless and made plans to move in together, signing a year lease on a nice house where she was excited to garden. The first few days they were mostly eating takeout or easy food around unpacking. He planned to have a housewarming party making indian tacos and grilling steak when she dropped the bomb of he would NOT be cooking meat in their house. Not even on separate dishes or grill. He left, getting stuck with half the rent til they were able to break lease. She would not compromise because of the smell. You'd think people would discuss this ahead of time but no, they spring it on you to try to force their way of living. That's op's gf as well.
Gf is TAH here. She knows what he likes and yet makes her comments against his diet. He respects her choices and yet, she doesn't respect his. If it's such a big thing for her, then she shouldn't date non vegans. Being vegan isnt healthier. My German grandmother is 106 now and still kicking. She eats healthy, but that includes meat in her diet. This propaganda that meat is bad for you is very false. Meat is something that should be eaten in moderation and certain kinds of meat are better for you than others. Compromise? What did she compromise? I honestly think he should break it off and date someone who isn't adverse to his diet. Same goes for her.
He doesn’t respect her choices, makings snarky comments.
Load More Replies...This relationship is not going to last - if he can go to vegan places with her and definitely her birthday, she can suck it up for one meal. Or eat before going. She didn't even try and compromise. his reaction was s**t but only because her decision was to take away his birthday meal and make her own for him. ESH - but more so her.
All the YTA are probably vegan or highly entitled in some way such as being the golden child who doesn't know what the word compromise actually means. It's funny how I never see reddit posts from vegans being guilted and yelled at to eat meat.
Everyone the a*s here: 1. You picking a place you KNEW she wouldnt get to eat at was unfair even if its your bday. For context my mom if GF/DF we also have it where the bday person chooses dinner (either out or home meal). We still ensure anything picked is something she can do too so she can be fully included. 2. She was TA for changing plans without asking and coulda helped you to find a place for you both. 3. She was also TA for making stuff she knows you dont like and changing recipes you do like. 4. Your TA for not at least trying some of it. Not a vegan either but i have noted sometimes the alternatives arent that bad (again learned to like some GF/DF meals) Id recommend you both talk about your relationship as having this much of a differing dietary preference may not work long term.
There were some vegan options at his choice (on his bday), just not a lot. Reading comprehension is a thing.
Load More Replies...I guess maybe it's me, but even if it was my birthday, I'd still want to pick a place that both me and my GF would be able to enjoy together.
Girlfriend's move was a total control tactic.She knew exactly what she was doing and it backfired on her, boo hoo. Interesting how throughout the 1.5 years they have been dating they had always been able to compromise on eating habits, but on his birthday she isn't willing to. Total AH move on her part. This is a huge red flag, run!
She is soooo trying to shove her Vegan c**p down his throat. It wasn't a "sweet gesture" at all. He said she barely comments but it sounds to me that she does it all the time. He CLEARLY stated he does NOT like Vegan food yet he took her for her Birthday to a Vegan only restaurant. Hmm sounds like he made a compromise for her but her idea of a compromise is no restaurant at all and crappy Vegan food once again for her only. He needs to find someone else this never was never will work. Vegans are mostly not healthy as they are missing so much from their diet so no it's NOT healthier.
The problem: "she thought it would be a good compromise." How is it a good compromise to make a man who loves meat an all-vegan meal with faux meat dishes? She's playing games (trying to change her BF) and we know how well that works. And the tears . . . . She sounds insufferable. Unless she's a 9 or 10 (appearance and in bed) or comes with a large future inheritance, dump her and find someone more compatible. Attempts to change you is probably the biggest red flag other than physical violence.
maybe seems like small things, but saying like "how can you eat that" and "vegan si so much better" is red flag. I feel like their different diets will just not work in this relationship. She did something he doesn´t want on his birthday just because it´s better option for her....I mean, she could just go for one dinner in that restaurant, if he wanted it so bad...it´s one meal, it´s not a big deal...however he could be also considerate when choosing a restaurant, or they could just order food from different restaurants and have a nice evening at home
So, the girlfriend not only mocks OP's dietary choices; she knows it is his birthday, she knows he only tolerates her vegan food and she knows that he does NOT appreciate vegan imposters of real food. So what does she do? She makes vegan imposters of real food and then gets upset when - FOR HIS OWN D**N BIRTHDAY DINNER - he goes out and gets real food for himself. Why is it always a one-way street with these narrow-minded hippies?
I think what bothers me the most is that they already made the plans and she already said she was okay with it then she took it upon herself to change the plans they had for his birthday without even asking him in the first place. I feel like she did this on purpose banking on him feeling bad that she spent all this time making food for him when in reality it's her own fault. She either should have told him she wasn't ok with the restaurant choice to begin with so they could have made a real compromise or if she really was thinking he'd enjoy this at least call him first and ask but she didn't do that because she knew he wouldn't enjoy eating her vegan version of foods he liked rather than going to his favorite restaurant.
