Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
127
Woman Upset She Got Dumped Over Secret Boyfriend Tests: “I Woke Up To A Small Novel”
Interview With Expert
Some uncertainty in relationships is completely normal, as it’s hard to tell what will happen in a month, a year, or even a day. However, letting doubts get the better of you has the power to undermine the connection between you and your partner.
Just like it happened in this couple’s case, as the girlfriend wouldn’t stop giving her boyfriend secret tests, no matter how many times he told her they made him uncomfortable. But before he did anything about it, he turned online for unbiased opinions, which only confirmed his suspicions.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Full Vida Therapy, Viviana McGovern, who kindly agreed to share her insights on testing partners.
RELATED:
Uncertainty can lead a person to test their partner, which has the potential to damage a relationship
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
As it happened to this couple because the girlfriend wouldn’t stop testing her boyfriend
Image credits: katemangostar / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok-Amphibian-5171
Testing a partner isn’t a healthy form of communication
Image credits: standret / freepik (not the actual photo)
In a nutshell, testing a partner is a roundabout way of asking for what one needs. However, it’s not a healthy form of communication, says a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Full Vida Therapy, Viviana McGovern.
“It often stems from unspoken fears or insecurities, and rather than creating clarity or connection, it can damage trust. Instead of testing, partners should aim to communicate openly about their needs and concerns,” she explains.
As McGovern already mentioned, the need to test a partner often comes from uncertainty, insecurities, and similar feelings. “People often test their partners when they feel uncertain, anxious, or emotionally unsafe in the relationship. It can also be a learned behavior—if someone grew up in an environment where direct communication wasn’t modeled, they might resort to indirect methods like testing to try and get reassurance.”
At first, the testing might seem harmless, but if it starts becoming manipulative, deceptive, or controlling, like setting traps so the partner fails a test, it’s already crossing a line. “This not only erodes trust but also creates a dynamic of emotional instability that makes it harder to build a secure connection,” says McGovern.
Instead of testing your partner, the expert suggests having direct and honest communication
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
So instead of testing your partner, the expert suggests having direct and honest communication. “Direct, honest communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. If you’re feeling insecure or unsure, it’s better to express those feelings openly rather than hoping your partner will “pass a test” you’ve set for them. A strong relationship allows space for vulnerability, curiosity, and repair when needed,” McGovern explains.
Lastly, she adds, “If you find yourself frequently feeling the urge to test your partner, it might be worth exploring those deeper fears with a therapist. Often, these patterns come from past wounds—not necessarily the current relationship—and healing those can lead to more secure, fulfilling partnerships.”
Readers encouraged the man to remove himself from the relationship he’s in
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Amelia Jade 7 months ago
How can you win a test when your significant other says they need space?? He left her alone and failed because he didn't do a surprise visit. But if he had popped in, she'd have been angry he didn't respect her boundaries. He fails either way. If you have to test your partner, the relationship is doomed.
Paul C 7 months ago
This test would have been the end for me - there is no way to win in this relationship. It is bad enough to test your partner, but to give them a test, that they don't know about and that they cannot pass is just plain crazy.
Load More Replies...
BeesEelsAndPups 7 months ago (edited)
This girl (and I use girl on purpose) spends too much time on TikTok. This is cringy wannabe influencer behavior. I wouldn't be surprised if these tests were recorded and posted on her channel. I'm 45, and I'd have been out on the first test. Especially at only four months in. Usually red flags are still hidden that early. I don't care how lonely you feel, this isn't worth it. Also, get a vasectomy. They are reversible if you change your mind.
Agat 7 months ago
Reversing a vasectomy is difficult and the success rate depends on many factors, so it doesn't work in many cases. That being said, I agree with your post.
Load More Replies...
ElfVibratorGlitter 7 months ago (edited)
Run. Boyfriend tests?! She expects OP to know what she wants without her telling him? Lying about being pregnant? Run. Edit: read the updates, he did run. Good.
R Dennis 7 months ago
She failed the boyfriend test. Maybe she should get a plant... my apologies to plants...
Scott Rackley 7 months ago
Don't put your d**k in crazy. Girls, don't let crazy inside the box.
Mike F 7 months ago
She doesn't sound like crazy as much as very immature, like a 30yo stuck in high school mentality.
