
People Are Sharing Their Worst Decisions In Their Long Lives And Here Are 30 Of Them
Interview With ExpertUnfortunately, life isn’t like a video game—you can’t reload an earlier save file whenever you make a big blunder. Whatever failures and successes you face, you have to learn to live with them and their consequences, no matter how awful or great. Some mistakes are easier to come to terms with. But others can haunt you even years or decades later.
Today, we’re featuring some older internet users’ sincere and vulnerable thoughts about their top regrets from their youth, which they shared in an online thread. Scroll down to read about their experiences and warnings, some of which might be very relatable.
Bored Panda reached out to Jodi Wellman, MAPP, for her thoughts on how we can all make better life decisions, plus how someone can feel less guilty about not having made the most of one's youth. You'll find the advice she shared with us below. Wellman is the founder of Four Thousand Mondays and the author of You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets.
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Not quitting alcohol is #1. I feel that if I could have quit drinking earlier in my life, there would have been no 2 or 3. To anyone who fights that beast. I wish you strength and love if you struggle.
"One of the best ways to feel confident about a decision is to get clear in advance about what we really want and need. Sometimes we get swept up in the excitement of an opportunity, or overwhelmed with an avalanche of info and data, and it's easy to lose sight of our actual goals and vision," Wellman, the founder of Four Thousand Mondays, told Bored Panda via email.
"Get anchored in what makes you happy. Sit down and write about what you'd like your next 5 years to look like." She urged everyone to get in touch with their values, namely, the things that matter the most to you in life. These can be anything, from family and health to achievement, financial security, accuracy, creativity, and beyond.
"It's hard to make a bad decision if it aligns with our values, vision, and dreams," Wellman said.
Dropping out of college because of my parents' marital problems.
Putting loyalty to a boss above other career considerations.
Not saving enough money.
I would say, marrying my first husband and marrying my second husband should be the top two, but if I hadn't married them, I wouldn't have ended up in CA where I met my now-husband. We've been happily married almost 40 years. The truth is that the bad choices often put us on a path that will lead to the best choices.
"Psychologist Barry Schwartz talks about the benefit of 'satisficing' when we make decisions—making a good decision with thought and care, but not necessarily after going through the most exhaustive research process. You might spend 15 hours researching the best hotel options for a trip (trying to 'maximize' your vacation), but you could have 'satisficed' after researching for an hour and then had just as great of a time on your holiday."
That being said, there are no such things as 'great decision guarantees.' "So it might be helpful to pre-acknowledge that you're doing your best with the information you have available at the time, and not every decision will be a winner. We're allowed a lot of gimmes in this life, thankfully."
Bored Panda also asked Wellman what advice she'd give an older person who might feel guilty about not having taken full advantage of their youth. "The most insightful research on regrets reveals that our 'paths not taken' can haunt us as we age—the regrets of omission, the 'coulda shoulda wouldas.' The regrets of commission—the things we did and wished we hadn't—don't tend to bother us as much," she said.
"A helpful exercise can be the deathbed regret visualization. If you were on death's door, what 'paths not taken' would make you feel pangs of regret? I call those 'pre-grets' because they aren't regrets yet... we can still course-correct them. It's not too late to learn how to speak French... to go back to school... to become a painter... to travel to the Galapagos... the list goes on. Get in touch with regrets in the making and take one action to prevent it."
If you're curious about how many more Monday mornings you have left, feel free to use the calculator on the Four Thousand Mondays website. It might give you the motivation you need to make the most of life.
Looking back, some of the worst decisions I made were staying in toxic relationships for too long, ignoring my mental health until it became overwhelming, and not taking risks when I had the chance to pursue my passions. Each of those choices shifted my path in ways I regret, but they also taught me valuable lessons about self-respect and growth.
That "not taking risks when I had the chance to pursue my passions" really hits me hard.
1. Not leaving an emotionally [controlling] partner before we had children.
2. Not having at least one more child (I wanted 3-4, but only had two).
3. Not recognizing how beautiful I was when I was young, but instead allowing my self-consciousness to intimidate me internally.
Not learning about managing money at an early age
Not getting a second opinion about medical diagnoses
Assuming people have the best intentions and common sense.
Broadly speaking, there are a few things that are always a good idea to focus on no matter what age you are. They’re things that most of us wish we had given more attention to earlier, but like they say, though the best time to start was yesterday, the second best time is today. You will never regret prioritizing your physical and mental health, as well as the meaningful relationships with your loved ones.
