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55 Secret Regrets Of Married Men Who Realized They Made The Wrong Choice With Their Wife
Most people get so caught up in the wedding and nuptials that they forget there’s a whole lifetime ahead of marriage to adjust to. The problem is that some folks rush into the decision or don't truly understand their spouse until later, which can make the scales fall from their eyes.
This is exactly what happened to the men on this list who didn’t recognize their wives' red flags until it was too late. Their shocking stories and secrets expose the regret that bubbles up in some marriages, which should be dealt with sooner rather than later. Read on to learn more about these deceptive relationships.
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#1
I got an earlier flight back than planned and drove home. Really looking forward to chilling for a bit with the dog, and being there when the kids finished school about 4pm. Very unusual for us all.
As I drove up I noticed her car in the driveway… Unexpected as she should have been out at that time. Anyway the thought of walking into the house with just her there made my heart sink. I had an almost physical flinch reaction. She’ll just be miserable, or combative, or complaining, or just rude. So I just kept driving and went to a cafe for a couple hours instead.
I then got back about 4pm, saw the kids, the dog, took them all the park for afternoon fun and laughs. And made a mental note that when the kids are older, I’m definitely going to have a plan so I’m not going to be stuck with her.
She was pretty and nice in front of people, but living with her I realised she was mean spirited deep down and a fake personality.
Now we’re divorced I have no feeling for her either way, my mind has literally erased my memory of her, just somebody I used to know.
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#2
I *SHOULD* have known from the beginning...
Everything about her was a lie. She made a whole fake persona to be what she thought I wanted. She lied about birth control and begged for kids. I got her pregnant and immediately, the facade came down.
I gave her passes for pregnancy hormones. But it didn't stop after the child was born. I gave her passes for other reasons. She just became more toxic.
We were together for 2 years and married for 6 months before I caught her cheating.
The same week, I met the love of my life who stuck by my side through a divorce that could make a horror movie. We've been *happily* married for 21 years.
#3
I think it was once we conceived. Intimacy dropped to non-existence, and all activities revolved around the yet-to-be-born child.
Then, during a fight because I was frustrated at the lack of intimacy, she dropped this beauty, "I married you because you earned a good paycheck."
Yep, that was the beginning of the end.
Skara Brae 4 hours ago
A few weeks after a friend got married, he overheard a friend of his wife, Sally, say she was surprised Sally married him. Sally replied, "He's not the kind you date, he's the kind you marry." She rarely said anything good about him. It got to the point she'd only let him "sleep" with her on his birthday. I asked him if he was happier now than when he wasn't married. "No." A few months later he asked me to go with him to his lawyer to sign his divorce papers. He was all smiles.
When people fall in love and decide to get hitched, they probably never expect to fall out of love with their partner. Unfortunately, this is exactly what some folks feel, which is why they begin regretting getting married. According to IllicitEncounters, which is the UK’s largest extramarital dating site, men are 72% more likely to feel remorse about getting hitched as compared to 54% of women who feel this way.
This kind of marital remorse is most likely to come about after the third year of marriage. Sometimes, folks even question whether they made the right choice within the first year of marriage. Interestingly, this strong feeling has less to do with the spouse in question and more to do with people's exes they might still be pining over.
#4
4th of July party in 2010.
We'd been married a year and a half. My jerk of a sister in law (who knew I did not want kids) asked my wife when we were planning to have some. My wife (who also knew I did not want kids and had always said the same) responded "I'm hoping to wear him down on that the same way I wore him down on marrying me."
I did not hear this, I was in back cooking burgers on the grill. My friends heard it and told me. I assumed she was joking but they didn't seem to think she was.
Fast forward a few months and she comes to me and jumps into my lap and says "I want a baby." I asked her why. "I'm lonely. And you don't eat healthy so you're probably going to be gone young and I want to make sure someone's going to be around to take care of me when I get old."
Afaik she never had kids. Thank God.
And my SIL is still a jerk.
Marleina Hershberg 1 hour ago
"Afaik she never had kids." To me means he lost track of info about her. But then "And my SIL is still a jerk." how can she still be his sil and have communication with him for him to know what she's like?
#5
It was when she refused to talk about money, refused counselling and then called me a chronic disappointment (I earned 70% of the income, cooked 90% of the meals, and was a very active and engaged dad to our two kids…).
I realized there was nothing I could do that would be good enough in her eyes….
#6
When I started to enjoy being alone more than I did enjoyed being with her.
Fights, drama, and monotony can make people question whether they should have tied the knot. Unfortunately, this regretful feeling can even come up within the first 24 hours of the wedding, which lawyers say happens to nearly 10% of married couples.