Load More Replies...
Vinnie 7 months ago
I could see someone testing because they saw a red flag and needed confirmation (such as suspecting that someone is cheating). This is very likely not the case here. I suspect she tests everyone she dates, regardless of how the relationship goes. She blamed the OP and refused to see her own role in the breakup.
FreeTheUnicorn 7 months ago
Someone who feels no shame about lying to manipulate you just to see what you do, is not a kind person. If someone is fine testing you like an experiment, they don't value you as a person, just as a commodity. Run immediately.
Dusty's mom 7 months ago
These tests are deal breakers. Head games are manipulative. This seems to be the latest craze but it's completely juvenile and needs to stop. Grow up!
Beth Wheeler 7 months ago
Those tests are idiotic and relationships are destined for failure. If I was in a situation like that I would break up with the person.
Tabitha 7 months ago (edited)
I mean, if you’ve been screwed over in relationships in the last, it can be tempting to test a new boyfriend/girlfriend, but don’t give in to that temptation. Just observe how they act/react in situations that are similar to those where you got mistreated. If they treat you well, then they passed a test you never gave them. All you did was observe. People cannot read other people’s minds, ffs. So l, they can do is take what they say at face value. When most of us say we need a couple days to ourselves, it does not automatically mean we want anyone to just drop in on us unexpectedly. So naturally, OP would let his girlfriend have her days to herself without him around, if that’s what she asked for. If she wanted an impromptu visit, she should’ve said so. He didn’t fail a test, she failed to communicate everything she wanted.
SheamusFanFrom1987 7 months ago
OP, you have lived in fear for far too long. Good for you that you decided to end it with this never-ending test of a human being's patience call your ex-GF. Plus, she tried to gaslight you after you called it off...??? Fella, I applaud you for following the late Bray Wyatt's advice: RUN!!! Hopefully things get better and you find the one for you, rather than anymore who will keep trying to test you and your patience -_-"
kissmychakram 7 months ago
Poll options should be mutually exclusive, there are 3 that fit entirely within the same mindset.
Craig Reynolds 3 months ago
Even after Op broke it off with her, he should be careful she doesn't become a stalker, or worse, have some one-night stands to get pregnant on purpose to try and babytrap him. Sure, a DNA test can resolve that, but the interim would be a nightmare.
Craig Reynolds 7 months ago
Oh, the irony of her blaming him for not wanting to resolve issues she created! Relationship "tests" are both a red flag and a red line. Breaking up should be immediate after the first test by either person, even if the test is passed, because more will follow.
Beak Hookage 7 months ago
Wow, this guy sounds really sweet and WAY too good for her psychotic, cruel a**e. I hope he finds a new partner who actually deserves him.
Mark Childers 7 months ago
I'm going out on a limb and saying this has got to be another stupid social media stunt. if she's 30 years old and still taking advice from TikTok, he's better off without her. I would have no patience for that kind of BS.
William Teach 7 months ago
I'm sure she was reading some dumb stuff on TikTok, really bad advice, and he needs to make sure she stays out of his life.
Crystalwitch60 7 months ago
From a 60 yr old woman n mother of a24 yr old girl n 21 yr old lad , I can say honestly that girl is not right in the head !!! sorry but she isn’t ! This is coercive, manipulative behaviour , and she knows she is doing it !! the one as said manipulative people don’t know they do it knows f all ! I can assure u they do , been in the receiving end of it ! I’m so glad to hear op left her ! Cos that was just a taste of life to come , when people say they want space THEY LIGIT WANT SPACE ! they do not want you to “ surprise them “ cos u can bet had he done that , she would have called him clingy etc ! she’s got serious issues big time , n I can also bet she says she dumped him for failing her tests to !!! It’s what lunatics like her do , OP YOU ARE WORTH FARM MORE THAN THAT INHUMAN LUNATIC blessed be x
The Other Guest 7 months ago
The commenter who equated tests like this with lying is spot on. How can he trust someone who has shown themselves - more than once - to be a liar?