Sleep more, drink more water, eat more nutritious food, spend time with people you like, be out in nature, and get more exercise. Meanwhile, stay away from alcohol, nicotine, processed foods, and extremely negative people who constantly stress you out—you know the drill by now.
It’s also a good idea to think about your retirement as early as you can. A part of this means learning to balance your budget so you consistently earn more, spend less, save more, and have more freedom to invest your hard-earned cash. This doesn’t mean just cutting back on your expenses but also finding ways to earn more money without exhausting yourself or impacting your relationships. That might mean applying to better jobs or picking up a small side hustle.
1. Choosing the wrong university (should've gone to a state school)
2. Not 'reading the signs' that my ex-fiance was cheating from day one
3. Listening to the doctors who told me I couldn't get my tubes tied at 20, because I'd 'change my mind' (I'd known since I was five that I **never** wanted kids).
OhCheeseNFingRice replied:
"Number three pisses me off so much. I hate that even today, women so often aren't allowed to advocate for themselves in opting for child-free lives. Of course, once a woman has a child, they'll most often say, 'I'm so glad my doctor didn't let me choose that,' because we're not monsters and can fully love, adore, and raise children that we didn't want in the first place. But that doesn't mean that our lives would've been any less happy had we gotten what we asked for and didn't have kids."
As someone F who always wanted (and has) kids, this pisses me off on your behalf, as well. Who are these doctors to dictate you your choices? 😡
Worst is when i couldn't get my husband to go to the ER with covid. I asked and asked, but he said he would be fine. I should have just called an ambulance. He died early that next morning. I found him, and it broke my heart. Cried for 2 years.
The best is not listening to my family tell me I shouldn't marry someone much younger than I am. My grown kids are not happy. I sold my house and I'm ready to do something for myself. They will come around when they see how happy we are. The bonus for them is they won't be responsible for me when I'm old.
I am 10 years older than my husband . WE have been happily married for 45 years.
1. Refusing to visit a dying friend in the hospital (because I was afraid I wouldn't have anything to say or I would say the wrong thing).
2. Moving to, and living in, Hawaii for 14 years.
3. Relapsing after 44 years of sobriety (although I'm sober again).
No matter how smart, strategic, efficient, and careful you are, you will—inevitably!—make mistakes in life. There’s just no getting around this fact. How you react to failure, however, can tell everyone a lot about you, like your character, values, resilience, and general outlook on life.
It’s natural to be upset when something doesn’t work out the way you expected it would, but if you fall apart at the smallest inconveniences, you’ll have a hard time going through life. On the flip side, embracing unfavorable outcomes and circumstances can put you at an advantage. When you see failure as a learning opportunity and a way to prepare better for future challenges, you (potentially) end up stronger in the end.
Not getting that one dream job that you spent weeks or months applying to might eventually lead to better opportunities with an awesome workplace culture and higher wages. The end of one romantic relationship can create space for you to get more in tune with your wants, needs, and boundaries. And even if you mess up that all-important presentation at college or your office, that might just be the push you need to sign up for a public speaking course to gain more confidence. In many cases, there’s a silver lining.
1. In November 1989 I was with the West German press corps in Warsaw and they all tore off to Berlin and said the Berlin Wall was gonna fall. I laughed and stayed put. A few hours later I watched it all on TV in a s****y Warsaw bar and drank half a bottle of vodka while crying and laughing at the same time. Needless to say my US newspaper fired me.
2. Buying an apartment in Berlin in 1990 sure that prices would skyrocket. They didn't. Left Germany for Austria in 1996. Put the apt on the market and it sat empty with no callers for 2 years. Sold it at 30% less than what I paid for it in 1999. Today it's worth 4 times what I paid.
3. Way back in 1968 when I was 18 I started uni in the US and was told by my English prof I should be a writer. My family told me that was stupid and should go into advertising. Which I did for 18 years and hated it. Finally started writing what I wanted to at 36. Bernard Malamud wrote in The Natural: 'each of us has two lives. There's the life we learn with and the life we live with after that.'.
It's a journey into the unknown. Each step takes us further either to our destiny or away from it. Look back with kindness on your younger self.
1. Trying to win my father’s approval
2. Breaking Beth McConnell’s heart at summer camp
3. That first line of crystal m**h.
PeterandKelsey replied:
"Can we find Beth McConnell somewhere? Let's have a reconciliation!"
