Husband Demands A Paternity Test From His Pregnant Wife, She Tells Him To File For Divorce
Trust is a crucial part of any relationship, especially a romantic one. And even more so when it’s a lifelong commitment. The ‘True Off My Chest’ community recently discussed this topic after the redditor u/No-Surprise6398 opened up about the lack of trust in her marriage.
Admitting she just needed to vent, she said her husband demanded a paternity test for their unborn child. Even though their marriage wasn’t problem-free, such a request came completely out of the blue. And unsurprisingly, it took a toll on the relationship.
Trust is the glue that holds any relationship together
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Pregnant woman opens up about the lack of trust from her husband, which led to huge problems in their marriage
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Image credits: Andrew Neel (not the actual photo)
Credits: No-Surprise6398
Trust is important when forming any sort of relationship, whether it’s romantic, platonic, or work-related
Trust is a complex matter, but without it, forming any sort of relationship is close to impossible. Whether it’s friendship, romantic links, or partnerships at work, it is the foundation that keeps everything else steady. Consequently, the moment the first cracks start to appear, there’s a high chance of everything you’ve built together collapsing.
At work, it can help create a high-trust organization, which usually entails higher levels of energy and productivity. When it comes to friendships, trust is a vital component that helps create a stronger bond. As for the romantic ties, it becomes a tool that is necessary to build a strong and healthy relationship.
Viewing trust as a tool was suggested by the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center (NHMRC). In their article about why trust matters in relationships and marriage, they also pointed out five key elements that can help develop it: time, reliability, understanding, sacrifice, and thankfulness.
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A likely reason behind the OP’s husband’s demands is lack of trust, which might relate to other aspects of their marriage as well
In the OP’s situation, one of the five seems to be more significant than others. She revealed that there have been problems in their marriage that have occurred repeatedly, which led to her eventually letting certain things go. It relates to what NHMRC emphasizes when it comes to sacrifice in relation to marriage and trust—it only develops when both parties exhibit behaviors of sacrificing something for one another.
The article pointed out that many people (sometimes unknowingly) expect their partner to sacrifice more than they do themselves. It also revealed that it might lead to resentment: “Sacrifices of both partners must be balanced and must be mutual in order to avoid any resentment of one partner toward the other. A healthy marriage is the product of two individuals, each making sacrifices for each other to better the relationship.” Whether it was resentment or emotions of being hurt that encouraged the OP, she spoke up about the problems after her husband demanded the paternity test.
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
Such demands might be painful to some people, which is why it’s important to find the right way to approach it
The OP’s husband was far from the only one to demand such a thing. In the US, roughly 300,000 paternity tests are performed each year, with men favoring it more than women. However, this remains a rather sensitive topic to bring up as people can get hurt by such requests or what they imply.
The question whether it’s wrong to ask a paternity test from your partner is a debatable one. Be that as it may, it’s usually advisable to think long and hard about what’s the best way to approach it, since, as the OP’s story proved, people might find it painful. Psychreg points out that it can be difficult to bear for the fathers as well, as the process can evoke confusion or guilt, and other negative emotions.
The OP refused to do the test and suggested that the husband file for divorce if he persisted. For her, the implication behind his demand was a strong enough argument to pack up the things and go. Redditors in the comments supported her; some, however, saw no problem in what the husband was asking for. Be that as it may, the situation shows that questioning your partner in such a way can break the trust and shatter the foundation, which is often difficult to rebuild.
Image credits: Nataliya Vaitkevich (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda has reached out to the user No-Surprise6398 via Reddit, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from her.
People in the comments showed their support for the woman
Some even suggested she should serve the results of the paternity test together with the divorce papers
Other community members saw no harm in asking for a paternity test
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Who the f**k are these people saying it's ok to ask for paternity test in this case??
Thank you!! All those posters were more than likely insecure, fragile men just like OP's husband. They see nothing wrong in basically accusing someone of cheating with zero reason or cause. Her feelings, apparently, about not being trusted are of no concern....only his 100% assurance matters. She stuck with him even though she hasnt had good sex in over 6 years, has to deal with his fragility and had issues conceiving. And yet she STILL gets rudely accused of being unfaithful...all because HE doesn't know how to properly lay the pipe lol. No, do not cater to insecurity and immaturity, it is about MUCH more than " a piece of paper".