Atom Bohr 7 months ago
An appropriate "test" for a potential partner is to drop the occasional, inconsequential 'no' or disagreement to see how they respond. But you do that at the start. And I mean along the lines of "do you want to meet at 7?", "No, that doesn't work for me. Can we meet at 7:30?" and not all the time. Simply a couple of times to see if a person has anger or control issues. The nonsense this woman was pulling is absurd
Apatheist Account2 7 months ago
Ladies - we chaps are very bad at knowing and remembering what you want when you tell us directly, don't expect mind readers. One can be in a relationship for many years and still not get fully what you want at certain times if you don't tell us. Expecting it after 4 months is just absurd.
K Barnes 7 months ago
Some chaps. There is a LOT of variety within the sexes and genders and assuming that all men are the same never works out. I know many men that are great at figuring out and remembering what their partners want and reading unspoken or poorly worded clues.
Load More Replies...
Joe Reaves 7 months ago
Oh she's crazy. He did the right thing to bail. That's insecure teenage b******t - not something you should expect from a grown adult. That said the person who said he should find someone closer to his age - he's 38, she's 30, that's a perfectly reasonable age gap at those ages.
The Other Guest 7 months ago
He did run; he updated his Reddit post with that info, but it didn't make it into the article.
Load More Replies... Amelia Jade 7 months ago
How can you win a test when your significant other says they need space?? He left her alone and failed because he didn't do a surprise visit. But if he had popped in, she'd have been angry he didn't respect her boundaries. He fails either way. If you have to test your partner, the relationship is doomed.
Paul C 7 months ago
This test would have been the end for me - there is no way to win in this relationship. It is bad enough to test your partner, but to give them a test, that they don't know about and that they cannot pass is just plain crazy.
Load More Replies... BeesEelsAndPups 7 months ago (edited)
This girl (and I use girl on purpose) spends too much time on TikTok. This is cringy wannabe influencer behavior. I wouldn't be surprised if these tests were recorded and posted on her channel. I'm 45, and I'd have been out on the first test. Especially at only four months in. Usually red flags are still hidden that early. I don't care how lonely you feel, this isn't worth it. Also, get a vasectomy. They are reversible if you change your mind.
Agat 7 months ago
Reversing a vasectomy is difficult and the success rate depends on many factors, so it doesn't work in many cases. That being said, I agree with your post.
Load More Replies... ElfVibratorGlitter 7 months ago (edited)
Run. Boyfriend tests?! She expects OP to know what she wants without her telling him? Lying about being pregnant? Run. Edit: read the updates, he did run. Good.
R Dennis 7 months ago
She failed the boyfriend test. Maybe she should get a plant... my apologies to plants...
Scott Rackley 7 months ago
Don't put your d**k in crazy. Girls, don't let crazy inside the box.
Mike F 7 months ago
She doesn't sound like crazy as much as very immature, like a 30yo stuck in high school mentality.
Load More Replies... Vinnie 7 months ago
I could see someone testing because they saw a red flag and needed confirmation (such as suspecting that someone is cheating). This is very likely not the case here. I suspect she tests everyone she dates, regardless of how the relationship goes. She blamed the OP and refused to see her own role in the breakup.
FreeTheUnicorn 7 months ago
Someone who feels no shame about lying to manipulate you just to see what you do, is not a kind person. If someone is fine testing you like an experiment, they don't value you as a person, just as a commodity. Run immediately.
Dusty's mom 7 months ago
These tests are deal breakers. Head games are manipulative. This seems to be the latest craze but it's completely juvenile and needs to stop. Grow up!
Beth Wheeler 7 months ago
Those tests are idiotic and relationships are destined for failure. If I was in a situation like that I would break up with the person.
Tabitha 7 months ago (edited)
I mean, if you’ve been screwed over in relationships in the last, it can be tempting to test a new boyfriend/girlfriend, but don’t give in to that temptation. Just observe how they act/react in situations that are similar to those where you got mistreated. If they treat you well, then they passed a test you never gave them. All you did was observe. People cannot read other people’s minds, ffs. So l, they can do is take what they say at face value. When most of us say we need a couple days to ourselves, it does not automatically mean we want anyone to just drop in on us unexpectedly. So naturally, OP would let his girlfriend have her days to herself without him around, if that’s what she asked for. If she wanted an impromptu visit, she should’ve said so. He didn’t fail a test, she failed to communicate everything she wanted.
