Couple Decides To No Longer Eat MIL’s Food Because She’s A Terrible Cook, She Gets Offended
When you fall in love, the last thing you concern yourself with is in-laws. That’s why when you finally start paying attention, you might find yourself in big trouble.
You see, there’s a reason why in-laws are so infamous. They have high expectations, go crazy around their grandkids, and are not always great with boundaries. And while not all of them are awful, the stories of in-laws from hell are not uncommon.
The following story, though, doesn’t seem to belong in either of the categories. The mother-in-law here is not doing anything that’s obviously malicious or intrusive. She’s simply not a great cook. That’s not a crime, right? But how does one deal with that without hurting anyone’s feelings? Scroll down to read the whole story and see what advice the Am I The [Jerk] community had to offer.
Whether it’s your everyday luxury or not, having a lovely home-cooked meal can be really nice
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
However, sometimes home cooks aren’t as skilled as they think
Image credits: Mizuno K (not the actual photo)
Image source: sarah_sunshine333
The woman added more context to the story
The author is certainly in a tricky situation. On one hand, preserving a good relationship with your in-laws is important. One doesn’t want to screw everything up simply because they don’t like the food they’re making.
On the other hand, food can be one of the great joys of living. Enjoying a tasty, nutritious meal can improve your mood and give you a boost of energy. Is the relationship with the in-laws worth sacrificing this delight? It certainly can be a tough choice.
Screwing up in the kitchen is really quite common
It’s important to note that being a bad cook is not uncommon. As much as 56% of Americans admit that they struggle to prepare easy-to-make dishes. Those include eggs, mashed potatoes, pasta, and soup. The hardest “easy” food to make is pancakes, with almost 40% of respondents saying that they have messed them up in the past.
The most common cooking mistakes of novices are over or under-cooking something as well as under-seasoning a dish. This is not a surprise as beginners are just discovering cooking and don’t know how to get to that perfect middle yet. It’s not easy to get it just right, and it might require a trial-and-error phase to get going.
Everybody makes mistakes
However, it’s not only novices that make mistakes. Plenty of decent cooks also get it wrong at times. A mistake that those confident in the kitchen make quite often is not reading the whole recipe through. They skim through the ingredients without checking the preparation steps and dive in. This can lead to all sorts of misinterpretations and a poorly executed meal.
A helpful habit that professionals encourage home cooks to get into is tasting the food you’re making. As it is with seasoning, do it as you go, not only at the end. Make sure it tastes good to you and, once you’ve found your footing in the kitchen, don’t be afraid to add your own flair to the recipe. Make it spicier, add your favorite herbs, or use other flavorings that help you balance the taste in a way that suits your palate.
And if you ever come across people who are bad cooks who insist on cooking for you, consider having an open conversation with them. State that you are not trying to insult them and that the food they make is simply not your thing. Maybe you can come to some sort of solution together.
Many stated the author is not a jerk for wanting to have tasty dinners
Others thought she’s wrong not to tell MIL the truth
People offered advice on how to handle the issue
And quite a few commentators could relate to the author’s experience
Not adding salt to anything is just weird, nothing to do with being "British"! 😉
I Want to know how the MiL's husband has got to the point where he gets hos own food, without her knowing that he too thinks she can't cook. Surely if your own partner won't eat what you prepare for them you must be at least ever-so-slightly aware of how bad it is?
That, I don't really get here, too. IIf everyone - not the few having religious restriction, the few vegetarians if you're a family of butchers, not that dude who sprays pepper spray in his mouth because he loves the heat -, but truly everyone avoids eating your stuff, you have to notice that. And, after all, even if this isn't proof beyond doubt, if the only thing constant is the person in charge of cooking, the only constant in this ocean of variables, it sure takes a lot of self-delusion not to admit, to oneself even, that cooking isn't among their talents.
