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Woman Warns Parents Not To Leave Disabled Brother With Her, Calls Social Services To Collect Him
Parenting is no walk in the park. It can sometimes feel more like a long marathon without any breaks, and a lot of bruises. You finally get to breathe again once your kids reach adulthood. But that’s not always the case, especially if you have a special-needs child.
Someone has shared how they’ve been “parentified” since the age of 13, and roped in to take care of their brother. He’s non-verbal and has the mental/intellectual capacity of a young child. Because of his violent meltdowns, his sibling is scared of being alone with him. But their parents don’t seem to care. Things took a wild turn when the sibling decided to call adult protective services and report her brother as abandoned.
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Your youth is meant to be a time of innocence, freedom, and fun
Image credits: ASphotostudio/Envato (not the actual photo)
But one person has spent their teen years looking after their disabled brother, and has decided enough is enough
Image credits: GSR-PhotoStudio/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NotTerrysCaregiver
Parents of children with disabilities experience higher stress levels than others
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
Raising children can be stressful at times. You’re responsible for an entire tiny human until they’re old enough to look after themselves. But studies show that parents of children with chronic physical problems like cerebral palsy or blindness experience higher stress levels than other parents. They also face a unique set of obstacles.
One of the challenges is dealing with difficult emotions. “You may feel guilty if you question whether you could’ve prevented your child’s disability. Anxiety and depression can set in if you see your child in pain or struggling with their condition. You may even feel angry or abandoned if you believe you’re not getting support from other family members,” explains helpguide.org.
The site adds that when it comes to parenting children with disabilities that are expected to get progressively worse over time, you may even experience anticipatory grief. In short, you grieve the loss of your child while they’re still alive.
Parents might also struggle to juggle everything. Caring for their child with a disability, work, home, other children, caregiving responsibilities, relationships and their own well-being. “You may be tempted to cut back on sleep, but that will only lead to a host of other issues, like fatigue, higher stress, and a weakened immune system,” warns the site.
Of course, you’ll also need to manage your child’s medical care. According to helpguide.org, navigating the healthcare system can often be an overwhelming experience. And you’ll likely spend lots of time researching treatment options and local resources. That’s apart from scheduling and attending medical appointments.
Parents of children with disabilities are also tasked with advocating for their child. That means speaking up for them at school, social events, or any other setting. And you’ll only be able to do this properly if you educate yourself on your child’s disability, and communicate effectively to others.
“It’s possible that you’ll have to deal with judgments from other people who don’t understand your child’s condition,” notes the site. “From occasional stares from strangers to insults from playground bullies, it can feel as if you have to defend your child from the world.”
For these parents, the challenges continue even when their children are adults…
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
There are almost one million families in which adults are being cared for by aging caregivers. That’s according to The Arc, a national community-based organization which advocates for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. The organization adds that about two-thirds of these families have no future care plans in place.
“Parents and their adult children may have aged together and supported one another, but each have their own growing health concerns and limitations,” notes familycaregiversonline.net.
As the parents themselves age, they face increasing concerns about their adult children with special needs. These worries include who will care for their child, where their child will live and what types of services will support their child once they’re no longer able to. Or no longer around.
According to a survey conducted by The Arc, the most common concerns for these parents were related to a lack of quality support, increased social isolation, having no one to help, institutional placement, health deterioration, neglect and/or financial exploitation.
On top of all this, the aging parents might face their own health, well-being and care concerns.
Many people sided with the sibling, even those who work as caregivers
A few netizens disagreed and said the sibling needs a reality check
Some people felt that Terry was the only one not in the wrong
The sibling gave a brief update revealing that they’ve made some major decisions
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
He's better off in a care home - he will have the best quality of life including the most opportunities for social interaction and independence (on whatever scale he is able). Parents can visit often and still take him form overnights, but specialized care is better care for the brother and the parents
Tyke 1 month ago
I agree. And imagine how Terry feels being abandoned by his parents in the way they have been. In a care home he'd also have consistency
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Emilu 1 month ago
YTAs need to stop. It's not as though OP forced her parents to have Terry. Terry isn't *her* kid. Not her kid; not her responsibility.