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He’s a sad little man child. Clearly he’s never matured enough to live the life of a man. This scenario will only repeat, even if you do get the test to prove to him that he’s a jerk and needs to grow up and be a man.
Equally 'never matured enough' in the bedroom either. Seriously! How 'HARD' (yes - pun intended) can it be to learn how to satisfy a woman? Find a therapist who specializes in that area; DON'T, I repeat DON'T get your education from the 'Hustler' or 'XTSY' or other adult entertainment Channels and expect that will 'do the trick.'
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“it is estimated from general dna tests with the public for research etc that over 25% of men whose names are down as the father on a birth certificate are not the actual father.” Not true. This is just in studies that solely looked at couples who obtained paternity testing because paternity was being disputed: an incidence of 17% to 33% (median of 26.9%). This includes uncommitted and tumultuous relationships where there are several possible fathers. When paternity is not being disputed - like in a married couple who are trying for a baby as this couple were, it ranges from between 0.4% to 5.9% depending on the population. That’s a long way from 25% this commenter claims. But if your husband thinks you are trying to pass off someone’s baby as his when you’ve been trying for a baby together for months, the marriage is already over.
I feel her pain. I was married to a guy who had a previous partner cheat on him and so he constantly was paranoid I’d do the same. After way too many years of being accused of cheating, having my choices of clothing or hair styles nitpicked, and him blowing up over stupid little things, I finally left. My mental health had deteriorated to the point where I contemplated suicide. I. Glad she’s getting out early cause it would only get worse for her.
Let him have his test and also divorce at the same time. And when he wants to see the child pull up in court he didn't stand by you emotionally while you was pregnant
If he treats his wife in such an insulting manner, how will he treat the child? Divorce might help him grow up.
He's a s****y partner and absolutely deserves every mean comment about his poor sexual performance. The last commentator sounds like a kindred spirit of that idiotic husband . The paper might not take much effort, but it's not about a test itself, it's about implications behind it and his whole attitude towards her. He clearly cares only about his little precious feelings, completely disregarding his wife, and it shows not only in their sexual life.
He is selfish in bed and does not create enough intimacy to feel or engender trust in the relationship. This is not a relationship of love, it is an act of codependence and I blame them both for it. She remained and allowed herself to be sexually used when she was in fact being hurt by the lack of care on his part in the bedroom, this laziness or selfishness was a monumental red flag but instead she doubled down and agreed to have his child. He wants the socially positive aspects of being a married man and despite his poor opinion of females and trust she fit the bill for him. They did not come together for love but because they are compatible enough to have a semblance of a marriage that caters to their insecurities quite frankly.
Leave him. He's not ready to be a father. He's not possibly ready to be left alone by himself without a nanny, in fact. Harsh? Yes. True? You decide. But if he's that much an AH? Run!
I'm so glad that the comment section here is siding with the woman. I find it so hypocritical that the man is so rude to her but then immediately throws a fit when she points out his flaws. 🙄
It's the male ego on display - ever the fragile egg. Listening to guys talk is most illuminating; I'm of 'a certain age' and I never took vows to enter a convent so I have some experience.
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My ex husband tried to pull this with me in my 3rd trimester after he'd been talking to his mom. I told him sure things and when she came back as his I got to punch him in the face. He knew I wasn't joking about trying to knock him out. He never brought it up again.
Yup. He says he doesn't think she's cheating but wants the test, so clearly he thinks she's cheating. Broken trust is damn hard to rebuild and it doesn't sound like he's worth the effort.
Load More Replies... I can be petty as f**k so I only applaud her reaction to his claims. F**k that, you refuse to do any effort in making sex also fun for me, then accuse me of cheating? Naw man. However, the adult (and therefore, better) analysis of the situation is given by Libstak.
I'm not accusing you of cheating but I want to prove that you're not cheating with a test that will prove that you absolutely cheated...
I wonder if all those men saying there's nothing wrong with a paternity test would feel the same if it was reversed. "We need you to go take a test to prove you didn't cheat on us. Nevermind that you haven't been away from us long enough to, or even had that much time in your schedule. It would make us feel better about you. Why don't you want us to trust you?" Sounds f-ing stupid, doesn't it.
Maybe women should! I know of two women who contracted STDs from their respective partners/husbands - TWICE! First woman ended the relationship and eventually found a faithful, loving partner and has been happily married for decades. The second woman was cheated on after she married. She forgave him the first time also but when she contracted Hepatitis from his continued 'sexual shenanigans' she divorced him.
