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68
Woman Expresses Hurt For Being Constantly Excluded In Couple Events, BF Lashes Out At her
Interview With ExpertIt’s normal for couples to have the occasional time away from each other. Experts encourage couples to strike a balance between “me” and “we” to help promote a healthier, longer-lasting relationship.
This man, however, seemed to have taken that concept a bit too far. He had been leaving his girlfriend out of planned activities with other couples, which the woman felt was intentional. And when she spoke up, he instead lashed out, saying she needed to “get a life.”
The woman has since been doubtful about the state of their relationship as she vented her frustrations online.
RELATED:
Experts encourage couples to have the occasional time apart to promote a healthy, thriving relationship
Image credits: armmypicca / freepik (not the actual photo)
This woman, however, felt her boyfriend had been trying to leave her out of couples’ activities
Image credits: Camandona / freepik (not the actual photo)
She finally spoke out, only to be yelled at
Image credits: jordicarnesanxhez / freepik (not the actual photo)
She clarified some details in her story and stated why she was feeling confused by her partner’s actions
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman also explained why she felt she wasn’t being unreasonable
Image credits: Frolopiaton Palm / freepik (not the actual photo)
Feeling that her partner’s actions were intentional, the author has begun to doubt the state of their relationship
Image credits: Anonconfused3983
Intentionally leaving out a partner is a sign of a deeper relationship problem
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
If the man’s actions were, indeed, intentional, the relationship may require deeper evaluation. According to Aspen Counseling and Wellness’s lead therapist, Dr. Bernadette Smith, leaving out a partner could indicate a fear of judgment, a lack of awareness regarding its emotional impact, or dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Licensed therapist Joseph Pumilia says it could be due to the desire to “avoid hard conversations” to “protect” the partner’s feelings.
“Real empathy isn’t about avoidance—it’s about having the tough conversations and trying to genuinely understand each other,” he told Bored Panda.
The woman also denied being the clingy girlfriend that some may have perceived her to be. However, Dr. Smith also clarified that clinginess is a sign of unmet needs.
“Sometimes this surfaces due to the relationship dynamics or is rooted in previous life experiences, which were carried into the relationship,” she explained. However, she also clarified that the constant dismissal of a significant other’s desire to be included could indicate a pattern of intentional exclusion.
So, how can someone who is constantly excluded effectively express their feelings? Both Dr. Smith and Pumilia suggest engaging in honest conversations using “I” statements. They emphasized that the goal should be to understand and make each other feel heard, to help begin the process of growth and healing.
Meanwhile, relationship therapist Rich Heller suggests a more direct approach: “Don’t chase down each incident. Call out the pattern.”
“If it doesn’t change, you’ve learned something essential about the relationship, like you probably don’t want to be in it,” he said.
It’s bad enough that the author experienced harsh gaslighting after expressing her feelings. She may need to rethink the relationship and whether or not it is worth pursuing.
People in the comments believe she would be better off breaking up with him
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What do you think ?
Blue Bunny of Happiness 4 months ago (edited)
I need an update as to what she did, but I’m loving the response calling the boyfriend a “human tape worm”!
Ellinor she/they/elle 4 months ago
He hates her. OP is right to get away from him and even though she should have left earlier I'm still happy she finally realised what a [censored] he is.
BeesEelsAndPups 4 months ago
Hate is probably a strong word for this situation. But he definitely doesn't want to spend time with her. I'd even be willing to guess that he works a night shift so he doesn't have to see her during the week. Probably best to sell the house and split the difference, and move on.
Load More Replies...
Miriam Insidecor 4 months ago
He doesn't like her and really she shouldn't have let this go so far for so long. How on earth did they buy a house together when he's so controlling of their social life and dismissive of her!
Schnitzel 4 months ago (edited)
I hope you do understand all the different nuances that exist in a dysfunctional relationship? He’s using her for whatever and she probably loved/s him, which is something that he most likely knows and will use that against her. That circle is viscous, horrible and very hard to wake up from! And yes, that ordeal will make things go too far and decisions will be made that shouldn’t have.
Load More Replies...
Emilu 4 months ago (edited)
I had this with my last ex and he later dumped me because I wouldn't have him over when I was doing uni work (he'd distract me; I couldn't work with the distraction, hence. He apparently thought I was just being a dick because he could "quietly play games". Sure, he *could*, but that doesn't involve coming and cuddling me when I'm trying to smash out an essay before its due date, or wanting food that apparently he couldn't prepare by himself). I'm so glad I wasn't more financially tied to him. He didn't even have an excuse as to why I wasn't apparently worthy enough to meet his close friends, even though he'd met mine.
BeesEelsAndPups 4 months ago
I would feel sad if my GF didn't want me around, but I'd understand if she had a paper to write or a big project to finish. Not meeting the close friends is also odd, especially at that age, when you're actually likely to HAVE close friends. At my age, I don't really have any friends that I would consider "close". Just coworkers and past coworkers that I occasionally get a beer with (like once a year or so). My GF has met my whole family and even a few of those friends though.