Ode 1 month ago (edited)
Exactly, and the parents also drop him off unannounced so that OP can't go to work... how would that ever be okay
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Robyn Hill 1 month ago
The YTAs clearly have zero clue what taking care of someone like Terry is really like. Maybe they should find out, before they condemn the OP for their actions. I would have done the same. It had to be done. Otherwise, the parents would know it was an empty threat, and continue to take advantage of the OP. A line had to be drawn.
Miriam Insidecor 1 month ago
I'd do the same as OP. And those YTA can rot, it's not OP's responsibility to take care if her brother. Being family doesn't automatically mean you're dumped with taking care of each other. People that say that are often the ones exploiting their family members.
Shaena N. Spencer 1 month ago
I can't believe the YTA people!! Are y'all just completely stupid OR entitled?? OP is the SISTER not his PARENT!! Also they absolutely abandoned him if not why did they run off why not stay and make sure he was IN the house and not on the porch?? Y'all YTA people are ridiculous and stupid AF I bet y'all are doormats in your own lives....bunch of goofy clowns!!
Julie Thigpen 1 month ago
People that are saying she’s the AH or ESH, need to STFU, and sit on a cactus.
Rick Murray 1 month ago
1% Unfair to the brother and parents - and what's fair for OP, after numerous warnings, counts for nothing? JFC... She's not a doormat for their convenience. Yes, as a sibling she would have a role in things, but having left to have her own life, it's something you *ask* (and accept that no is an answer), not something you *force*. And, let's be honest here, they probably only did this because ab-using their other child wouldn't have cost them...
J R 1 month ago
The YTAs and ESHs are insane. I'm sorry for Terry. I even feel a bit of sympathy for the parents since it's true there isn't great support for people with disabilities and parents with disabled children. But that doesn't mean OP should be obligated to look after Terry for the rest of her life. She told her parents no several times. It didn't work. She warned them about calling social services. They didn't listen. I'm curious what ESHs and YTAs think would be the next "acceptable" step. Was OP just supposed to put her life on indefinite hold, possibly getting fired if she called out too much, until she got the message through her parents' thick skulls?
Bookworm 1 month ago
Only thing OP did wrong was not call the police the first time they did this. It sounds like it's both in OP and Terry's best interests to have him cared for in a group home.
Clara Stallworth 1 month ago
The police would've contacted APS anyway, but they probably would write a citation for them to appear in court.
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 1 month ago (edited)
OP's parents have parentified her since she was 13. Terry is not OP's child + his care is not her responsibility.
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
w*f is with those freaking YTA inhumans ,holy mother of fairies 🤬parents SHOULD NEVER EVER PUT THAT KIND OF THING ON ANOTHER CHILD FFS even now , n whilst it sounds harsh op calling social services , SOMETHING had to be done to make her selfish Parents wake up !! poor Terry from a young age should have been in day care for mentally disabled kids , so he could be looked after safely,be around other kids etc ,play learn ,with qualified caregivers!! .im so glad to hear she’s able to move away ,hopefully far enough they won’t be bothered to drive that far to dump him again ,hopefully also social will help Terry ❤️
Sonya Ribley 1 month ago
The people saying yta need a reality check. They obviously have never cared for someone before or are users too. They did abandon the brother since they left him after the sister said no.
Dani Vance 1 month ago
Anyone saying YTA has never had to deal with a full grown man with the intellectual understanding of a two year old. You think toddler tantrums are bad, but when they have the strength of a full grown human with none of the self control? You're playing with fire and are going to get burned. If OP can't deal with that, she should not be expected to. Family helps family, sure, but when has OP's family ever helped her?
