Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Man Mocks Brother-In-Law For Years, Then Uninvites Him From Wedding After He Finally Jokes Back
Weddings are meant to be celebrations of love, but sometimes, they end up testing it instead.
One Redditor found herself caught in the middle of family drama ahead of her brother’s big day. During a get-together, her husband made what he thought was a harmless joke in front of the groom. The comment didn’t land well, and he was promptly uninvited from the wedding.
In response, the woman decided that if her husband wasn’t welcome, she wouldn’t be attending either—even if it meant not seeing her brother get married. Now, her family is calling her selfish for taking a stand. Read the full story below.
RELATED:
The woman was stunned to find out her brother had banned her husband from the wedding over a joke
Image credits: Anna Tarazevich/Pexels (not the actual photo)
In solidarity, she made it clear that if he wasn’t going, she wouldn’t be going either
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: xxKinkyMuffinxx
Setting boundaries with family isn’t easy, but it teaches mutual respect
Image credits: Kindel Media/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Saying no to family can be a very difficult thing to do. Not to mention, saying no to attending your own brother’s wedding.
After all, we live in a culture of putting family first. They’re the people we’re expected to say yes to, to show up for, and to help in times of need. So when we don’t agree with them, it can land us in hot water, and often leave us feeling guilty or ashamed.
But as nerve-wracking as boundaries can feel, they’re essential for our mental well-being and a key part of standing up for ourselves. In the long run, they teach others how to treat us and remind us that our needs matter, too.
They’re also a great exercise in communication. Because when we don’t address the things that bother us—or when we keep doing what we don’t want to do—we risk letting our relationships deteriorate.
For example, if a friend keeps canceling plans and we never say anything, we eventually stop inviting them. Or if our in-laws keep showing up unannounced, resentment slowly builds until spending time with them feels like a chore.
Still, knowing boundaries are good is one thing. Actually setting them, especially with family, is another. Psychologist Dr. Abby Medcalf shared her advice on how to do it with confidence and compassion.
1. Communicate firmly but kindly
The key is to talk about your boundaries before tensions rise. Pick a calm moment and be clear, yet gentle. For example: “I love spending time with you, but I’m not okay with advice or criticism. If that happens, I’ll end the conversation and we can try again later.” They may not like it, but setting expectations early helps everyone adjust.
2. Be confident and don’t over-explain
You don’t need to justify or apologize for your limits. A simple “no” is enough. When you start explaining, people will look for ways to argue. Remember, your goal is connection, not debate.
3. Stay calm when they push back
As Dr. Medcalf notes, most people won’t be thrilled when you start setting boundaries. Try to stay calm and grounded instead of reacting emotionally.
“You want to be like a cop giving a speeding ticket,” she explains. “They don’t come up to your car window furious that you dared to speed on their highway. No, they calmly give you the ticket and then you need to go deal with the consequences/outcomes of your actions. Be the cop. Remember, boundaries are love!”
4. Follow through
If someone crosses a line, enforce what you said you would. A boundary without follow-through is just a suggestion. Staying consistent teaches people you mean what you say.
Some family members might call you selfish, but that’s often a sign that the boundary was long overdue. It’s uncomfortable at first, but over time, it leads to more respect, healthier connections, and less resentment.
The author later shared more details in the comments
Many readers agreed she wasn’t at fault for wanting to skip the wedding
Others, however, argued she was the one in the wrong
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Luke Branwen 1 month ago
Jake sounds like an insufferable "redpill" manchild. If I were Tim or the OP, I'd say "That's fine, I can just go to Jake's next wedding."
Ringofant 1 month ago
Bringing out the big guns, right? I like this, so have an upvote.
Load More Replies...
Corvus 1 month ago
For me it's a clear-cut NTA case. It seems Jake has some major confidence/masculinity issues, if he constsntly feels the need to belittle others and reaffirm himself.
Reemerger 1 month ago
Jake sounds like an alpha male Tate d****e poster boy. Their parents enabled his miserable behavior and now finally someone - OP - has the guts to stand their ground and call him out. F Jake and the spineless parents. OP's family all the way!
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
Jake is an a*****e who clearly can't take what he dishes out and resorts to violence at the drop of a joke. Do you actually want to attend that wedding when it was just be all tense? Nah, keep your bridal dress and his suit and go on an extravagant date. Fam knows why you won't be there, let them do the explaining.