Load More Replies... There is a fairytale about three princesses. The King wants them to show him how much they love him. 2 give him jewels and such, but the youngest gives him salt. He is offended and curses her and the salt out. The king of the salt kingdom then curses this kings kingdom and every grain of salt is turned to gold. At first the king is elated and thought to be the luckiest guy. But then he notices his food tasting bad. They try to get salt but every imported grain is turned instantly into gold on the border. His subjects start getting sick and lots of them leave. So, he comes to realize that salt is indeed greater than jewels and gold. Its not the whole story but the gist of it
To this day I still do not understand the "value" of gold / jewels etc. - they are pretty - but they will not feed me nor keep me warm/ cool within themselves. And the person with the truly valuable items, determines what those trinkets are worth. Has anyone recently re-purchased the gold you sold a few years ago?
Load More Replies... It seems worth considering that this MIL, and possibly the other MILs mentioned in comments, may have no sense of smell or taste. Perhaps a chronic sinus condition or infection permanently warped or cancelled their ability to discern flavor and aroma, which are closely tied together, and they think everyone else's senses are the same. Just a theory, but something to consider? Especially that one MIL who stated that she'd never tasted her own cooking!
Just for the record, trying to bake potato's with yoghurt or sour cream will stop the potato from cooking, it will be hard in the middle, just gross and a total no no.
My MIL was a terrible cook. My husband is still finding "new" foods to eat because she served him awful stuff. When we first dated he hated cheese. He had only had Kraft singles or Velveeta. Our neighbor finally convinced him to try some havarti and now he's a cheese eater!
Like my husband. He had an aversion for vegetables because his mother boiled them until they were grey and tasteless. he eats all sorts now.
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My MIL is like the OP’s. When I first had to go there for dinner everything she cooked was dreadful I.e. veg boiled to mush, meat cremated, no seasoning, tasteless sauces. The problem is that she prefers bland food and that’s been the default for the whole family who (my wife aside) very much like quantity over quality. When I first met my wife, she was unadventurous as hell when it came to food and told me she hated her mother’s cooking. I came from a catering background so, over the years, I’ve introduced her to all sorts of food and in the process she discovered she loved curries and all manner of spicy food. We started to bring our own hot sauce and seasoning when visiting and my MIL has softened her stance and accepted that her bland palate is not for everyone - even asking us to make and bring spicy food if she’s hosting a party. It’s taken the best part of 35 years for this to happen but it’s progress of a sort.
Dude the stuff entering your body can literally kill you. Food is not a joke. You said hubby already got sick, that's f*****g gross don't eat that food.
Not popular, But I rarely add salt to anything, unless it is 100% fresh Even then. Most of our food has a high amount of salt in it already, our chicken is brined. So to me adding salt is too much.There is salt on the table along with pepper, feel free to add more. I grew up with a crappy high salt diet, and I now have a low tolerance for salt.
My parents both had hypertension and my mother didn't use much salt in cooking, so I got used to it. I cook with salt sparingly, but that's my taste. There's s&p on my table, too.
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I would get her cooking classes for her birthday or gift. Something that teaches fine dining maybe?
I think just the basics to start with would be best. Maybe fine dining once she's got the hang of that.
Load More Replies... Rather than being momentarily uncomfortable and communicating with MIL, they would rather be passive-aggressive and rude, "If we hurt her feelings enough maybe she'll stop." What a couple of dìcks! Yep, OP & her partner as àssholes.
Oh my ... inlaws and their cooking. I haven't met too much of them, because I'ma loner, a weirdo and carry red flags in the open, but I have once had to endure. I was invited. Pasta, tomato sauce, something that can really, really taste well - if I cook it, for example - or taste just boring in the worst case. I was a vegetarian then, and she promised to adapt. Then, she and her husband - stepfather of my girlfriend - discussed back and forth about how to replace those little meatballs (just leave them out, it will be fine), and finally, assuring each other that THAT would be fine, that instead of meatballs from ground beef, they'd smear liver sausage into the pot and just stir it in. One fork in, I noticed a very distinctive taste. "Sure this is vegetarian?" - "Yes, absolutely!" - Asked my gf ... she had noticed, too, and took her mother to the kitchen and asked her ... She freely admitted that "if he doesn't see it, why would he bother?" - oh my, I was sad when we broke up, but I was relieved that I would never again have to find a reason not to eat her stuff. "I do not trust you." didn't go over too well. She screamed at me for being "one of those entitled vegetarian extremists". No, ffs, I don't demand anything from anyone, I ask for stuff and I'm fine if something isn't edible to me ... the only thing I feel entitled to is honesty. Too much? Let's, like, unknow each other, ok? Anyway, bad cooks who are convinced to deserve a bunch of Michelin-Stars are all over the place anyway ... and she was a liar on top of that. I got along way better with her Dad, whom we visited a few times and who was delighted to inviteme to cook with him, although not being a vegetarian, he was curious and loved experiments. And he was honest. Oh my ... that's already 18 years ago... uh ... I'm old. I'm sad. I'm hungry. Pasta, Tomato Sauce?
