“I Really Just Can’t Do It Anymore”: Mean Woman Gets Reality Check When Fiance Calls Off Engagement
Some say opposites attract, but certain differences can stand in the way of a couple’s relationship or even end it in the long run.
Redditor u/PositivePercy0991 could no longer deal with his girlfriend’s negative ways and her sense of humor. The woman’s sarcastic wit was something others seemingly enjoyed, but it pushed her partner further and further away, until he reached the final straw. Scroll down to find the full story below.
Being in a relationship often requires adjusting to the partner’s peculiarities
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This man was no longer willing to deal with his fiancée’s negative ways and sarcastic wit
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Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: PositivePercy0991
Whether positive or negative, emotions can be contagious
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Dealing with a person that always sees the glass as half empty can get pretty tiresome. Whether it’s a family member, a friend, a partner, or anyone else you spend your time with, they can bring you down as well, as similarly to laughter, negativity can be pretty contagious too.
A 2010 study suggests that emotions spread similarly to infectious disease, be it positive or negative ones. One of its authors, Harvard evolutionary dynamics researcher David Rand, compared them with the flu: “The more friends with flu that you have, the more likely you are to get it. But once you have the flu, how long it takes you to get better doesn’t depend on your contacts. The same thing is true of happiness and sadness,” he told Wired. “It fits with the infectious disease framework.”
According to the research, negative feelings seem to be more contagious than positive ones; a content person reportedly increases others’ chances of becoming content themselves by 11%, while “each discontent contact makes an individual 100% more likely to become discontent”.
That might be one of the reasons people typically don’t enjoy spending time with a constantly negative person. However, even though some tend to mumble and frown more than others, we are all wired in a way that makes us focus more on the negative things around us. Known as negativity bias, it makes us pay more attention to and learn from the negative information far more than it does from positive information.
Sarcastic remarks can have a detrimental effect on a couple’s relationship
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
But it’s not only the fiancée’s negative ways that ate away at the OP overtime; he also wasn’t very fond of her sense of humor and sarcastic wit. His friends, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy it, and said the redditor should appreciate her intelligence. Research on sarcasm and complex thinking seconds the idea that sarcasm and intelligence often go hand in hand, which is something the OP didn’t deny, but he didn’t think their senses of humor meshed well together.
Science Of People pointed out that the word sarcasm itself derives from the Greek verb ‘sarkázein’, meaning ‘to tear flesh” or ‘to speak bitterly’. It also suggested that such an ironic way of expressing oneself often conveys mean messages, which are typically seen as less hurtful to the speaker than they actually are to the ones on the receiving end.
Because of its somewhat hurtful effect, psychologist and founder of Anger Management Education, Bernard Golden, Ph.D., considers sarcasm a cup that’s half-filled with humor and topped with anger. In a piece for Psychology Today, he suggested that sarcasm often reflects underlying resentment, and “extensive sarcasm may only exacerbate the likelihood of feeling hurt. When sarcasm is more pervasive, its anger is more difficult for the recipient to ignore.”
He also pointed out that in a relationship, such a way of communication can create tension and undermine mutual trust by promoting a sense of disconnection. Sarcasm wasn’t the only thing that arguably promoted a sense of disconnection in the OP’s case, and eventually, he came to realize that his fiancée and he simply weren’t compatible—something quite a few redditors in the comments seemed to agree with.
People in the comments didn’t consider the OP a jerk in this situation
Dogs are such happy-go-lucky creatures, that's possibly why this negative person doesn't like them. Sarcasm is referred to as 'the lowest form of wit' for a reason - it's actually very easy to take the p**s out of people and make jokes at other people's expense. If that's the only humour someone has, they're not really funny. Yes, it can be clever (the other half of that quote) but it's usually not kind.
Agreed. Only people who lack the intellect to be able to communicate with dogs think dogs are stupid. He should leave her just for his dog's sake.
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"doesn't let me watch" ! Get out and never look back. Other things were not cool, but this is controlling and a sign of future coercive abuse.
Yup, that stood out to me as well. There are quite a few red flags here, but that one is the reddest.
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My husband's 22 year old daughter has this angle. Not slagging people off but jokes nearly all the time and they're very harsh and too close to the bone. Now I'm known for my sarcasm and p taking humour and it is often towards myself. However she seems to have no regard for other people's feelings. My husband thinks she's fun and optimistic, I just find her unkind and self centred.
Are you in the UK? I feel here the traditional sense of sarcasm is being lost - and you nailed it, proper British sarcasm has an element of humour to it, and is usually only used towards people you actually really like. I work with quite a few people who claim to be sarcastic but actually they're just pretty aggressive and overly confrontational. It's tiring to say the least. I don't find it in the slightest endearing either.
