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Please Let Me Know What You Think Of This Guy. Am I Imagining The Danger?
My sister has been dating this guy she met at a dance class. This guy has thrown some serious red flags but she refuses to see them! She's admitted that the reason she won't see the red flags is because my mom and I are the ones pointing them out.
The red flags are;
1. He told me a story about how he ate a cat once because his friends were cooking it, and offered him some, he didn't know what it was so ate it, then found out that it was a cat. Later I was telling my mom the story with him right there, and he said, 'oh, that didn't happen to me, that happened to a friend of an acquaintance' he insisted that he told it in second person view, and when I insisted otherwise he said, 'allright, that's true, I just got caught up in the story' ...nope. if you had, you would've switched from saying you told it in second person to saying you got caught up in the story and forgot to tell me it didn't actually happen to you. Isn't that Gaslighting?
2. We were in a antique store, I asked him if he saw anything he wanted, he said yes and looked pointedly at my sister. Now he's saying he's not interested in a longterm relationship, even though all of his actions say otherwise.
3. He is so victimy! He told my sister (really randomly) VERY early on in the relationship that he attempted suicide when he was in his teens. Now one of my sisters reasons for staying with this punk is that she doesn't want his death on her hands.
4. Is it appropriate for someone your not seriously dating to call you seductive? They haven't been dating more the 4 months. He said she's not seductive for her body, but because of how child like she is... is that creepy? He's 21 she's 17 almost 18.
5. He said he was going to Utah for at least a year when they met, now he's not staying for less the 6 months
6. My sister asked him to read a book, he said ok, and he read it, in the middle of reading the book he texted and said, 'if I finish the book before you, you have to give me a hug once I get back. But if you finish the book first I'm giving you a hug once I get back.' She said, 'that's really not necessary I would have given you a hug anyway.' A few weeks later, he writes and said 'I finished the book, now you have to give me a hug, no getting out of it, and u don't want to hear any excuses.'
7. Last one, he basically won't take no for an answer, and discounts female intelligence.
Am I just being protective?
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So, if your sister is unhappy then that would be a red flag. The rest of the things outside of discounting your intelligence and the seductive part, also the age gap is questionable. Most are just things you specifically don't like about him.
Like 1. He told you that story for your ears, if he ate a cat I'm sure he doesn't want you going on telling anyone else because some people get up in arms about it. So denying it makes sense.
2. Does your sister know that's how he feels? Also don't see how him pointing at your sister as something he wants is a red flag.
3. Someone saying they tried to commit suicide at any point in their life doesn't make them "victim-y" unless he hangs that over her head for anything.
4. Again yeah that one is red flag, stating someone has a child-like body while having interest in them at his age is creepy. Outside of that I'm not sure if you're heavily religious or something, but people that aren't dating definitely can refer to someone as being seductive. Just again, the child thing definitely makes it not okay.
5. I'm not sure why a change of plans on staying less time away is a red flag. Things change.
6. I don't see where you're trying to find the red flag in that. Granted that's a teenage mindset to do "affection bets/deals" but either way isn't a red flag.
7. Yes, discounting your intelligence definitely isn't okay As well as not taking no for an answer.