Load More Replies...
Paul C 4 months ago
It's a bold statement, but I think he doesn't respect her or feel proud of her, but just uses her for one thing. Possibly two in keeping the house tidy. I've seen men do this before with long time partners. You can tell by the way they talk about their partners. It's disgusting.
G A 4 months ago
How did it get to the point they own a house together before she realised he was excluding her from friends? Or are they really people who don't like her and he leaves her out to save her embarrassing him? Maybe he wants a seperate friend group? Why doesn't she go on holiday with her friends as a retaliation? I find the comment that she attends his family events and lists funerals first as very peculiar.
FranSinclair 4 months ago
Its not that kinda girlfriend, its just like an attractive person to help with the mortgage, break the silence in the home when you start feeling lonely and a steady lay. This sounds like a marriage of 25years that they just stuck it out though till the kids graduated. I was in a very similar situation but i was "the host wife" my husband had the same friends for many years. We're all in our 20s, most are settling down, some are having children. One friend had met a woman and got her pregnant. We'd invite her with everyone else but she never came. He always had normal reasons. Well i texted her to offer her my childrens things they no longer used for her baby. She came to get it. Her belly was round and her eye was black. It all clicked in an instant for my husband and myself. We called her dad, we set the baby stuff up there. The friend came over, crazed. Hed been stalking me! He had pictures of me sleeping! I was all good, his gf was evil. Pulled a knife and went to jai
Blue Bunny of Happiness 4 months ago (edited)
I need an update as to what she did, but I’m loving the response calling the boyfriend a “human tape worm”!
Ellinor she/they/elle 4 months ago
He hates her. OP is right to get away from him and even though she should have left earlier I'm still happy she finally realised what a [censored] he is.
BeesEelsAndPups 4 months ago
Hate is probably a strong word for this situation. But he definitely doesn't want to spend time with her. I'd even be willing to guess that he works a night shift so he doesn't have to see her during the week. Probably best to sell the house and split the difference, and move on.
Load More Replies... Miriam Insidecor 4 months ago
He doesn't like her and really she shouldn't have let this go so far for so long. How on earth did they buy a house together when he's so controlling of their social life and dismissive of her!
Schnitzel 4 months ago (edited)
I hope you do understand all the different nuances that exist in a dysfunctional relationship? He’s using her for whatever and she probably loved/s him, which is something that he most likely knows and will use that against her. That circle is viscous, horrible and very hard to wake up from! And yes, that ordeal will make things go too far and decisions will be made that shouldn’t have.
Load More Replies... Emilu 4 months ago (edited)
I had this with my last ex and he later dumped me because I wouldn't have him over when I was doing uni work (he'd distract me; I couldn't work with the distraction, hence. He apparently thought I was just being a dick because he could "quietly play games". Sure, he *could*, but that doesn't involve coming and cuddling me when I'm trying to smash out an essay before its due date, or wanting food that apparently he couldn't prepare by himself). I'm so glad I wasn't more financially tied to him. He didn't even have an excuse as to why I wasn't apparently worthy enough to meet his close friends, even though he'd met mine.
BeesEelsAndPups 4 months ago
I would feel sad if my GF didn't want me around, but I'd understand if she had a paper to write or a big project to finish. Not meeting the close friends is also odd, especially at that age, when you're actually likely to HAVE close friends. At my age, I don't really have any friends that I would consider "close". Just coworkers and past coworkers that I occasionally get a beer with (like once a year or so). My GF has met my whole family and even a few of those friends though.
Load More Replies... Paul C 4 months ago
It's a bold statement, but I think he doesn't respect her or feel proud of her, but just uses her for one thing. Possibly two in keeping the house tidy. I've seen men do this before with long time partners. You can tell by the way they talk about their partners. It's disgusting.
G A 4 months ago
How did it get to the point they own a house together before she realised he was excluding her from friends? Or are they really people who don't like her and he leaves her out to save her embarrassing him? Maybe he wants a seperate friend group? Why doesn't she go on holiday with her friends as a retaliation? I find the comment that she attends his family events and lists funerals first as very peculiar.
FranSinclair 4 months ago
Its not that kinda girlfriend, its just like an attractive person to help with the mortgage, break the silence in the home when you start feeling lonely and a steady lay. This sounds like a marriage of 25years that they just stuck it out though till the kids graduated. I was in a very similar situation but i was "the host wife" my husband had the same friends for many years. We're all in our 20s, most are settling down, some are having children. One friend had met a woman and got her pregnant. We'd invite her with everyone else but she never came. He always had normal reasons. Well i texted her to offer her my childrens things they no longer used for her baby. She came to get it. Her belly was round and her eye was black. It all clicked in an instant for my husband and myself. We called her dad, we set the baby stuff up there. The friend came over, crazed. Hed been stalking me! He had pictures of me sleeping! I was all good, his gf was evil. Pulled a knife and went to jai
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