Tabitha 1 month ago (edited)
Personally, I think Jake is in the closet, doesn’t want to admit it, and the marriage is a sham and unfair to his fiancée.
Load More Replies...
Jeremy James 1 month ago
I'd bet you dollars to doughnuts that Jake has a secret, faceless Grindr account.
JL 1 month ago
I was going to say plot twist - Jake is in the closet and secretly attracted to Tim.
Load More Replies...
liam newton-harding 1 month ago
Jake is so deep in the closet he's eating Turkish Delight with the Snow Queen.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Why would you want to go to the wedding of someone like that? OP should b warning Sarah off - brother has several of the predictors of DV and he's already showed he's quick to violence and unapologetic about it. (Others are bullying behaviour, obsessed with respect, rigid adherence to gender roles overemotional) Don't condone a marriage that's likely going to feature a buse.
JayWantsACat 1 month ago
So Jake just from being the type of person to call someone a "beta male" is already the AH. The funny thing there is nothing more manly/alpha than throwing a tantrum because someone made a mild joke at your expense.
Vinnie 1 month ago (edited)
Jake thinks he's a high school jock who has to shove smaller guys into lockers to maintain his status. There are athletic men who are kind to others (John Cena, Peyton Manning among others) - being an @sshole is absolutely not a requirement.
Load More Replies...
Analyn Lahr 1 month ago
I thought that's the kind of joke guy friends would make with each other? If one of Jake's actual friends said that would he have reacted the same? Jake has got some major internal issues that need addressed. That joke also sounds like something he would have said to Tim. So, he can dish it but he can't take it. Typical bully.
Ge Po 1 month ago
If you get married, you are starting a new life with your spouse. You are starting a new family, whether you ever get children or not. Your old family deserves respect and recognition, if they act respectable (and offer support as they should, being family), but your new family/life takes precedence. The only exception here would be when someone from your new life/family would treat someone from your old life/family very badly, but that would also be the case with any other person (or even animal) and that is not the case here. If Jake just had not wanted Tim around, it would have been his right not to invite him, since it's his wedding. But do not play the victim card and dis-invite someone for something you yourself caused by former actions. Keep throwing water at me in front of everyone and laugh about it often enough and yes, you will get that full bucket back, one day. And then you should also laugh about it.
Michael Largey 1 month ago
"Picking Tim over family"? Ah, your husband is a rather close member of your family. Their claim speaks volumes about how the OP's "family" feel about her husband and her marriage. Go NC if necessary, and start preparing the groundwork on a restraining order on Psycho Jake.
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
I would tell my “family” that as far as I’m concerned, my husband is my primary family, first and foremost. That they will always come second to him every time. Jake has decided, despite his regular harassment of my husband, like calling him “gay”, that when my husband “jokes” back, his delicate ego cannot cope with it, and he must throw a childish tantrum. I have chosen not to indulge it. I will not participate in this wedding and will not be discussing it further. Perhaps if I had called this out from the beginning and never tolerated the regular harassment of my husband by Jake, this might never have happened. But hindsight is 20/20. But you can be sure I will NOT tolerate it in future.
Mike F 1 month ago (edited)
Jake was looking for a reason to be an AH then decided to manufacture one. The business about OP choosing her husband "over family" is the dumbest stuff they could spout, her husband IS her family ffs. The brother is a spoiled man-baby perhaps OP's husband should clock the jerk and bring him down a few pegs.
Max Fox 1 month ago
As usual, most of the YTA are demented and delusional (the ones who are angry at "Tim"). It's all the bullies and a$$holes who are mad that another bully got his widdle feewings huwt. The rest of the family have been enabling the bully his entire life, and continue to do so.
Bec 1 month ago
My recommended apology: Jake, my sincerest apologies. When I made that off-the-cuff joke it was because I assumed a virile alpha male who is engaged had in fact seen a woman naked before. If I had realized that your eyes had never seen a naked woman before I would NEVER had made such a comment.
Robyn Hill 1 month ago
Did Jake show up in the YTA section?! The one is oddly specific about marrying cousins . . . Either way, Sarah needs to not attend this wedding, either. Jake’s an a*****e, thin-skinned man child with serious anger issues.