Load More Replies... OP sounds like he needs to stop listening to other people and start listening to himself. He shouldn’t have ever needed this much encouragement to date someone who he was obviously uncomfortable with.
Sounds like he’s decided what he will and won’t put up with. Something I didn’t learn to over age 50. Set clear boundaries people!
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Yeah, people who say they don’t like animals are just weird. It’s actually a little scary.
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"When I think about spending the rest of my life with a woman who sh!ts on everything and everybody I just feel exhausted, more than I do sad about losing her." That's his answer right there. He would be happier without her. Your relationship is not just about being fair to the other person: it's also about being fair to yourself. A relationship is supposed to make you happier: that's why people get into them! If it makes you feel worse, it isn't worth it.
Deliberately making other people feel bad is bullying and claiming to be 'joking' when called out for it shows that she lacks insight and blames others for her behaviour. A person like that is not mature enough to be married.
Agreed this is a Classic case of Schrödinger's douche bag!
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"You're right. I need to get better taste. So I'm leaving you."
Life Tip: No one wants to hear how much you don't like their favorite things. It's entirely fine she doesn't like various things in your life. But to constantly hear about it isn't negativity. It's abuse via overstating their opinion. The expectation is that you, over time, stop enjoying your favorite things in order to conform to their taste. It's not much different the isolation behaviors. She's training you to be the partner she wants you to be rather than accepting the person you are. Run. Don't walk. And don't turn back. If she wants to act like Buffett was the reason for the break up, don't bother trying to correct her. It's not worth it. You're leaving for all the right reasons.
This! It's a control issue, not an issue of taste. Strong opinions are one thing - expecting other people to share your every single opinion is unhinged.
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My initial thought was she will grow out of this behavior because I see alot of myself in my teens and 20's in her, but geez she is 34 I think she may just be a snobbish jerk for her whole life.
Reminds me of my mother when she'd say about my sister 'I think she's growing up, I really do!' and I'd have to remind her 'mum, she's well into her thirties - this is who she is!' Sadly, I was right. Another 20 years has actually only deepened her less pleasant tendencies.
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From reddit: "She would call me "the sugar to my spice" because I'd try to encourage her to be nicer or gentler or try to see other POVs a bit. I'm burnt out having to be the sugar all the time." He tried, he failed, not his fault. She's either very attached to her image or has an anger and impulse problem.
It sounds normal? You date someone for a while and figure out if you’re going to work long term. Sometimes you don’t.
She's not sarcastic and witty, she sounds like she's terminally online on twitter. What a pest. Also the whole dog people are cringe, seriously, that's something this woman said? I don't even have a dog and that p*sses me off for some reason. She sounds like she desperately needs to be politically correct about everything to feel happy and good about herself. Break up and recommend a therapist
"Dog people are cringe" isn't even witty. It's just hostile. She's also missing an opportunity to be sociable. For example, if someone's embarrassed that their dog barked at me, I might joke to the dog, "That's a very persuasive argument!" It breaks the ice and their human is relieved that I take it well.
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Setting the whole negativity issue aside, the part about "She won't let me watch anything by Joss Whedon anymore..." is a huge red flag. I've been married for 35 years, and at no point would my wife have considered telling me what I can or can't do, and the reverse is true also. If one person is doing something the other one has a problem with, it is of course okay to discuss it, but forbidding a partner from doing something that insignificant is never okay.
I went low contact with a friend who was like that (still had to interact socially on occasion). Liked to do the “hey, b***h” as a term of endearment, until it wasn’t. Also treated retail workers poorly. It took surprisingly long to see it. I’m 100% with OP on this, time to walk away.
That (former?) friend was punching down on retail workers. Since they can't normally talk back, the friend was exploiting that. I worked in retail for a few years, still remember my favourite customer. That's inspired me to be pleasant. If a smile makes someone's day, great. If it doesn't, I haven't made it worse.
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NTA. Who hurt her? I mean, im sarcastisch and my humor is pretty dark too, but optimism is awesome. She needs help and you need out.
When someone says they don't like dogs, I immediately distrust that person. When a dog doesn't like a person, I trust that dog's judgement.
Being constantly bombarded by that type of negativity can be seriously harmful to a person's well being. It's good for the OP that they recognized this and removed themselves from the situation.
Cancelists are the worst. I mean, boycott all that you want. But bad people can make good things / art. A serie is the collective work of hundreds of people, not just the director´s. YNTA, she seems totally exhausting.