Interesting_Air_1844 replied:
"There's nothing I'd like more than to apologize to her for being so cruel. I was just a kid, though (this was around 1977 or 1978), and the thing that's incredibly stupid is that I really liked her. I found some old letters from my fellow campers, in which scolded me for ruining the poor girl's entire summer. All these years later, I still can't forgive myself. I've Googled her name a few times over the years, but never found her..."
Taking loans out of my 401k #1
Having kids before being financially stable #2
Believing what others said I was incapable of #3
#3 hurts the most the others I was able to overcome or live with.
I wanted to be a Lawyer. I was one of the kids in my school that was filmed smoking pot on the side of a school we were all forced to counseling.
When I told my Guidance Counselor I wanted to be a Lawyer when it was time to sign up for college She told me I wasn't smart enough. I left defeated. Didn't have parents to talk to so I believed her.
In years since I have won law cases for myself and my sister and one friend...with zero training.
Always believe in YOU and go for what you want in life no MATTER what!
Nobody is actually "financially stable". You have kids if you can support kids. Waiting until you have a pension and a home means that you'll probably be too old to raise kids. We had a kid late, but we weren't financially stable. We were always able to pay for what we needed to raise our kid, but we only were financially stable when they were in their late teens.
However, some experiences are going to be devastating no matter how resilient you think you are. In those cases, you should try to rely on your social support network more and seek a mental health expert’s help to understand what happened and, hopefully, reframe it in a way that empowers you. It’s never a sign of weakness to ask for help, but nobody’s a mind-reader, so you really do need to speak up when you need a hand.
1. marrying my first husband
2. prioritizing work over more important things
3. allowing toxic people to stay in my life far too long.
Nothing really ended up for the worse but the worst decisions I've made:
1. Stopped caring about school in high school. I was on the Stanford/MIT track. Ended up with a great career anyway but I was just planning for more, that's all. Due to circumstances I ended up putting myself through community college while working full time and then finishing out at a great state school after I already had what is still my career decades later.
2. Giving up a dream job in a dream city because I'd have to live an hour away from my boyfriend and I knew that would end the relationship. In retrospect, if an hour commute was a dealbreaker the relationship sucked.
3. Rob, and everything about him.
Just one for me.... waiting years and years to get treatment for depression.
I feel so much better now. I'm lucky to have survived.
What are some of the biggest regrets that you have in life, dear Pandas? Have you learned to embrace those decisions or do they still haunt you? On the flip side, what are the decisions you’ve made that you’re immeasurably proud of to this day? What do you think is the secret to making better life decisions? We’d love to hear from you! You can share your experiences in the comments below.
1) Quit a community college job to raise my first child. Wish I would have continued and took advantage of tuition discount to get a medical degree.
2) Believing I was fat and ugly at 18. I was size 8, went to the gym regularly and had a head of beautiful, long curls-but I wasn’t the skinny “blond next door” model.
3) Allowed family to “borrow” funds that were not returned. I should have at least invested it in bank CD’s.
No. 3, never lend money to family members. Never will get it back. Or sell something to them on a promise that they will pay you later. Get the money up front.
My first and only marriage at 18
Staying married for 25 years
Working full-time to put husband thru law school - moving many times for this and changing jobs.
My only real regret is not doing whatever was necessary to keep my college sweetheart.
I still miss her... 20+ years later.
Encouraging my husband to have the surgery that killed him.
Various stupid financial decisions when we were young that left me broke with small kids when I needed financial security including not having enough life insurance.
Waiting until my weight dropped to 90 lbs before getting a feeding tube during cancer treatment. Malnutrition made my recovery much worse.
Listening to Dentists who wanted to “save the tooth.” Spent far too much money and wrecked my health with cracked infected teeth that just ended up being pulled regardless of what measures they tried.
Needed to put my children’s well being above being a dutiful daughter. My narcissistic parents weren’t any better at being responsible grandparents.
Letting anxiety take over, needed to just chill out and not make an already difficult situation worse.
The dentist told my partner after he came in for a bad molar to have it removed, because it didn't affect his chewing, was out of sight and would end up a weak tooth anyway if given a root canal.
1) staying as a bedside nurse for 19 years and not leaving for the pharma industry sooner
2) pulling up a patient and herniating a disc in my back
3) not living with the confidence of a 50 yr old ( why so timid when I was younger ).
Getting out of nursing is the best decision I've ever made. Thankful every day.
Moving to Wisconsin. I hate Wisconsin! I moved here when I married my husband as my husband lived there. Now I am disabled and stuck here.