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I find it disturbing that he feels as though he can't "control" her pregnancy. That's just creepy.
I think this is a sign that your relationship is really done. If someone I was with asked for a paternity test I would consent simply because he feels he needs to know. But the reason he feels that way is the reason I would break up with him. And I would certainly not do it until the baby is born. I'm not risking something happening to the fetus for his insecurity. I would make plans to move out now and come up with an agreement in writing for custody/child support. I agree with the other poster who said it sounds like he's projecting so I would be careful. I get that in this day and age, men have to be careful because if they take on the responsibility of the child, they will be stuck paying support for it for at least 18 years even if it isn't theirs. But the fact he felt he needed to ask says he doesn't trust you, and that means you shouldn't be together. Get out now.
In my (62m) life experience, it is usually the cheaters that have trust issues because they cannot believe someone else is incapable of doing what they are capable of or have done.
He might be part of the misogynistic crowd that firmly believes that a woman can't get pregnant without an orgasm. So since he knows he didn't satisfy her needs this fixed idea popped into his head. And to mommy I'd say: I apologize to him right after he drops this sht and apologises for accusing me of cheating. That should shut her up.
Sad to say but if you have to prove you're faithful now you will probably always have to. If someone has a suspicious character then this will come up over and over in one way or another. I'm sorry his insecurities but it'll translate into abuse for OP.
Okay but what is most worrying is how this "man" will treat the baby. If OP has a boy then he will be taught that he deserves to have what he wants no matter others feelings or needs and if OP has a girl? Ho boy. Her husband (hopefully ex soon) will teach her that she needs to listen to the men in her life and cater to them. Probably end up like the one dad in the article from a week or two ago /dad wants to punish his 7y/o for "cheating"/ which isn't needed at all. If he's gonna be this pathetic towards his wife then he can't be a father. I'm sorry but if you get that upset when she tried to bring up issues in the past, what are you gonna do when your child disagrees with you? When they call you names? Is he gonna cry and refuse to talk to them until they apologize? OP needs to get out. If not for her sake, for her child's sake.
My ex asked for a paternity test (he is the father) and then proceeded to state it was tampered with and still feels like she's not his... soo paternity wont always fix crazy...
It's too bad a child was brought into this equation before she found out he's a cry baby dïck. I wish her all the best and that she finds someone that's not fragile narcissistic pile of garbage.
No wonder hubby is so bad in bed. His “No” answer to OP asking him if he thought she was cheating says he has no idea where babies come from, unless he thought she went to a sperm bank—-though they’re not cheap and he’d notice the dip in the bank account.
While I was still in the hospital after giving birth to my son, my ex asked for a paternity test. I am not a guest on Maury, I know he is yours because I didn't have sex with anyone else. I told him if he wanted a paternity test he could have one and after it came back our son was his, I would leave him. No woman deserves to have her loyalty to herself, her man of choice, her faith, her body all questioned due to insecurity. I tell you the truth, asking for a paternity test is deeply insulting and hurtful. Period.
That ain't a man, just a worthless and most likely lacking down-south cretin. OP would make a much better single mum and "hubby" should just go get a high-five in the face from a boulder!!! Smh!!!
If someone accused you of cheating, they are typically the cheater. Probably 90% of the time. Walk away. He's not worth it. You may want to skip getting the child support or you will remain connected to him and be forced to send your child with him half the time. No trust means no real good shared parenting either.
If you are monogamous and sex is not completely unimportant to you, don't get pregnant on purpose by someone you are not sexually compatible with and don't marry them either! Anyway, what a dumpster fire. Get a divorce, get a paternity test and try to do decent co-parenting - best of luck to you and your child
No intimacy in bed - check. Husband doesn't consider his wife's needs - check. Gets defensive when the subject is raised - check. Accusers wife of infidelity with no evidence - check. My conclusion: the husband is cheating.
The insecurity will only get worse with the arrival of a child that will take more attention and your energy away from him
He's hiding something. Might be an affair or he might believe he's sterile for some reason.
My ex asked for a paternity test and then proceeded to say it was tampered with and he still didn't feel like it was his so paternity tests dont always put crazy at ease.
All this idiot had to do was sign up the family for 23 and me kits... It links people that are genetically related. 🤷
Honestly? She doesn't seem to like him before he asked, and he feels the same for her. This looks like one of those relationships where they tried for a kid because it was expected or they thought it would fix things. Her attitude towards their sex life does give him reason to suspect her fidelity, but I think this was more him wanting to punish her for all her endless little digs about him being crappy in bed. They're both toxic together and divorce may be for the best.