Gee what a sad individuum. She isn't helping any of her positions at all by trying to force it upon everyone else. With this kind of behaviour you actually drive people away. The worst kind of allies any minority group could have. The OP said she was intelligent. I highly doubt that since she seem to lack any kind of middle ground or indifference to an idea as the Barbie-movie incident shows. Also her lack of empathy seems alarming. I don't think OP ever said if she apologized in any form to the Barbie-movie enjoyers even after she switched camps.
Schrodinger's douchebag: One who makes douchebag statements, particularly sexist, racist or otherwise bigoted ones, then decides whether they were “just joking” or dead serious based on whether other people in the group approve or not.
Pretty sure I'm a hopeless. Quoting from the original Buffy. How is the Harry Potter world transphobic? On that note, people don't change...and people who can't admit they have a fault definitely won't change. I've been with one for way over 30 years. Before anyone thinks to send congrats, it's been a misery for me. I'm typically very happy and easygoing. Spouse is very pessimistic, waiting for that shoe to drop. It's exhausting. OP definitely dodged a bullet. The constant negatively would just wear him down
I’ve a high school friend like this. I think it’s a sad defense mechanism for his lack of esteem & inability to emotionally process. Which has lead to a life of constant cynical bitterness & resentment. He’s intelligent & mildly witty, but he comes off as a sad, tiny, lonely man. Behind the veneer of negativity, we all know he indulges in the things he purports to hate for being too bland or mainstream. Posts that he was listening to The Cure & Siouxsie “before you were born” yet tells people of his gen he prefers The Glove & The Creatures (both side projects of the previous bands) to the ones he just claimed to listen to. He even dissed Bowie in a cruel way. Makes fun of Marvel & DC films. Capped on Barbie as “feminism for r*t*rds”. I think he tries to make others feel small because he is a tiny sad man. It’s a character flaw, not an attitude CBT/DBT can help fix. He’s better than all of us, taste-wise, but insufferable & alone.
I question your HS friend being "better" taste-wise. There isn't always a wide chasm between "good taste" and "bad taste" - one person's lowbrow entertainment could be another's campy fun. Kudos to you for seeing through this. No need for anyone to feel small - we all have our guilty pleasures (hey, I may like coffee eclairs and gianduja gelato, but I'll happily let rice crispy squares rot my teeth). And I know some totally lovely folks with totally mainstream tastes.
Load More Replies... I would have been gone the minute she insulted my mom’s cooking. And the “vocal ally” thing makes it sound like she’s just on the lookout for who it’s socially acceptable to hurt, and using allyship as an excuse. Thirty years ago, she probably would have been on the other side.
That's just too much. You do need to leave this Karen in the upbringing. Yea I sarcastically say stuff an sometimes I cringe at it but I try to be positive. Negative stuff brings more negative stuff and she's diving into the well too deep where she's never gonna see positivity for what it's worth. And to cringe on internet people all the time is a bit harsh an racist seeming. If she would dis your mother who's to say she isn't doing to you behind your back too that you haven't found? Move on. And dogs and cats are great but I could see her losing your dog accidentally when you think she's over dog hating yours. Good luck an go watch buffy angel charmed and everything whedon world. Can I join?
I have always gone by the philosophy "Looks can change, PERSONALITY doesn't." So she must be a beautiful woman for you to put up with all these things you don't like about her. You two aren't compatible and should never have been in a relationship together for this long. I hope you find someone that matches your personality better.
Personality can change, but it takes work. There are several steps before that: being unhappy, then suspecting one may be partly responsible for that, then wanting to change. Some people are more attached to their self-image than to other people. According to reddit, he tried to help her, she had some self-awareness, but he was worn out after a year. She probably relied on him to make up for what she lacked, without her making an effort to tone down her cynicism.
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She sounds like a nightmare! I mean I'm not a fan of dogs myself and prefer cats but I'd never be so nasty to someone who loves them! Also wtf is wrong with Joss Whedon?! Did I miss something? However the cruelest thing is how she treated his mother. That's just horrible.
Whedon has been accused of being verbally abusive to co-workers, dating back to his days on “Buffy.” Numerous people described him as a bully, and his behavior on set as overbearing. In the summer of 2020, the actors Ray Fisher and Gal Gadot, who had starred in a superhero film directed by Whedon, claimed he’d mistreated them, with Fisher describing his behavior as “gross, abusive, unprofessional, and completely unacceptable.”
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She sounds like a toxic b***h. Run! As fast and far as you can!
Together for a bit more then a year, so engaged at 8/9 months together... that is insane! If you were just dating you'd have said: we're not compatible, bye. Why get engaged that soon? and you don't love her. You love her statistics, but I don't believe there is an emotional connection. You love the idea of her. Glad you were not married yet. And next time: don't get engaged within the first year of dating, or better yet, of living together.
