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“I’m Not A Gold Digger”: Wife Wonders If Hubby Of 10 Years Actually Has Trust Funds For Kids
Every couple should try to start saving money together, especially if they want to secure their family’s future. This might only become a problem if one person is secretive about their finances, even though they know it might impact their partner.
This is exactly what happened between a woman and her husband because he refused to be honest with her about the supposed trust funds that were kept aside for their children. Eventually, she couldn’t take his secrecy anymore and desperately asked folks online for advice.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
When one spouse can’t be honest with their partner about their finances, it might end up impacting their marriage
Image credits: Hoi An and Da Nang Photographer / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that she had been married to her husband for over ten years, and that during that time, his father had mentioned saving money for their children
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The problem is that whenever the woman asked her husband about the trust funds kept for their kids, he would beat around the bush and tell her not to worry about it
Image credits: SkelDry / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster also realized that they couldn’t access the trust funds for emergencies or for their children’s university, so she started becoming suspicious
Image credits: JustSwan
The woman even questioned her husband whether the trust fund money even existed, and he stated that he had seen the paperwork, but refused to tell her more
Ever since the poster got married to her husband, his father, who was quite wealthy and frugal, shared that he had kept money aside for their children. He mentioned that the money had been kept in trust funds, but he refused to explain exactly how much had been saved and when it would be given to the kids.
According to professionals, adults can decide to keep financial information a secret from their children until they are of age, but it might help to keep them at least a little bit in the loop. The reason why people might keep trust funds a secret is so that their kids can learn proper money management in the meantime.
Even if the grandfather was trying to keep his grandkid’s money a secret, the poster felt that he should have at least told her how much was kept aside so that she didn’t have to worry so much about savings. Even her husband kept beating around the bush and just kept telling her not to worry about the matter.
It’s possible that the dad and grandpa were concerned that all the “multiple hundreds of thousands” in the trust funds would spoil the children. That’s why experts state that it’s important for adults to make sure their kids are financially savvy and independent before giving them more money than they can handle.
Image credits: photoroyalty / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman slowly started getting suspicious about her husband’s refusal to be open about their childrens’ trust fund. She also asked him whether the money was even real, and he assured her that he had seen the paperwork for it, but didn’t open up more about what amount had been saved.
He also expected their children to work hard for their university costs and not ask them for a penny. That shocked the OP as she couldn’t understand when the kids’ trust funds would actually be used, if they couldn’t even touch them during emergencies or for their education.
Although it might seem weird that the man kept his wife out of the loop about finances, studies have actually found that nearly four out of ten married people keep financial secrets from one another. This might include information about loans, debts, savings, credit cards, and even accounts.
That’s why the woman finally decided to ask netizens for advice about her situation, because she felt exasperated about her husband’s lack of communication. She also felt that since she was the higher earner in their relationship, if there were no trust funds, then she had to start saving up more for their children’s future.
What do you think about the woman’s predicament, and what advice would you give to her? Do share your honest thoughts down below.
Folks were shocked by the man’s behavior and felt that the poster should set boundaries with him so that he would stop mentioning the supposed trust funds
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What do you think ?
AlithenewMC 3 weeks ago
Am I the only one that thinks this is crazy? People lecture sah women all the time about being involved in the finances and knowing what's in which account, etc. It's the same situation here, she just isn't a sah. When you're married, you have to share your financial situation with each other in detail. It doesn't mean the money becomes hers or anything, but she needs to be aware of what he has saved away, especially since he tells her it's meant for their kids. What if it's not actually that much (I actually doubt there's any at all), and she needs to make sure she's putting away more for the kids or retirement than she currently is? Why is everyone just "oh well, you can't do much about it except save for yourself"?
Bonesko 3 weeks ago
No, you're not the only one that thinks this is crazy. I get not using the money for a new roof, but when one of the kids needs a medical procedure, they used their credit cards instead of the money DH supposedly has sitting there? If that's not a reason to use the money, then what??! I think the husband used the money. Maybe made a bad investment, I dunno. But there seems to be some missing information here.
Load More Replies...
sweet emotion 3 weeks ago
When husband refuses to give answers/details, go to the source. She needs to sit down with the father-in-law and ask these questions. He may or may not have put restrictions on the use of the money, or he may or may not know that his son is hoarding the trust funds meant for the children.
