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Bride-To-Be Wants To Wear Late Sister’s Lavish Wedding Gown, But Her Mother Says A Flat-Out No
Interview With Expert
Any story related to the loss of a close relative is incredibly difficult for those who have had to endure such a terrible blow in their life and find the strength to move on. People say time heals all wounds, but that’s not always true.
Today, we want to share the story of a mother who first had to endure the terrible ordeal of losing her daughter, and then, years later, had to deny another daughter her important request. So, let’s read this tale together.
More info: Reddit
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All the questions related to the late members of the family are incredibly sensitive, especially for the living parents of those people
Image credits: vasilij33 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post is 55 years old, she lost her youngest daughter and her fiancé a few years ago, and her youngest daughter is getting married soon
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The bride-to-be asked her mom to let her wear her sister’s unworn wedding gown for her wedding
Image credits: tsyhun / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, the mom refused since this dress actually was just a memory of her late daughter, more a symbol than just clothing
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The bride-to-be offered money for buying out the gown, but the mom was adamant – and her husband also sided with her
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman admits that her living daughter was sorta golden child years ago, so she just wants to equalize the situation somehow
Image credits: anonymous
The mom and daughter ended up with a heart-to-heart conversation, and they finally came to an agreement and decided to pick a brand new dress together
The Original poster (OP) is now 55 years old. She and her husband had two daughters, “Opal” and “Amelia.” Opal and her fiancé had left four years ago. Since then, our heroine has kept her wedding dress, which Opal, sadly, never got to wear, in her home. The dress is very beautiful and stylish, and it serves as a memento of her daughter.
Amelia recently asked the author to lend her this dress for her own wedding – she wanted to save money for other expenses – but our heroine was adamantly against it. Even when her daughter offered to buy the dress, the original poster still said “No.” And for her, it wasn’t even about money.
The point, says the OP, is that throughout her life, Amelia has been treated more favorably by her parents, and the mother in particular, than Opal. Her older sister could count on leniency in chores, and she received full funding for her education, while Opal had to compromise literally every time. So now the mother wants to “pay her back” – at least this way.
To explain her position – more sentimental than rational – the mother had to meet with Amelia and tell her about her motives in detail. It was a difficult conversation, with tears and touching memories, but the OP says she understood and accepted her point. The mom suggested they choose a new wedding dress together, and the bride-to-be agreed. Let’s hope this puts an end to any disagreements between them.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In fact, the issue of wearing clothing or jewelry from late relatives at weddings is a very sensitive and controversial one. Some experts do believe it’s a great way to honor the memory of a lost relative. “In any case, this issue should be discussed with all those involved,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
According to Irina, this was a problem of different attitudes on the part of mother and daughter. While the former viewed the situation from a moral and ethical perspective – as an opportunity, just years later, to offer her late daughter a belated apology for the unfair treatment she received – the latter most likely just wanted to approach the issue of choosing a gown rationally.
“In this regard, it’s good that mother and daughter finally found the way to sit down and discuss this issue, trying to understand each other. Unfortunately, very often, the parties in such conflicts don’t seek understanding, but instead jump straight to offences and arguments. This approach is unconstructive and leads to nothing but a worsening of family relationships,” Irina Matveeva sums up.
Opinions from commenters on the original post were quite divided. Some believed that Amelia just wanted a pretty dress and didn’t care about the memory of her sister. Others wrote that the mother and daughter did the right thing by reaching a consensus and finding a solution by searching for a new dress together. In any case, it’s good that this story didn’t end with a big spat between close people. Ain’t it, our dear readers?
Some commenters criticized the bride for being overly rational here, but almost all of them were glad of the consensus made by the mom and daughter
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What do you think ?
Catherine Kane 4 days ago
if she wants to alter it to meet her tastes, why doesn't she buy her own dress that does so?
Kirsten Kerkhof 1 day ago
Because alterations are cheaper than a whole new dress.
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FreeTheUnicorn 5 days ago
I don't understand keeping the dress and not just a photo or part ofnth4 dress, but grief is strange, and if having the dress makes the grieving easier, keep it. Daughter can get her own dress. I would have thought passing the dress on would be more comforting than upsetting, but again grief is strange and daughter shouldn't be asking in laws to gang up on her mother. The behaviour doesn't deserve a reward.
Anne Edwards 1 day ago
If she had wanted to wear the dress to honour her sister, I would completely understand that. She wants the dress to hack it up and basically destroy it. I'd lock it away to make sure she can't take it.
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Ronja Oksanen 2 days ago
I get that grief looks different in everyone, but dead people don't need dresses, you are not making yourself any favors by clinging to stuff that belonged to a dead person, you're not forgetting her or moving on too soon if you make space to your closet and let someone enjoy expensive dress at the same time...
spacer 1 day ago
the mom said amelia could use the dress as long as she only altered the size. this wasnt enough for amelia so she wasnt allowed to use the dress. it was a fair boundary for something sentimental
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Kate Johnson 5 days ago
I can't imagine holding on to something like that. I also can't imagine that I'd assume my daughter, whose sister died, might not want some kind of connection to her sister on her wedding day. But each to his own.