Humour at another’s expense is just not funny. It serves her I guess. No, he made the right call there and good for him. Some people (myself included) marry the wrong people are are miserable but get stuck. Now I’m sad because I didn’t hear that Jimmy Buffett died…
She’s not going to change. He got wise and saved himself from a lot of misery. I hope he finds true love.
OMG can you imagine if she had children and what those poor kids would have to live with.
A huge point, and certainly one that should be noted here, is that people are not "great together" if one of them needs to change. I feel like the old saw, "there's someone for everyone" holds a lot of truth. SOMEWHERE there's a mouthy, SM addicted man who's yearning for a relationship with a woman like her. Let HIM have her, and don't look back.
I know people like this and they can be exhausting. She possibly has a personality disorder or two. It takes a certain type of partner to work with something like this.
never complain about your partner's choices (tastes) you are one of them!
NTA, and never go back! My ex was similar to Amy, though maybe not as intense, but guess what, time came when he turned his sarcasm and mockery on me and my hobbies. Then claimed it was just a joke when I got upset that he humiliated me in front of another person. Yeah, I noped out of there. That was decades ago and guess what, I'm still single and still happy living with my dog and cats instead of with the adult equivalent of a high school bully. I'm a naturally cheerful person, and I'm guessing you are somewhat similar, so no, don't shackle yourself to someone negative like Amy.
Life is both too short and way the heck too long to spend it with someone like this.
I have a little sarcastic streak myself, ok, a large one. It is how I deal with the world but... there is also "live and let live". For the record, it is possible to be sarcastic without hurting people just as a good comedian can be funny without ridiculing people. It is a fine line though. It is also an eady tool to take down people and it is a coping mechanism to take people down to your lrvel or below so you can feel good about yourself. Time for Amy to grow up and learn some different tactics. It seems to me that the constant negativety is what got to OP. And rightfully so.
This makes you smart and mature. People just don't change. It's in her DNA. Perhaps finding someone as facetious as her will make her happy. Now go get you a normal girl.
Hopefully he stuck with his gut and moved on. She’ll never really change, just hide it for a while
Sarcasm is the joke closest to the truth. People who are sarcastic hide their feeling behind the sarcastic joke. She made me want to scream, and I've never met her. Such negativity would kill any hope in a relationship
Ur ex-fiance needs to change (i.e., mature), but until she feels the need it won't happen. Mayb the breakup was her eye-opener. So u cud give her another chance, AFTER she works on herself, gets counseling and you and others see the continual changes and improvements (u might also want counseling to find out why u tolerated so many 🚩's for so long). Give all that at least a year, and if u r both available and interested, u cud meet up for coffee! But then u just might have met a equally witty but much kinder mate in the meantime. Imo, insecure people insult. My spouse was very much the same as ur ex and unfortunately they got incredibly worse after marriage. They were so very smart, hardworking and thoughtful while dating, and the sarcasm was "funny" quite often, tho looking back I also tolerated too much. Reading about BPD and NPD (psych terms) might help u see clearer. Realize too, she cud have been on her best behavior those years u were together 😳
Ive known people like that, she's not funny or witty, shes a trash person who never matured past high-school mean girl. I personally wouldn't throw the relationship away, but let her know he's serious and this needs to end. Immediately. That said... engaged after 7-8 months dating? Neither sound very smart in that department.
NTA. I live in Massachusetts where everyone has a sarcastic sense of humor, but it almost never involves base criticism of others, especially friends and family. And we would never tolerate Amy's brand of humor. Disrespecting her future MIL publicly? That wouldn't fly.
This woman sounds exhausting. You can go to the Harry Potter theme park and not support Rowling. She's also a big hypocrite, only supporting the Barbie movie when it fits her agenda. Leave that miserable woman ASAP.
A lot of people think being with someone who drives you crazy or makes you feel like a loser is better than being alone. It's not
... Jimmy Buffett got me through some awful teenage years. How f*****g dare she. But then again, I'd have been long gone by then. She's a b***h. Leave and don't look back.
There is already so much negativity in this world without continuously adding to it. I can't be around people that are like this. Sarcasm is OK, but when it is getting to the levels of this woman, it is completely ridiculous. She tries to come off as some bada$$, LGBTQ ally, feminist, cat loving, knowledgeable person and just sounds very very sad. The more and more I read about this woman, the more I wanted to punch her. The OP is definitely not the a-hole and he should have broke up with her after she insulted his mother.