Although this might seem bleak, research suggests remorse tends to drop off around the 5th year of the relationship. By then, people may have settled into their roles and no longer feel like they made a mistake.
#7
So not me but my best friend was with his girl from 2012-2022. Married in 2019, divorced in 2022. We all knew it wouldn’t work. We even took bets at the wedding. Months before the wedding, I tried my best to approach him about what a horrible person she was - partying almost every night, comes home at 4am, starting huge drunken fights with him, etc.
The breaking point (FINALLY) was when his dad was diagnosed with cancer and he had to take him to treatments and such. Instead of being there for her husband and father-in-law, she decided to go to a week long music festival in Miami with her “guy friends”. He filed for a divorce a month later.
#8
Where do I start. The only thing good about her is that she kept the house organized and clean. Oh, wait. She ruined that by being so OCD and controlling that if I moved anything I would have furious vengeance rained down upon me. So... nothing was good.
Incredibly clingy, manipulative, useless, wasted money, refused to work, forced me to change jobs, bit me, pinched me leaving bruises/scars. There's way more. She's the worst since Day 1 of being married. I spent the first year of marriage miserable, but bending over backwards to please her just to keep the peace, which rarely worked anyway.
I spent the next few months wishing I could divorce. Finally had enough of that life and filed in June. Guess what. She's still fucking here. She's got some weird hold over me that I just cannot break free.
Until now. My parents are secretly coming next week to help me pack my stuff and move me across the country back home, away from her forever. I've never been so excited in my life. The only good things I did in this marriage were filing for divorce and not having kids.
#9
There were lots of times, but the one that sticks out to me most is when we went out on a date one weekend, had a good time, then met up with her folks later. When asked how her weekend was, she said it was a bust and pretty lame/disappointing because none of her friends were available to hang out.
When disagreements and frustration build over time, they can create a confusing brew of emotions that eventually threatens the marriage. According to relationship expert Kerry Lusignan, when folks struggle to communicate their feelings with their spouse, they can face resentment and stress.
This can push people to the edge and make them feel like there is no option but to end their marriage. Even taking such a big step can be scary, especially if children and expensive assets are involved. These overwhelming emotions shouldn’t keep bubbling up, and folks should try to address the issues as soon as possible.
#10
Answering for my dad: he realized he made a mistake on their honeymoon when she was holding a knife to her throat and he had to talk her down. .
#11
When I called her at 7am because she wasn’t in bed and the kids had to get to school. She was in another man’s bed and I was late to work that day because I took my kids to school.
Happily divorced 11 years and recently married to my 2nd wife and best friend.
Mike F 1 hour ago
I worked with a guy who was in a similar situation. He was late to work one morning and looked thoroughly miserable when he got there. I talked to him at break time and he told me that his wife "went to the bar last night and didn't come home" so he got his kids up and off to school. He was pretty resigned to what happened next but the part of the situation that bothered him a lot was the kids, teenagers, referring to their mother as "the whōre". He tried to talk to them and explained that she was still their mother and calling her that was not proper at all. I don't know how things ended up, I understood that she wasn't happy when she was served but, hey.
#12
When I was always the problem and things that she did were never the cause of the problem. Hanging out with coworkers often until late in the night, lack of interest in me besides wondering if I was talking to someone else, could care less about our dogs. She had to leave me, but God removes things out of your life that aren’t for you.
A major issue that can affect marriage is what psychologists call the Negative Sentiment Override (NSO). Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman coined this term, and it refers to a state of mind in which a person finds it hard to see the good in their loved one, which can slowly destroy their bond.
This strong feeling can develop after repeated criticism and dismissal, missed bids for connection, or relationship burnout. When someone starts feeling this way, they may see even positive or neutral actions from their partner in a negative light and stop giving them the benefit of the doubt.
#13
She gave a lot of hints that I was not her first choice. I ignored them in the fog of lust.
I think it is possible that living with me while yearning for the lost first choice sent her first to alcohol and then craziness.
#14
When she spent 2000 dollars on workout programs/outfits and didnt use it once but shamed me for wanting to have a few drinks with my friends. Oh and she blew 3 different exotic dancers during her bachelorette party and kept the polaroids in her car...
#15
There were a few signs. To be fair, my wife was my best friend before, during, and for 8 years after the marriage. But we were NOT meant to be married.
She had a child from a prior marriage and I never wanted kids, but was too young to realize how constant that would affect us. Her husband was a great dad, and they had 50/50 split, so I thought it wouldn't bother me. It really did. Especially after about a year into the marriage the kid got a severe autism diagnosis. That was it's own kind of hell. (Severe as in would never be an adult that could live unsupervised)
She had always blamed how dirty her places were on her roommates or family. Found out she was a lot messier of a person that I was led to believe.