My first bf said he was vegetarian, so I made sure to warn my dad when bf was invited to eat with us. Dad made oven chips (fries) with pork chops on top. I’m freaking out. Dad’s confused, because he doesn’t expect bf to eat a pork chop, what’s the problem?
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Of course conspiring against your ignorant mother (in law) isn't OK. Why ask strangers on the world wide web? Ask her.
When I left my parents' home, I bought a simple cookbook and chose some recipes. I stuck to the ones with few ingredients. Eventually, I became a pretty good cook.
Tell her the truth - "Lady, you can't cook for sh*t". Offer to pay for cooking classes, buy her some cookbooks, etc., but stop being such wimps. My Dad & I were HUGE foodies. We LOVED to eat. He gave me two exceptional pieces of gastronomical advice: If you want to eat well, you need to learn to cook well. AND - never trust a skinny chef.
Buy her a birthday/Christmas pressie - a cordon bleu or fancy cookery course - many places do a day long course, and it might teach her about some of the mistakes she makes.....
The two of you better "rip off that bandaid" immediately and tell her the truth. Better for her to be hurt for a while than to be lied to by two people she loves and thinks like her cooking. You're only hurting yourselves in the long run.
It sounds like she lacks what I might call "cooking common sense". Cooking is chemistry; you violate the rules at your peril. You can't just whimsically substitute ingredients with no recognition of the purpose the original ingredient serves in the recipe. Nor can you ignore tried and true methods. Recipes are compiled to achieve a specific result. If you want the result, follow the recipe, at least until you learn enough to be more creative.
I agree with all of the above comments in the post - except I have to say that a peanut butter and tomato sandwich, with a bit of mayo and some salt is really, really good! Throw some bacon it it, and you've got an amazing sandwich!
I wonder if she likes her own food. My mother always cooked really bland food but that was because she lost her sense of smell when she was pregnant with my older sister. She just doesn’t taste like we do and is one of those people that eats to survive.
My mother wasn't a very good cook. Not terribly inedible of this magnitude but repetitive and bland. She had three kids to fed on a small budget as a single parent so lots of chicken cooked until it was fossilized, boot leather meat and mashed potatoes. Tomato sauce was the one thing she made well so we ate alot of spaghetti. To this day she finds cooking to be a huge chore and avoids it. Ironically, I became an adventurous eater and foodie as well as a home cook and my brother is now a professional chef. I guess we both over compensated!
As a retired chef who's been to England and Scotland four times, I can attest that the British are lousy cooks. I do agree with some of the responses that she needs some correction and guidance. Perhaps you can do cooking lessons as a group.
And if she was American I imagine she’d shove sugar in everything? Can’t fall back on the “terrible British food” stereotype. That was largely started by well fed American GIs coming here in WW2 and experiencing a bland UK diet caused by severe food shortages and rationing that carried on into the 50s. Rest assured we hated the wartime diet as much as they did but it’s a false impression caused by unfortunate circumstances.
Load More Replies... Not adding salt to anything is just weird, nothing to do with being "British"! 😉
I Want to know how the MiL's husband has got to the point where he gets hos own food, without her knowing that he too thinks she can't cook. Surely if your own partner won't eat what you prepare for them you must be at least ever-so-slightly aware of how bad it is?
That, I don't really get here, too. IIf everyone - not the few having religious restriction, the few vegetarians if you're a family of butchers, not that dude who sprays pepper spray in his mouth because he loves the heat -, but truly everyone avoids eating your stuff, you have to notice that. And, after all, even if this isn't proof beyond doubt, if the only thing constant is the person in charge of cooking, the only constant in this ocean of variables, it sure takes a lot of self-delusion not to admit, to oneself even, that cooking isn't among their talents.