He's not wrong, and it might not be the nicest thing to do, but he has to at least communicate with Amy about why he is leaving. Otherwise, it is going to go down in her head as a bizarre breakup over Jimmy Buffet and she will have no opportunity to learn from this. I know a lot of people who have trained themselves on this style of sarcastic, cynical humour and it really becomes almost a reflex. It's in so much of the media we consume, including social media. I've caught myself falling down this rabbit hole too. I am not advocating that they reconcile -- who knows if they are compatible even if she loses the sarcastic shell? But the world could benefit from her learning to show some sincere appreciation for positive things.
She sounds exhausting and I don't blame him at all for breaking up with her, but he could stand to work on his communication skills. It doesn't sound like he's ever really discussed the issues he ha with her behaviour with her (other than when she mocked his mother's cooking) and that she quite possibly believes he really did break up with her over Jimmy Buffet. No point discussing it now they;re past breaking point but he might consider if his next partner has a behaviour he doesn't like sitting down and talking about it with her before he gets to this point. They probably should have broken up years ago (because I don't think she'd want to chance) but instead they've both invested a lot of emotions and time into a relationship that was doomed.
You did the right thing. Stay away from her, find someone better FOR YOU.
You don't have to stay in a relationship with anyone you don't want to be in a relationship with. You don't have to collect evidence that they're a horrible person and prove beyond a reasonable doubt to a jury of your peers that this person is "bad." As long as you are honest and leave in a responsible way, there's no question of a*****e-ness. (Obvious exceptions if you're the legal guardian of someone yadda yadda yadda...)
OP has already decided he wants out of the relationship, and that is fine. Going on social media to justify it is wrong.
Dogs are such happy-go-lucky creatures, that's possibly why this negative person doesn't like them. Sarcasm is referred to as 'the lowest form of wit' for a reason - it's actually very easy to take the p**s out of people and make jokes at other people's expense. If that's the only humour someone has, they're not really funny. Yes, it can be clever (the other half of that quote) but it's usually not kind.
Agreed. Only people who lack the intellect to be able to communicate with dogs think dogs are stupid. He should leave her just for his dog's sake.
Load More Replies... "doesn't let me watch" ! Get out and never look back. Other things were not cool, but this is controlling and a sign of future coercive abuse.
Yup, that stood out to me as well. There are quite a few red flags here, but that one is the reddest.
Load More Replies... My husband's 22 year old daughter has this angle. Not slagging people off but jokes nearly all the time and they're very harsh and too close to the bone. Now I'm known for my sarcasm and p taking humour and it is often towards myself. However she seems to have no regard for other people's feelings. My husband thinks she's fun and optimistic, I just find her unkind and self centred.
Are you in the UK? I feel here the traditional sense of sarcasm is being lost - and you nailed it, proper British sarcasm has an element of humour to it, and is usually only used towards people you actually really like. I work with quite a few people who claim to be sarcastic but actually they're just pretty aggressive and overly confrontational. It's tiring to say the least. I don't find it in the slightest endearing either.
Load More Replies... OP sounds like he needs to stop listening to other people and start listening to himself. He shouldn’t have ever needed this much encouragement to date someone who he was obviously uncomfortable with.
Sounds like he’s decided what he will and won’t put up with. Something I didn’t learn to over age 50. Set clear boundaries people!
Load More Replies... Yeah, people who say they don’t like animals are just weird. It’s actually a little scary.
Load More Replies... "When I think about spending the rest of my life with a woman who sh!ts on everything and everybody I just feel exhausted, more than I do sad about losing her." That's his answer right there. He would be happier without her. Your relationship is not just about being fair to the other person: it's also about being fair to yourself. A relationship is supposed to make you happier: that's why people get into them! If it makes you feel worse, it isn't worth it.
Deliberately making other people feel bad is bullying and claiming to be 'joking' when called out for it shows that she lacks insight and blames others for her behaviour. A person like that is not mature enough to be married.
Agreed this is a Classic case of Schrödinger's douche bag!
Load More Replies... "You're right. I need to get better taste. So I'm leaving you."
Life Tip: No one wants to hear how much you don't like their favorite things. It's entirely fine she doesn't like various things in your life. But to constantly hear about it isn't negativity. It's abuse via overstating their opinion. The expectation is that you, over time, stop enjoying your favorite things in order to conform to their taste. It's not much different the isolation behaviors. She's training you to be the partner she wants you to be rather than accepting the person you are. Run. Don't walk. And don't turn back. If she wants to act like Buffett was the reason for the break up, don't bother trying to correct her. It's not worth it. You're leaving for all the right reasons.