Load More Replies...YTA's are totally unhinged here. It's his birthday and if the roles were reversed he would be getting blasted. This is why Vegans get such a bad rap. Veganism is a religion to them and they will evangilize to the point of a complete lack of consideration for others.
SHE should have gone to his restaurant of choice for ONE FREAKING DAY OF THE YEAR, as it seems she gets her way the other 364 days.
Load More Replies...Honestly, I hate it when people go straight to “break up” but it honestly sounds like their lifestyles are incompatible.
The yta comments are why vegans get a bad rap. Imagine plans were to go to a vegan restaurant, and buddy cooked a bunch of meat at home to imitate her favourite vegan meals. Same thing. Being vegan is a choice, an important thing to remember. And every restaurant has a vegan option. Maybe not an extensive, amazing vegan menu but suck it up for one dinner and eat a garden salad.
The girlfriend is a massive problem to vegans and non-vegans. I know many vegans, and they happily socialise with everyone, without going all veganazi on anyone.
Load More Replies...This reminds me of the time my partner really wanted a cat and I really didn't want a cat, so we compromised and got a cat.
😆 And I'll bet the cat thinks "Finally! A human who's as standoffish as me. And leaves me the eff alone!"
Load More Replies...It's his birthday he should be able to go to the restaurant he wants to. I don't eat red meat but my mom's husband wanted to go to a steak house for his birthday. Guess what I did like a grown adult ate a yummy salad. She obviously doesn't hate veggies she could have had a salad.
This is like the grownup version of my childhood - on my birthdays when I was a kid, my mom always got the kind of cake SHE liked (incidentally it's the only kind of cake I can't stand: German chocolate. I love chocolate cake, but hate that coconut-pecan topping.) She would serve the food and drinks SHE liked/wanted. I know, it's a first world problem, but my childhood was a pretty abus!ve one and I always hoped (as a child does) that my birthdays would somehow be different and my mom wouldn't be so self-centered. Nope! My birthdays were all about what SHE wanted. Even in my older teen/adult years, she would take me out to eat at the restaurants she liked, or would "get me a gift" of something SHE wanted to do (e.g., tickets to the Lion King musical.) Now I have words for what she is: a narcissist with Main Character syndrome, but when I was a kid, I could not understand why I always had to have the cake flavor I hated on my birthday.
I hope, if she's still in your life, that you do the same to her as she did to you. On her birthday, Christmas and mother's day get what you want.
Load More Replies...I keep coming back to the word "compromise" the girlfriend used. It's not a compromise if there is no discussion. She made the choice on his behalf to cook food when she was well aware that he was anticipating another plan that had already been discussed. That wasn't a compromise, that was an ambush. While yes, maybe he could have chosen a place that had more vegan options, it was still his birthday and she still didn't discuss a possible change of plans with him
She could have 1. Eaten before going to the restaurant, 2. Brought her food to eat at the restaurant, or 3. Suck it up and eat a salad!
Load More Replies...I'm vegan, my partner is not. When we go out we try to make sure there's something nice for both of us, but also if one of us REALLY wants to try something where there's not a lot of choice, we suck it up. My partner really wanted to go to a place in London's china town, where all I could have was rice. So I had two bowls and we still had fun! He's visited vegan places with me in return. And for birthdays? The birthday person gets to choose, no questions! This lady put her own feelings and choice above his, and if she can't understand why it upset him, then it might be indicative of a bigger problem.
Yea like #1She needs to stop shoving her"wants" not "needs" down his throat and #2 She needs to grow up! She's not ready for a grown up relationship!
Load More Replies...She crossed a boundary. She made an assumption and ran with it instead of communicating. There's no argument here that's even remotely valid. She was in the wrong.
ESH but the boyfriend much less so. Could've been less rude and maybe a bit more supportive though I'd probably act the same way after someone completely changed the plans and made that night about themselves. I also agree that vegan versions of popular dishes are nasty. Just make vegan dishes VEGAN DISHES and not some erstaz version of the actual meal.
He's an AH on his BD? I know you are, but what am I. IYKYK
Load More Replies...They just needed to talk..."hey I know therev isn't good vegan food here, but let's make an exception for tonight" and "I'm sorry, but I don't know what I will do all evening at that restaurant, could I make you food instead?" And the compromise"should we take that food as take out and eat home instead?" Would've gone a long way. So immature.