Tabitha 5 days ago
I was going to say I hope OP locks the dress away so Amelia doesn’t steal it and cut it up. She is NOT entitled to the dress, and really should have her own dress anyway instead of her sister’s. She isn’t her sister, she is her own person, and needs to get over it. I’m not defending OP, either, because she has such an attachment to a dress that belonged to her golden child who she spoiled to the detriment of her other, now only living, child. But I do understand how difficult it is to part with something with so much sentimental attachment to it. Her deceased daughter wore it for fittings, so having it is like having a part of her daughter still with her. I get it. Maybe an agreement could be made for OP to pay for a replica of the dress to be made for Amelia, and altered to Amelia’s specifications. Same dress to satisfy Amelia, but not the same dress to satisfy OP.
Debbie 5 days ago
The dress is a symbol of the next chapter in the life of Opal. It was a gift of love from her fiance. I can totally understand that is not anyone else's dress. Why would it be ok NOT to ask for it if only one had died? Just because it isn't used doesn't mean it's not Opal's dress. It represents her dreams. Taking it and altering it to your own taste is not honoring Opal, it is making the dress about the golden child again and not the lost one. Amelia wants to steal the spotlight from her dead sister even after death it seems. (Ofcourse she is in the spotlight on het own wedding, but also the comment that mom should be over it by now makes me think she is jealous.
KatSaidThat 5 days ago
I had sympathy for Amelia until she brought in other members to pressure mom. I was leaning towards giving her the dress until she started with the emotional blackmail.
Mike F 2 days ago
According to the daughter, dress would be "altered to fit her tastes" so why not just get another dress? Maybe it's a guy thing but it can't be anything sentimental if she's going to make it her own anyway. It must have cost an awful lot of money for her to be that insistent on having that particular dress that she is going to change anyway. 🤷♂️
Emilu 2 days ago
This is such a personal thing; I think most of us will have different opinions on it. I lean towards keeping it the way Opal wanted it but I fully understand opposite views on this as well. Either way, though, if the mother doesn't agree, the daughter should go and buy her own dress and leave Mum alone. Don't pressure your mother to do something when she's not ready. I know my mum still cries over my dad's passing (hell, so do I) and it's been almost 16 years. If someone came and told me (literally or implicitly) that I should be 'over' my dad's death by now, they'd get a punch to the jaw. (I'm weak as, so that really doesn't mean much physically, but I'd be that furious that I *would* act physically). Nobody else gets to have a say in how one should grieve.
Antoinette the Red 2 days ago
A question for any brides on this thread-Did you or would you hold on to your wedding dress and why?
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 days ago
I don't really understand the need to lock the dress away in the dark, but grief does funny things to people
Sparky Hughes 5 days ago
I didn’t get holding onto the dress until I saw how crass Amelia is being. Personally, if Amelia would have asked to use it as a something “borrowed”, I would have given it to her. A picture of Opal would have been fantastic and I’m a huge fan of heirloom pieces being given a second life. Pics side by side at the fitting which the mom may have would have been lovely. I’ve seem it done with 3 generations with each dress slightly changed. I’m curious if Opal would have given the dress to her sister? I’d say just don’t do the Pretty In Pink horror dress.
Anony Mouse 1 day ago (edited)
If I were the deceased, I’d love for my sister to have the dress and wear it to her own wedding. This post is strange and leaves out a lot of important info, but you can extrapolate that the golden child is still getting the golden treatment long after her passing.
Mark Childers 2 days ago
It's not the mother's dress. She didn't buy it. The sister has just as much right to it as the mother. And I would hope any mother would want to see her daughter in the dress the late daughter never got a chance to wear. The whole thing is weird. They must have really treated the living sister poorly and still are. My mother would bend over backwards for my sister and me.
Asri 5 days ago
Amelia wasn't wrong for asking, but then she was kinda an AH for not taking no for an answer. That said, if Mom is holding onto a dress for 4 years, she might have some unresolved grief issues. Lots of people keep mementoes, but something seems off here.
amy lee 2 days ago
4 years after losing her daughter. I think that's a very short time to grieve. Parents aren't suppose to have to say goodbye to their kids. It also sounds like they died in the traumatic way
Load More Replies... Catherine Kane 4 days ago
if she wants to alter it to meet her tastes, why doesn't she buy her own dress that does so?
Kirsten Kerkhof 1 day ago
Because alterations are cheaper than a whole new dress.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 5 days ago
I don't understand keeping the dress and not just a photo or part ofnth4 dress, but grief is strange, and if having the dress makes the grieving easier, keep it. Daughter can get her own dress. I would have thought passing the dress on would be more comforting than upsetting, but again grief is strange and daughter shouldn't be asking in laws to gang up on her mother. The behaviour doesn't deserve a reward.
