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Man Finds Out The Reason GF Of 5 Years Never Wanted To Live With Him Even After Getting Pregnant
It’s completely natural to want to live with your significant other. After you’ve been dating for a while, it only makes sense to move in. And when there’s a baby on the way in your long-term relationship, it would be bizarre not to live in the same home. If your partner keeps refusing, it might set off your inner alarm bells.
That’s the frustrating situation that one man found himself in. He turned to the internet for advice after insisting that his girlfriend move in with him now that she’s pregnant. When she refused, he decided to get to the bottom of the mystery. Scroll down for the full story, including a very painful twist in an update.
Meanwhile, Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
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It’s going to raise some eyebrows and ring some alarm bells when people see that your long-term partner refuses to move in with you
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
A man turned to the internet for help after sharing how his girlfriend refused to live with him, even after she got pregnant. Here’s how his story started
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Image source: throwaway-zebra123
Most readers were on the man’s side. Here’s their perspective on the bizarre situation
Image credits: EkaterinaPereslavtseva (not the actual photo)
You and your partner need to be on the same page about what you want from the relationship. If they want an open relationship but don’t inform you, they’re effectively cheating
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual photo)
It’s common sense, but if you want to have an open relationship with your partner, you need to loop them in. You both need to be on the same page. Your significant other needs to be comfortable with you seeing other people. And you both need to create some ground rules.
Meanwhile, if the fact that you’re going on dates with other people is news to them, then you’re not actually in an open relationship. You’re cheating, as simple as that. While you’re having fun being with multiple partners, they’re at home thinking that you’re exclusive. It’s heart-wrenching. It’s unfair. And nobody deserves to be in a situation like this.
When there’s a baby on the way, things get even messier. And if your cheating partner tries to guilt-trip you for not supporting them enough in their lifestyle, it’s probably clear as crystal that you need to move on with your life.
According to ‘The Intimacy Doc,’ consensual non-monogamous (aka open) relationships aren’t like affairs because the former are transparent while the latter are secret.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Catalina Lawsin explains that for open relationships to work, you and your partner need to negotiate your intimacy boundaries. The goal is to get incredibly specific about what can and can’t happen before you open up the relationship.
Physicality aside, you’ll also need to define your emotional boundaries, ensure that you’re safe when you’re intimate, and be honest about everything that you do. In these kinds of relationships, it’s vital that you’re transparent so that you and your partner are both on the same page and avoid making assumptions.
Meanwhile, Dr. Lawsin stresses that it’s important that you don’t forget about your actual relationship either. “Schedule time and space to nurture the relationship and make sure to maintain this. Date nights, trips away and expressing love need to be prioritized to maintain the relationship foundation,” she states.
There are lots of different reasons why someone might be unfaithful to their significant other. However, this doesn’t excuse infidelity
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
While everyone’s situation is unique, there are a number of common reasons why people cheat on their long-term romantic partners. Broadly speaking, the individual who gets entangled in the affair may have some unmet needs or they simply have the opportunity for infidelity.
Verywell Mind explains that some of the main factors behind cheating include things like:
- Unhappiness or dissatisfaction with your emotional or intimate life
- Feeling unappreciated at home
- Lacking commitment to your partner
- Having issues with your body or age
- Wanting to get revenge on your partner
- Boredom and the need for excitement
In the meantime, some secondary reasons for cheating include things like having easy access to the internet (this facilitates emotional or physical affairs), the opportunity to be unfaithful, and having poor boundaries.
“Periods of absence, whether traveling for work or serving in the military provide greater opportunities for affairs to occur. Absence allows a spouse to have an affair with little risk of being discovered or may lead to loneliness and resentment,” Verywell Mind explains.
What are your thoughts about the entire situation? How would you have handled things if you were in the man’s shoes?
How would you react if your significant other refused to live with you, even though you’d been together for years and years? From your perspective, how soon should couples move in together, and how can they tell if they’re ready? Let us know in the comments below.
The man decided to get to the bottom of the mystery behind his girlfriend’s actions, and it led to a lot of heartbreak. Here is the update to his story
Image credits: GaudiLab (not the actual photo)
Image source: throwaway-zebra123
Here’s how the internet reacted to the update. Most people were very empathetic
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What do you think ?
