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Woman’s “Gentle Reminder” For Grandma To Not Kiss Her Baby Goes Viral With 11M Views, And The Internet Has Opinions
Interview
Boundaries and consent are fundamental parts of any healthy relationship—including with your family members. People who care about you will respect your parenting choices and boundaries, and those of your children. Especially if there are health concerns involved.
Mom Haeli Christiansen (@haeli.christiansen) went viral on TikTok and sparked a massive discussion after sharing a humorous video about consent, in which she gently slaps her mother to remind her not to kiss her newborn. Scroll down to watch the video and to read the internet’s reactions.
Bored Panda reached out to Christiansen, and she was kind enough to answer our questions about the video and the reactions it sparked. You’ll find our full interview with her below!
RELATED:
One mom shared a video online of her ‘gentle reminder’ for the baby’s grandma not to kiss him
Image credits: haeli.christiansen
You can watch the full clip right here
@haeli.christiansen the word of the day is “boundaries” 😂 #firsttimemom#newmomlife#motherhood#momsoftiktok#momhumor♬ original sound – bestspedup
The video went massively viral online and sparked a major discussion about boundaries and consent
The video made a huge splash online. At the time of writing, Christiansen’s video garnered 11 million views, 761.6k likes, 14k bookmarks, 41.8k reshares, and nearly 4k comments on TikTok.
Christiansen told Bored Panda via email that the video was “obviously a joke.”
“I don’t slap my mom, and she has a great relationship with me and my son. At the end of the day, my husband and I are happy with the boundary we’ve set and that we’ve kept our baby healthy and out of the hospital so far. The negativity in the comments doesn’t sway us!” she said.
According to the mom, she has been very surprised by the reaction that her video has gotten.
“My mom and I made the video thinking it would get maybe a few hundred views and that it would be relatable and funny to new moms…not sparked the debate that it has. I believe I inadvertently touched on a very sensitive topic for a lot of people,” she said.
“I’ve received a mix of reactions – some agreeing with me in not wanting extended family kissing their newborn, and others very strongly disagree. Some have suggested I’m a bad mom, I’m ruining my baby’s life, or that we don’t deserve love and support from family if they weren’t allowed to kiss him… it seems like a much deeper convo that can’t be had in TikTok comments,” the mom shared what the online reactions have been like.
“My husband and I made the decision to not have extended family or friends kiss our newborn for the first few months after birth because he was born in the middle of ‘sick season’ and newborns don’t have an immune system. A common cold for adults could land a newborn in the hospital and be a life-threatening situation. Though we were nervous about how our family would take it, keeping our baby safe and healthy was our top priority,” Christiansen said.
“We are very lucky that our family has respected what we’ve asked for the most part. My advice would be to be confident and firm in your decision. It comes down to respect, and I wouldn’t want anyone in my life who doesn’t respect me or my child. Even in our case, we’ve had to explain why we’ve set the boundaries we’ve had, and if there has been push back, say ‘you may not understand, but we appreciate you respecting our decision.’”
Christiansen said that one comment that several different people have written is that grandparents are supposedly ‘entitled’ to do what they want with their grandkids, and that parents who set boundaries are ‘crazy’ or ‘weird.’
“I’d just like to remind anyone who is about to become a parent – your child is YOUR child, and no one is entitled to anything regarding your baby that makes you feel uncomfortable. Some people had even noted in the comments that they cut their own child out of their life when they tried to set a boundary with them regarding their grandchild,” she said.
“I know situations are different for some people, but to me, that would be dodging a bullet. People should be able to parent how they see fit, and even if it differs from how I do it or how the generations before us did it, that doesn’t make it wrong.”
As the clip continued to get millions and millions of views online, people shared their thoughts. Some came out in support of the mom’s stance
Others, however, were more critical of the clip
Boundaries, consent, and body autonomy are all vital topics that you may want to teach your children from an early age
Having and enforcing boundaries doesn’t mean that you don’t love someone. Boundaries help you protect your needs and well-being. They lead to clear communication and, hopefully, more trust and respect.
As Today’s Parent explains, talking about consent with your child can be difficult. If they have trouble asserting their boundaries when it comes to physical contact, you can speak on their behalf. Obviously, the parents’ words are final when they’re protecting their newborns, who don’t have the capacity to advocate for themselves yet.
You can slowly teach them about the importance of saying ‘no’ to physical affection if they feel uncomfortable. Consent and boundaries go both ways, however. As part of those lessons, you can also teach your child to respect other children’s and adults’ physical boundaries by respecting them when they say ‘no’ and looking at their body language for signs of discomfort.
Meanwhile, More Than Grand stresses the importance of grandparents respecting their grandchildren’s body autonomy.