YNTA! He definitely is an douchebag a*****e, as are all these other morons who think his asking for a paternity test all the while saying he doesn't think she cheated is okay WTF? Her response was dead on. 💀 Her mom needs to butt out and stop trying to mediate. Clearly this relationship is over. OP needs to put herself and the child first and move on from this toxic situation. Good luck to you girl, stay strong 💪 💓
He knows he can't please his wife on the bedroom. It's taken a year to get pregnant (not uncommon but for an insecure man that isn't well educated on that part might seem different). Of course he doubts the baby is his. Probably fuelled by some outsiders with the same limited knowledge that views women as money grabbing b*tches. Ok, that last part might be my prejudices shining through. I don't want to go as far as suggesting he is cheating, which mistress will stay with a man that doesn't please her? I had to laugh about the comment that suggested a STD test. I would push for it (but then again, I'm petty).
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ESH. Husband is insecure. At first pull back when wife brought up being less than satisfied, both should have sought out help in learning to give/receive in a heathy positive way. Instead both retreated hurt and minimized. Obviously both are hurt and confused as the hubby, out of fear, asked for a paternity test and the wife feeling the sting, ninja'd the guy's deep insecurity. For the sake of your child both of you need to grow up and sit down with an experienced therapist to not just mediate the current situation, but clip back the overgrowth of unresolved expectations and hurt and see if you can coax some healthy personal and relational growth. Your child needs you both healthy!
The audacity of the og commenters saying that asking for a paternity test is normal. 😂 How else is it anything but an indirect accusation of cheating?
Clearly he had a reason for his doubts and she went straight for the divorce option (probably because she realised that the truth would come out). All of her reactions are aggressive emotional manipulation and abuse intended to bully him into agreeing to them not having the paternity test. There is not a grain of love in her response. She clearly sees him as a meal ticket and nothing more. Mate, run and don't look back.
It would be easier in the US because he could have got one over the counter with cash at the local pharmacy and she'd never have had to know. That said, in an otherwise solid marriage it's kind of a d**k move to ask if you habe no reason to expect cheating. I also suspect he's projecting and likely cheating. It's possible he's just panicking and had a poor response. Mid pregnancy was not ever the time to bring this up. Getting a test done now via amniotisis has a risk, low, but unnecessary. So it's a non issue until the the baby is born, you don't take unnecessary risks during pregnancy. As far as divorce, yeah. She should file over the bad sex. It shows a disregard for her needs and desires that's only going to continue or get worse. If he's that self centered with her, he's probably going to be that self centered as a parent to, prioritizing his wants over his child's needs. When people show you who they are believe them. I say absolutely get the pat test post birth and divorce, just to ensure he has to pay support.
You're four months along and he's asking now, well that's going to be a long five months. I wouldn't be able to stay in a room with him let alone a relationship.
He's behaved immaturely and unfairly, and the relationship is clearly at an end. No trust = no relationship is right. But if a man's key complaint about his girlfriend or wife was that she doesn't please him in bed, most of these same Redditors would be telling him to suck it up.
My first thought was did he get snipped? Then i wondered if he had his hormones checked? If so, were they low, and when did out he find that they were low? Were they low when he married? I wonder what was the mindset OP to marry someone not good in bed and who wont attempt to improve his techniques. Staying married a long time to one person doesn't guarantee that sex will improve. A willing partner who really cares about his spouse's sexual well being will work at doing what's necessary.Lots of men are control freaks when it comes to being asked to touch here or there or anything. Whatever is going on with him now may not change his mindset. I know nothing about therapists, but if they do consider getting back together, they should see a therapist. Mother should side with daughter. After all mother doesn't have to wake up every day in his face totally unsatisfied with no satisfaction insight. Self love can only go so far. A Warm loving willing person doesn't hurt. Opinions
If your insecure but need to know just wait till the baby is born and do a quick 23andme... no one gets hurt and there's plenty of good reasons to get one of those...
Did you mean to post this on a different article?
Load More Replies... This is sad. Hopefully she will get a divorce and meet prince charming who will please her properly lol. I don't know why any men would choose to get married in modern times. There is absolutely no sympathy to the husbands concerns, and since he is bad in bed he should be divorced...and likely forced to pay alimony and child support. This is sad.