She could not accept being wrong. She could have three people telling her Susan wore a red dress to the party last night, and she would insist it was blue. She WOULD admit if she didn't know something, but if she believed something, there was no room for her being the one making the error.
Pretty much by year 2 we both realized how much of an error we made. We tried to make it work for another 5 but eventually it was too much.
Regret in a marriage doesn’t have to signal the end of it; according to the Marriage Dynamics Institute, folks can repair their bond with their spouse by remembering what drew them to each other. Sometimes past memories aren't clear, so folks should take time to recall the fun things they used to do, which can bring the spark back.
This kind of conversation can also help people feel better about each other, which can then steer the discussion toward more serious matters. Folks can use this time to openly share their worries about the relationship, and jointly figure out what they can do to repair their bond.
#17
It should have been our wedding day on 9/22/01. It was an outdoor wedding in Connecticut on the shore, and the Twin Towers were still burning in the background. The real shocker was when she told me my salary is our money but hers is only hers...
#18
When I realized I wasn't having nearly as much intimate time as she was 😬.
Healing a relationship definitely takes time, and during this process folks need to avoid pointing fingers at one another. Instead, they should reflect and approach the situation with humility. The best way to do this is to remember that neither you nor they are perfect, and that you only need to focus on your own mistakes first.
This humble approach can make you more approachable to your spouse, and they are less likely to shut down or get defensive during a discussion. Taking accountability can also help you fix any mistakes you might have made, which can benefit the relationship in the long run.
#19
When she started trying to turn me into her housemate, rather than be my lover (literally as soon as we settled down together).
#20
Realized... Huh. I dunno.
Things were way off the rails, pretty much from the start. But I never caught on. I was in love. I had a lot of peculiar notions about how people worked. And hope, I somehow always had hope. In the wrong situation, hope will mess you up until you can only pray for the blessed release of demise.
There had been red flags, but the first WTF (in hindsight) was Jamaica. Honeymoon. I paid for the (not cheap) wedding, I was running out of funds. I wanted to visit New Orleans, family had offered us an apartment in the French Quarter. She wouldn't go, she said she was "afraid of voodoo". I kid you not. She held me hostage, I found money for Negril Beach. Which was where her mom honeymooned.
We got there, and she decided she was afraid of black people.
In Jamaica.
Huh. It didn't make a bit of sense, she had black friends. She barely left our room. We watched HBO and had intimate time once that week. It was swell.
It got worse from there. And I didn't catch on.
Huh.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 10 hours ago
Having friends of color doesn't disqualify anyone from being racist. The most racist guy I've ever met in person tried to convince me he "can't be racist because he's friends with a Rom".
Unfortunately, a lot of folks who regret their marriage are also hung up on the idea of the “one that got away.” This kind of thinking can make a person idealize their ex and feel like their partner can’t match those perfect standards.
In reality, people need to take a long, hard look at themselves and realize nobody can truly match fiction, and that their previous partners became their exes for a reason. A little self-awareness can help folks move past this idealistic way of thinking and appreciate the person right in front of them.
#24
I was engaged, so luckily i wasn't married. It was to my hs girlfriend of 3 and a half years at 20 like an idiot and found out she was cheating with her ex bf on a few occasions. I found out specifically a few weeks after the fact when he texted her about it while she was sleeping right next to me at 3 in the morning. The funny part is the particular instance was a day we were supposed to go to a concert together but she said one of her female friends wanted to go and it ended up being him and she slept with him that night afterwards smh. I'd see her text him and always felt I was just being insecure and I told her once and she said he didn't mean anything lol.
My most recent exgf insisted she was over her ex to date me, We dated for a few months while she texted him everyday saying she was over him, got pregnant by me and aborted it so she could go back to him and strung me along until he finally took her back
Those are pretty good indications
For a lot of folks, feeling regretful about marrying their spouse can truly feel like the beginning of the end. In some cases, if one’s partner is toxic, it might be best to leave that relationship, but if that isn’t what’s happening, there may be room to actually work on the bond.
Do you think a marriage can be saved if one partner feels regretful? We’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter, and any personal anecdotes you might have as well.
#25
I knew I was in trouble when she spent our entire courtship saying how she always wanted to be a housewife, how she admired old-fashioned stay-at-home moms and how she'd keep a good house so I could work hard without having to worry.