Load More Replies... There is a fairytale about three princesses. The King wants them to show him how much they love him. 2 give him jewels and such, but the youngest gives him salt. He is offended and curses her and the salt out. The king of the salt kingdom then curses this kings kingdom and every grain of salt is turned to gold. At first the king is elated and thought to be the luckiest guy. But then he notices his food tasting bad. They try to get salt but every imported grain is turned instantly into gold on the border. His subjects start getting sick and lots of them leave. So, he comes to realize that salt is indeed greater than jewels and gold. Its not the whole story but the gist of it
To this day I still do not understand the "value" of gold / jewels etc. - they are pretty - but they will not feed me nor keep me warm/ cool within themselves. And the person with the truly valuable items, determines what those trinkets are worth. Has anyone recently re-purchased the gold you sold a few years ago?
Load More Replies... It seems worth considering that this MIL, and possibly the other MILs mentioned in comments, may have no sense of smell or taste. Perhaps a chronic sinus condition or infection permanently warped or cancelled their ability to discern flavor and aroma, which are closely tied together, and they think everyone else's senses are the same. Just a theory, but something to consider? Especially that one MIL who stated that she'd never tasted her own cooking!
Just for the record, trying to bake potato's with yoghurt or sour cream will stop the potato from cooking, it will be hard in the middle, just gross and a total no no.
My MIL was a terrible cook. My husband is still finding "new" foods to eat because she served him awful stuff. When we first dated he hated cheese. He had only had Kraft singles or Velveeta. Our neighbor finally convinced him to try some havarti and now he's a cheese eater!
Like my husband. He had an aversion for vegetables because his mother boiled them until they were grey and tasteless. he eats all sorts now.
Load More Replies... My MIL is like the OP’s. When I first had to go there for dinner everything she cooked was dreadful I.e. veg boiled to mush, meat cremated, no seasoning, tasteless sauces. The problem is that she prefers bland food and that’s been the default for the whole family who (my wife aside) very much like quantity over quality. When I first met my wife, she was unadventurous as hell when it came to food and told me she hated her mother’s cooking. I came from a catering background so, over the years, I’ve introduced her to all sorts of food and in the process she discovered she loved curries and all manner of spicy food. We started to bring our own hot sauce and seasoning when visiting and my MIL has softened her stance and accepted that her bland palate is not for everyone - even asking us to make and bring spicy food if she’s hosting a party. It’s taken the best part of 35 years for this to happen but it’s progress of a sort.
Dude the stuff entering your body can literally kill you. Food is not a joke. You said hubby already got sick, that's f*****g gross don't eat that food.
Not popular, But I rarely add salt to anything, unless it is 100% fresh Even then. Most of our food has a high amount of salt in it already, our chicken is brined. So to me adding salt is too much.There is salt on the table along with pepper, feel free to add more. I grew up with a crappy high salt diet, and I now have a low tolerance for salt.
My parents both had hypertension and my mother didn't use much salt in cooking, so I got used to it. I cook with salt sparingly, but that's my taste. There's s&p on my table, too.
Load More Replies... I would get her cooking classes for her birthday or gift. Something that teaches fine dining maybe?
I think just the basics to start with would be best. Maybe fine dining once she's got the hang of that.
Load More Replies... Rather than being momentarily uncomfortable and communicating with MIL, they would rather be passive-aggressive and rude, "If we hurt her feelings enough maybe she'll stop." What a couple of dìcks! Yep, OP & her partner as àssholes.