This! It's a control issue, not an issue of taste. Strong opinions are one thing - expecting other people to share your every single opinion is unhinged.
Load More Replies... My initial thought was she will grow out of this behavior because I see alot of myself in my teens and 20's in her, but geez she is 34 I think she may just be a snobbish jerk for her whole life.
Reminds me of my mother when she'd say about my sister 'I think she's growing up, I really do!' and I'd have to remind her 'mum, she's well into her thirties - this is who she is!' Sadly, I was right. Another 20 years has actually only deepened her less pleasant tendencies.
Load More Replies... From reddit: "She would call me "the sugar to my spice" because I'd try to encourage her to be nicer or gentler or try to see other POVs a bit. I'm burnt out having to be the sugar all the time." He tried, he failed, not his fault. She's either very attached to her image or has an anger and impulse problem.
It sounds normal? You date someone for a while and figure out if you’re going to work long term. Sometimes you don’t.
She's not sarcastic and witty, she sounds like she's terminally online on twitter. What a pest. Also the whole dog people are cringe, seriously, that's something this woman said? I don't even have a dog and that p*sses me off for some reason. She sounds like she desperately needs to be politically correct about everything to feel happy and good about herself. Break up and recommend a therapist
"Dog people are cringe" isn't even witty. It's just hostile. She's also missing an opportunity to be sociable. For example, if someone's embarrassed that their dog barked at me, I might joke to the dog, "That's a very persuasive argument!" It breaks the ice and their human is relieved that I take it well.
Load More Replies... Setting the whole negativity issue aside, the part about "She won't let me watch anything by Joss Whedon anymore..." is a huge red flag. I've been married for 35 years, and at no point would my wife have considered telling me what I can or can't do, and the reverse is true also. If one person is doing something the other one has a problem with, it is of course okay to discuss it, but forbidding a partner from doing something that insignificant is never okay.
I went low contact with a friend who was like that (still had to interact socially on occasion). Liked to do the “hey, b***h” as a term of endearment, until it wasn’t. Also treated retail workers poorly. It took surprisingly long to see it. I’m 100% with OP on this, time to walk away.
That (former?) friend was punching down on retail workers. Since they can't normally talk back, the friend was exploiting that. I worked in retail for a few years, still remember my favourite customer. That's inspired me to be pleasant. If a smile makes someone's day, great. If it doesn't, I haven't made it worse.
Load More Replies... NTA. Who hurt her? I mean, im sarcastisch and my humor is pretty dark too, but optimism is awesome. She needs help and you need out.
When someone says they don't like dogs, I immediately distrust that person. When a dog doesn't like a person, I trust that dog's judgement.
Being constantly bombarded by that type of negativity can be seriously harmful to a person's well being. It's good for the OP that they recognized this and removed themselves from the situation.
Cancelists are the worst. I mean, boycott all that you want. But bad people can make good things / art. A serie is the collective work of hundreds of people, not just the director´s. YNTA, she seems totally exhausting.
Gee what a sad individuum. She isn't helping any of her positions at all by trying to force it upon everyone else. With this kind of behaviour you actually drive people away. The worst kind of allies any minority group could have. The OP said she was intelligent. I highly doubt that since she seem to lack any kind of middle ground or indifference to an idea as the Barbie-movie incident shows. Also her lack of empathy seems alarming. I don't think OP ever said if she apologized in any form to the Barbie-movie enjoyers even after she switched camps.
Schrodinger's douchebag: One who makes douchebag statements, particularly sexist, racist or otherwise bigoted ones, then decides whether they were “just joking” or dead serious based on whether other people in the group approve or not.
Pretty sure I'm a hopeless. Quoting from the original Buffy. How is the Harry Potter world transphobic? On that note, people don't change...and people who can't admit they have a fault definitely won't change. I've been with one for way over 30 years. Before anyone thinks to send congrats, it's been a misery for me. I'm typically very happy and easygoing. Spouse is very pessimistic, waiting for that shoe to drop. It's exhausting. OP definitely dodged a bullet. The constant negatively would just wear him down
I’ve a high school friend like this. I think it’s a sad defense mechanism for his lack of esteem & inability to emotionally process. Which has lead to a life of constant cynical bitterness & resentment. He’s intelligent & mildly witty, but he comes off as a sad, tiny, lonely man. Behind the veneer of negativity, we all know he indulges in the things he purports to hate for being too bland or mainstream. Posts that he was listening to The Cure & Siouxsie “before you were born” yet tells people of his gen he prefers The Glove & The Creatures (both side projects of the previous bands) to the ones he just claimed to listen to. He even dissed Bowie in a cruel way. Makes fun of Marvel & DC films. Capped on Barbie as “feminism for r*t*rds”. I think he tries to make others feel small because he is a tiny sad man. It’s a character flaw, not an attitude CBT/DBT can help fix. He’s better than all of us, taste-wise, but insufferable & alone.