“It may seem like a way for parents to try to impose silly rules, but they’ve got extremely good reasons for this request. Body autonomy is the idea that each person has the right to decide what happens to their body without pressure or persuasion from anyone else. It’s important that children be taught to understand this concept from the earliest age.”
Some grandparents might subconsciously teach their grandkids to ignore body autonomy when they hug and kiss them, even when they don’t want physical affection.
“When your grandchild is a baby, it’s the parents whose permission you need. A grandchild is not a possession that you have a claim on. Always ask parents before picking up, holding, or kissing their baby. Some parents may be uncomfortable with anyone else changing their baby’s diaper or giving them a bath. Parents are more fearful about potential dangers to their babies than in past generations, and it’s important for grandparents not to brush that aside,” More Than Grand notes. Later, once the child is self-aware and verbal, you can ask them for permission.
In some cases, grandparents need time to adjust their behavior as they learn to navigate new parental trends
However, on the flip side, The Atlantic notes that this can be taken a bit too far. According to Kerry Byrne, the founder of the Long Distance Grandparent, nowadays, grandparents have lots of different rules to follow. From how to greet their children to what words to use around them, what foods they can eat, what their screen-time limits are, etc.
Byrne told The Atlantic that some parents have “gone wild with boundaries,” leading to “grandparenting on eggshells,” which can be confusing and “emotionally wearing” for grandparents.
Meanwhile, psychologist and parenting expert Anita Stewart noted that too much focus on consent and giving people space might give children the idea that all physical touch is to be avoided. She suggests that parents should allow their kids take the lead.
In the meantime, it’s important to remember that it can take grandparents a while to change their habits and behaviors, even if they understand the importance of respecting their grandkids’ body autonomy.
What are your thoughts, Pandas? How do you ensure that your relatives respect your and your children’s boundaries? How do you approach consent and body autonomy? Share your thoughts below.
Later, the mom shared a follow-up video where she went into more detail about her viral clip
Image credits: haeli.christiansen
Image credits: haeli.christiansen
Here is the follow-up video in full
@haeli.christiansen Replying to @Crystal Evans gen x & boomers showed up to the comment section in my other video 😮💨 #motherhood#momsoftiktok#momlife#newborn#firsttimemom♬ original sound – Haeli | First Time Mom 🤍
Here’s how some internet users reacted to the second video
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What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 hours ago
I love seeing the "herp derp but how did babies all survive the 40s/80s/1300s/[insert decade/time period here]?!?!" - well, Francine, let me tell you something: infant mortality used to be INSANELY high, so no, a lot of babies DIDN'T survive during time periods in our history. We simply kept procreating enough other humans to increase population and sort of "make up" for the infants that died to communicable diseases/viruses. Nowadays, with modern knowledge of viruses and bacteria, there is NO NEED to put an infant at risk of a virus that will k!ll them or cause a lifelong health issue (like cold sores or HPV.) You won't die if you don't get to kiss your grandbaby when it's a few months old, but your grandbaby *might* die if you DO insist on kissing it and it gets RSV or the flu from your boundary-disrespecting mouth-hole.
Starbug 1 hour ago
"boundary-disrespecting mouth-hole" 😆😆😆😆 I need to use this
Load More Replies...
Kathy Dragonfly 3 hours ago
I need the 'I'm too european for this' comment as a poll question.
KrazyChiMama 1 hour ago
My grandson is almost a year old and I’ve never kissed his head/face…I do kiss his little bare feet sometimes….I am Gen X…I’d be absolutely gutted if he got sick because of me! I’ll wait until he’s old enough to hug and kiss me when HE chooses to.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 hours ago
I love seeing the "herp derp but how did babies all survive the 40s/80s/1300s/[insert decade/time period here]?!?!" - well, Francine, let me tell you something: infant mortality used to be INSANELY high, so no, a lot of babies DIDN'T survive during time periods in our history. We simply kept procreating enough other humans to increase population and sort of "make up" for the infants that died to communicable diseases/viruses. Nowadays, with modern knowledge of viruses and bacteria, there is NO NEED to put an infant at risk of a virus that will k!ll them or cause a lifelong health issue (like cold sores or HPV.) You won't die if you don't get to kiss your grandbaby when it's a few months old, but your grandbaby *might* die if you DO insist on kissing it and it gets RSV or the flu from your boundary-disrespecting mouth-hole.
Starbug 1 hour ago
"boundary-disrespecting mouth-hole" 😆😆😆😆 I need to use this
Load More Replies... Kathy Dragonfly 3 hours ago
I need the 'I'm too european for this' comment as a poll question.
KrazyChiMama 1 hour ago
My grandson is almost a year old and I’ve never kissed his head/face…I do kiss his little bare feet sometimes….I am Gen X…I’d be absolutely gutted if he got sick because of me! I’ll wait until he’s old enough to hug and kiss me when HE chooses to.
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