“My Health Should Be His Priority”: Pregnant Wife Makes Man Leave Party Early, He Regrets It
Pregnancy can be both a magical and a challenging time at once, so it’s no surprise that a soon-to-be-mom might need a helping hand or someone there for her when things get tough.
For this 7-months-pregnant redditor, things got uncomfortable during a friend’s wedding. She asked her husband to leave early and stay with her in case she needed him; and he did. But the situation eventually left the dad-to-be sour and the mom—asking if she was a [jerk] for making him leave the wedding.
In order to understand both sides better, Bored Panda got in touch with the Associate Professor of Anthropology and the Director of the Hormones, Health, and Human Behavior Laboratory at University of Notre Dame, Lee T. Gettler, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. You will find his thoughts in the text below.
As fun as they are, weddings can be quite difficult to sit through for some people
Image credits: Al Elmes (not the actual photo)
This pregnant woman didn’t feel well while at a wedding so she asked her husband to leave early with her
Image credits: Amina Filkins (not the actual photo)
Image credits: preggoweddingaita
Partner support is crucial for the well-being of both people in a couple
Members of the AITA community shared varying opinions regarding the story; while some sided with the soon-to-be-mother saying that her needs come before anything else, others weren’t so quick to judge the husband who was seeking socialization. Such situations can be quite difficult to navigate as—even if not to the same extent—they affect the well-being of both of the involved parties.
“Changes in parents’ friendships and social support networks can contribute to poorer mental health and less resilience to the stressors and demands that can come with parenting,” Lee T. Gettler told Bored Panda, emphasizing the way a lack of socialization can affect a parent.
However, “partner support and the relationship quality between partners are also critical to their well-being; and the acute needs of the mother in the 7th month of pregnancy are a clear priority, whereas perhaps the husband’s need for socializing outside of his family duties could be addressed another time,” he added. At the end of the day, it all boils down to priorities, which was likely why the OP’s husband decided to leave the wedding with his pregnant wife and stay by her side.
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)
Socializing might not be parents’ number one priority, but it shouldn’t be the last on the list either
Even though there might be other things higher on the priority list when a baby is on the way, a parent’s social needs shouldn’t be at the very bottom either. “Adults’ social networks often change when they become new parents. Time spent with friends can go down, which isn’t surprising given the demands of caring for babies and young children. But friendships and social support are very important to one’s well-being,” Gettler suggested.
“They help shape people’s happiness and satisfaction and can be a buffer against stress,” he explained and added that, since the new parents’ social worlds can narrow quite significantly, it is common for moms and dads to desire time to socialize with friends outside of the ‘baby world’.
Lee T. Gettler revealed that as a parent himself—a dad to a 7 and a 9 year old—he empathizes with how difficult it is to find the time, energy, and resources (costs to cover babysitting, for example) to maintain relationships with friends. “It is hard sometimes to even find the mental energy (or just to remember) to do other small things to stay in touch, like routinely texting or chatting on the phone,” he said.
That’s why, according to the expert, it’s crucial for partners to work as a team. “In two-parent families, I think it is important that partners try to support opportunities for the other to go out with friends and hopefully strike a balance where both parents can enjoy some occasional child-free socializing. It is meaningful to adults’ mental health and stress management, which means it is also relevant to the overall family well-being.”
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Quite a few redditors chose not to side with the OP
Some believed she wasn’t a jerk in the situation
If I were pregnant and were often unwell, I would simply not go to any receptions, knowing that I wouldn't enjoy myself anyway. I'd rather let my partner go to that reception and stay with some relatives who could help me look after other kids.
Absolutely. They were his friends anyway. Let him go. Take the opportunity to rest up.
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OP said she feels exhausted all the time just being at home, so there is a reasonable expectation that she would get exhausted at the reception imo. And also a reasonable expectation that she would fall asleep pretty early/quickly. This has been happening for a while, so I think they would know this. If they had talked about this prior to the day, they could have come up with a game plan for this situation. Maybe the husband takes her back to the hotel, gets her comfy and settled - making sure her phone is nearby, and then heads back to the reception. Maybe they book an extra night prior to the event so OP is well rested before the reception. They could have planned for her to have a nap before heading to the reception. There are a lot of things they could have done if they had talked and made a plan.
Since the kids were being looked after by family, they should've booked the hotel for the night before as well as the night of the reception and have a mini 'baby moon'. A three hour drive is exhausting for anyone let a alone a third trimester person. After a leisurely brunch and then sleeping all afternoon both could've enjoyed the reception for the evening - but yeah, OP's the butt hole, hubby could've been contacted if there was an issue or the hotel reception could've been contacted or emergency services if necessary.
If I were pregnant and were often unwell, I would simply not go to any receptions, knowing that I wouldn't enjoy myself anyway. I'd rather let my partner go to that reception and stay with some relatives who could help me look after other kids.
Absolutely. They were his friends anyway. Let him go. Take the opportunity to rest up.
Load More Replies... OP said she feels exhausted all the time just being at home, so there is a reasonable expectation that she would get exhausted at the reception imo. And also a reasonable expectation that she would fall asleep pretty early/quickly. This has been happening for a while, so I think they would know this. If they had talked about this prior to the day, they could have come up with a game plan for this situation. Maybe the husband takes her back to the hotel, gets her comfy and settled - making sure her phone is nearby, and then heads back to the reception. Maybe they book an extra night prior to the event so OP is well rested before the reception. They could have planned for her to have a nap before heading to the reception. There are a lot of things they could have done if they had talked and made a plan.
Since the kids were being looked after by family, they should've booked the hotel for the night before as well as the night of the reception and have a mini 'baby moon'. A three hour drive is exhausting for anyone let a alone a third trimester person. After a leisurely brunch and then sleeping all afternoon both could've enjoyed the reception for the evening - but yeah, OP's the butt hole, hubby could've been contacted if there was an issue or the hotel reception could've been contacted or emergency services if necessary.
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