Sarah 1 month ago (edited)
Why do all these stories have a similar thread? Arguement happens .. then it’s all about ‘keeping the peace’ and family comes first’. It’s like a template.. just insert new names . Always the family who takes the side of the person in the wrong( Jake) and then it’s eveyone elses fault , including their own daughter for ruining things . Why are they all siding with your brother and not you?
Anne Roberts 6 days ago
The OPs jerky brother sounds like my ex-husband. He could tease and make fun of everyone (although it was mostly toward me) but as soon as someone did it to him he would explode. His go-to tactic when we argued was to "misinterpret" something I said. He would get bent out of shape and yell, "That's not what I heard!" Well, I couldn't help it if he twisted my words. I got out and never looked back.
Canadadreams 1 month ago
NTA. Jake probably never wanted tim in his wedding and waited for a chance to disinvite him. So i guess it has nothing to do with tim’s joke also. Ur mom is crying bcz he is pressurizing everyone to convince u to come to the wedding, to escape from anyone saying he is the reason u both did not attend the wedding. He is basically trying to escape from his guilt. If u go to the wedding, he will get an easy pass to tell everyone y tim did not attend the wedding, in a way to prove that tim is wrong and hence doesn’t deserve to be at his wedding. Tell ur mom all this and tell her to stay out of it if she cant support u. Jake is an egoistic person who is trying to satisfy his ego however.
Mark Childers 1 month ago
I have a feeling that maybe Jake is in the closet. His reaction was seriously over the top, and his fixation on Tim's "manliness" is concerning. He seems to be posturing a lot and holding something inside. I'd love to see an update about Jake in a few years after he's tried to be married.
Luke Branwen 1 month ago
Jake sounds like an insufferable "redpill" manchild. If I were Tim or the OP, I'd say "That's fine, I can just go to Jake's next wedding."
Ringofant 1 month ago
Bringing out the big guns, right? I like this, so have an upvote.
Load More Replies... Corvus 1 month ago
For me it's a clear-cut NTA case. It seems Jake has some major confidence/masculinity issues, if he constsntly feels the need to belittle others and reaffirm himself.
Reemerger 1 month ago
Jake sounds like an alpha male Tate d****e poster boy. Their parents enabled his miserable behavior and now finally someone - OP - has the guts to stand their ground and call him out. F Jake and the spineless parents. OP's family all the way!
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
Jake is an a*****e who clearly can't take what he dishes out and resorts to violence at the drop of a joke. Do you actually want to attend that wedding when it was just be all tense? Nah, keep your bridal dress and his suit and go on an extravagant date. Fam knows why you won't be there, let them do the explaining.
Tabitha 1 month ago (edited)
Personally, I think Jake is in the closet, doesn’t want to admit it, and the marriage is a sham and unfair to his fiancée.
Load More Replies... Jeremy James 1 month ago
I'd bet you dollars to doughnuts that Jake has a secret, faceless Grindr account.
JL 1 month ago
I was going to say plot twist - Jake is in the closet and secretly attracted to Tim.
Load More Replies... liam newton-harding 1 month ago
Jake is so deep in the closet he's eating Turkish Delight with the Snow Queen.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Why would you want to go to the wedding of someone like that? OP should b warning Sarah off - brother has several of the predictors of DV and he's already showed he's quick to violence and unapologetic about it. (Others are bullying behaviour, obsessed with respect, rigid adherence to gender roles overemotional) Don't condone a marriage that's likely going to feature a buse.
JayWantsACat 1 month ago
So Jake just from being the type of person to call someone a "beta male" is already the AH. The funny thing there is nothing more manly/alpha than throwing a tantrum because someone made a mild joke at your expense.
Vinnie 1 month ago (edited)
Jake thinks he's a high school jock who has to shove smaller guys into lockers to maintain his status. There are athletic men who are kind to others (John Cena, Peyton Manning among others) - being an @sshole is absolutely not a requirement.
Load More Replies... Analyn Lahr 1 month ago
I thought that's the kind of joke guy friends would make with each other? If one of Jake's actual friends said that would he have reacted the same? Jake has got some major internal issues that need addressed. That joke also sounds like something he would have said to Tim. So, he can dish it but he can't take it. Typical bully.
