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176
“All Feelings Are Welcome, All Behaviors Are Not”: Parents Are Sharing Their Best One-Liners
Interview With Expert
If you’re a parent of young kids, or even teenagers, there’s a great chance you’re very familiar with the sound of your own voice. Saying the same thing. Over. And over. And over again. Turning into a stuck record can get old fast. And super frustrating to say the least. Plus, at some point, the kids just tune out the noise. And the cycle gets more vicious than a hangry, tired toddler. If this all sounds painfully relatable to you, listen up. Or in this case, read on…
There’s a mom who has been been sharing gems of advice on TikTok. And in one of her latest videos she revealed the top ten parenting one-liners that she swears by. The expert claims using these short phrases will not only help you save your breath and sanity but can also play a huge part in ensuring your children grow up to be kind to themselves and others. Bored Panda reached out to parenting expert and founder of The Peaceful Parent, Lisa Smith for her take on parenting one-liners.
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There’s been a trend in gentle and peaceful parenting over the past few decades
Image credits: Frolopiaton Palm / freepik (not the actual photo)
And one mom has this advice if you’re trying to balance being kind with not having to repeat yourself a hundred times
Image credits: mediaphotos / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: volodymyr-t / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prostock-studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: raisigkindkids
The mom shared an extensive list of parenting one-liners she claims are highly effective
Image credits: raisigkindkids
You can watch her TikTok video here:
@raisingkindkids Parenting one liners that work to make parenting easier Like this gem: you can be mad without being mean. Add yours! #par#parentsoftiktokr#parentingtipsr#parentinghacksr#parenting101s#respectfulparentingi#raisingkindkids♬ original sound – Nicole- Raising Kind Kids
There are positives and negatives to using parenting one-liners, an expert explains
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / freepik (not the actual photo)
Lisa Smith is the founder of The Peaceful Parent. Her journey to becoming a parenting expert began at a time when she found herself excelling in her career but feeling like she was failing as a mother. She was more than happy to provide some advice when Bored Panda reached out to her for an interview.
We began by asking Smith to define parenting one-liners. “Parenting one-liners are short, scripted phrases that parents use to handle tricky situations quickly — things like ‘Because I said so’ or ‘Calm down'”, she told us.
But the expert warned that using them can have a downside. “While they can work in the short term to get compliance, they don’t address the underlying emotional need or teach the child how to manage their feelings,” she explained. “Kids might comply out of fear or to avoid conflict, but it doesn’t build emotional intelligence or trust. Long-term, they might actually lead to more pushback or emotional distance.”
Smith says a better approach is to stay connected and curious about what’s driving the behavior, rather than relying on quick fixes.
We asked the peaceful parenting expert to share a few of her own one-liner suggestions. And here’s what she came up with:
“I see you’re really upset right now. Do you want to talk about it or need a minute?” Smith explained that this validates the child’s feelings and gives them agency.
“I’m not willing to let you hit, but I can help you with what’s upsetting you.” This one, she says, sets a boundary while showing you’re available to help.
“I hear you. That sounds hard.” This simple validation without trying to fix the situation helps kids feel understood and calms them down.
And finally, “Let’s figure this out together” invites cooperation instead of conflict, added Smith.
“While I don’t recommend using one-liners as a way to control or shut down a child’s emotions, some helpful phrases can create connection and emotional regulation,” said the expert.
Before we let Smith go, we just had to ask why parents often have to repeat themselves. “Repetition happens when kids aren’t emotionally invested in the task, don’t feel connected, or when they’ve learned that ignoring you is more effective than listening,” she explained.
And the million-dollar question: How do we get children to listen the first time? (Asking for a friend.)
“If you’re repeating yourself, the first step is to slow down and connect,” replied Smith. “Instead of yelling across the room, go to them, make eye contact, and say calmly, ‘I need you to put your shoes on now.'”
She says you can also give children choices to build cooperation. For example, “Would you like to put your shoes on now or after you grab your toy?”
“If they still resist, try to figure out what’s underneath. Are they distracted? Tired? Needing connection?” suggested the expert. “Listening improves when kids feel like they have a voice and some control over their environment.”
Other parents shared their own effective one-liners in the comments
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What do you think ?
UKGrandad 10 months ago
"Honesty will never get you in trouble", says Fai. Oh, yes it bloody will; that's why we often use tact over truth.
no adhesiveness 2020 10 months ago
I told my kids, you don't owe honesty to someone who intends to do you harm by it.
Load More Replies...
Kat Alison 10 months ago
I would change “you have to be friendly with everybody” to “you have to be polite to everybody.” I refuse to be “friendly” to a s s h o l e s. I’m not going to invite them to do things with me. I’m not going to eat lunch with them. If I’m stuck chatting with them, I’m going to be polite but not warm; and I’m going to leave as soon as possible. Why? Because I don’t want to encourage them to hang around me. I want them to leave me alone. If I’m overly friendly, they’ll start to follow me around, call me on the phone, etc. And if I’m forced to allow that, I may not stay polite.
Child of the Stars 10 months ago
I use most of that list, and I'll add two more: it's okay to be mad at a grownup and grownups make mistakes too.
no adhesiveness 2020 10 months ago
One I used to tell my kids is: "You don't want me to be stupid enough to believe the lie you just told me. If I were that stupid, your life would be MUCH more difficult."
Amy S 10 months ago
I've started telling my daughter to be kind to other people, and be kind to yourself. She has people pleasing tendencies and will give away all her sweets/not have a turn at a game so someone else can have two etc. So I have to remind her to be kind to herself as well.