SheamusFanFrom1987 7 months ago
OP, you have lived in fear for far too long. Good for you that you decided to end it with this never-ending test of a human being's patience call your ex-GF. Plus, she tried to gaslight you after you called it off...??? Fella, I applaud you for following the late Bray Wyatt's advice: RUN!!! Hopefully things get better and you find the one for you, rather than anymore who will keep trying to test you and your patience -_-"
kissmychakram 7 months ago
Poll options should be mutually exclusive, there are 3 that fit entirely within the same mindset.
Craig Reynolds 3 months ago
Even after Op broke it off with her, he should be careful she doesn't become a stalker, or worse, have some one-night stands to get pregnant on purpose to try and babytrap him. Sure, a DNA test can resolve that, but the interim would be a nightmare.
Craig Reynolds 7 months ago
Oh, the irony of her blaming him for not wanting to resolve issues she created! Relationship "tests" are both a red flag and a red line. Breaking up should be immediate after the first test by either person, even if the test is passed, because more will follow.
Beak Hookage 7 months ago
Wow, this guy sounds really sweet and WAY too good for her psychotic, cruel a**e. I hope he finds a new partner who actually deserves him.
Mark Childers 7 months ago
I'm going out on a limb and saying this has got to be another stupid social media stunt. if she's 30 years old and still taking advice from TikTok, he's better off without her. I would have no patience for that kind of BS.
William Teach 7 months ago
I'm sure she was reading some dumb stuff on TikTok, really bad advice, and he needs to make sure she stays out of his life.
Crystalwitch60 7 months ago
From a 60 yr old woman n mother of a24 yr old girl n 21 yr old lad , I can say honestly that girl is not right in the head !!! sorry but she isn’t ! This is coercive, manipulative behaviour , and she knows she is doing it !! the one as said manipulative people don’t know they do it knows f all ! I can assure u they do , been in the receiving end of it ! I’m so glad to hear op left her ! Cos that was just a taste of life to come , when people say they want space THEY LIGIT WANT SPACE ! they do not want you to “ surprise them “ cos u can bet had he done that , she would have called him clingy etc ! she’s got serious issues big time , n I can also bet she says she dumped him for failing her tests to !!! It’s what lunatics like her do , OP YOU ARE WORTH FARM MORE THAN THAT INHUMAN LUNATIC blessed be x
The Other Guest 7 months ago
The commenter who equated tests like this with lying is spot on. How can he trust someone who has shown themselves - more than once - to be a liar?
Atom Bohr 7 months ago
An appropriate "test" for a potential partner is to drop the occasional, inconsequential 'no' or disagreement to see how they respond. But you do that at the start. And I mean along the lines of "do you want to meet at 7?", "No, that doesn't work for me. Can we meet at 7:30?" and not all the time. Simply a couple of times to see if a person has anger or control issues. The nonsense this woman was pulling is absurd
Apatheist Account2 7 months ago
Ladies - we chaps are very bad at knowing and remembering what you want when you tell us directly, don't expect mind readers. One can be in a relationship for many years and still not get fully what you want at certain times if you don't tell us. Expecting it after 4 months is just absurd.
K Barnes 7 months ago
Some chaps. There is a LOT of variety within the sexes and genders and assuming that all men are the same never works out. I know many men that are great at figuring out and remembering what their partners want and reading unspoken or poorly worded clues.
Load More Replies... Joe Reaves 7 months ago
Oh she's crazy. He did the right thing to bail. That's insecure teenage b******t - not something you should expect from a grown adult. That said the person who said he should find someone closer to his age - he's 38, she's 30, that's a perfectly reasonable age gap at those ages.
The Other Guest 7 months ago
He did run; he updated his Reddit post with that info, but it didn't make it into the article.
Load More Replies... You May Like Woman Finds BF’s Post About Her Online Explaining Why He Wants To Dump Her, She Still Doesn’t Understand 32 People Spill The Darkest And Most Disturbing Secrets Hidden By Their Partners Man Asks Girlfriend What She Brings To The Table After 4.5 Years Together, Relationship Implodes
Justinas Keturka
Justinas Keturka
Justinas Keturka
Related on Bored Panda
46
45