1. Being more concerned with what other people thought than what I wanted.
2. Not questioning being diagnosed with anxiety and heavily medicated for years. I didn’t get my actual diagnosis until my 50s.
3. My first marriage. At least I ended it quickly.
1. Smoking. Resulted in cancer (I'm better now).
2. Spending of frivolous things when I should have been saving.
3. Marrying my ex-wife. There were plenty of red flags I ignored.
1. Staying at the same job for too long.
2. Accepting family members behavior and overlooking it because they are family.
3. Rushing through things and events that I thought would always be there.
Wow, a keypunch! I haven't seen one of those since the 1970s. (No, it's not a computer.)
Allowing my parents so much space / interference in my life under the guise of love.
Not maintaining a healthy weight.
Not allowing myself to do me, but trying to adjust my personality to everyone else so they would all “love” me.
1. My first marriage.
2. Trusting my business partner.
3. Not learning more family history from my parents.
1. Not getting grief counseling in the 80s when I lost my parents.
2. Doing too many d***s in the late 70s and early 80s and not focusing on my schooling.
3. Letting myself become a controlling a*****e when I became the boss.
This person sounds like they have learned a lot. I wish them well
1. Quit my job, bought a van, drove around the US, spent all my retirement money ($33K). I did the math. It would be about $450K by now.
2. Got married in Vegas to a guy I'd known for about 2 months. (Divorced 2 years later!)
3. Sold my first condo. Bought for $80K, would be worth $400K now, and paid off.
4. Bonus: Quit my good government job to go back to school for a new career, which I quit after 4 years. I'd have a 20-year pension by now, or a ton in the bank, had I stuck it out either place.
1-Developing a drinking habit at 15yo to deal with sleep issues
2- switching to benzodiazipines to deal with sleep issues that got very severe and then becoming addicted to them and they shut down my nervous system causing me to become disabled for 8 years.
3- cant post 3.
So the secret to living a life of no regrets is to 1) skip straight to your second marriage, 2) never buy anything when young (especially anything fun), and 3) keep every piece of property you ever set foot in.
Or just accept that the mistakes you made in the past were valuable lessons that helped you to become a wiser person. You can't change the past so there is no point in wasting your energy regretting it.
Load More Replies...One thing I've learned is to never regret mistakes or bad decisions. The fact is I needed to make those decisions and mistakes in order to learn my own boundaries, limitations, and strengths. I have a recovery friend who always says that his life fell apart perfectly. Well, mine did too. I would've seriously shortchanged myself if my life had turned out the way I thought I wanted 20 years ago.
Can't waste time wondering what might have been, we can only move forward
Load More Replies...This would've required me to be able to see into the future, but: going from relationship to relationship, even if they were all multi-year ones. I severely underestimated the value of being by myself, which I only got to experience once for a short time before I fell for someone again and went back to my old habits (which this time turned out well, so ...). Also, not pursueing art and writing earlier. I ALWAYS drew and wrote, but social media didn't exist yet, so it was extremely difficult to make a living off of it so I kinda let it go. It still is, of course, but I do feel that socials have opened helpful doors. I was early 20's when Instagram really became a thing, so it was primetime then.
So the secret to living a life of no regrets is to 1) skip straight to your second marriage, 2) never buy anything when young (especially anything fun), and 3) keep every piece of property you ever set foot in.
Or just accept that the mistakes you made in the past were valuable lessons that helped you to become a wiser person. You can't change the past so there is no point in wasting your energy regretting it.
Load More Replies...One thing I've learned is to never regret mistakes or bad decisions. The fact is I needed to make those decisions and mistakes in order to learn my own boundaries, limitations, and strengths. I have a recovery friend who always says that his life fell apart perfectly. Well, mine did too. I would've seriously shortchanged myself if my life had turned out the way I thought I wanted 20 years ago.
Can't waste time wondering what might have been, we can only move forward
Load More Replies...This would've required me to be able to see into the future, but: going from relationship to relationship, even if they were all multi-year ones. I severely underestimated the value of being by myself, which I only got to experience once for a short time before I fell for someone again and went back to my old habits (which this time turned out well, so ...). Also, not pursueing art and writing earlier. I ALWAYS drew and wrote, but social media didn't exist yet, so it was extremely difficult to make a living off of it so I kinda let it go. It still is, of course, but I do feel that socials have opened helpful doors. I was early 20's when Instagram really became a thing, so it was primetime then.