Ge Po 1 month ago
If you get married, you are starting a new life with your spouse. You are starting a new family, whether you ever get children or not. Your old family deserves respect and recognition, if they act respectable (and offer support as they should, being family), but your new family/life takes precedence. The only exception here would be when someone from your new life/family would treat someone from your old life/family very badly, but that would also be the case with any other person (or even animal) and that is not the case here. If Jake just had not wanted Tim around, it would have been his right not to invite him, since it's his wedding. But do not play the victim card and dis-invite someone for something you yourself caused by former actions. Keep throwing water at me in front of everyone and laugh about it often enough and yes, you will get that full bucket back, one day. And then you should also laugh about it.
Michael Largey 1 month ago
"Picking Tim over family"? Ah, your husband is a rather close member of your family. Their claim speaks volumes about how the OP's "family" feel about her husband and her marriage. Go NC if necessary, and start preparing the groundwork on a restraining order on Psycho Jake.
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
I would tell my “family” that as far as I’m concerned, my husband is my primary family, first and foremost. That they will always come second to him every time. Jake has decided, despite his regular harassment of my husband, like calling him “gay”, that when my husband “jokes” back, his delicate ego cannot cope with it, and he must throw a childish tantrum. I have chosen not to indulge it. I will not participate in this wedding and will not be discussing it further. Perhaps if I had called this out from the beginning and never tolerated the regular harassment of my husband by Jake, this might never have happened. But hindsight is 20/20. But you can be sure I will NOT tolerate it in future.
Mike F 1 month ago (edited)
Jake was looking for a reason to be an AH then decided to manufacture one. The business about OP choosing her husband "over family" is the dumbest stuff they could spout, her husband IS her family ffs. The brother is a spoiled man-baby perhaps OP's husband should clock the jerk and bring him down a few pegs.
Max Fox 1 month ago
As usual, most of the YTA are demented and delusional (the ones who are angry at "Tim"). It's all the bullies and a$$holes who are mad that another bully got his widdle feewings huwt. The rest of the family have been enabling the bully his entire life, and continue to do so.
Bec 1 month ago
My recommended apology: Jake, my sincerest apologies. When I made that off-the-cuff joke it was because I assumed a virile alpha male who is engaged had in fact seen a woman naked before. If I had realized that your eyes had never seen a naked woman before I would NEVER had made such a comment.
Robyn Hill 1 month ago
Did Jake show up in the YTA section?! The one is oddly specific about marrying cousins . . . Either way, Sarah needs to not attend this wedding, either. Jake’s an a*****e, thin-skinned man child with serious anger issues.
Sarah 1 month ago (edited)
Why do all these stories have a similar thread? Arguement happens .. then it’s all about ‘keeping the peace’ and family comes first’. It’s like a template.. just insert new names . Always the family who takes the side of the person in the wrong( Jake) and then it’s eveyone elses fault , including their own daughter for ruining things . Why are they all siding with your brother and not you?
Anne Roberts 6 days ago
The OPs jerky brother sounds like my ex-husband. He could tease and make fun of everyone (although it was mostly toward me) but as soon as someone did it to him he would explode. His go-to tactic when we argued was to "misinterpret" something I said. He would get bent out of shape and yell, "That's not what I heard!" Well, I couldn't help it if he twisted my words. I got out and never looked back.
Canadadreams 1 month ago
NTA. Jake probably never wanted tim in his wedding and waited for a chance to disinvite him. So i guess it has nothing to do with tim’s joke also. Ur mom is crying bcz he is pressurizing everyone to convince u to come to the wedding, to escape from anyone saying he is the reason u both did not attend the wedding. He is basically trying to escape from his guilt. If u go to the wedding, he will get an easy pass to tell everyone y tim did not attend the wedding, in a way to prove that tim is wrong and hence doesn’t deserve to be at his wedding. Tell ur mom all this and tell her to stay out of it if she cant support u. Jake is an egoistic person who is trying to satisfy his ego however.
Mark Childers 1 month ago
I have a feeling that maybe Jake is in the closet. His reaction was seriously over the top, and his fixation on Tim's "manliness" is concerning. He seems to be posturing a lot and holding something inside. I'd love to see an update about Jake in a few years after he's tried to be married.
You May Like Woman Refuses To Host Thanksgiving For 30 People, Pushy Family Still Tries To Guilt-Trip Her Into It Woman Is Made To Choose Between Work And Husband's Family, Picks Her Career: "Just Figure It Out" Woman Makes SIL Taste Her Own Medicine When It’s Her Turn To Get Married
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Jonas Žvilius
Justinas Keturka
Related on Bored Panda
40
46