KatSaidThat 3 weeks ago
This, so much! I feel like DH is just bullshitting at this point - ask FIL about the conditions for the kids' education and get an answer right there and then. My gut says the husband is lying but hopefully I am wrong.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 3 weeks ago (edited)
Considering my own experience of an inheritance that was always used by my parents as a tool to keep my brothers and I around when they got old and infirm (they always had something to use for that, starting when we were kids). After my mother died, my father tried it as a way of getting one of us to let him live with us—-basically give up our lives and careers and strain our relationships to the breaking point to be his nursemaid and change his s****y Depends. Thing is, when each of us asked him for the statements from his investments and any money he put aside for us kids, he would change the subject, or get huffy like we were insulting him, get angry and threaten to cut us out of his will, or some other deflection to avoid having to prove his wealth. He died in a nursing home, not one of his kids’ homes. None of us had ever visited him and none of us went to his funeral. Oh yeah, and he died owing the nursing home money because he had burned through every one of his investments and was down to only having his Social Security check. He retired as a pharmacist in 1982, and in 2014 that check wasn’t as great as he thought. In other words, I would NEVER trust anyone who constantly dangles the “inheritance” carrot in front of me without providing concrete proof of its existence. Because those who pull that kind of s**t probably don’t have one thin dime to pass on to you, and are only trying to string you along to do their bidding. They will s***w you over in the end. So just make, save, and invest your own money, because only then can you actually count on it.
Roberta Surprenant 2 weeks ago
Time for a forensic accountant to look into this. Will be important to the divorce proceedings.
Mike F 2 weeks ago
If in laws $ is the reason you are married, it's time to split. The reality is the £€¥$ whatever, is not her business. It's a carrot on a stick that's dangled in front of the husband so parents can get their way. OP says she was not aware of the money prior to the marriage, well what decisions have been influenced since the discovery of the buried treasure? There's no money until mother and dad have gone to the great beyond, and if the OP is going to continue to lose sleep over it she's gonna be a zombie. Get over it, get used to it. If the in laws talked about having a skin disease would she still be so insistent on proof? It's not their money (yet?) so get over it.
Load More Replies...
Leitha Hyde 2 days ago
Am I the only one thinking that things aren't adding up? I can't work out whether there are just super strict and super weird rules on the trust, or OP's husband is just flat out lying to OP about the trusts existing and/or the husband's parents are lying about the trusts and how much money is actually in them. (I can't even check OP's post history for an update as Mumsnet only allows members to see a user's post history)
David Andrews 3 weeks ago
Likely if the father was very frugal he has the money set aside as a reassurance, with the intention that when he passes his kids and grandchildren will be taken care of. Or as with their wedding, it may be that when the kids get to the point of going to college, he will step in with offering funds. The husband likely does not want to go begging to his father every time they have a large expense like an ATM, it would be different if they had lost their jobs, we're unable to keep up with their mortgage etc, and had no options left. OP sounds obsessive about money, in the end it is not hers, and has no right to demand to know what will happen with it and when.
Vinnie 2 weeks ago
For what the original source says, the OP is fed up with the husband saying "the money is there" and it's apparently not to be used for medical emergencies, college, etc. She wants to be able to plan ahead. As for her asking her in-laws: '....ex SIL [...] asked once and she was told by MIL that it was “family” business and never to ask about it again!'
Load More Replies...
SummerVeE 2 weeks ago
OPs In-laws sound like they made the right call to lock down their financial gift to their grandkids and keep the OP from getting to it. She should not even be thinking about these trusts for the kids to use in the future. It's not her money! She's angry that she's only been able to spend $20k out of her kids accounts and is complaining that she doesn't get to spend it as she sees fit. Where does the OP get off on feeling entitled to take from the gift her children's grandpa has carefully planned, saved for and continues to contribute into?! Im not sure I could move past this if I were the OP's spouse after seeing that she is the type of parent who value themselves more than their kids. She doesn't even seem to be aware of how trashy her sense of entitlement is. Yuck.
SummerVeE 2 weeks ago
Perhaps I'm slightly jaded after coming out of a divorce with an ex who was awful. Tried to take everything that was put into trust for the kid - same situation. He also sued my elderly parents to try and take ownership of their cabin because they graciously allowed us to live there for a few months when we were in a tough spot financially. He came at them saying they gave it to him as a gift, along with their sleds - it just makes you shudder at how scary people can be
Load More Replies...
Allen Packard 2 weeks ago
Well, hats off to whoever can read through this jumbled story and completely understand what the heck is going on.
AlithenewMC 3 weeks ago
Am I the only one that thinks this is crazy? People lecture sah women all the time about being involved in the finances and knowing what's in which account, etc. It's the same situation here, she just isn't a sah. When you're married, you have to share your financial situation with each other in detail. It doesn't mean the money becomes hers or anything, but she needs to be aware of what he has saved away, especially since he tells her it's meant for their kids. What if it's not actually that much (I actually doubt there's any at all), and she needs to make sure she's putting away more for the kids or retirement than she currently is? Why is everyone just "oh well, you can't do much about it except save for yourself"?