Then I'd get home from work and find she'd done nothing besides watch true crime shows on A&E...and once she got World of Warcraft, it was a gender-swapped version of the story every woman has ever told me on a first date about her loser ex "all he ever did was sit around and play video games."
And once the Great Recession hit and I ended up out of work and she had to get a job to help support us? Oh, she acted like I was the worst, most useless person she'd ever met. In 2009. When unemployment in Washoe County, Nevada (where we lived, in Reno) was over 15 percent and nobody was doing well.
I went back to college both to ride out the storm and to position myself for something better when the recession blew over. She asked for a divorce.
To be perfectly blunt, I was less heartbroken and more relieved.
#26
Too late. It was after a violent outburst of hers that left me bleeding with a broken laptop.
After that it was more of a straw that broke the camels back with her anti-social behavior.
#27
About 2 years in i was having serious second thoughts and then she got pregnant. 19 years and 3 kids later, I couldn't be happier with her. Turns out I needed as much maturing as she did, and we did it together. I'm only saying this because what you might think is a mistake could just be a sign you two have a little work to do. Ymmv.
#28
My ex had an executive assistant who was not very competent at her job. I'll call the XA "Tanya". After I proposed, My ex wanted to send out some "save the date" announcements on some very thick, handmade paper which didn't take well to printers. My office had a better printer and we were trying to save money so I spent 8 hours after work until 3 a.m. hand feeding this paper into the printer, with about a 10% success ratio.
I got 3 hours of sleep then showed her the ones that had printing on them, though some of them were fainter than others. She wasn't happy with the result and said "it was like working with Tayna".
I couldn't believe she was that cruel after the effort I had put into the project and asked for the ring back on the spot. She immediately realized how serious the situation was then started manipulating and gaslighting me into thinking that it was the stress of the wedding planning that caused her to say that. I wanted to believe her so we smoothed things over but sure enough as soon as we got married she started up with the same behavior.
#29
When I discovered she did anything she wanted without any discussion. The final straw was when she wanted her friends with illegal substances and alcohol over her family. Thankfully divorce is legal.
#30
I should have known well before we got married but I didn’t. I would have stuck it out u to the kids were out of school but I’m glad I didn’t.
I remember not wanting to go home after work because I didn’t know what was waiting at home. I was walking on egg shells in my own home and finally realized she would never work on or fix any of her issues. Funny enough, the breaking point was cats and a litter box. I like cats, but hate litter boxes. She wanted cats and I agreed on the condition I never had to deal with the mother box. Well, 6 months later we have 2 cats and she’s complaining to me about how I don’t clean the litter box enough. I just stood there dumbfounded before we argued and I left for a few hours. I came back, we had a reasonable calm talk and she just couldn’t believe I refused to keep helping with the litter boxes despite our agreement that I wouldn’t ever have to touch them. That was it, that’s when I knew for sure she just wasn’t capable of being a good partner.
Years after the divorce she asked about reconciliation and I told her that therapy was a non negotiable thing for me to even consider it. She refused and that was that.
#31
The first time she put her hands on me.
somehow I've *still* convinced myself that I deserved it all.
#32
Shortly after starting therapy and realizing that marrying ANYONE before beginning the process of healing myself would've been a mistake. We are now one year divorced and both with more peace than we ever had together.
Do the work fellas 🙏🏾.
#33
When her theatre teacher sent me a text explaining how I didn’t deserve her. I’d already bought the engagement ring . . . and I still proposed . . . I am no longer a complete idiot . . . I am divorced.
#34
There won’t be one sign, there will be many signs, and you will likely ignore them because you are still learning about yourself and what you want.
#35
Before we were dating she promised she would quit smoking and also get her excessive use of alcohol under control. I could actually tell quite a few stories about the weekend of my wedding, but let's just say that was some 30 years ago and she still is smoking and drinking heavily today.
This doesn't make her a bad woman. It just means we were not compatible for each other. I knew that was going on, and I made the mistake of giving her the benefit of the doubt.
#37
The first night she scratched and clawed me so much she ripped my shirt off. Probably shoulda been my sign.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 10 hours ago
Like... it's no problem when they're both genuinely into it, but this guy apparently wasn't
#38
3 weeks before the wedding when she started showing her true colors.
I chalked it up to cold feet and wedding nerves.
Should have gone with my gut. Would have saved me a decade of healing.
#39
About a yr after the wedding. She was and still is a lovely a lovely person but it was obvious we had different ideas about what constitutes marriage. I feel the physical and emotional are both important. During that first year I noticed she never initiated anything physical but never stopped me although she did not really take part part. We were very young ( 19/19 ) which did not help. I started reducing my initiating in the hope I would find her level but after 10 yrs I was down to twice a year. After that time I finally grew up enough to realize I should have talked to her, which she took well but with some tears but nothing changed. By this time we had 2 children so divorce was out of the question. She was and still is the same person I married so I took therapy to help cope with a sexless marriage and with the help of anti-depressants after 55yrs we are still married.
