This Woman Explained What Kind Of Mental Load Women Have To Deal With On Their Birthdays
Interview With Author
It’s no secret that women experience some things that men can’t understand during their lives. Just as this TikToker pointed out, the mental load of a household and a family/relationship is one of them. Even special occasions such as birthdays and Mother’s Day aren’t a safe time for that. They still have to deal with it. And men still don’t believe women when they say they want to do only nothing.
More info: TikTok
The creator went viral for explaining that women want to do nothing on special occasions because they don’t want to have to deal with the mental load, at least on those days
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
“Have you ever wondered why women on their birthdays or on Mother’s Day always say, ‘I just want to do nothing’?”
“‘I want to do absolutely nothing. That’s all I want for my birthday. Honestly, I don’t care what we do or what it looks like, I just don’t wanna have to plan or coordinate anything.’ And typically, they’re saying that because they are tapped out. They’ve been planning, and doing, and coordinating everything for everybody.”
“And this is what happens. They say ‘I don’t want to do anything. Okay? Can you just take the reins, and you run [it] from here?’ And the husband will go ‘Sure, of course, babe. So, what do you think, do you want a massage, or do you want dinner? And if dinner, I don’t care where we go. I’m gonna book a reservation. Like I was thinking this place or this place? Which one do you want? And if you want a massage, can you send me the link? Because I forgot where you like to go. And yeah, what do you want for your birthday? Oh, you want? You want?'”
Image credits: @sheisapaigeturner
“Okay, can you send me the link for that? I need the link so I can buy it.”
“‘So, do you mind sending me what you want? I’ll buy that for you. And who do you think should watch the kids? I mean I could call a babysitter, but I don’t have the numbers. Can you give me their numbers? And maybe I’ll call my parents? What do you think I should do? Do you mind calling my parents, and you can talk to them? And do we have anything on that day? What day do you want to do it, by the way? Do you wanna do it on your birthday? Or do you want to do it on Sunday? Or like [is] a Saturday easier? Are you taking a day off from work? What day do you want to do it?'”
“And the woman is sitting there going: ‘All I said I want to do is nothing. I wanna plan nothing. I wanna do nothing. And now you’re asking me to plan it. You’re asking me to tell you what to buy me. You’re asking me to tell you what day to do. You’re asking me for the babysitter’s number. You’re asking me what restaurant I want to go to. You’re asking me if I want a massage, and [to] send you the link.'”
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
“You’re asking me all these things when what I really wanted to do was: I wanted to wake up, [and] make not one decision”
“Maybe sleep in, maybe not have to think about cooking dinner, or folding laundry, or wiping your kid’s nose. I want to have to not think about it. I wanted a day where my brain could rest and just be for me because that’s what I never get. And I was thinking that maybe, [for] one day, I could have that. But no, I had to tell you all the things.”
Image credits: @sheisapaigeturner
“This happens to women all the time.”
“And men will say, ‘Oh my god, just tell me what you want.’ And they say, ‘I am telling you what I want. I want to do nothing.'”
“And I think the problem is men aren’t hearing it because they don’t understand what nothing means. We mean we truly want to do nothing. We want to think about nothing [and] plan nothing. I don’t even care where we go to dinner. And if you know me well enough because you’re my husband, and you should, you’ll know what I want to eat. You know restaurants that I hate, food that I hate, food that I like because you’re my husband. And when it comes to a gift [from] you, you know what I want because you’re my husband, so you should know. Right?”
“And I’m lucky because I have that kind of husband, but not everybody does.”
“So, I’m just here to serve as a friendly reminder that if your wife tells you she wants to do and plan nothing on her birthday, she means it.”
@sheisapaigeturner If your wife tells you she wants to do nothing and plan nothing for her birthday she means it! Many moms are carrying the mental load for their entire families and need a mental break and that is what they are looking for. They do not want to make any more decisions or do any more work! #thementalloadofmotherhood #thementalload #decisionfatigue #primaryparent #marriagehumor #fairplay ♬ original sound – Paige
Recently, a video of a woman explaining the mental load that women have to deal with on special occasions has been appearing on a lot of people’s FYPs.
The mental load (or cognitive labor) is the so-called invisible task of running the household. Typically, these tasks fall on women’s shoulders, just as the TikToker implied in her video.
Basically, the mental load is the act of overseeing various tasks in the household. For example, being in charge of to-do lists, remembering what things need to be done and when, giving out tasks to other family members, and even making sure the tasks are being done.
This type of labor drains women and is quite often taken for granted. So, this TikToker argued that when it comes to special occasions, such as birthdays or Mother’s Day, women tend not to want to do anything. They just want to rest and not be responsible for anything.
This video was posted by the TikTok user @Sheisapaigeturner or simply Paige. She describes herself as “a working mom of 4, shedding light on the mental load of motherhood.” Her videos are focused on these topics. With them, she has garnered 113K followers and over 5M likes.
Image credits: Ami Suhzu (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda reached out to Paige. She agreed to provide more information about her video.
Paige has said that every day she hears women telling stories about their mental load in their homes and relationships. And so this inspired her to create the content that she now does. “I think it is so important to have conversations about the mental load and division of labor in a home. I also think it is important to communicate needs as they relate to that work.”
Then, when it came to the video about mental load during birthdays, she opened up that the thing that inspired her to create it was her own birthday: “My husband really took on the work and effort of planning to celebrate the day. However, I know this does not happen for everyone, and it did not always look that way for me, either.”
After the video went viral, Paige received quite a lot of feedback from various women: “I have heard from so many women in particular about this experience and how disappointing it can be to feel as though your partner is unable to put in effort and care when it comes to special occasions.”
The comments prove that. There we can see how seen and understood women feel by the thoughts expressed by Paige. Just as the creator implied, a lot of men act this way, and it drives women crazy. That’s why a lot of them take matters into their own hands when it comes to special occasions. Still, it doesn’t mean that they’ll get to do what they want — their men can find a way to interfere. That’s why one commenter expressed a want to “be a ‘dad’ for a day — simply said just to have less mental load.
“I want to be a ‘dad’ for a day”: Women in the comments wholeheartedly agree with the thoughts expressed in the video
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When I tell my husband I want to do nothing on my birthday, he lets me stay in bed all day, while he does chores and looks after our daughter, biggest decision I have to make is if I want Chinese or Indian food for dinner. I love these days, I get the same on mother's day too.
Coooool - your husband sounds like an accurate interpreter of your wish. Takes it literally :)
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Even as a child I had to plan everything or not have a birthday at all, at 9 I already baked everyone's cakes. I just one one normal birthday, one, just show up and enjoy the company. He didn't understand. I ended up baking, serving food, buying drinks, decorating. I just for once in my life want to feel others take care of me for one day
When I tell my husband I want to do nothing on my birthday, he lets me stay in bed all day, while he does chores and looks after our daughter, biggest decision I have to make is if I want Chinese or Indian food for dinner. I love these days, I get the same on mother's day too.
Coooool - your husband sounds like an accurate interpreter of your wish. Takes it literally :)
Load More Replies... Even as a child I had to plan everything or not have a birthday at all, at 9 I already baked everyone's cakes. I just one one normal birthday, one, just show up and enjoy the company. He didn't understand. I ended up baking, serving food, buying drinks, decorating. I just for once in my life want to feel others take care of me for one day
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