Tams21 1 week ago
The op seems pretty reasonable to me. A vasectomy isn't 100% and if there's any doubt about a lifetime commitment like parenthood, it's absolutely fair to be certain. Getting a lawyer might make any future arrangements (assuming he is the father) more difficult but given the circumstances, it's definitely worth it in my view.
tori Ohno 1 week ago
My aunt got pregnant with my cousin after my uncle had a vasectomy. The vas deferens can reattach to each other.
Load More Replies...
Deborah B 1 week ago
Ouch. I was there nodding along to the "needing alone time" and only being in a relationship part time - I'm Ace/aro and an introvert, it sounds completely understandable to need completely separate time alone with zero humans. Then she's completely off the wall "No, I meant, I'm single and seeing someone *else* those days. Nope. This is "I want to have my relationship, and sleep around, but without communicating and coming to an agreement that we are poly." Sorry, man, this was unacceptable deception on her part. Definately demand paternity testing, and get some advice on what you need to do to make sure she can't put you on the birth certificate without it. Separate residence/walking marriage relationships can work, but only when both parties are in agreement as to the terms.
Child of the Stars 1 week ago
I'm with you. I'm not aro/ace, but I honestly was thinking this would be a fantastic arrangement to co-parent! It's really too bad there was more to her behavior 😕
Load More Replies...
Erla Zwingle 1 week ago
She is the most spectacularly egotistical person I've ever heard of. I can't even draw a diagram of how many people she's pulled into her web. First red flag: Suddenly she's pregnant, just like that, without discussing any of this drastic change with you. She's happy about it? Are you? Did you even talk about this when you got the news? Or is she treating this baby like it's just another object to organize in her life, like a birdfeeder or a motorcycle. Cheating on her free time because no questions?! No questions? Second red flag! Determine paternity, then figure out what YOU need. You've been enabling an incredibly toxic person for FIVE YEARS. You need to step waaaaay back from a dynamic where you give everything and the other person gives nothing. Think about that. PS: I sincerely hope the child isn't yours, my friend. You need to hit "reset" in your life in a big, big way.
megabeth 1 week ago
"The most spectacularly egotistical person" and "a bird feeder or a motorcycle". I would up vote twice if I could!
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Trillian 1 week ago
Before reading the update I was going to say I understand her point. I hate living with my partner and he is not even bad or lazy around the house. I just much prefer living alone and when we break up I will never again move in with someone.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 week ago
Oof. "When we break up"? Just break up, you're already half way out the door.
Load More Replies...
Bi.Felicia 1 week ago
As soon as I read OPs reply to one of the comments that said on her me days, he's not allowed to contact her or communicate with her in any way, I knew she was cheating. I feel bad the OP did so much for her for 5 years and this sad excuse for a woman was sleeping with multiple different men. I'm hoping for OPs sake that the child isn't his, so he can completely cut ties with this beeotch and be done with her forever.
Emilu 1 week ago
I... kinda thought this was going to end up with her being unfaithful. I mean, I would genuinely love to have a child with someone I loved but also have my own space, even though I'm ace. I'm also not a cheater. I think people that think that way are pretty rare, though (not so much the not cheating, but the bits before that). Most people want to co-exist with their partners and that's absolutely fine. Except when they go around essentially cheating like OP's (hopefully) ex.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 week ago
I don't know. I love being on my own, and love my girlfriend. We did move in together recently, but that was more about convenience. She got a job two minutes from my place and 50 minutes from her old place. We work well together, and it's great. But we'd have been happy either way. We're also both in our late forties, and lived alone for a while.
Load More Replies...
The Starsong Princess 1 week ago
I doubt she had only one other partner so the DNA results will be interesting.
Christos Arvanitis 1 week ago
If somebody told me that there were days that I was forbidden to contact them, I would say that is suspicious and just nope right out off the situation. That was a sign that something was up.
Paul C 1 week ago
Before the update only two commenters mentioned, quite gently, what was screaming at me - that she was seeing someone else. It sounds like OP had that in his mind too. I'm sure if the sexes had been reversed people would have been screaming about it being the obvious situation (ignoring the whole pregnancy bit).
