Person Refuses To Help Their ‘Golden’ Child’ Brother As They Had To Make It All On Their Own
Interview
There are many jokes about how parents treat their firstborns and the youngest kids in the family. Well, I will do a little summary of these parody videos for you – parents are much stricter to their firstborns, they are not spoiled, have to earn for themselves and the rules about partying, meeting with friends or going somewhere are much stricter. On the contrary, the youngest kids in the family are spoiled, parents buy them what they want and in general, they receive softer punishments if they did something wrong. Of course, it’s not completely true, but that’s what people say.
More info: Reddit
If kids are taught that every adult has to earn for themselves but the rules are not equal, it might create tension between siblings
Image credits: Urosh Nou (not the actual photo)
Person wonders if they were a jerk for quoting back their parents after they were asked to help pay for their brother’s university
Image credits: u/Traditional_Fix_228
Image credits: Max Fischer (not the actual photo)
The author has been working since 15, received a scholarship and paid for university
Their brother, on the contrary, didn’t get the same talk, their parents bought a car for him, and he got into a university, but without a scholarship
Image credits: u/Traditional_Fix_228
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The parents are asking the older sibling to help pay for their brother’s tuition, to which they answered that every adult is responsible for themselves
This person shared their story to one Reddit community asking for folks’ verdict on whether they were being a jerk for refusing to chip in for their brother’s university tuition because they was raised to believe that everybody is responsible for themselves. The post received more than 8.6K upvotes and 615 comments.
The author starts the story by highlighting that since childhood, their parents used to say that nothing is free and life costs money when you are an adult. Knowing that, they started working at 15 years old, got a scholarship to a state university and finished it with a small debt. On the other hand, their brother didn’t receive the same talk and their parents even bought him a car when he was 16 years old.
Now, a brother got accepted to an Ivy League university, however, without any scholarship. At this point, their parents are asking OP to help pay for his tuition. The main issue with this is that he got a scholarship at a state university but that’s not good enough for him. Well, the author was always taught that adults are responsible for themselves and therefore is not going to sacrifice their life to help another person.
Redditors gave OP the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge, shared their frustration and suggested what to do in this situation. “Maybe OP can suggest the parents spend all the money they saved by not helping OP out in college, that can be OP’s contribution,” one person wrote. Another added: “Next time they ask, just say ‘He can get through on his own, just like I did.'” In general, folks told OP not to worry, it’s not their responsibility.
Image credits: Magnet.me (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda reached out to Jodi Aman, who is a therapist, author and a spiritual mentor. She kindly agreed to share her professional opinion regarding the impact on siblings after receiving different support from parents and how they can promote a sense of fairness.
Starting from the discussion of how such a differing support impacts sibling dynamics and relationships within a family, Jodi says that it can also depend on the different circumstances. However, the main question would be why parents made different choices regarding these two kids.
Moreover, the therapist says that when the reason is uncertain, it can really impact the kid as due to not knowing the main reason, they may think that it was about their value in their parents’ eyes.
Now, speaking about ways that parents can mitigate the negative impact of unequal financial support and promote a sense of fairness, Jodi highlights that they must want to restore the relationship and openly talk about how they can make it up. It, of course, depends on the kids – some want acknowledgement and an apology, while others would like it to be made up financially.
In conclusion, unfortunately, it’s not a very rare situation that parents treat their kids unequally; however, the most important part is to understand the reason. And I know it sounds basic, but most of the issues, especially related to family relationships, people can try to solve by openly talking and explaining what actions hurt another person.
And check out Jodi’s website, TikTok, YouTube And Instagram profiles!
Folks in the comments backed up the author and highlighted that that’s not his problem
Uhh, OK. Tell you what, I'll match the amount you gave me for my college money. Wait a minute, that was zip! Glad we had this talk. See ya.
Yup, your hard work pays off... for us and your little brother!
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NTA - Very relatable - Sis was the GC in our family. Now she's very needy while I can stand on my own!
OP is right to refuse to fund his brother's education. Let's get that out first. But it could also be that his parents were financially strapped while he was growing, but their situation improved as his brother was growing up so they could give him a car and he had a better childhood. From what OP says that the parents make enough money now that his brother won't qualify for financial aid, which means they should have been putting money away for the brother. OP owes them nothing. But I can see why OP would be pissed that his brother got to live a childhood vastly different from him
Even if that's the case, please treat your kids equally. Younger one is getting a car? Give the older one some money towards mortgage or some such. Insisting the younger one goes to an Ivy League school they still can't afford without OP's financial help when there is a scholarship to a state school available - that's pure favoritism.
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Uhh, OK. Tell you what, I'll match the amount you gave me for my college money. Wait a minute, that was zip! Glad we had this talk. See ya.
Yup, your hard work pays off... for us and your little brother!
Load More Replies... NTA - Very relatable - Sis was the GC in our family. Now she's very needy while I can stand on my own!
OP is right to refuse to fund his brother's education. Let's get that out first. But it could also be that his parents were financially strapped while he was growing, but their situation improved as his brother was growing up so they could give him a car and he had a better childhood. From what OP says that the parents make enough money now that his brother won't qualify for financial aid, which means they should have been putting money away for the brother. OP owes them nothing. But I can see why OP would be pissed that his brother got to live a childhood vastly different from him
Even if that's the case, please treat your kids equally. Younger one is getting a car? Give the older one some money towards mortgage or some such. Insisting the younger one goes to an Ivy League school they still can't afford without OP's financial help when there is a scholarship to a state school available - that's pure favoritism.
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