Nykky 1 month ago
Okay, there's something that people don't ever seem to understand that pisses me off. PARENTS are the adults. I don't give a single s**t if they were super kind and caring, it was not up to the child to be born, they made that decision. Putting a sibling on another as an obligation is UNWARRANTED. You DO NOT deserve to treat them as babysitter. I was the younger sibling, and I think it was b******t for me to be put on my brother's plate as a chore because my rents didn't plan ahead with finances and their own g*****n actions so he wouldn't be required to watch me. Grow the f**k up. The children are not responsible for what the parents choose to do, and they need to accept responsibility. You aren't ready for a child that could be hanicapped in any way? You aren't f*****g ready for a child. Be the g*****n adult and think before you act.
christie tondu 1 month ago
My dad's younger brother is developmentally delayed. Mental capacity of maybe a five year old. My dad assumed that when his mom passed that we would take his brother. However, my grandmother, without discussing it with my dad, put him in a group home. At first my dad was mad that she made the decision without consulting him. But it ended up being the best thing for him. He has thrived in this new environment. My only wish is that he had been put in a group home near us. But he's over an hour away, and my grandmother and dad are both gone. It would be nice to see him more often but he likes where he is and you can totally tell that he is uncomfortable at our house. So I guess it worked out.
Livingwithcfs 1 month ago
As a disabled person I know we are hard work and Terry sounds like he's severely autistic (or similar) which will make him even harder to care for. OP parents sound a bit like they may be burnt out, but it's their responsibility to find appropriate care for him. OP says she's unwilling to look after him (and I don't blame her at all) therefore the parents should have approached an agency to do respite care. I really don't blame OP for moving away and not giving her address out as it's the only way her parents will stop using her. I also think adult services need to intervene and help find more appropriate accommodation for him
Frank Beran 1 month ago
Your parents are getting paid with benefits, are they paying you overtime and liability with health care? They're scamming the system.
Wendy Maskell 1 month ago
Please. NTA in any way, shape or form. I totally get it. No contact at all will be the best thing for you.
Dova Wiltshire 1 month ago
something struck me while reading this, he is larger and stronger than his sister, he has tantrums and breaks things, puts holes in walls is non verbal so no way to find out what's wrong and fix it. He's mentally a young child in a grown adult body. What happens if he attacks her, really hurts her maybe even puts her in hospital. What if one day they come to pick him up and find the sister mortally wounded because lashing out is his only way to communicate when upset? It's totally not safe for her.
Hope Tirendi 1 month ago
I love the idiots saying she's an ahole! They had her watching and caring for this boy/man since she was 13!!! They are not only selfish they are unfit parents period. This guy unfortunately is never going to be "normal" by any stretch of the imagination. He is only going to get stronger and more dangerous and anyone who thinks this girl/woman can handle that is a big ahole moron!!!
blackrose00786 1 month ago
not thee ahole at all speaking from experience!! I have so much resentment regarding certain things whilst growing up im 38 but this was a bit of a trigger
Anita Miller 1 month ago
Let your stupid parents drop him off one more time. Then put him in your car and take him to each of the fools who are calling you selfish and irritate him and turn him loose on these jerks. After he scares the c**p out of them and hopefully hurts them ask if they would like to take care of him. If they say no (because they will) call them selfish and tell them to mind their own business. All these people have got some nerve.
Roberta Surprenant 1 month ago
I know this story is two years old, but hope somebody suggested a po box rather than using home address.
Linda 1 month ago
My opinion for what it's worth is now that OP is settled in a different State she should work with Adult Protective Services to terminate the parents parental rights, apply to be Terry's guardian, move him into a group home and check on him occasionally, then do some intensive therapy to sort all this out because the parents are the true AH's here and they set their daughter up to hate her brother when at the end of the day none of this is Terry's fault and he needs/deserves a proper guardian and group home placement
Arthur 2 weeks ago
I guess you didn't read the full story. OP clearly mentioned that a group home would a better solution for the brother, but the parents vehemently refuse this solution. Several other stories clearly show that in most cases a group home really helps the intellectually challenged to thrive. It would be a better solution for everyone, even the parents.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
He's better off in a care home - he will have the best quality of life including the most opportunities for social interaction and independence (on whatever scale he is able). Parents can visit often and still take him form overnights, but specialized care is better care for the brother and the parents
Tyke 1 month ago
I agree. And imagine how Terry feels being abandoned by his parents in the way they have been. In a care home he'd also have consistency
Load More Replies... Emilu 1 month ago
YTAs need to stop. It's not as though OP forced her parents to have Terry. Terry isn't *her* kid. Not her kid; not her responsibility.