#40
When I found out how many if my friends she slept with.
#42
About two years in. She didn’t actually enjoy my lifestyle or friends just pretended she did to keep me happy. That wore off and turned into resentment that I wasn’t turning into the man she hoped I’d be.
#43
When she started drastically changing her appearance and habits.
#44
Sitting in the ER parking lot after her excessive dose due to her (previously unknown to me)bipolar/manic depressive history. We had been married 2+ years by then. I came home to find her unconscious/unresponsive on the couch . When I called her sister to let her know, she laughed and said “oh - I guess she never told you!” That was 2003. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster since, but we’ll be celebrating 25 years in September.
#45
When i caught her on the pet cam eating her boogers. What the hell? at 34 years old.
Paul C 16 hours ago
I was going to say this is fake, nobody would do this. Then I remembered my ex-wife had a friend who used to drink her own urine, claiming it had some health benefits, so I'm willing to accept a lot of totally weird stuff people will do willingly, even if the idea repulses me.
#46
Before we got married. She always told me that she didn’t want to get married. I just should have listened. That’s on me. .
#48
When she started kicking my pet pig across the floor.
#49
We’ve talked a lot, both to each other, to our (individual) therapists, and together to them as well. My past was troubled, at best, thanks to physical and emotional mistreatment. I couldn’t leave her then. I won’t leave her now. I came to realize that we need each other to make us whole.
#50
After the idea was purposed of getting married, I immediately started noticing red flags. 🚩 the whole thing should have never happened. So dumb.
#51
When she threatend divorce, went onto divorce.com (yeah, apparently there's a site for that now.) She saw how messed up she would be without me, and said that she was stuck with me. I know it is a matter of when, not if now. And I am currently debating doing it now, or after she finishes her masters. If I do it now, it'd be petty, and ruin her future. But then I'd have to cover more in alimony, and she would fight against joint custody. If I wait till she's done,she might make enough that I would eb the one receiving alimony, and she'd be more amicable on custody. But, I'd have to suffer being with her, there's always the possibility that she doesnt finish, and again, I would have to stay with her.
#52
Oof. No need for me to put this out to random strangers, since I'm still married to my wife, and I love her. But hey, what's the harm in sharing delicate info about my most important relationship?
Before we got married, I thought we covered questions about when to have kids, where to live, etc. My wife had finished her degree, and I had put off school for a few years while I worked to save money. So, once we got married, she was going to work full time while I finished university and worked part time. After that we'd try to find opportunities to travel and hopefully live abroad and start planning when to have kids.
Well, almost immediately after we got married, my wife realized/revealed that she couldn't live without children. I pushed back for several months, but she steadily got more frustrated about us not trying for kids yet. So, after about six months of arguing, I relented and she got pregnant. We decided she should be a stay-at-home mom, so I worked full time to support the fam and put myself through undergrad and grad school.
Years later, as I looked back, I realized that our discussions about having kids and where we wanted to live were pretty superficial, and I had made a lot of assumptions. Like, when she asked if I wanted to have kids, my response was probably more like, "Absolutely...someday." And when I asked her about travelling and living abroad, her response was probably the same: "Absolutely...someday." So we both assumed our dreams in life were aligned, but in reality, our priorities were pretty different.
Our oldest child is almost 20 now, and I haven't travelled abroad. I really haven't done anything in life that I had hoped for. And it's really been hard for me to find happiness in life.
It's tough because my wife is truly great. She's fun and she's gorgeous. But it really seems like once we married each other, only one of us was going to be able to be happy.
Marleina Hershberg 51 minutes ago
Op needs to sit down with the Mrs. and have a conversation. Soon. He deserves to live his life instead of just existing for others.
#53
Every day I look at her and wonder what the hell I was thinking. She’s not hot to me, I don’t like her laugh, and we really don’t have anything in common. I remember when we dated that she always bought me things and paid for vacations. I reluctantly said yes when she proposed but only because at the time I couldn’t walk due to an injury. I don’t know what to do. Thank God for adult entertainment and memories. Damn, I messed up.
#54
Honestly, it wasn't a mistake to say yes when my wife proposed to me. The mistake was taking it so seriously and thinking childfree people would spend half a century together.
#55
I saw a picture of a man on her phone and she said “don’t worry honey that’s just me before the procedure”.
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