Sue User 10 months ago
Thank you for this. I was raised as a people pleaser and it is sooo hard to undo at advanced age.
Load More Replies...
Apatheist Account2 10 months ago
But...we do comment on other people's bodies. All the time. Especially when they claim that they're entitled to free airline seats.
Sue User 10 months ago
Dont comment on the body, comment on the entitled behavior.
Load More Replies...
Jessica N 9 months ago
As a higher up boss at work who works with teens and gen Zs im definitely borrowing "you can be mad but don't make it everyone's problem" and a few of these! I hate to be curmudgeonly at the ripe age of 40 but the lack of parenting of most of the teenagers we hire is astounding. Some have never seen vegetables or heard "no" or know to use a broom. Id say about 75% under 24. The inability to communicate with words is about 17 and under (needs no explanation) and is about 90% when they start with us but within a few weeks of confidence building and "work parenting" it gets about 50/50. A recent one was why you cannot say im so effing tired of customers and walking off. We all hit that point. I told her when i hit that point i either ask for a coworker to let me take a minute or i make myself be extra pleasant to the next 5 people. Sometimes the ole "fake it til you make it" works and being extra nice boosts your own mood
Brenda 9 months ago
There's no excuse for bad manners. If you have manners, they're good. You can feel however you feel until you don't. But you can't use your feelings to hurt others. We don't call people names, like brat or ugly. You can say someone is acting a certain way, but not call names. You'll get in more trouble for lying than being honest about.... You don't have to like everyone, but you do have to be polite.
Kat Alison 10 months ago
I love all of these except the one I already commented on. If only we could say these things to certain people whose names rhyme with Ronald Stump and Felon Must……
Binky Melnik 9 months ago
Even “All behaviors are not welcome”? It makes no sense to me, unless “behaviors” has a new definition these days. (As someone child-free, I admit I haven’t a clue what’s going on with kids, and I just read these things to see whether I can find some clues.) If no behavior is welcome, what does the kid understand it to mean? (I’m hoping I’ll understand the explanation, too!) Thanks!
Load More Replies... UKGrandad 10 months ago
"Honesty will never get you in trouble", says Fai. Oh, yes it bloody will; that's why we often use tact over truth.
no adhesiveness 2020 10 months ago
I told my kids, you don't owe honesty to someone who intends to do you harm by it.
Load More Replies... Kat Alison 10 months ago
I would change “you have to be friendly with everybody” to “you have to be polite to everybody.” I refuse to be “friendly” to a s s h o l e s. I’m not going to invite them to do things with me. I’m not going to eat lunch with them. If I’m stuck chatting with them, I’m going to be polite but not warm; and I’m going to leave as soon as possible. Why? Because I don’t want to encourage them to hang around me. I want them to leave me alone. If I’m overly friendly, they’ll start to follow me around, call me on the phone, etc. And if I’m forced to allow that, I may not stay polite.
Child of the Stars 10 months ago
I use most of that list, and I'll add two more: it's okay to be mad at a grownup and grownups make mistakes too.
no adhesiveness 2020 10 months ago
One I used to tell my kids is: "You don't want me to be stupid enough to believe the lie you just told me. If I were that stupid, your life would be MUCH more difficult."
Amy S 10 months ago
I've started telling my daughter to be kind to other people, and be kind to yourself. She has people pleasing tendencies and will give away all her sweets/not have a turn at a game so someone else can have two etc. So I have to remind her to be kind to herself as well.
Sue User 10 months ago
Thank you for this. I was raised as a people pleaser and it is sooo hard to undo at advanced age.
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 10 months ago
But...we do comment on other people's bodies. All the time. Especially when they claim that they're entitled to free airline seats.
Sue User 10 months ago
Dont comment on the body, comment on the entitled behavior.
Load More Replies... Jessica N 9 months ago
As a higher up boss at work who works with teens and gen Zs im definitely borrowing "you can be mad but don't make it everyone's problem" and a few of these! I hate to be curmudgeonly at the ripe age of 40 but the lack of parenting of most of the teenagers we hire is astounding. Some have never seen vegetables or heard "no" or know to use a broom. Id say about 75% under 24. The inability to communicate with words is about 17 and under (needs no explanation) and is about 90% when they start with us but within a few weeks of confidence building and "work parenting" it gets about 50/50. A recent one was why you cannot say im so effing tired of customers and walking off. We all hit that point. I told her when i hit that point i either ask for a coworker to let me take a minute or i make myself be extra pleasant to the next 5 people. Sometimes the ole "fake it til you make it" works and being extra nice boosts your own mood
Brenda 9 months ago
There's no excuse for bad manners. If you have manners, they're good. You can feel however you feel until you don't. But you can't use your feelings to hurt others. We don't call people names, like brat or ugly. You can say someone is acting a certain way, but not call names. You'll get in more trouble for lying than being honest about.... You don't have to like everyone, but you do have to be polite.
Kat Alison 10 months ago
I love all of these except the one I already commented on. If only we could say these things to certain people whose names rhyme with Ronald Stump and Felon Must……
Binky Melnik 9 months ago
Even “All behaviors are not welcome”? It makes no sense to me, unless “behaviors” has a new definition these days. (As someone child-free, I admit I haven’t a clue what’s going on with kids, and I just read these things to see whether I can find some clues.) If no behavior is welcome, what does the kid understand it to mean? (I’m hoping I’ll understand the explanation, too!) Thanks!
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