Bonesko 3 weeks ago
No, you're not the only one that thinks this is crazy. I get not using the money for a new roof, but when one of the kids needs a medical procedure, they used their credit cards instead of the money DH supposedly has sitting there? If that's not a reason to use the money, then what??! I think the husband used the money. Maybe made a bad investment, I dunno. But there seems to be some missing information here.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 3 weeks ago
When husband refuses to give answers/details, go to the source. She needs to sit down with the father-in-law and ask these questions. He may or may not have put restrictions on the use of the money, or he may or may not know that his son is hoarding the trust funds meant for the children.
KatSaidThat 3 weeks ago
This, so much! I feel like DH is just bullshitting at this point - ask FIL about the conditions for the kids' education and get an answer right there and then. My gut says the husband is lying but hopefully I am wrong.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 3 weeks ago (edited)
Considering my own experience of an inheritance that was always used by my parents as a tool to keep my brothers and I around when they got old and infirm (they always had something to use for that, starting when we were kids). After my mother died, my father tried it as a way of getting one of us to let him live with us—-basically give up our lives and careers and strain our relationships to the breaking point to be his nursemaid and change his s****y Depends. Thing is, when each of us asked him for the statements from his investments and any money he put aside for us kids, he would change the subject, or get huffy like we were insulting him, get angry and threaten to cut us out of his will, or some other deflection to avoid having to prove his wealth. He died in a nursing home, not one of his kids’ homes. None of us had ever visited him and none of us went to his funeral. Oh yeah, and he died owing the nursing home money because he had burned through every one of his investments and was down to only having his Social Security check. He retired as a pharmacist in 1982, and in 2014 that check wasn’t as great as he thought. In other words, I would NEVER trust anyone who constantly dangles the “inheritance” carrot in front of me without providing concrete proof of its existence. Because those who pull that kind of s**t probably don’t have one thin dime to pass on to you, and are only trying to string you along to do their bidding. They will s***w you over in the end. So just make, save, and invest your own money, because only then can you actually count on it.
Roberta Surprenant 2 weeks ago
Time for a forensic accountant to look into this. Will be important to the divorce proceedings.
Mike F 2 weeks ago
If in laws $ is the reason you are married, it's time to split. The reality is the £€¥$ whatever, is not her business. It's a carrot on a stick that's dangled in front of the husband so parents can get their way. OP says she was not aware of the money prior to the marriage, well what decisions have been influenced since the discovery of the buried treasure? There's no money until mother and dad have gone to the great beyond, and if the OP is going to continue to lose sleep over it she's gonna be a zombie. Get over it, get used to it. If the in laws talked about having a skin disease would she still be so insistent on proof? It's not their money (yet?) so get over it.
Load More Replies... Leitha Hyde 2 days ago
Am I the only one thinking that things aren't adding up? I can't work out whether there are just super strict and super weird rules on the trust, or OP's husband is just flat out lying to OP about the trusts existing and/or the husband's parents are lying about the trusts and how much money is actually in them. (I can't even check OP's post history for an update as Mumsnet only allows members to see a user's post history)
David Andrews 3 weeks ago
Likely if the father was very frugal he has the money set aside as a reassurance, with the intention that when he passes his kids and grandchildren will be taken care of. Or as with their wedding, it may be that when the kids get to the point of going to college, he will step in with offering funds. The husband likely does not want to go begging to his father every time they have a large expense like an ATM, it would be different if they had lost their jobs, we're unable to keep up with their mortgage etc, and had no options left. OP sounds obsessive about money, in the end it is not hers, and has no right to demand to know what will happen with it and when.
Vinnie 2 weeks ago
For what the original source says, the OP is fed up with the husband saying "the money is there" and it's apparently not to be used for medical emergencies, college, etc. She wants to be able to plan ahead. As for her asking her in-laws: '....ex SIL [...] asked once and she was told by MIL that it was “family” business and never to ask about it again!'
Load More Replies... SummerVeE 2 weeks ago
OPs In-laws sound like they made the right call to lock down their financial gift to their grandkids and keep the OP from getting to it. She should not even be thinking about these trusts for the kids to use in the future. It's not her money! She's angry that she's only been able to spend $20k out of her kids accounts and is complaining that she doesn't get to spend it as she sees fit. Where does the OP get off on feeling entitled to take from the gift her children's grandpa has carefully planned, saved for and continues to contribute into?! Im not sure I could move past this if I were the OP's spouse after seeing that she is the type of parent who value themselves more than their kids. She doesn't even seem to be aware of how trashy her sense of entitlement is. Yuck.
SummerVeE 2 weeks ago
Perhaps I'm slightly jaded after coming out of a divorce with an ex who was awful. Tried to take everything that was put into trust for the kid - same situation. He also sued my elderly parents to try and take ownership of their cabin because they graciously allowed us to live there for a few months when we were in a tough spot financially. He came at them saying they gave it to him as a gift, along with their sleds - it just makes you shudder at how scary people can be
Load More Replies... Allen Packard 2 weeks ago
Well, hats off to whoever can read through this jumbled story and completely understand what the heck is going on.
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