Ode 1 month ago (edited)
Exactly, and the parents also drop him off unannounced so that OP can't go to work... how would that ever be okay
Load More Replies... Robyn Hill 1 month ago
The YTAs clearly have zero clue what taking care of someone like Terry is really like. Maybe they should find out, before they condemn the OP for their actions. I would have done the same. It had to be done. Otherwise, the parents would know it was an empty threat, and continue to take advantage of the OP. A line had to be drawn.
Miriam Insidecor 1 month ago
I'd do the same as OP. And those YTA can rot, it's not OP's responsibility to take care if her brother. Being family doesn't automatically mean you're dumped with taking care of each other. People that say that are often the ones exploiting their family members.
Shaena N. Spencer 1 month ago
I can't believe the YTA people!! Are y'all just completely stupid OR entitled?? OP is the SISTER not his PARENT!! Also they absolutely abandoned him if not why did they run off why not stay and make sure he was IN the house and not on the porch?? Y'all YTA people are ridiculous and stupid AF I bet y'all are doormats in your own lives....bunch of goofy clowns!!
Julie Thigpen 1 month ago
People that are saying she’s the AH or ESH, need to STFU, and sit on a cactus.
Rick Murray 1 month ago
1% Unfair to the brother and parents - and what's fair for OP, after numerous warnings, counts for nothing? JFC... She's not a doormat for their convenience. Yes, as a sibling she would have a role in things, but having left to have her own life, it's something you *ask* (and accept that no is an answer), not something you *force*. And, let's be honest here, they probably only did this because ab-using their other child wouldn't have cost them...
J R 1 month ago
The YTAs and ESHs are insane. I'm sorry for Terry. I even feel a bit of sympathy for the parents since it's true there isn't great support for people with disabilities and parents with disabled children. But that doesn't mean OP should be obligated to look after Terry for the rest of her life. She told her parents no several times. It didn't work. She warned them about calling social services. They didn't listen. I'm curious what ESHs and YTAs think would be the next "acceptable" step. Was OP just supposed to put her life on indefinite hold, possibly getting fired if she called out too much, until she got the message through her parents' thick skulls?
Bookworm 1 month ago
Only thing OP did wrong was not call the police the first time they did this. It sounds like it's both in OP and Terry's best interests to have him cared for in a group home.
Clara Stallworth 1 month ago
The police would've contacted APS anyway, but they probably would write a citation for them to appear in court.
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 1 month ago (edited)
OP's parents have parentified her since she was 13. Terry is not OP's child + his care is not her responsibility.
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
w*f is with those freaking YTA inhumans ,holy mother of fairies 🤬parents SHOULD NEVER EVER PUT THAT KIND OF THING ON ANOTHER CHILD FFS even now , n whilst it sounds harsh op calling social services , SOMETHING had to be done to make her selfish Parents wake up !! poor Terry from a young age should have been in day care for mentally disabled kids , so he could be looked after safely,be around other kids etc ,play learn ,with qualified caregivers!! .im so glad to hear she’s able to move away ,hopefully far enough they won’t be bothered to drive that far to dump him again ,hopefully also social will help Terry ❤️
Sonya Ribley 1 month ago
The people saying yta need a reality check. They obviously have never cared for someone before or are users too. They did abandon the brother since they left him after the sister said no.
Dani Vance 1 month ago
Anyone saying YTA has never had to deal with a full grown man with the intellectual understanding of a two year old. You think toddler tantrums are bad, but when they have the strength of a full grown human with none of the self control? You're playing with fire and are going to get burned. If OP can't deal with that, she should not be expected to. Family helps family, sure, but when has OP's family ever helped her?