Oh my ... inlaws and their cooking. I haven't met too much of them, because I'ma loner, a weirdo and carry red flags in the open, but I have once had to endure. I was invited. Pasta, tomato sauce, something that can really, really taste well - if I cook it, for example - or taste just boring in the worst case. I was a vegetarian then, and she promised to adapt. Then, she and her husband - stepfather of my girlfriend - discussed back and forth about how to replace those little meatballs (just leave them out, it will be fine), and finally, assuring each other that THAT would be fine, that instead of meatballs from ground beef, they'd smear liver sausage into the pot and just stir it in. One fork in, I noticed a very distinctive taste. "Sure this is vegetarian?" - "Yes, absolutely!" - Asked my gf ... she had noticed, too, and took her mother to the kitchen and asked her ... She freely admitted that "if he doesn't see it, why would he bother?" - oh my, I was sad when we broke up, but I was relieved that I would never again have to find a reason not to eat her stuff. "I do not trust you." didn't go over too well. She screamed at me for being "one of those entitled vegetarian extremists". No, ffs, I don't demand anything from anyone, I ask for stuff and I'm fine if something isn't edible to me ... the only thing I feel entitled to is honesty. Too much? Let's, like, unknow each other, ok? Anyway, bad cooks who are convinced to deserve a bunch of Michelin-Stars are all over the place anyway ... and she was a liar on top of that. I got along way better with her Dad, whom we visited a few times and who was delighted to inviteme to cook with him, although not being a vegetarian, he was curious and loved experiments. And he was honest. Oh my ... that's already 18 years ago... uh ... I'm old. I'm sad. I'm hungry. Pasta, Tomato Sauce?
My first bf said he was vegetarian, so I made sure to warn my dad when bf was invited to eat with us. Dad made oven chips (fries) with pork chops on top. I’m freaking out. Dad’s confused, because he doesn’t expect bf to eat a pork chop, what’s the problem?
Load More Replies... Of course conspiring against your ignorant mother (in law) isn't OK. Why ask strangers on the world wide web? Ask her.
When I left my parents' home, I bought a simple cookbook and chose some recipes. I stuck to the ones with few ingredients. Eventually, I became a pretty good cook.
Tell her the truth - "Lady, you can't cook for sh*t". Offer to pay for cooking classes, buy her some cookbooks, etc., but stop being such wimps. My Dad & I were HUGE foodies. We LOVED to eat. He gave me two exceptional pieces of gastronomical advice: If you want to eat well, you need to learn to cook well. AND - never trust a skinny chef.
Buy her a birthday/Christmas pressie - a cordon bleu or fancy cookery course - many places do a day long course, and it might teach her about some of the mistakes she makes.....
The two of you better "rip off that bandaid" immediately and tell her the truth. Better for her to be hurt for a while than to be lied to by two people she loves and thinks like her cooking. You're only hurting yourselves in the long run.
It sounds like she lacks what I might call "cooking common sense". Cooking is chemistry; you violate the rules at your peril. You can't just whimsically substitute ingredients with no recognition of the purpose the original ingredient serves in the recipe. Nor can you ignore tried and true methods. Recipes are compiled to achieve a specific result. If you want the result, follow the recipe, at least until you learn enough to be more creative.
I agree with all of the above comments in the post - except I have to say that a peanut butter and tomato sandwich, with a bit of mayo and some salt is really, really good! Throw some bacon it it, and you've got an amazing sandwich!
I wonder if she likes her own food. My mother always cooked really bland food but that was because she lost her sense of smell when she was pregnant with my older sister. She just doesn’t taste like we do and is one of those people that eats to survive.
My mother wasn't a very good cook. Not terribly inedible of this magnitude but repetitive and bland. She had three kids to fed on a small budget as a single parent so lots of chicken cooked until it was fossilized, boot leather meat and mashed potatoes. Tomato sauce was the one thing she made well so we ate alot of spaghetti. To this day she finds cooking to be a huge chore and avoids it. Ironically, I became an adventurous eater and foodie as well as a home cook and my brother is now a professional chef. I guess we both over compensated!
As a retired chef who's been to England and Scotland four times, I can attest that the British are lousy cooks. I do agree with some of the responses that she needs some correction and guidance. Perhaps you can do cooking lessons as a group.
And if she was American I imagine she’d shove sugar in everything? Can’t fall back on the “terrible British food” stereotype. That was largely started by well fed American GIs coming here in WW2 and experiencing a bland UK diet caused by severe food shortages and rationing that carried on into the 50s. Rest assured we hated the wartime diet as much as they did but it’s a false impression caused by unfortunate circumstances.
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