I question your HS friend being "better" taste-wise. There isn't always a wide chasm between "good taste" and "bad taste" - one person's lowbrow entertainment could be another's campy fun. Kudos to you for seeing through this. No need for anyone to feel small - we all have our guilty pleasures (hey, I may like coffee eclairs and gianduja gelato, but I'll happily let rice crispy squares rot my teeth). And I know some totally lovely folks with totally mainstream tastes.
Load More Replies... I would have been gone the minute she insulted my mom’s cooking. And the “vocal ally” thing makes it sound like she’s just on the lookout for who it’s socially acceptable to hurt, and using allyship as an excuse. Thirty years ago, she probably would have been on the other side.
That's just too much. You do need to leave this Karen in the upbringing. Yea I sarcastically say stuff an sometimes I cringe at it but I try to be positive. Negative stuff brings more negative stuff and she's diving into the well too deep where she's never gonna see positivity for what it's worth. And to cringe on internet people all the time is a bit harsh an racist seeming. If she would dis your mother who's to say she isn't doing to you behind your back too that you haven't found? Move on. And dogs and cats are great but I could see her losing your dog accidentally when you think she's over dog hating yours. Good luck an go watch buffy angel charmed and everything whedon world. Can I join?
I have always gone by the philosophy "Looks can change, PERSONALITY doesn't." So she must be a beautiful woman for you to put up with all these things you don't like about her. You two aren't compatible and should never have been in a relationship together for this long. I hope you find someone that matches your personality better.
Personality can change, but it takes work. There are several steps before that: being unhappy, then suspecting one may be partly responsible for that, then wanting to change. Some people are more attached to their self-image than to other people. According to reddit, he tried to help her, she had some self-awareness, but he was worn out after a year. She probably relied on him to make up for what she lacked, without her making an effort to tone down her cynicism.
Load More Replies... She sounds like a nightmare! I mean I'm not a fan of dogs myself and prefer cats but I'd never be so nasty to someone who loves them! Also wtf is wrong with Joss Whedon?! Did I miss something? However the cruelest thing is how she treated his mother. That's just horrible.
Whedon has been accused of being verbally abusive to co-workers, dating back to his days on “Buffy.” Numerous people described him as a bully, and his behavior on set as overbearing. In the summer of 2020, the actors Ray Fisher and Gal Gadot, who had starred in a superhero film directed by Whedon, claimed he’d mistreated them, with Fisher describing his behavior as “gross, abusive, unprofessional, and completely unacceptable.”
Load More Replies... She sounds like a toxic b***h. Run! As fast and far as you can!
Together for a bit more then a year, so engaged at 8/9 months together... that is insane! If you were just dating you'd have said: we're not compatible, bye. Why get engaged that soon? and you don't love her. You love her statistics, but I don't believe there is an emotional connection. You love the idea of her. Glad you were not married yet. And next time: don't get engaged within the first year of dating, or better yet, of living together.
Humour at another’s expense is just not funny. It serves her I guess. No, he made the right call there and good for him. Some people (myself included) marry the wrong people are are miserable but get stuck. Now I’m sad because I didn’t hear that Jimmy Buffett died…
She’s not going to change. He got wise and saved himself from a lot of misery. I hope he finds true love.
OMG can you imagine if she had children and what those poor kids would have to live with.
A huge point, and certainly one that should be noted here, is that people are not "great together" if one of them needs to change. I feel like the old saw, "there's someone for everyone" holds a lot of truth. SOMEWHERE there's a mouthy, SM addicted man who's yearning for a relationship with a woman like her. Let HIM have her, and don't look back.
I know people like this and they can be exhausting. She possibly has a personality disorder or two. It takes a certain type of partner to work with something like this.
never complain about your partner's choices (tastes) you are one of them!
NTA, and never go back! My ex was similar to Amy, though maybe not as intense, but guess what, time came when he turned his sarcasm and mockery on me and my hobbies. Then claimed it was just a joke when I got upset that he humiliated me in front of another person. Yeah, I noped out of there. That was decades ago and guess what, I'm still single and still happy living with my dog and cats instead of with the adult equivalent of a high school bully. I'm a naturally cheerful person, and I'm guessing you are somewhat similar, so no, don't shackle yourself to someone negative like Amy.
Life is both too short and way the heck too long to spend it with someone like this.