Anne Edwards 1 day ago
If she had wanted to wear the dress to honour her sister, I would completely understand that. She wants the dress to hack it up and basically destroy it. I'd lock it away to make sure she can't take it.
Load More Replies... Ronja Oksanen 2 days ago
I get that grief looks different in everyone, but dead people don't need dresses, you are not making yourself any favors by clinging to stuff that belonged to a dead person, you're not forgetting her or moving on too soon if you make space to your closet and let someone enjoy expensive dress at the same time...
spacer 1 day ago
the mom said amelia could use the dress as long as she only altered the size. this wasnt enough for amelia so she wasnt allowed to use the dress. it was a fair boundary for something sentimental
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 5 days ago
I can't imagine holding on to something like that. I also can't imagine that I'd assume my daughter, whose sister died, might not want some kind of connection to her sister on her wedding day. But each to his own.
Tabitha 5 days ago
I was going to say I hope OP locks the dress away so Amelia doesn’t steal it and cut it up. She is NOT entitled to the dress, and really should have her own dress anyway instead of her sister’s. She isn’t her sister, she is her own person, and needs to get over it. I’m not defending OP, either, because she has such an attachment to a dress that belonged to her golden child who she spoiled to the detriment of her other, now only living, child. But I do understand how difficult it is to part with something with so much sentimental attachment to it. Her deceased daughter wore it for fittings, so having it is like having a part of her daughter still with her. I get it. Maybe an agreement could be made for OP to pay for a replica of the dress to be made for Amelia, and altered to Amelia’s specifications. Same dress to satisfy Amelia, but not the same dress to satisfy OP.
Debbie 5 days ago
The dress is a symbol of the next chapter in the life of Opal. It was a gift of love from her fiance. I can totally understand that is not anyone else's dress. Why would it be ok NOT to ask for it if only one had died? Just because it isn't used doesn't mean it's not Opal's dress. It represents her dreams. Taking it and altering it to your own taste is not honoring Opal, it is making the dress about the golden child again and not the lost one. Amelia wants to steal the spotlight from her dead sister even after death it seems. (Ofcourse she is in the spotlight on het own wedding, but also the comment that mom should be over it by now makes me think she is jealous.
KatSaidThat 5 days ago
I had sympathy for Amelia until she brought in other members to pressure mom. I was leaning towards giving her the dress until she started with the emotional blackmail.
Mike F 2 days ago
According to the daughter, dress would be "altered to fit her tastes" so why not just get another dress? Maybe it's a guy thing but it can't be anything sentimental if she's going to make it her own anyway. It must have cost an awful lot of money for her to be that insistent on having that particular dress that she is going to change anyway. 🤷♂️
Emilu 2 days ago
This is such a personal thing; I think most of us will have different opinions on it. I lean towards keeping it the way Opal wanted it but I fully understand opposite views on this as well. Either way, though, if the mother doesn't agree, the daughter should go and buy her own dress and leave Mum alone. Don't pressure your mother to do something when she's not ready. I know my mum still cries over my dad's passing (hell, so do I) and it's been almost 16 years. If someone came and told me (literally or implicitly) that I should be 'over' my dad's death by now, they'd get a punch to the jaw. (I'm weak as, so that really doesn't mean much physically, but I'd be that furious that I *would* act physically). Nobody else gets to have a say in how one should grieve.
Antoinette the Red 2 days ago
A question for any brides on this thread-Did you or would you hold on to your wedding dress and why?
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 days ago
I don't really understand the need to lock the dress away in the dark, but grief does funny things to people
Sparky Hughes 5 days ago
I didn’t get holding onto the dress until I saw how crass Amelia is being. Personally, if Amelia would have asked to use it as a something “borrowed”, I would have given it to her. A picture of Opal would have been fantastic and I’m a huge fan of heirloom pieces being given a second life. Pics side by side at the fitting which the mom may have would have been lovely. I’ve seem it done with 3 generations with each dress slightly changed. I’m curious if Opal would have given the dress to her sister? I’d say just don’t do the Pretty In Pink horror dress.
Anony Mouse 1 day ago (edited)
If I were the deceased, I’d love for my sister to have the dress and wear it to her own wedding. This post is strange and leaves out a lot of important info, but you can extrapolate that the golden child is still getting the golden treatment long after her passing.
Mark Childers 2 days ago
It's not the mother's dress. She didn't buy it. The sister has just as much right to it as the mother. And I would hope any mother would want to see her daughter in the dress the late daughter never got a chance to wear. The whole thing is weird. They must have really treated the living sister poorly and still are. My mother would bend over backwards for my sister and me.
Asri 5 days ago
Amelia wasn't wrong for asking, but then she was kinda an AH for not taking no for an answer. That said, if Mom is holding onto a dress for 4 years, she might have some unresolved grief issues. Lots of people keep mementoes, but something seems off here.
amy lee 2 days ago
4 years after losing her daughter. I think that's a very short time to grieve. Parents aren't suppose to have to say goodbye to their kids. It also sounds like they died in the traumatic way
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