Mom Explains Why Grandparents Can’t Hug Her 2-Year-Old Whenever They Want And Have To Ask For Consent
Hugs and kisses from relatives are nice, but only with consent. That’s what one mother and TikTok video creator is trying to get her daughter’s grandparents to understand.
Australian mom Brittany Baxter shared a series of TikTok videos where she discussed how her daughter’s grandparents overstep the boundaries that she’s set out for her child. They ignore their grandchild’s ‘no’ and kiss and hug her anyway. Or they feel hurt that the kid doesn’t want affection at that very moment.
Check out Brittany’s videos below and be sure to let us know what you think, dear Pandas. Plenty of people supported Brittany enforcing strict boundaries and teaching her daughter about consent and body autonomy. However, others were more critical of this approach. And consent is a difficult topic to broach because it’s not always expressed overtly and can be implied and tacit.
Australian mom Brittany explained why grandparents can’t hug and kiss her daughter without consent. Here’s her first TikTok in a series of videos
@brittanybaxter_xI said what I said… ##gentleparenting ##consent ##fyp♬ original sound – Brittany
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: Juan Pablo (not the actual photo)
The Routledge Encyclopedia of Philosophy points out that consent can be given in multiple different ways that can be either completely direct and overt to less so. However, in order for consent to gain “binding force,” it has to meet certain criteria. These conditions (which must be fulfilled in order for consent to be consent) are: knowledge, intention, competence, voluntariness, and acceptability of content.
To put it very simply, the person whose consent you’re trying to get, whether for a hug or a doctor’s check-up, needs to understand what they’re agreeing to. That way they know what they’re in for. Meanwhile, in the grownup world, the party asking for consent provides services without fear of legal retribution.
“In standard cases, a person’s consent to another person’s acts removes moral or legal objections to or liability for the performance of those acts,” the Routledge Encyclopedia of Philosophy writes.
The mom also explained how to deal with confrontations that will naturally arise because of this style of parenting in another video
@brittanybaxter_xReply to @britwolfe13 I hope this makes sense ❤️♬ original sound – Brittany
More and more parents are raising their children to understand the importance of consent from a very early age. This style of parenting emphasizes a child’s choices and body autonomy. Naturally, this can lead to some conflict, especially with family members who have a more traditional approach to raising children and might not view boundaries the same way that you do.
Brittany highlighted just how vital it is to stand your ground and not give in to other people’s opinions about how you should parent your child. Even if they’re family members whom you love and respect.
She also confronted her critics in a third video. You can watch it right here
@brittanybaxter_xReply to @lauraderian 🤷♀️♬ original sound – Brittany
The Australian mom also tackled her critics head-on, wondering whether they actually asked their child if hugs and kisses from their relatives is something that they want and need.
Brittany also drew attention to the fact that her own parents and her step-mom practice consent with their granddaughter 98 percent of the time and actually ask if she wants a hug, completely respecting her decision. It’s the other grandparents that Brittany has an issue with.
She also went on Australian TV and said that there’s been a mixed response to her videos. “A lot of people are very outraged which I understand, a lot of people have misunderstood the point of the message that I’m trying to get across. But a lot of people have been in support of it as well and that’s what has been amazing.”
The Australian mom started up a fiery discussion online with people both supporting her and criticizing her parenting method
Bored Panda’s recently written about another mother from Chicago who showed TikTok how she introduces lessons about consent into her toddlers’ daily lives. You can check out the post here. Meanwhile, however, we’d love to hear your thoughts about mom Brittany’s TikToks. Do you agree with her style of parenting? Do you think lessons about consent should start from birth or should parents wait until their kids grow up a bit more? Share your thoughts below.
Ok, two things. Do the parents ask for consent? Don't kids have to ask for consent if *they* want to hug their grandparents? (let the downvoting begin in 3..2..1..)
I actually do ask my kids for consent.