It has nothing to do with that, it’s bc he doesn’t trust op, who has stated that she has been faithful their entire relationship.
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There's only one thing that stuck out to me, " YOU MADE HIM CRY?" Did his makeup run?
Again, you are lying. Studies show that the number is nowhere near 10%. It's actually under 1%.
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So even though she has been nothing faithful girlfriend/wife for 6 years, he still has the right to imply and accuse her of cheating? He doesn’t trust her? She’s offended and rightfully so.
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She wrote "I've pretty much given up trying because he gets touchy and pouts for literally days whenever I try to talk about it, no matter how sensitive I try to be." WHAT language does this (or ANY) woman have to speak in to be heard?!
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Yeah but if you feel that way, you should bring it up when you're engaged or getting serious. That way it's not a slap in the face 4 months after you purposely got pregnant. 🤷
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If you love someone then you don't accuse them of cheating unless you have a darn good reason to. Being insecure isn't a good reason and is a guaranteed way of blowing a relationship.
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The phrase “Trust but verify” was made famous by Ronald Reagan in December 1987 after the signing of the INF Treaty with Mikhail Gorbachev. Do you honestly think that applies to a marriage? In an intimate relationship, "trust" and "verify" are mutually exclusive statements.
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She said that when he petitions for the test to file for divorce. She wouldn't want to be single with a child if she's not going to get support... I think it's more likely that she's built up 6 years of resentment putting up with his poor efforts in bed. Him asking for paternity test is basically saying, I know I don't satisfy you so I assume you go elsewhere... I think it's more as general pattern of behavior and this just was the straw that broke the camel's back. I think she should just divorce him purely for how he behaves when she tries to bring up issues in bed.
Load More Replies... Who the f**k are these people saying it's ok to ask for paternity test in this case??
Thank you!! All those posters were more than likely insecure, fragile men just like OP's husband. They see nothing wrong in basically accusing someone of cheating with zero reason or cause. Her feelings, apparently, about not being trusted are of no concern....only his 100% assurance matters. She stuck with him even though she hasnt had good sex in over 6 years, has to deal with his fragility and had issues conceiving. And yet she STILL gets rudely accused of being unfaithful...all because HE doesn't know how to properly lay the pipe lol. No, do not cater to insecurity and immaturity, it is about MUCH more than " a piece of paper".
Load More Replies... He’s a sad little man child. Clearly he’s never matured enough to live the life of a man. This scenario will only repeat, even if you do get the test to prove to him that he’s a jerk and needs to grow up and be a man.
Equally 'never matured enough' in the bedroom either. Seriously! How 'HARD' (yes - pun intended) can it be to learn how to satisfy a woman? Find a therapist who specializes in that area; DON'T, I repeat DON'T get your education from the 'Hustler' or 'XTSY' or other adult entertainment Channels and expect that will 'do the trick.'
Load More Replies... “it is estimated from general dna tests with the public for research etc that over 25% of men whose names are down as the father on a birth certificate are not the actual father.” Not true. This is just in studies that solely looked at couples who obtained paternity testing because paternity was being disputed: an incidence of 17% to 33% (median of 26.9%). This includes uncommitted and tumultuous relationships where there are several possible fathers. When paternity is not being disputed - like in a married couple who are trying for a baby as this couple were, it ranges from between 0.4% to 5.9% depending on the population. That’s a long way from 25% this commenter claims. But if your husband thinks you are trying to pass off someone’s baby as his when you’ve been trying for a baby together for months, the marriage is already over.
I feel her pain. I was married to a guy who had a previous partner cheat on him and so he constantly was paranoid I’d do the same. After way too many years of being accused of cheating, having my choices of clothing or hair styles nitpicked, and him blowing up over stupid little things, I finally left. My mental health had deteriorated to the point where I contemplated suicide. I. Glad she’s getting out early cause it would only get worse for her.
Let him have his test and also divorce at the same time. And when he wants to see the child pull up in court he didn't stand by you emotionally while you was pregnant
If he treats his wife in such an insulting manner, how will he treat the child? Divorce might help him grow up.
He's a s****y partner and absolutely deserves every mean comment about his poor sexual performance. The last commentator sounds like a kindred spirit of that idiotic husband . The paper might not take much effort, but it's not about a test itself, it's about implications behind it and his whole attitude towards her. He clearly cares only about his little precious feelings, completely disregarding his wife, and it shows not only in their sexual life.