I have a little sarcastic streak myself, ok, a large one. It is how I deal with the world but... there is also "live and let live". For the record, it is possible to be sarcastic without hurting people just as a good comedian can be funny without ridiculing people. It is a fine line though. It is also an eady tool to take down people and it is a coping mechanism to take people down to your lrvel or below so you can feel good about yourself. Time for Amy to grow up and learn some different tactics. It seems to me that the constant negativety is what got to OP. And rightfully so.
This makes you smart and mature. People just don't change. It's in her DNA. Perhaps finding someone as facetious as her will make her happy. Now go get you a normal girl.
Hopefully he stuck with his gut and moved on. She’ll never really change, just hide it for a while
Sarcasm is the joke closest to the truth. People who are sarcastic hide their feeling behind the sarcastic joke. She made me want to scream, and I've never met her. Such negativity would kill any hope in a relationship
Ur ex-fiance needs to change (i.e., mature), but until she feels the need it won't happen. Mayb the breakup was her eye-opener. So u cud give her another chance, AFTER she works on herself, gets counseling and you and others see the continual changes and improvements (u might also want counseling to find out why u tolerated so many 🚩's for so long). Give all that at least a year, and if u r both available and interested, u cud meet up for coffee! But then u just might have met a equally witty but much kinder mate in the meantime. Imo, insecure people insult. My spouse was very much the same as ur ex and unfortunately they got incredibly worse after marriage. They were so very smart, hardworking and thoughtful while dating, and the sarcasm was "funny" quite often, tho looking back I also tolerated too much. Reading about BPD and NPD (psych terms) might help u see clearer. Realize too, she cud have been on her best behavior those years u were together 😳
Ive known people like that, she's not funny or witty, shes a trash person who never matured past high-school mean girl. I personally wouldn't throw the relationship away, but let her know he's serious and this needs to end. Immediately. That said... engaged after 7-8 months dating? Neither sound very smart in that department.
NTA. I live in Massachusetts where everyone has a sarcastic sense of humor, but it almost never involves base criticism of others, especially friends and family. And we would never tolerate Amy's brand of humor. Disrespecting her future MIL publicly? That wouldn't fly.
This woman sounds exhausting. You can go to the Harry Potter theme park and not support Rowling. She's also a big hypocrite, only supporting the Barbie movie when it fits her agenda. Leave that miserable woman ASAP.
A lot of people think being with someone who drives you crazy or makes you feel like a loser is better than being alone. It's not
... Jimmy Buffett got me through some awful teenage years. How f*****g dare she. But then again, I'd have been long gone by then. She's a b***h. Leave and don't look back.
There is already so much negativity in this world without continuously adding to it. I can't be around people that are like this. Sarcasm is OK, but when it is getting to the levels of this woman, it is completely ridiculous. She tries to come off as some bada$$, LGBTQ ally, feminist, cat loving, knowledgeable person and just sounds very very sad. The more and more I read about this woman, the more I wanted to punch her. The OP is definitely not the a-hole and he should have broke up with her after she insulted his mother.
He's not wrong, and it might not be the nicest thing to do, but he has to at least communicate with Amy about why he is leaving. Otherwise, it is going to go down in her head as a bizarre breakup over Jimmy Buffet and she will have no opportunity to learn from this. I know a lot of people who have trained themselves on this style of sarcastic, cynical humour and it really becomes almost a reflex. It's in so much of the media we consume, including social media. I've caught myself falling down this rabbit hole too. I am not advocating that they reconcile -- who knows if they are compatible even if she loses the sarcastic shell? But the world could benefit from her learning to show some sincere appreciation for positive things.
She sounds exhausting and I don't blame him at all for breaking up with her, but he could stand to work on his communication skills. It doesn't sound like he's ever really discussed the issues he ha with her behaviour with her (other than when she mocked his mother's cooking) and that she quite possibly believes he really did break up with her over Jimmy Buffet. No point discussing it now they;re past breaking point but he might consider if his next partner has a behaviour he doesn't like sitting down and talking about it with her before he gets to this point. They probably should have broken up years ago (because I don't think she'd want to chance) but instead they've both invested a lot of emotions and time into a relationship that was doomed.
You did the right thing. Stay away from her, find someone better FOR YOU.
You don't have to stay in a relationship with anyone you don't want to be in a relationship with. You don't have to collect evidence that they're a horrible person and prove beyond a reasonable doubt to a jury of your peers that this person is "bad." As long as you are honest and leave in a responsible way, there's no question of a*****e-ness. (Obvious exceptions if you're the legal guardian of someone yadda yadda yadda...)
OP has already decided he wants out of the relationship, and that is fine. Going on social media to justify it is wrong.
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