Nykky 1 month ago
Okay, there's something that people don't ever seem to understand that pisses me off. PARENTS are the adults. I don't give a single s**t if they were super kind and caring, it was not up to the child to be born, they made that decision. Putting a sibling on another as an obligation is UNWARRANTED. You DO NOT deserve to treat them as babysitter. I was the younger sibling, and I think it was b******t for me to be put on my brother's plate as a chore because my rents didn't plan ahead with finances and their own g*****n actions so he wouldn't be required to watch me. Grow the f**k up. The children are not responsible for what the parents choose to do, and they need to accept responsibility. You aren't ready for a child that could be hanicapped in any way? You aren't f*****g ready for a child. Be the g*****n adult and think before you act.
christie tondu 1 month ago
My dad's younger brother is developmentally delayed. Mental capacity of maybe a five year old. My dad assumed that when his mom passed that we would take his brother. However, my grandmother, without discussing it with my dad, put him in a group home. At first my dad was mad that she made the decision without consulting him. But it ended up being the best thing for him. He has thrived in this new environment. My only wish is that he had been put in a group home near us. But he's over an hour away, and my grandmother and dad are both gone. It would be nice to see him more often but he likes where he is and you can totally tell that he is uncomfortable at our house. So I guess it worked out.
Livingwithcfs 1 month ago
As a disabled person I know we are hard work and Terry sounds like he's severely autistic (or similar) which will make him even harder to care for. OP parents sound a bit like they may be burnt out, but it's their responsibility to find appropriate care for him. OP says she's unwilling to look after him (and I don't blame her at all) therefore the parents should have approached an agency to do respite care. I really don't blame OP for moving away and not giving her address out as it's the only way her parents will stop using her. I also think adult services need to intervene and help find more appropriate accommodation for him
Frank Beran 1 month ago
Your parents are getting paid with benefits, are they paying you overtime and liability with health care? They're scamming the system.
Wendy Maskell 1 month ago
Please. NTA in any way, shape or form. I totally get it. No contact at all will be the best thing for you.
Dova Wiltshire 1 month ago
something struck me while reading this, he is larger and stronger than his sister, he has tantrums and breaks things, puts holes in walls is non verbal so no way to find out what's wrong and fix it. He's mentally a young child in a grown adult body. What happens if he attacks her, really hurts her maybe even puts her in hospital. What if one day they come to pick him up and find the sister mortally wounded because lashing out is his only way to communicate when upset? It's totally not safe for her.
Hope Tirendi 1 month ago
I love the idiots saying she's an ahole! They had her watching and caring for this boy/man since she was 13!!! They are not only selfish they are unfit parents period. This guy unfortunately is never going to be "normal" by any stretch of the imagination. He is only going to get stronger and more dangerous and anyone who thinks this girl/woman can handle that is a big ahole moron!!!
blackrose00786 1 month ago
not thee ahole at all speaking from experience!! I have so much resentment regarding certain things whilst growing up im 38 but this was a bit of a trigger
Anita Miller 1 month ago
Let your stupid parents drop him off one more time. Then put him in your car and take him to each of the fools who are calling you selfish and irritate him and turn him loose on these jerks. After he scares the c**p out of them and hopefully hurts them ask if they would like to take care of him. If they say no (because they will) call them selfish and tell them to mind their own business. All these people have got some nerve.
Roberta Surprenant 1 month ago
I know this story is two years old, but hope somebody suggested a po box rather than using home address.
Linda 1 month ago
My opinion for what it's worth is now that OP is settled in a different State she should work with Adult Protective Services to terminate the parents parental rights, apply to be Terry's guardian, move him into a group home and check on him occasionally, then do some intensive therapy to sort all this out because the parents are the true AH's here and they set their daughter up to hate her brother when at the end of the day none of this is Terry's fault and he needs/deserves a proper guardian and group home placement
Arthur 2 weeks ago
I guess you didn't read the full story. OP clearly mentioned that a group home would a better solution for the brother, but the parents vehemently refuse this solution. Several other stories clearly show that in most cases a group home really helps the intellectually challenged to thrive. It would be a better solution for everyone, even the parents.
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