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Some of you just don't get it. The rate of sexual abuse is approx 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men. That is not including other forms of abuse. This isn't about being a snowflake, ridiculous etc. There is an actual reason WHY this is so important. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc can abuse other relatives. Most abusers are known to their victims. Predators take advantage and will say things like "if you love me you will do this" or "this is a special hug between me and you but its our secret" or "If you don't do this (sexual) then I will tell your parents you don't respect me and they will be mad at you". Teaching them about consent starts at unwanted affection. Including a simple hug and a kiss, doesn't matter if family or not. Statistically abusers are known by the victim. No means no should be taught from a young age. Forcing them into uncomfortable/ unwanted affection is sending the opposite message.
Also there is something seriously f****d up that there are people offended by this. So you get a kick out of forcing yourself onto someone, a child at that. That is what you are doing. If they are willing or wanting a hug then fine, it's consensual. But if it makes someone uncomfortable then you are forcing yourself into them. It is quite perverted actually.
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I have a 2 year old niece, and I always ask if I can have a hug, because I (not having a great deal of toddler experience) don't want to upset a 2 year old. Lucky for me she likes me (once auntie shows up to baby sit mum and dad are pretty much forgotten), so I get lots of cuddles. My mum (Gran) who she know, but sees slightly less of due to distance, also asks, and usually gets one (but usually a little shorter). When last she saw my dad (grandpa), who she has only seen a couple of times, she didn't really want to hug him goodbye, she wanted auntie instead. My dad looked upset, but I said to him what do you expect when she doesn't know you, strangers are scary to a toddler who has spent most of her second year in lockdown with only her parents.
I have a whole bunch of nephews and always ask them. Always have and always will. Usually I get lots of hugs when coming and when going, but the youngest especially always says no. Ok lil dude, that's fine, you don't have to, we're cool. I was raised always having to give out hugs and kisses and sit on laps, grandparents especially (old strict religious "the man is the head of the house" kind of people of course). Always hated it, even as a tiny little kid. I would never ever do that to any child, no matter how small and they are
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Ok, two things. Do the parents ask for consent? Don't kids have to ask for consent if *they* want to hug their grandparents? (let the downvoting begin in 3..2..1..)
I actually do ask my kids for consent.
Load More Replies... Some of you just don't get it. The rate of sexual abuse is approx 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men. That is not including other forms of abuse. This isn't about being a snowflake, ridiculous etc. There is an actual reason WHY this is so important. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc can abuse other relatives. Most abusers are known to their victims. Predators take advantage and will say things like "if you love me you will do this" or "this is a special hug between me and you but its our secret" or "If you don't do this (sexual) then I will tell your parents you don't respect me and they will be mad at you". Teaching them about consent starts at unwanted affection. Including a simple hug and a kiss, doesn't matter if family or not. Statistically abusers are known by the victim. No means no should be taught from a young age. Forcing them into uncomfortable/ unwanted affection is sending the opposite message.
Also there is something seriously f****d up that there are people offended by this. So you get a kick out of forcing yourself onto someone, a child at that. That is what you are doing. If they are willing or wanting a hug then fine, it's consensual. But if it makes someone uncomfortable then you are forcing yourself into them. It is quite perverted actually.
Load More Replies... I have a 2 year old niece, and I always ask if I can have a hug, because I (not having a great deal of toddler experience) don't want to upset a 2 year old. Lucky for me she likes me (once auntie shows up to baby sit mum and dad are pretty much forgotten), so I get lots of cuddles. My mum (Gran) who she know, but sees slightly less of due to distance, also asks, and usually gets one (but usually a little shorter). When last she saw my dad (grandpa), who she has only seen a couple of times, she didn't really want to hug him goodbye, she wanted auntie instead. My dad looked upset, but I said to him what do you expect when she doesn't know you, strangers are scary to a toddler who has spent most of her second year in lockdown with only her parents.
I have a whole bunch of nephews and always ask them. Always have and always will. Usually I get lots of hugs when coming and when going, but the youngest especially always says no. Ok lil dude, that's fine, you don't have to, we're cool. I was raised always having to give out hugs and kisses and sit on laps, grandparents especially (old strict religious "the man is the head of the house" kind of people of course). Always hated it, even as a tiny little kid. I would never ever do that to any child, no matter how small and they are
Load More Replies...
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