He is selfish in bed and does not create enough intimacy to feel or engender trust in the relationship. This is not a relationship of love, it is an act of codependence and I blame them both for it. She remained and allowed herself to be sexually used when she was in fact being hurt by the lack of care on his part in the bedroom, this laziness or selfishness was a monumental red flag but instead she doubled down and agreed to have his child. He wants the socially positive aspects of being a married man and despite his poor opinion of females and trust she fit the bill for him. They did not come together for love but because they are compatible enough to have a semblance of a marriage that caters to their insecurities quite frankly.
Leave him. He's not ready to be a father. He's not possibly ready to be left alone by himself without a nanny, in fact. Harsh? Yes. True? You decide. But if he's that much an AH? Run!
I'm so glad that the comment section here is siding with the woman. I find it so hypocritical that the man is so rude to her but then immediately throws a fit when she points out his flaws. 🙄
It's the male ego on display - ever the fragile egg. Listening to guys talk is most illuminating; I'm of 'a certain age' and I never took vows to enter a convent so I have some experience.
Load More Replies... My ex husband tried to pull this with me in my 3rd trimester after he'd been talking to his mom. I told him sure things and when she came back as his I got to punch him in the face. He knew I wasn't joking about trying to knock him out. He never brought it up again.
Yup. He says he doesn't think she's cheating but wants the test, so clearly he thinks she's cheating. Broken trust is damn hard to rebuild and it doesn't sound like he's worth the effort.
Load More Replies... I can be petty as f**k so I only applaud her reaction to his claims. F**k that, you refuse to do any effort in making sex also fun for me, then accuse me of cheating? Naw man. However, the adult (and therefore, better) analysis of the situation is given by Libstak.
I'm not accusing you of cheating but I want to prove that you're not cheating with a test that will prove that you absolutely cheated...
I wonder if all those men saying there's nothing wrong with a paternity test would feel the same if it was reversed. "We need you to go take a test to prove you didn't cheat on us. Nevermind that you haven't been away from us long enough to, or even had that much time in your schedule. It would make us feel better about you. Why don't you want us to trust you?" Sounds f-ing stupid, doesn't it.
Maybe women should! I know of two women who contracted STDs from their respective partners/husbands - TWICE! First woman ended the relationship and eventually found a faithful, loving partner and has been happily married for decades. The second woman was cheated on after she married. She forgave him the first time also but when she contracted Hepatitis from his continued 'sexual shenanigans' she divorced him.
Load More Replies... I find it disturbing that he feels as though he can't "control" her pregnancy. That's just creepy.
I think this is a sign that your relationship is really done. If someone I was with asked for a paternity test I would consent simply because he feels he needs to know. But the reason he feels that way is the reason I would break up with him. And I would certainly not do it until the baby is born. I'm not risking something happening to the fetus for his insecurity. I would make plans to move out now and come up with an agreement in writing for custody/child support. I agree with the other poster who said it sounds like he's projecting so I would be careful. I get that in this day and age, men have to be careful because if they take on the responsibility of the child, they will be stuck paying support for it for at least 18 years even if it isn't theirs. But the fact he felt he needed to ask says he doesn't trust you, and that means you shouldn't be together. Get out now.
In my (62m) life experience, it is usually the cheaters that have trust issues because they cannot believe someone else is incapable of doing what they are capable of or have done.
He might be part of the misogynistic crowd that firmly believes that a woman can't get pregnant without an orgasm. So since he knows he didn't satisfy her needs this fixed idea popped into his head. And to mommy I'd say: I apologize to him right after he drops this sht and apologises for accusing me of cheating. That should shut her up.
Sad to say but if you have to prove you're faithful now you will probably always have to. If someone has a suspicious character then this will come up over and over in one way or another. I'm sorry his insecurities but it'll translate into abuse for OP.
Okay but what is most worrying is how this "man" will treat the baby. If OP has a boy then he will be taught that he deserves to have what he wants no matter others feelings or needs and if OP has a girl? Ho boy. Her husband (hopefully ex soon) will teach her that she needs to listen to the men in her life and cater to them. Probably end up like the one dad in the article from a week or two ago /dad wants to punish his 7y/o for "cheating"/ which isn't needed at all. If he's gonna be this pathetic towards his wife then he can't be a father. I'm sorry but if you get that upset when she tried to bring up issues in the past, what are you gonna do when your child disagrees with you? When they call you names? Is he gonna cry and refuse to talk to them until they apologize? OP needs to get out. If not for her sake, for her child's sake.