Tams21 1 week ago
The op seems pretty reasonable to me. A vasectomy isn't 100% and if there's any doubt about a lifetime commitment like parenthood, it's absolutely fair to be certain. Getting a lawyer might make any future arrangements (assuming he is the father) more difficult but given the circumstances, it's definitely worth it in my view.
tori Ohno 1 week ago
My aunt got pregnant with my cousin after my uncle had a vasectomy. The vas deferens can reattach to each other.
Load More Replies... Deborah B 1 week ago
Ouch. I was there nodding along to the "needing alone time" and only being in a relationship part time - I'm Ace/aro and an introvert, it sounds completely understandable to need completely separate time alone with zero humans. Then she's completely off the wall "No, I meant, I'm single and seeing someone *else* those days. Nope. This is "I want to have my relationship, and sleep around, but without communicating and coming to an agreement that we are poly." Sorry, man, this was unacceptable deception on her part. Definately demand paternity testing, and get some advice on what you need to do to make sure she can't put you on the birth certificate without it. Separate residence/walking marriage relationships can work, but only when both parties are in agreement as to the terms.
Child of the Stars 1 week ago
I'm with you. I'm not aro/ace, but I honestly was thinking this would be a fantastic arrangement to co-parent! It's really too bad there was more to her behavior 😕
Load More Replies... Erla Zwingle 1 week ago
She is the most spectacularly egotistical person I've ever heard of. I can't even draw a diagram of how many people she's pulled into her web. First red flag: Suddenly she's pregnant, just like that, without discussing any of this drastic change with you. She's happy about it? Are you? Did you even talk about this when you got the news? Or is she treating this baby like it's just another object to organize in her life, like a birdfeeder or a motorcycle. Cheating on her free time because no questions?! No questions? Second red flag! Determine paternity, then figure out what YOU need. You've been enabling an incredibly toxic person for FIVE YEARS. You need to step waaaaay back from a dynamic where you give everything and the other person gives nothing. Think about that. PS: I sincerely hope the child isn't yours, my friend. You need to hit "reset" in your life in a big, big way.
megabeth 1 week ago
"The most spectacularly egotistical person" and "a bird feeder or a motorcycle". I would up vote twice if I could!
Load More Replies... Trillian 1 week ago
Before reading the update I was going to say I understand her point. I hate living with my partner and he is not even bad or lazy around the house. I just much prefer living alone and when we break up I will never again move in with someone.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 week ago
Oof. "When we break up"? Just break up, you're already half way out the door.
Load More Replies... Bi.Felicia 1 week ago
As soon as I read OPs reply to one of the comments that said on her me days, he's not allowed to contact her or communicate with her in any way, I knew she was cheating. I feel bad the OP did so much for her for 5 years and this sad excuse for a woman was sleeping with multiple different men. I'm hoping for OPs sake that the child isn't his, so he can completely cut ties with this beeotch and be done with her forever.
Emilu 1 week ago
I... kinda thought this was going to end up with her being unfaithful. I mean, I would genuinely love to have a child with someone I loved but also have my own space, even though I'm ace. I'm also not a cheater. I think people that think that way are pretty rare, though (not so much the not cheating, but the bits before that). Most people want to co-exist with their partners and that's absolutely fine. Except when they go around essentially cheating like OP's (hopefully) ex.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 week ago
I don't know. I love being on my own, and love my girlfriend. We did move in together recently, but that was more about convenience. She got a job two minutes from my place and 50 minutes from her old place. We work well together, and it's great. But we'd have been happy either way. We're also both in our late forties, and lived alone for a while.
Load More Replies... The Starsong Princess 1 week ago
I doubt she had only one other partner so the DNA results will be interesting.
Christos Arvanitis 1 week ago
If somebody told me that there were days that I was forbidden to contact them, I would say that is suspicious and just nope right out off the situation. That was a sign that something was up.
Paul C 1 week ago
Before the update only two commenters mentioned, quite gently, what was screaming at me - that she was seeing someone else. It sounds like OP had that in his mind too. I'm sure if the sexes had been reversed people would have been screaming about it being the obvious situation (ignoring the whole pregnancy bit).
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