Man Refuses To Back Down After Fiancée’s Family Turn On Him Over $700 Coat

1) The GF "borrowed" OP's coat without permission. There's a more accurate name for that kind of activity. 2) She made absolutely no attempt to get the coat back. 3) The BIL got drunk and lost the coat, but OP wouldn't have known unless he asked him directly. 4) GF is unwilling to admit that she was out of line, and refuses to replace the missing coat. 5) BIL also refuses to replace the coat. What happens when GF'S brother needs to borrow money? Does GF also feel entitled to "borrow" from OP'S wallet without his knowledge? I think it's time for hard-core boundaries to be set.

I lost my college scarf, borrowed my wife's because it was convenient (we were members of the same college) and promptly somehow managed to lose that too. I drove 200 miles to go back to the only outfitter that sells them to replace it. It's just what you do. No questions asked.

Omg! Everything is wrong here! Why on earth she loans other people’s belongings????? The entire family is f****d up. Please run away!

Sometimes ago I bought a coat, good as new, in a thrift shop. It's made of cashmere and alpaca wool, and it costed me only 80 CHF (Swiss franc, it's around 90 dollars). It's the best purchase ever, and I wear it every winter. If someone looses it after lending it, I want that coat back. And buying it new isn't as cheap as I got it. But I wouldn't care. I would want my item back, not the money I invested init.

NTA, but the relationship is over. The GF lent someone else's brand new coat without asking and doesn't see why the OP expects a replacement, plus the reaction of her whole family shows up a very different set of values and a tendency to lie when it's easier. You can't have truthful, adult-to-adult conversations with someone like this, and you can't trust them once you know.

On what planet do you loan out someone's possessions without telling them and think that's OK??? And then double down on your decision when you loser of a brother gets drunk and loses it? He should NOT marry this woman if that's how her entire family behaves. This won't be the first or last incident when they have no respect for him and try to make him think he's the AH.

Dump that whole family. BIL lost the coat, he repaces the coat. And since your crappy fiance lent it to him, they can both cough up $350 each since you'll never find that kind of deal again. Get out while you can. Red flags everywhere.

I would be really pissed if someone loaned something of mine without asking. It's not theirs they have no right.

No one commented yet on his almost least line of " and intimating he is not a man"?

Red flag my man! This chick has NO respect for you or your property. Where the hell does she get off thinking it's ok to give/loan your clothes to anyone because "you haven't worn it for awhile "?!? Then her brother gets so drunk at the wedding he loses it?? She and the rest of her family are gaslighting you because you want the coat replaced. These are very entitled, arrogant sleazeballs. Run as fast as you can away from her and her crappy family!

I wonder how your fiance would feel if things were reversed and it was her coat that your sibling "borrowed."

Do not marry her. She lent out one of your favorite items w/out asking, doesn't bother to have it returned/replaced & then mocks you for wanting it back/replaced. Then! she uses her family against you. That's beyond immature & disrespectful. Regardless of what you paid, you're not profiting for asking for the cost to have it replaced. She should understand that. -This coat issue is a huge red flag for how she's going to sell you out in the future. Do not marry her.

I don't get the YTA comments!!! If I buy an expensive laptop on sale and someone wrecks it without my knowledge and consent, I better get my laptop back!!! How would I be supposed to shell other money to replace it when it was not my fault in the first place?! Same with a car or ANY OTHER POSSESION!!!

NTA. Lots of blame to go around here. Fiance allows BIL to borrow coat without OP's permission. BIL is so irresponsible to get stinking drunk and "lose" the coat. Then doesn't even bother to tell OP at the time, nor will "man up" to OP when found out. Doesn't matter how much he actually paid for coat. He found a fantastic deal that he won't likely ever find again. $100? That's NOT replacement value. $700 is replacement value. Fiance is immature in going to her family for opinions. OP should be paid $700 for replacement cost of coat from SOMEONE. Maybe fiance? Then he should sh*tcan fiance and her family. This woman is too immature and her family is too irresponsible to fit with and don't share OP's values. They'll never change. If you borrow something and lose or ruin it, you pay to replace it. It's the right thing to do. I realize it's only money, but if this is indicative of what OP would deal with for the rest if his life, he should cut his losses and walk away.

GF has no respect for you or your things. SHE jump started all of this ish. Red flags 🚩🚩🚩are in flapping in your face. A grown woman doesn't call her daddy to side with her over her man. Sir you have a girlfriend problem NOW. You will have in law problems later if you marry her. Just saying.

For the ones siding with the bil and fiance most likely are the type of people who do shady things like they are doing to you You are NTA but your fiance and her family certainly are .. you have a fiance problem and her family is also a problem. The parents who's kids can do no harm even when they are grown adults they take no responsibility for their mistakes. It's not about what the cost costs it's about stealing and lying to you and gaslighting you If you took one of her expensive shoes or hand bag and gave it to someone to use without asking her would she be angry? And then if that item was lost or ruined would she be okay with you throwing a few dollars at her and telling her to get over it ..would that be okay to her ? I seriously doubt it. The point here is SHE STOLE from you She didn't ask you or even bother to tell you. And I'm willing to bet he still has the coat he wants to keep it because he can't afford to buy another one like it. Dump the lying gaslighting thief move on

She would feel differently if you gave $700 worth of her things to some charity without her knowledge, wouldn't she?

NTA. Take her one of her FAVORITE things give it to a woman in your family then tell her it's lost See How Fast miss petty changes her tune ...Hey if your fiance does this petty stuff now 😲 what do you think she & the crazies (in laws) will do when you actually marry her It's Not worth your sanity Please do Not marry "miss petty" she can't even admit she IS THE WHOLE reason you are in this mess...