My ex asked for a paternity test (he is the father) and then proceeded to state it was tampered with and still feels like she's not his... soo paternity wont always fix crazy...
It's too bad a child was brought into this equation before she found out he's a cry baby dïck. I wish her all the best and that she finds someone that's not fragile narcissistic pile of garbage.
No wonder hubby is so bad in bed. His “No” answer to OP asking him if he thought she was cheating says he has no idea where babies come from, unless he thought she went to a sperm bank—-though they’re not cheap and he’d notice the dip in the bank account.
While I was still in the hospital after giving birth to my son, my ex asked for a paternity test. I am not a guest on Maury, I know he is yours because I didn't have sex with anyone else. I told him if he wanted a paternity test he could have one and after it came back our son was his, I would leave him. No woman deserves to have her loyalty to herself, her man of choice, her faith, her body all questioned due to insecurity. I tell you the truth, asking for a paternity test is deeply insulting and hurtful. Period.
That ain't a man, just a worthless and most likely lacking down-south cretin. OP would make a much better single mum and "hubby" should just go get a high-five in the face from a boulder!!! Smh!!!
If someone accused you of cheating, they are typically the cheater. Probably 90% of the time. Walk away. He's not worth it. You may want to skip getting the child support or you will remain connected to him and be forced to send your child with him half the time. No trust means no real good shared parenting either.
If you are monogamous and sex is not completely unimportant to you, don't get pregnant on purpose by someone you are not sexually compatible with and don't marry them either! Anyway, what a dumpster fire. Get a divorce, get a paternity test and try to do decent co-parenting - best of luck to you and your child
No intimacy in bed - check. Husband doesn't consider his wife's needs - check. Gets defensive when the subject is raised - check. Accusers wife of infidelity with no evidence - check. My conclusion: the husband is cheating.
The insecurity will only get worse with the arrival of a child that will take more attention and your energy away from him
He's hiding something. Might be an affair or he might believe he's sterile for some reason.
My ex asked for a paternity test and then proceeded to say it was tampered with and he still didn't feel like it was his so paternity tests dont always put crazy at ease.
All this idiot had to do was sign up the family for 23 and me kits... It links people that are genetically related. 🤷
Honestly? She doesn't seem to like him before he asked, and he feels the same for her. This looks like one of those relationships where they tried for a kid because it was expected or they thought it would fix things. Her attitude towards their sex life does give him reason to suspect her fidelity, but I think this was more him wanting to punish her for all her endless little digs about him being crappy in bed. They're both toxic together and divorce may be for the best.
YNTA! He definitely is an douchebag a*****e, as are all these other morons who think his asking for a paternity test all the while saying he doesn't think she cheated is okay WTF? Her response was dead on. 💀 Her mom needs to butt out and stop trying to mediate. Clearly this relationship is over. OP needs to put herself and the child first and move on from this toxic situation. Good luck to you girl, stay strong 💪 💓
He knows he can't please his wife on the bedroom. It's taken a year to get pregnant (not uncommon but for an insecure man that isn't well educated on that part might seem different). Of course he doubts the baby is his. Probably fuelled by some outsiders with the same limited knowledge that views women as money grabbing b*tches. Ok, that last part might be my prejudices shining through. I don't want to go as far as suggesting he is cheating, which mistress will stay with a man that doesn't please her? I had to laugh about the comment that suggested a STD test. I would push for it (but then again, I'm petty).
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ESH. Husband is insecure. At first pull back when wife brought up being less than satisfied, both should have sought out help in learning to give/receive in a heathy positive way. Instead both retreated hurt and minimized. Obviously both are hurt and confused as the hubby, out of fear, asked for a paternity test and the wife feeling the sting, ninja'd the guy's deep insecurity. For the sake of your child both of you need to grow up and sit down with an experienced therapist to not just mediate the current situation, but clip back the overgrowth of unresolved expectations and hurt and see if you can coax some healthy personal and relational growth. Your child needs you both healthy!
The audacity of the og commenters saying that asking for a paternity test is normal. 😂 How else is it anything but an indirect accusation of cheating?
