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87
Morbidly Obese Grandma Expects To Take Care Of Her Grandbaby, Gets A Harsh Reality Check
A harsh truth about ourselves is brutal to hear, especially from a loved one. It’s almost like trying to swallow the most bitter pill that leaves a bad taste in your mouth for a while.
For this woman, the cruel reality of her unhealthy lifestyle slapped her hard when she was banned from babysitting her newborn grandchild. Her daughter’s concerns were legitimate, but instead of taking it in stride and doing something about it, she cried foul and threw different accusations.
The division within the family prompted the daughter to ask the internet if she was out of line for what she did.
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A woman had been forbidden to babysit her newborn grandchild
Image credits: Natalia Blauth / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Her daughter described her as “morbidly obese” and having trouble moving around
Image credits: AllGo / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The daughter was worried that her mother might not be able to handle the babysitting duties
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, these legitimate concerns led to a full-blown rift within the family
Image credits: annoyedatgrandma
Saying a harsh truth to a loved one is likely driven by spite
Image credits: Blake Cheek / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
While some people are commended for their “brutal” honesty, experts believe these statements may come from a place of malice.
“It may feel honest to be harsh, but it is probably spite,” Brigham Young University professor and relationship researcher Dr. Jason Whiting wrote in an article for Psychology Today.
People who describe themselves as “straight shooters” are likely used to this type of communication. Licensed psychologist Dr. Jonice Webb points out that it may be due to the environment they grew up in, which was likely emotionally neglectful.
Dr. Webb adds that using harsh words as a form of “honesty” may be a way to let the other person know you’re about to hurt them and get away with it. In turn, the receiver only puts their defenses up, much like the grandmother’s reaction in the story.
However, it’s also important to note that the ugly truth will always be difficult to handle, regardless of how you deliver it. As physician and keynote speaker Dr. Kevin Pho points out, people are more accepting of honesty when it’s not directed at them.
“The truth often strikes at the ego, and few possess the fortitude to endure it without feeling wounded,” he wrote in an article for his website.
So, what is the best way to deliver a harsh truth? Dr. Pho advises being honest and empathetic at the same time. Meanwhile, Dr. Whiting urges speaking devoid of strong emotions, stating, “Don’t mix bad words with a bad mood.”
The daughter could have voiced her concerns without appearing aggressive, saying something like, “Babysitting a newborn might be a lot of work. Are you sure you can handle it?”
She could also let her mother try babysitting a few times to see if she can handle the job. Her concerns, after all, are mere speculation.
The author provided more information to add to her story
Many readers sided with her
A few commenters called her out for how she phrased the message
While some thought both mother and daughter were at fault
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What do you think ?
Rika 7 months ago
People calling it fat shaming don't seem to realize how big 400lbs is. The mom doesn't have a little extra weight, she's morbidly obese. What if she falls while carrying the baby ? Obviously, someone so big falling on top of a newborn will cause more serious injuries than someone who's a regular weight. Also, the mom is fat by choice and not because of medical reasons. If she cared so much about her grandkid, she would stop eating so much because if she keeps going, she definitely won't be around to see them grow up.
Ms.GB 7 months ago (edited)
I don't think she's TA at all but if it were me I probably would have said "I'm concerned your mobility/health issues are going to be a bigger problem than you think they'll be when it comes to caring for a baby and dealing with possible emergencies." I'm sure she already knows those mobility issues stem from her obesity so it's a way to say it without blatantly calling her fat and it accomplishes the same thing. At least that's how I would approach it if it was someone I loved because you aren't saying "You can't watch my baby because of how you look or I'm embarrassed of how you look" Unfortunately some ppl are going to take it that way because normally the only time they hear someone calling them fat it's usually in a mean way. This way you are giving them the real reason you have an issue with their weight and it's not because of their appearance it's because of their health and the physical limitations caused by that weight.
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Scott Rackley 7 months ago
NTA. Drop kid off at mom's at 9am. Mom has a heart attack at 9:30. Kid is alone, unguarded, uncared for, unfed for how long? I don't care if they call it fat shaming.
Squirrelly Panda 7 months ago
Heart attacks can happen to anyone at any age. The issue isn't grandma's heart. It's her inability to navigate OP's home and neighborhood, and inability to carry stuff/baby while doing it.
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b4w6nqk5mh 7 months ago
Sometimes people need to be “fat shamed” as it’s called here. There’s a point where it needs to be said and people need a reality check. Enabling and dancing around the issue won’t help the mother and I don’t think the way it was phrased was particularly bad, there’s no point beating around the bush. Maybe this could motivate the mother to become healthier and live longer to get more time with her grandchild, everyone wins.
Squirrelly Panda 7 months ago
I don't believe she was fat shamed. She was told a harsh truth after pushing the issue and not accepting the no.
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Rika 7 months ago
People calling it fat shaming don't seem to realize how big 400lbs is. The mom doesn't have a little extra weight, she's morbidly obese. What if she falls while carrying the baby ? Obviously, someone so big falling on top of a newborn will cause more serious injuries than someone who's a regular weight. Also, the mom is fat by choice and not because of medical reasons. If she cared so much about her grandkid, she would stop eating so much because if she keeps going, she definitely won't be around to see them grow up.
Ms.GB 7 months ago (edited)
I don't think she's TA at all but if it were me I probably would have said "I'm concerned your mobility/health issues are going to be a bigger problem than you think they'll be when it comes to caring for a baby and dealing with possible emergencies." I'm sure she already knows those mobility issues stem from her obesity so it's a way to say it without blatantly calling her fat and it accomplishes the same thing. At least that's how I would approach it if it was someone I loved because you aren't saying "You can't watch my baby because of how you look or I'm embarrassed of how you look" Unfortunately some ppl are going to take it that way because normally the only time they hear someone calling them fat it's usually in a mean way. This way you are giving them the real reason you have an issue with their weight and it's not because of their appearance it's because of their health and the physical limitations caused by that weight.
Load More Replies... Scott Rackley 7 months ago
NTA. Drop kid off at mom's at 9am. Mom has a heart attack at 9:30. Kid is alone, unguarded, uncared for, unfed for how long? I don't care if they call it fat shaming.
Squirrelly Panda 7 months ago
Heart attacks can happen to anyone at any age. The issue isn't grandma's heart. It's her inability to navigate OP's home and neighborhood, and inability to carry stuff/baby while doing it.
Load More Replies... b4w6nqk5mh 7 months ago
Sometimes people need to be “fat shamed” as it’s called here. There’s a point where it needs to be said and people need a reality check. Enabling and dancing around the issue won’t help the mother and I don’t think the way it was phrased was particularly bad, there’s no point beating around the bush. Maybe this could motivate the mother to become healthier and live longer to get more time with her grandchild, everyone wins.
Squirrelly Panda 7 months ago
I don't believe she was fat shamed. She was told a harsh truth after pushing the issue and not accepting the no.
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