Something I have not seen addressed yet: If this guy gets a similar coat after all the angst, anger, name calling and threats, he’s not going to enjoy wearing it anymore. Part of the pleasure of the first coat was not just the quality, but the reward of gleefully getting a great deal. There is no reward to the second coat. Wearing it will be a reminder of a situation riff with disrespect, distrust, embarrassment, and antagonism. Forget THAT coat, make peace if you want to move on, break up if you don’t. But seek a new coat that also gives you pleasure and consider the search a treasure hunt. A coat like the old one will only be viewed with disdain by your girl, her family, probably your friends as they mentally take sides of ‘who is the a*****e here”.

I'd give her the $100.00 back, and tell her to use it to move out. She STOLE from you when she gave your property away, big red flag for your future with her. She obviously learned it from her family, write them all off now before it gets worse. You can also replace the coat, then take them both to small claims court for the cost since they were both at fault for the theft. What you originally paid doesn't matter to the law, only the replacement cost. Get your property back and write this awful family off.

Who borrows a coat, loses it and doesn't immediately admit to losing it and consider having to replace it. "BIL" is much and his family including the fiance/sister are enablers

They 100% didn't lose that coat and just made up a poor excuse. Also, I wouldn't want a wife to lend my clothes out without asking, let alone a girlfriend.

I inherited a magnificent coat from my grandfather. Since I paid nothing for it, is "nothing" the amount someone owes me if they lose it? Or if I buy a new car for $25,000 and ten years later (when it's depreciated to a value of $15,000) you borrow and total it, are you going to offer to repay me the purchase price ($25,000) or the replacement price ($15,000)?

My dad often asks me, if my husband can borrow him his expensive tools. I sure could agree, but not before I ask my husband first. It's his tools. Kinda obv for me.

The OP is not "making a profit"; if you borrow something, and damage or lose it, it's your place to restore the situation - which in this case means purchasing a full-price replacement. But seriously; he should walk away from this toxic family and be happy it only cost him 600 bucks.

Sounds like he needs to start loaning out his girlfriend's expensive clothes

The fiance stole your coat. It has a replacement value of 700$. What you paid for it doesn't matter at all. She stole a 700$ piece of property from you. You could have dumpster dived for it; that wouldn't change its replacement cost.

The fact that the YTAs don't see the red flags of OPs fiancée are just as delulu as she is. And to get her parents involved? Run, Forrest, Run.

Ok the fiancée was wrong to lend the coat without permission. Ok the brother was wrong to not being responsible enough and loose the coat. And ok OP was right to ask for a compensation (it should have been given without asking). Ok with all those parts. But the coat cost 100 and the brother gave 100. So it's done. It's a coat ! It has no sentimental value. Yeah it was a great coat but it was not his grand-father's coat. He bought it 2 years ago and worn it a few times a year ago. It was a good coat which cost 100. He was given back the 100. That's it. Buy a new coat and let it go !

You break it, you bought it. He lost that exact coat, he buys that exact coat for the real owner. Also, get locks for your closet, bedroom, etc. Maybe that way GF will keep her hands iff your stuff!

I don't even give out people's phone numbers without their permission, I couldn't IMAGINE "lending" out someone's clothes. Let alone EXPENSIVE clothes. He should "loan" his sister some of her things and see how much she likes it. The family thinks he's overreacting about a coat, I wonder what they would think if he called off the engagement.

I'd be less annoyed over the coat and more annoyed at the attitude of the GF, BIL and their family. There seems to have been very little good faith attempts to replace the coat (none before the guy noticed it missing). And they copped an attitude when he complained that they'd lost a coat he liked. If I was him I'd be flipping it and picking an item she liked that she got cheap (but is now expensive) and loaning it to someone. Then pull the same comment back and see how she takes it.

I have large carefully chosen cherished wardrobe on which no hands should touch except mine or my trusted dry cleaner and tailor. Your coat was stolen. Your girlfriend really feels entitled to rummage through your things to lend out your apparel to her irresponsible brother. My mother never, ever touched my father's clothing. She didn't even launder his shirts. I'm like that because of Dad. WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS SHOULD NEVER TOUCH THEIR MAN'S APPAREL WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE AND PERMISSION. BIL and fiancee owe you an expensive cashmere coat. I'd send you one of mine but I couldn't bare to part with it.

Who loses a coat except a total meat head?

First, how do you lose a jacket at a wedding. You're headed home thinking why am I so cold, dunno. Dumb. Did he not call to see if it was still at coat check? I feel like he still has it. Second. If you wouldn't pay 700 for it you can't really expect someone else to. If I borrow a jacket from a friend I know they didn't pay over 300 for it so if it's lost.. They tell me they paid 300 but retail is 2000, no way I'm handing over 2k.Tell me upfront. BIL owes him nothing. GF is the one who took it without permission. Lastly where do you buy brand name stuff at 85% off. Most high end brands have limits as to how discounted their gear can go for.

ESH, literally every person in this story. Brother for losing the coat that didn't belong to him, fiance for lending it out without permission, and op for demanding the $700 instead of what he paid. If it was $700, he probably would have bought a different coat. Fiance should be the one replacing it.

ESH and this relationship is now over. Cut your losses and go. She does not have your back, basically steals from you, lhides the consequences and calls in her parents to bully you. You are a whiny b***h over a coat. If you loved her enough to have a life together you would be disappointed and move on. It is a coat in a climate where you can rarely wear said coat. Move on until everyone has grown up.