Clearly he had a reason for his doubts and she went straight for the divorce option (probably because she realised that the truth would come out). All of her reactions are aggressive emotional manipulation and abuse intended to bully him into agreeing to them not having the paternity test. There is not a grain of love in her response. She clearly sees him as a meal ticket and nothing more. Mate, run and don't look back.
It would be easier in the US because he could have got one over the counter with cash at the local pharmacy and she'd never have had to know. That said, in an otherwise solid marriage it's kind of a d**k move to ask if you habe no reason to expect cheating. I also suspect he's projecting and likely cheating. It's possible he's just panicking and had a poor response. Mid pregnancy was not ever the time to bring this up. Getting a test done now via amniotisis has a risk, low, but unnecessary. So it's a non issue until the the baby is born, you don't take unnecessary risks during pregnancy. As far as divorce, yeah. She should file over the bad sex. It shows a disregard for her needs and desires that's only going to continue or get worse. If he's that self centered with her, he's probably going to be that self centered as a parent to, prioritizing his wants over his child's needs. When people show you who they are believe them. I say absolutely get the pat test post birth and divorce, just to ensure he has to pay support.
You're four months along and he's asking now, well that's going to be a long five months. I wouldn't be able to stay in a room with him let alone a relationship.
He's behaved immaturely and unfairly, and the relationship is clearly at an end. No trust = no relationship is right. But if a man's key complaint about his girlfriend or wife was that she doesn't please him in bed, most of these same Redditors would be telling him to suck it up.
My first thought was did he get snipped? Then i wondered if he had his hormones checked? If so, were they low, and when did out he find that they were low? Were they low when he married? I wonder what was the mindset OP to marry someone not good in bed and who wont attempt to improve his techniques. Staying married a long time to one person doesn't guarantee that sex will improve. A willing partner who really cares about his spouse's sexual well being will work at doing what's necessary.Lots of men are control freaks when it comes to being asked to touch here or there or anything. Whatever is going on with him now may not change his mindset. I know nothing about therapists, but if they do consider getting back together, they should see a therapist. Mother should side with daughter. After all mother doesn't have to wake up every day in his face totally unsatisfied with no satisfaction insight. Self love can only go so far. A Warm loving willing person doesn't hurt. Opinions
If your insecure but need to know just wait till the baby is born and do a quick 23andme... no one gets hurt and there's plenty of good reasons to get one of those...
Did you mean to post this on a different article?
Load More Replies... This is sad. Hopefully she will get a divorce and meet prince charming who will please her properly lol. I don't know why any men would choose to get married in modern times. There is absolutely no sympathy to the husbands concerns, and since he is bad in bed he should be divorced...and likely forced to pay alimony and child support. This is sad.
It has nothing to do with that, it’s bc he doesn’t trust op, who has stated that she has been faithful their entire relationship.
Load More Replies... There's only one thing that stuck out to me, " YOU MADE HIM CRY?" Did his makeup run?
Again, you are lying. Studies show that the number is nowhere near 10%. It's actually under 1%.
Load More Replies... So even though she has been nothing faithful girlfriend/wife for 6 years, he still has the right to imply and accuse her of cheating? He doesn’t trust her? She’s offended and rightfully so.
Load More Replies... She wrote "I've pretty much given up trying because he gets touchy and pouts for literally days whenever I try to talk about it, no matter how sensitive I try to be." WHAT language does this (or ANY) woman have to speak in to be heard?!
Load More Replies... Yeah but if you feel that way, you should bring it up when you're engaged or getting serious. That way it's not a slap in the face 4 months after you purposely got pregnant. 🤷
Load More Replies... If you love someone then you don't accuse them of cheating unless you have a darn good reason to. Being insecure isn't a good reason and is a guaranteed way of blowing a relationship.
Load More Replies... The phrase “Trust but verify” was made famous by Ronald Reagan in December 1987 after the signing of the INF Treaty with Mikhail Gorbachev. Do you honestly think that applies to a marriage? In an intimate relationship, "trust" and "verify" are mutually exclusive statements.
Load More Replies... She said that when he petitions for the test to file for divorce. She wouldn't want to be single with a child if she's not going to get support... I think it's more likely that she's built up 6 years of resentment putting up with his poor efforts in bed. Him asking for paternity test is basically saying, I know I don't satisfy you so I assume you go elsewhere... I think it's more as general pattern of behavior and this just was the straw that broke the camel's back. I think she should just divorce him purely for how he behaves when she tries to bring up issues in bed.
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