Coming from a relationship with one party a vegetarian and one not, I understand some of the problems here, which is why I think both are wrong and behaved poorly. I would never pick a restaurant my wife could not find a good option for her at (though she has encouraged me to on my birthday). My wife would never, ever cook a complete veggie meal for me as a birthday treat (as she knows it wouldn't be). Neither of us would try to force our food choices onto the other person. Sure, she will offer me a bite of her broccoli, but she knows I will turn it down, just as I offer her a bite of my burger. I will never ask her to cook me meat (though she does sometimes). These are the compromises you go through if you don't share views on food. It means you respect the other person's choices. If you don't respect your partner, you don't have a relationship. In this case, neither seems to respect their partner. Rights or wrongs on eating meat are irrelevant.
One of my friends dated a vegan girl for about a year. Veganism is pretty rare here in Northwoods WI where we hunt before puberty lol. Friend grew up on the reservation hunting to help feed his family and this was known by his girl. He doesn't consider a meal food unless it has meat in it and is an excellent cook. They got along super well regardless and made plans to move in together, signing a year lease on a nice house where she was excited to garden. The first few days they were mostly eating takeout or easy food around unpacking. He planned to have a housewarming party making indian tacos and grilling steak when she dropped the bomb of he would NOT be cooking meat in their house. Not even on separate dishes or grill. He left, getting stuck with half the rent til they were able to break lease. She would not compromise because of the smell. You'd think people would discuss this ahead of time but no, they spring it on you to try to force their way of living. That's op's gf as well.
Gf is TAH here. She knows what he likes and yet makes her comments against his diet. He respects her choices and yet, she doesn't respect his. If it's such a big thing for her, then she shouldn't date non vegans. Being vegan isnt healthier. My German grandmother is 106 now and still kicking. She eats healthy, but that includes meat in her diet. This propaganda that meat is bad for you is very false. Meat is something that should be eaten in moderation and certain kinds of meat are better for you than others. Compromise? What did she compromise? I honestly think he should break it off and date someone who isn't adverse to his diet. Same goes for her.
He doesn’t respect her choices, makings snarky comments.
Load More Replies...This relationship is not going to last - if he can go to vegan places with her and definitely her birthday, she can suck it up for one meal. Or eat before going. She didn't even try and compromise. his reaction was s**t but only because her decision was to take away his birthday meal and make her own for him. ESH - but more so her.
All the YTA are probably vegan or highly entitled in some way such as being the golden child who doesn't know what the word compromise actually means. It's funny how I never see reddit posts from vegans being guilted and yelled at to eat meat.
Everyone the a*s here: 1. You picking a place you KNEW she wouldnt get to eat at was unfair even if its your bday. For context my mom if GF/DF we also have it where the bday person chooses dinner (either out or home meal). We still ensure anything picked is something she can do too so she can be fully included. 2. She was TA for changing plans without asking and coulda helped you to find a place for you both. 3. She was also TA for making stuff she knows you dont like and changing recipes you do like. 4. Your TA for not at least trying some of it. Not a vegan either but i have noted sometimes the alternatives arent that bad (again learned to like some GF/DF meals) Id recommend you both talk about your relationship as having this much of a differing dietary preference may not work long term.
There were some vegan options at his choice (on his bday), just not a lot. Reading comprehension is a thing.
Load More Replies...I guess maybe it's me, but even if it was my birthday, I'd still want to pick a place that both me and my GF would be able to enjoy together.
Girlfriend's move was a total control tactic.She knew exactly what she was doing and it backfired on her, boo hoo. Interesting how throughout the 1.5 years they have been dating they had always been able to compromise on eating habits, but on his birthday she isn't willing to. Total AH move on her part. This is a huge red flag, run!
She is soooo trying to shove her Vegan c**p down his throat. It wasn't a "sweet gesture" at all. He said she barely comments but it sounds to me that she does it all the time. He CLEARLY stated he does NOT like Vegan food yet he took her for her Birthday to a Vegan only restaurant. Hmm sounds like he made a compromise for her but her idea of a compromise is no restaurant at all and crappy Vegan food once again for her only. He needs to find someone else this never was never will work. Vegans are mostly not healthy as they are missing so much from their diet so no it's NOT healthier.
The problem: "she thought it would be a good compromise." How is it a good compromise to make a man who loves meat an all-vegan meal with faux meat dishes? She's playing games (trying to change her BF) and we know how well that works. And the tears . . . . She sounds insufferable. Unless she's a 9 or 10 (appearance and in bed) or comes with a large future inheritance, dump her and find someone more compatible. Attempts to change you is probably the biggest red flag other than physical violence.
maybe seems like small things, but saying like "how can you eat that" and "vegan si so much better" is red flag. I feel like their different diets will just not work in this relationship. She did something he doesn´t want on his birthday just because it´s better option for her....I mean, she could just go for one dinner in that restaurant, if he wanted it so bad...it´s one meal, it´s not a big deal...however he could be also considerate when choosing a restaurant, or they could just order food from different restaurants and have a nice evening at home

























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